A.N// any guesses for what will happen in this chapter?? *enter smirk emoji* read this and weep (may or may not be literal >:-D)
.
.
.
Kate's POV

"Alright Kate, it's your turn," Calum called me out. So far everyone had taken a few turns except for Luke and I. We just kind of watched everyone else have their fun. I already knew that I didn't feel like getting up, so I was going to pick truth. I tried to mentally prepare myself for whatever he decided to ask me.

"Okay.." I looked around the room, and my eyes landed on Luke. His chin was rested in the palm of is hand, and he was barely paying attention. He looked so out of it. I tried not to stare for too long because I didn't want to be caught doing that. I wasn't ready for that amount of awkwardness.

"Truth or dare?" Calum asked. I began to speak, already knowing what I was going to pick.

"Truth," I declared, with a little smile at the end. Calum smiled back, and Michael shook his head.

"Wow, Kate you're so lame. The pretty princess is always going to pick truth," Michael joked with me, causing me to laugh because that definitely wasn't the case.

"No, I would've picked dare, but I'm just too lazy to get up right now." This made everyone in the room laugh, including Luke. I had to make a mental note in my head to talk to him. I had no idea what I would say, so I needed to get that together as well.

"Alrighty then," Calum started. He looked up to the ceiling, trying to come up with something good enough to ask me. "Is it true that you had your first kiss behind the dumpster at school with Jacob McLawton in year nine?" My eyes went wide, and I shook my head rapidly.

"No, when we went behind that dumpster, he was going to kiss me, but I ran away because I was scared when he closed his eyes and started leaning in. He was so mad the next day at school, but I tried to stay away from him because he was kind of insane." The end made me giggle a little bit, but it was true. That kid tried to throw his food on me the next week, but luckily, I dodged it and it all landed on the floor.

"So, who was it with?" Michael chimed in. My cheeks flushed a bright pink before I responded. I looked over to Luke for the tenth time tonight to find that he was already looking at me. His stare sent chills throughout my body.

"Um..it was with Luke. I don't know if you guys remember, but it was in the photo booth at that laser tag place we went to a couple years ago," I explained briefly.

"Woah," Michael exclaimed. "So you and Luke have a long history then?" I was just about to answer, but Luke choked. All attention was turned to him, but he masked it with few coughs.

I make the quick decision to change the subject since I'd answered my truths, and I directed my question to Michael. "Mikey, truth or dare?"

"Dare," he answered quickly and confidently. I took a second to think of something, and then I got the best idea.

"Okay, I dare you to get Jack and Mali under the mistletoe downstairs." Ashton snickered as Calum made a weird noise. Then, we all started laughing, including Luke. Michael got up and we all followed him. He trudged downstairs, and the rest of us just stayed behind the wall to watch from afar.

I suddenly felt like a little kid because this was something we used to do before we were even teenagers. We would pull different pranks on our family members and such, just to have a laugh.

Ashton, Calum, Luke, and I all watched as Michael started talking to Luke's brother and Calum's sister. He was charming them into following him, I could tell just by his hand gestures. When they actually started following him is when I got surprised.

He led them straight to the mistletoe, and once they were standing under it, they didn't even notice. Michael had to point it out to them. Once they both looked up to find it, they were baffled.

Mali-Koa covered her mouth, still staring up at the green leaf. Jack was just kind of standing there, a shy smile on his face. That was odd to see because Jack was never shy. He was actually quite the charmer.

Michael encouraged them, so Mali being the fierce girl that she is, pulled Jack in by the shoulders and planted a kiss right on his lips. He responded to it quickly by resting his hands on her hips. The kiss lasted for about ten seconds before Michael called them out, making Mali stop and laugh.

I could see the bright red of his cheeks all the way from where I was standing as Michael walked away from them. Calum was stood with his mouth open, but the rested of us just laughed our butts off. We ran back upstairs so we wouldn't get caught, and even then, we weren't done laughing.

I literally couldn't believe that'd just happened. Never in a million years would I have expected for Mali-Koa Hood to initiate a kiss with Jack Hemmings. I didn't think she would do it, but she's more bold than I thought.

Once we returned to Michael's computer room, we continued to talk about the kiss that just happened. Luke excused himself once again and I just engaged in conversation with the other boys. I was actually having fun, and I was smiling some, which was making me feel a lot better.

Thirty minutes passed, and the adults called us down so we could exchange our Secret Santa gifts. Luke still wasn't back, but we just went down without him. The adults were gathered around, sitting on the couches with different presents in their laps. They'd already opened theirs, and everything looked nice.

We found Luke already down there with them, and he got up once he saw us coming towards where he was sitting. Collectively, we went over to the nicely decorated Christmas tree, and we all found the boxes with our names on them.

Mine was a more rectangular box, and when I read the label, it informed me that this gift was from Luke. I didn't have to look at him to know he was staring at me as I took a seat on the rug in front of the large tree. Michael sat next to me, Calum next to him, Luke next to Calum, and Ashton sat in between Luke and I.

Michael was the first to open his gift, and the smile on his face when he pulled all of the items out was priceless. He thanked me a million times and attacked me with a hug. His parents laughed at him, but he didn't care.

He held up the bright orange dye and said, "I'm doing this tonight," excitedly.

"No you aren't," his mum quickly interjected. He frowned, but it was quickly replaced with another one of his signature bright smiles as he looked back over all of the things I bought him. He thanked me one last time before we moved on to Calum.

His gift was from Ashton, and it was just some new strings for his bass guitar and Drop Dead shirt.

"Aw, how'd you know Ashton?" Calum remarked, causing Ashton to smile.

"It's because I'm a great best friend," he responded in a caring tone. "Bring it in bro," he added. Calum went in for the hug but it was cut short by Lauren, Ashton's younger sister.

"Ash, you're being extra again," she huffed. Everyone in the room laughed, and the two boys pulled away. Lauren was always so sassy. It was cute for her age and extremely funny at the same time.

"Fine..Luke it's your turn," Ashton said. Luke gladly began to rip open the wrapping paper, and he took the top of the box off. His gift was from Calum, and he got Luke a new beanie and journal to keep all of his song lyrics in.

Luke thanked him quietly, and it wasn't because he was trying to be quiet. It was more because his voice was pretty much gone, and he didn't want it to crack. I felt bad because I was the cause of that.

Next was Ashton, and he opened is present with a big smile on his face. It was from Michael. He'd gotten him a pair of drumsticks with "Ash XX" imprinted at the bottom, and he also bought him new glasses frames. I found that cute, and when Ashton tried them on, he looked so sophisticated.

"Thanks mate!" Ashton exclaimed, giving Michael an air high-five since we was sitting across from him.

"Don't mention it," Michael replied selflessly.

Finally, it was my turn, and everyone's eyes were on me. I was mostly nervous because I had no idea what Luke would've gotten me, and I really wasn't prepared to find out. I would've felt a lot better about it if we didn't have all of this drama going on, but it was too late to go back now. Everyone was waiting for me to open the gift, and I couldn't help but to feel trapped.

Slowly, I tore the paper off of the small box, and once it was all gone,  removed the top. I couldn't see exactly what was inside because of the red and green tissue paper, but I took that out quickly to find a ring.

I picked it up to examine, and I immediately recognized it as the promise ring Luke gave me from almost two months ago. My gaze shifted to him, and he was watching me in anticipation. I continued going through the box, and I found my phone inside next, followed by a note.

I picked it up and opened it carefully. It read:

Kate,

I know we haven't talked about any of this like we should have, but I just wanted to start off by saying, I love you and I have for a while now. Ever since I kissed you that first time, I knew that you had a special hold on my heart that I couldn't shake no matter how hard I tried. I've wanted you since I was about fifteen, and to be perfectly honest, you were worth the wait. I love everything about you, and I couldn't have been happier when I found out the feelings were reciprocated.

Now, I know I've messed up, but if you could find it anywhere in your heart to forgive me, I would never take you for granted again. I'm so afraid of losing you, and I couldn't begin to imagine my life without you in it. I'm not sure what possessed me to participate in Thomas' bet other than the fact that I didn't want him to hurt you. Even though, he still did, I couldn't watch you cry over him stealing your virginity and throwing you to the side once he was done.

It wasn't my intention to use you, baby. I wanted that day to be as special as possible for you because I knew it was something you would remember forever. It was never just a game to me. After a while, I couldn't deny the butterflies that went wild in the pit of my stomach every time I did something as simple as looking at you.

Ever since that first lesson, I knew that whatever I was feeling for you was something bigger than myself. I didn't understand, and I definitely couldn't explain it. If I didn't even know what was going on with myself, I surely didn't know how I was going to tell you, so I hid it. I tried my best to hide the fact that I was in love with you. I couldn't believe that I was in love with my best friend. I didn't even want to admit it to myself because I was scared of the strong emotions you evoked out of me. I told myself it was just a crush, a small crush that I could get over.

I had no idea what to do, but I knew I needed more of it. I absolutely loved the rush of adrenaline I always felt when you were even just in the same room as me. I still feel that today, and I know it sounds crazy but you make me dizzy in the best way, like my head is stuck in the clouds. I couldn't ever get enough of you, and every time we kissed, my attachment to you grew stronger and stronger.

I tried to go as long as I could with suppressing my emotions, but the day I lost my virginity to you was the day I knew that it was more than that stupid bet, a stupid crush. I wasn't going to be able to let you go even if I wanted to. I didn't even know if you liked me, but I wanted every inch of you. No, I needed it, and there was no going back.

Even if there was a day that passed and we didn't talk, I couldn't get you out of my head. I found myself thinking about you every second of the day. Playing didn't even help take my mind off of the thought of you. No one could know about me feeling like this, is what I kept telling myself, and I tried to force it all back down. I didn't want to believe that any of this was happening to me. After all, you still "liked" Thomas, and I wanted to support your decisions as a best friend.

I wouldn't have ever considered using you in any way, and I swear that all of my actions and words were genuine. I can't even remember the last time I could honestly say that I only liked you as a friend. With everyday that passed, I couldn't continue to keep it down. We'd had sex again, and we were kissing almost everyday.

Late night calls and texts were the things that got me the most. All I wanted to do was add a honest "I love you," at the end because it just felt right. I couldn't bring myself to because my nerves would take over. One day, it all became too much, and I couldn't stop myself from saying those words that meant so much to me.

I remember that day so clearly. My entire mind was blank, and the only thing I could think of was about how much I loved you. I can't even to this day describe my feelings for you, but I just want you to know that I never want it to go away. I always want to feel like I do because of you. Baby, it's the best thing I've ever felt.

I never meant to hurt you, Kate. I couldn't do that to you consciously. You are everything to me, and I love you so much. I feel bad knowing I'm the reason for your tears. I've been the reason for them a lot lately, and I desperately want to change that. I don't know how long it's going to take for us to get back to where we were, but I'm willing to try if you decide to forgive me for my mistakes.

I understand the mental and emotional toll this as taken on you, and I'm really sorry for causing you all of this pain. Kate, I want to try and work this out as long as you still love me because I feel like we can be so happy. I just know that I'm so happy when I'm with you, the happiest I've ever been.

Finally, I just want to say that there's still a lot of things that have gone unsaid, but you can talk to me whenever you're ready. From now on, we're going to go at your pace because you're worth waiting for. I love you, and I'm not ready to let you go. I'll do whatever it takes baby girl.

- Luke

My eyes were brimmed with tears by the time I finished Luke's handwritten letter. It felt like all of the air in the room was gone, and suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

This was almost everything I'd needed to hear within this whole week, and he was right when he said there was still things that needed to be discussed. I wasn't at all prepared for this. I didn't even know what I would say to him.

With every second passing, my heart got tighter and tighter inside my chest. I could feel all of the emotions I'd tried to combat tonight start to resurface. They were advancing fast, and I knew that when they finally did hit, it would be like I wave washing over me, drowning me.

I looked at him, and I could feel the stares of everyone else on me. There was no way I could react to this letter in front of all of theses people. I had to get out of here now, before I had a major meltdown.
.
.
.
Luke's POV

I watched as she put the opened box down in front of her, the letter I wrote still being gripped firmly by her fingers.

She looked at me, and her eyes were watery. We locked gazes for the longest time before she blinked and some tears rolled down her cheeks.

I was completely aware of everyone staring at us, and I just wished I wouldn't been smart enough to save this for a more private time. I thought she would read the letter and be happy that I was honest with her, but it didn't seem that way by the look on her face.

I made her cry...again.

"Um," she managed to say. "Excuse me." She stood up and raced for the door, not saying another word. Everyone was looking at her until she was finally out of the door.

I didn't even try to go after her.

I figured I would give her the time to cool off before I tried to talk to her. I just wanted her to be okay, I wanted us to be okay.

I felt extremely guilty, just because of everything. The whole reason we were in this mess right now was because of me. If I wouldn't have agreed to the deal, and if I wouldn't have come up with a deal of my own between Kate and I, none of this would be happening right now.

If I wouldn't have devalued her virginity enough to play with it like a toy, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

Instead of saying anything myself, I just ignore the stares from everyone and I pulled my knees to my chest, resting my head between them. I was officially all out of ideas, and I didn't know what my next step would be.

The awkward tension in the room was soon replaced by laughter and happiness. This wasn't where I wanted to be right now. It was the exact opposite of how I felt inside, and I just wanted my bed. I didn't even know why I left there and decided to come here in the first place.

Shortly after everyone returned to whatever they were doing before the big Secret Santa reveal, Calum came over and sat down next to me. Ashton and Michael had already gone back to the computer room to play this game Michael was going on and on about. Usually, I would've been at least a little interested, but I just couldn't bring myself to be, not today.

Calum, out a hand on my back and rubbed up and down. It was sort of soothing in a way. It was also good to know that he didn't completely hate me for taking advantage of my girlfriend and his best friend.

I looked up at him.

"How're you doing mate?" he asked me. I had t really talked to him all night, only a few words here and there. To be fair, I hadn't really talked to anyone.

"I'm so fucking tired and sad. I just want to go home. I just want Kate back," I groaned. Luckily, my feelings were numbed out by now. I'd already had two breakdowns while I was here, so I was out of tears.

"I know, but honestly, Luke, you can't blame her. Imagine if it were you in her position. No one is gonna take something as huge as losing their virginity by game unknowingly too lightly. She has the right to be fucking pissed off," he explained. Calum was just telling me things I already knew, but I decided to just listen. If he knew anything that would help me get her back, I wanted to know as well.

"Cal, I know. I know I messed up, and I regret it with everything in me. I love her so much, but I don't know what else to do," I whined, putting my head back in between my knees. I lied to myself when I said that I was out of tears because I could feel the knot forming in the back of my throat.

"I know that you love her, and she clearly loves you too. You just need to talk to her, and none of that 'I'm sorry' bullshit. You guys need to clear the air, make sure you're on the same page with how you both feel about each other. You actually have to talk about this situation because there's no getting around it. This is too major of a thing to just let it blow over. The only way it's going to be on it way to being fixed is if you physically talk it out and make sure she knows that you regret all of the deals and you won't ever pull any fucked up shit like this again. You also have to make sure she knows that you can't guarantee that she's not going to cry, but you're going to do everything it takes to keep her as happy as you possibly can," he told me. It was weird getting lectured by Calum because I always thought of his as the more childish one, but he could be insanely serious when he needed to be. He didn't give too bad advice either, and it worked...most of the time.

"Okay," I agreed. "So do I go talk to her now? I don't even know where she went. I just hope she went home," I huffed, standing up. Calum followed me as I made my way to the door. It'd been a good half an hour since she left, so whenever she decided to go, she should've made it there by now.

"Yeah, go for it," Calum encouraged. I nodded and opened the front door. I walked out and to my car, but just before I got in Calum yelled adding, "Good luck, mate. She loves you." That made me smile.

It warmed my heart to know that my friends were still here to support me even in my worst times. I really needed it at this point.

I closed my car door and put the key in the ignition, turning it and giving the car a few seconds to warm up. Once it was good, I back out of the Clifford's driveway and into the road, starting my journey to her house.
.
.
.
Upon my arrival, I turned off my car and got out, locking it for security. I took a deep breath before walking to her front door and I took another deep breath before I knocked. I had my key, but I just thought it was more appropriate at this time to knock instead of just barging in.

It took a good minute before the door slowly opened. Behind it was Kate, and she looked normal. I couldn't tell if she had been crying honestly, but I was trying to calm myself down in preparation for what I knew was ahead of me.

For a few seconds we just stared at each other, but I couldn't take the silence anymore, so I broke it.

"Hey, I really need to talk to you," I rushed out. She didn't say a word. Instead, she stepped to the side and invited my in silently. I walked in just enough for her to shut the door.

It was extremely awkward because we were just standing in the middle of her foyer, staring at each other for a couple minutes. Then, she did something I thought would never thought would happen again.

Kate walked forward and grabbed a fistful of my shirt on both sides, burying her face into my chest. It was so unexpected that I didn't even know what to do with my hands. I thought this one action from her would be the start of us getting back on track. That is, until I started hearing muffled whimpers from her.

My eyebrows involuntarily scrunched together out of confusion, but mostly concern. Then, she just started full on crying. I had no idea how to react to that. Obviously, I was supposed to comfort her and make sure she was okay, but we weren't exactly in that place of our relationship right now.

The only good thing about this situation was the fact that she was finally showing me some kind of emotion. Lately, she'd just been so cold, not like herself. She wouldn't let me get through to her, should wouldn't tell me exactly how she felt.

Kate was crying so hard into my chest, her sobs sounded so pain stricken. To hear and see just how upset she actually was, was heartbreaking. I let her cry, I wanted her to get it all out.

After about a minute, I finally relaxed as I normally would've been, and I wrapped my arms around here securely. This just made her cry even harder, so I rubbed her back as comfortingly as I could.

I wanted her to know that I would be there for her no matter what, most of all, when she needed me. I wanted her to know that I could always be someone she could confide in. I wasn't going to go anywhere.

"Shhh," I hushed after humming in her ear a bit, trying to get her to calm down. I would've kissed the top of her head, but I didn't know if she'd like that or not. I was so unsure of myself, of us, these days. It felt like all of the little bit of confidence I had was gone.

"It just hurts so much, Luke," she choked out, her voice breaking once she said my name. I'd never witness her breakdown as badly as this, some of her panic attacks would come close and the Thomas thing, but it's never been this bad before. I had no idea what to do.

"I know, baby. It's all going to be okay soon," I tried to console her. The truth was, I didn't really know if we would be okay or not. I just hoped I was right.
.
.
.
A.N// awww :'-( i hope kate feels better soon

how'd you like this chapter? good enough for ya??

i wanna do another livestream party soon, but i don't know when...*insert thinking emoji*

these chapters are depressing me oops sorry

new chapter will be soon though bc i have fun writing the sad ones!!

follow me on snapchat to follow my life and if you want, i can add you back and we can do a streak or whatevs..leave your name here!!

question: why do i have such a tough time w boys? i'm literally the worst when it comes to them and any interacting?? *awkward emoji*

more relevant question: fave part of this chapter?

okay, that's it bc i gtg now, but ily all and i will update soon!! byeee
-cam ＼(^o^)／