A.N// enjoy this bc it's an interesting chap..okay read now and i'll talk to you at the end! :-D
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Christmas Eve (About A Week Later)

Luke's POV

It'd been a rough week without her. Kate's cellphone sitting on my nightstand, reminding me of my mistakes. She hadn't tried to get into contact with me, and I was the same. She needed her space, so I was going to give that to her.

Today was the Christmas party at Michael's house, and I knew she was going to be there. Michael was one of her best friends, so she wouldn't miss it. Plus, we were doing our Secret Santa thing, and we had to exchange our gifts. Fortunately enough for me, I was Kate's Secret Santa, and I hadn't gotten anything for that yet.

Of course I got her a Christmas gift, but nothing for Secret Santa. I had to come up with something quickly, before seven tonight. She meant a lot more to me than just a shirt or an album though, a lot more.

I just felt so out of energy, and I'd barely moved in the past few days. I only left my room for food and to shower, and sometimes not even for food. My appetite was pretty much gone.

I slept for most of the day, and I hadn't talked. No one bothered me either.

My mum came in on the first night to check up on me, and she also wanted to know what happened with Kate. I couldn't bring myself to tell her though, the wounds to my heart still fresh. It ended in me having an emotional breakdown, and I cried for a half an hour.

She left once I calmed down, and I laid awake on my bed for hours until I finally cried myself to sleep.

After a week of crying everyday, I was exhausted. I didn't even want to get up. I didn't know what it would feel like to see her and not speak, or just have a short conversation. It was never, ever, like that between Kate and I.

That's what I meant when I said I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I would've never wanted something like this to happen to us, especially when we used to be so close.

It was around noon, but I just laid in my bed, thinking, like I did everyday for the past week. I hadn't really eaten much because I wasn't hungry, but I had something here and there.

My mum would probably call for lunch within the next hour or so, and I wasn't even sure if I would go get anything.

I slowly dragged myself out of bed so I could shower and try not to mope around all day. I didn't want to bring that kind of energy to the party.

Once I got to the bathroom, I turned on the shower to let it warm up, and I brushed my teeth while I was waiting. When the shower was finally warm, I stripped and stepped in.

I hated being in here, and I hated how quiet it was. Kate and I used to have quite the time in this shower, just messing around, a few steamy make outs too, but we'd never gotten to sex.

The silence gave me too much time to think, and I didn't enjoy that. Every time I thought about anything, it was related to Kate and everything we've been through together in these past few months.

All I could think about right now is how she was doing. She seemed so lifeless when I talked to her, barely paying attention to anything around her. I wanted to know if she was upset or crying.

I just wanted her to be okay. Knowing that would be enough to settle the uneasiness I was feeling.

I bathed quickly and turned off the water once I rinsed the suds from my body. I got out and wrapped a towel around my waist, and I turned out the lights before exiting the bathroom.

Upon arriving to my room, I picked out something random to wear, just a pair of black skinny jeans with a hole in the right knee and a black 'Drop Dead' muscle tee.

My hair was wet, so it needed to be blown dry. I didn't have the patience to let it air dry, and I also didn't want it coming out weird looking if I didn't at least do something to it. I grabbed the blow drier of of my dresser, and I went to the mirror on my wall.

My thoughts were immediately taken to her and all of the times she's helped me dry my hair. Kate would sit on the counter in the bathroom or on my dresser, and I would stand between her legs so she could reach my head easier. Most of the time, she would take care of the back, but if I was feeling a little bit lazy, I would let her dry all of it.

Times like that would usually end in some heavy making out, and I would use every ounce of willpower in my body to restrain myself from going all the way with her. We would just lay on my bed, her on top, my hands around her waist, making out. We could do that for hours if we weren't interrupted.

I missed that.

I turned on the drier and quickly dried my hair. When I was done, I put it back, and I sat down on the edge of my bed. I took one glance at myself in the mirror, and I looked like an absolute train wreck. I haven't even been close to 'okay' within this entire week.

My house was a little too quiet, but maybe because I didn't join in on any of the activities my family was doing downstairs.

I hated being left in silence. At this point, it was the worst thing. I tried to avoid my thoughts as much as I could.

I looked around my room, and my eyes rested on the promise ring I gave her almost a month ago. I used a lot of the money I'd saved from gigs we did around the city and in others to buy it, and it was special to me. It was this thing Kate and I shared together, securing us to each other until I could marry her when the time was absolutely right.

I got up, and I went to get it. I picked it up, and I just played with it. I had the clerk at the jewelry store help me pick out something that Kate may've liked. I thought her suggestion was perfect, and luckily I knew Kate's ring size so I could purchase it without her knowing what I was doing. It was meant to be a surprise, and it worked out fairly well.

A deep sigh left my lips as I sat the ring down on top of her cellphone. I fell back onto my bed, and I just stared at the ceiling. I didn't know what was going to happen, and I surely wasn't prepared for it.

All I could hope for was the best.

After a good ten minutes of laying on my bed, trying to avoid another breakdown, I got up and decided to go downstairs. It was about lunch time, so my mum may've had something ready.

They stopped calling me to lunch midway through this past week. I only went down if I felt like eating, which I usually didn't.

I felt like I was going through an actual breakup and not just giving her space. How would I survive if we actually did break up?

I was halfway down the stairs when Jack noticed me coming.

"Hey, looks who's back from the dead," he shouted. I walked down the rest of the stairs and gave him a small smile. As I walked past him and towards the kitchen, he gave me a light pat on the back.

When everyone did decide to talk to me, they were extra cautious with their word choices. They made me feel like a porcelain doll, fragile. My heart was pretty much that right now, but I tried to hold up a strong will.

I walked into the kitchen, and there I found my mum preparing sandwiches for lunch.

"Hi, mummy," I said, and she looked up.

"Hi, Luke. How are you feeling?" she asked, returning her attention to adding some lettuce to the stack of meat and cheese. I sat down on one of the stools in front of the island.

"I'm okay." I was less that okay, but I didn't have a word for that. Plus, it would avoid further questioning.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Not really. I just feel hungry today," I responded, my eyes on the granite countertop. They were pretty red and a little swollen, and I had to admit that it was kind of embarrassing.

"Well, that's good that you have an appetite today. Are you planning to go to the Clifford's Christmas party later tonight?" she questioned. She slid me a play across the counter, complete with a sandwich, chips, and a cup of water. I thanked her quickly.

"Yeah, I'm going to go," I confirmed. I took a huge bite out of the sandwich and chewed it before swallowing after I'd answered her question. I was so hungry, and I hadn't eaten in two days.

A silence washed over the room, and I just took this time to eat. My mum was finishing up all of the plates, and she poured several glasses of water. Once she was done, she sat down across from me and spoke again.

"Kate's going to be there?" she said, but it came out as more of a question.

"Yeah..." I could feel the tears coming, and I was trying so hard to hold them back.

I had no idea why I'd been so emotional lately. Maybe it was because I knew there was a possibility that she wouldn't take me back. Maybe it was because I knew I would never feel her lips on mine ever again. Maybe it was because I would never get to see her smile, I would never again be the cause of the smile that I loved so much.

I'd really screwed up.

"Are you sure you want to go?" she asked. She reached out across the table and placed her hand on top of mine. I started taking deep breaths, the only thing that would keep my emotions at bay.

"Yeah, I'm still going to go. My friends are there," I explained. Really, I was only going to see her. Of course, my friends matter to me too, but she was my main priority. I hadn't seen her in a week. I hadn't touched her in a week. I hadn't seen her smile in a week.

I desperately wanted to know how she was. I didn't want her to be like I was, crying and everything. She didn't deserve any of that. I wondered if she told her parents. I wondered if her parents were comforting her like she needed. I knew she was upset, and my chest tightened at just the thought of that.

I wish I could be the one to hold her and take all of the pain away.

"Okay, Luke. Just be careful. I don't know what happened between you and Kate, and you don't have to tell me if you don't wish to, but I hope you guys can work things out. Everyone is rooting for you both," she said calmly. I ran a hand through my surprisingly neatly styled hair and let out a deep sigh.

"Yeah..." There were only about five more hours until I would finally get to see her, to see how she was doing. I also had that same amount of time to find a gift, and I didn't know where to start.
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Kate's POV

I was curled up into a ball on my bed, just laying there while more tears slipped out of my eyes. I was so tired of crying, and I just wanted to stop, but I had all of this built up frustration that needed diffusing.

I hadn't stopped crying since a few days ago, when my parents left out of town for an impromptu business meeting. They said they didn't know if they would be back before Christmas or not, and that made me really upset. I'd never not spent Christmas with them.

They gave me my present early though, and just to my luck, it was a new car. I cried out of happiness because of it at the time, but I knew better than that. I didn't want them to go. I didn't want to be all by myself, left alone with all of my thoughts.

I was doing really well with the whole not crying thing, and I was sure that I would make it past without doing so. That obviously didn't happen.

I couldn't control my mind from running wild anymore, especially at night. It would always replay all of the fun or intimate times that Luke and I shared together, by ourselves. I started to question everything.

Was he even being genuine then? When did he realize what he was doing was wrong, and why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he wait so long to tell me, and would he still have if Jack hadn't blurted anything? Why did I feel so empty?

I hadn't eaten anything in days because I didn't feel like it. I just felt sick all of the time, and I only left my bed for showers.

I was pretty sure I looked awful, but no one would see me anyway, so I didn't care.

Suddenly, I remembered Michael's party later on tonight. I was his Secret Santa. I got him a Metallica shirt and some black skinny jeans with holes in the knees. I'd also picked him up a snapback and some bright orange hair dye.

He'd mentioned dying his hair before, but I wasn't sure if he would actually go through with it. I personally thought it would look great on him, so I hoped me buying the dye would give him the little extra push he needed.

I sat up slowly from my fetal position, and found the light to be pouring into my room. I squinted until my eyes were fully adjusted, and once they were, I felt a full force headache coming along.

"Ow." I complained to myself. My throat was sore and my voice was practically gone. I felt my stomach growl, but I ignored it. I didn't really feel like having any food.

I laid back down, and I just started crying again. I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried and whenever I thought about Luke, the tears just spilled out even more, even faster. I hated feeling like this. It felt like there was hole in my chest.

I just cried until I fell asleep again. Sleep was the only way I could escape all of the pain, and even then, he still lingered in my occasional dreams.

I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I just knew that it hurt a lot. No matter how much I bathed, I felt dirty, like every inch of my skin that he ever covered with his touch or his lips was permanently tainted and there was nothing I could do about it.

I didn't know if I could ever trust Luke again, but I knew that I loved him so much.

I felt betrayed because he blind-sided me. Luke used to tell me everything, and I didn't understand why he just couldn't tell me that Thomas was bad news and explain the situation. Maybe then, I could've stopped it and all would've been well.

A small part of me felt like Luke actually wanted to play those games though, otherwise he would've done something to stop it. That was the only other explanation I could come up with.

I somehow knew that me choosing to fall for Luke again instead of just trying to move on would end up with me hurt, again. I didn't even know if I would have him as a friend after this. I could lose my best friend over this, and that scared me.

A few hours passed, and I finally decided to get out of bed. My eyelids were swollen and heavy from all of the crying, and there was just a little bit of redness. I was going to do my best to get rid if it with some steam so no one knew I'd been crying as much as I had been.

Michael's party was in less than two hours, so I had time to do everything. I already had his gift boxed, wrapped and ready, so I didn't have to worry about that.

I walked into my bathroom, and I turned on the shower, waiting for the water to warm up. I brushed my teeth and washed my face in the meantime. I also made a mental note to myself to let a hot cloth rest on my eyes for about ten minutes to reduce the swelling and discoloration.

Once the shower was hot and ready to go, I hopped in. My mum and I bought some new fragrances while we were out shopping at the mall last weekend for gifts, and I decided that this would be the day I tried out one of them. I'd obviously never used it before, and it was very different that what I usually used, but it smelled really good so that was a plus.

I bathed a couple times before rinsing off and washing my hair with a new shampoo. Again, it'd smelled way different than anything I'd ever used before. Once my hair was clean, I washed the shampoo out, and I conditioned. After finishing all of that, I rinsed everything off and out one final time, and I cut the water off and got out of the shower.

I grabbed my towel and wrapped it securely around myself. Before I left the bathroom, I took a quick look at myself in the mirror. I thought I would see my reflection and cringe, but I actually looked refreshed, contrary to every other day this past week. My skin had a natural glow to it, and I felt somewhat better.

I turned out the lights to the bathroom and headed back to my room. I used a cotton shirt to partially dry my soaking hair and a blow drier for the rest. When all of my hair was dry, I put on some lotion and my undergarments.

I went to my closet to find something to wear, and I was having a hard time choosing. I just went with the band t-shirt Ashton got me last Christmas and a pair of denim shorts, nothing too fancy or fancy at all. I slipped on my white converse and I was almost ready to go.

I checked the time, and I had a good half an hour left to get ready. I decided to just leave my hair in its naturally loose, wavy texture because it didn't look bad for once. Plus, it would take way too long to actually do it.

I put on the smallest amount of mascara and a little bit of lip balm because my lip were incredibly dry and chapped. That was all I really needed. I was basically ready to go. I just had to grab Michael's present and my car key, and I would be on my way.

I'd left the gift underneath the tree in my living room. Luke had helped me decorate it one day when my parents were out at lunch or something. That ended in some making out on the couch, but was ended abruptly when Calum bursted through the door. His face when he saw us was the funniest thing ever.

We'd then gone to Luke's house, and since the Hemmings' tree was already up, Luke bought a small one for his bedroom, and we decorated that one.

I grabbed Michael's gift quickly, and I went towards the door, also grabbing my car keys off of the hook as I passed. I walked down the driveway to my car, and I unlocked it before getting in. I put the rectangular shaped box on the passenger's seat, and I buckled in prior to backing out of the driveway.

This was my first time driving my new car.

Driving reminded me of when I drove Luke and I back from in town. He was asleep with his head rested against the window and soft snores sneaking past his slightly parted lips. He was holding the ice to his face, and even with it being beat up, he looked so peaceful and flawless.

It took about fifteen minutes to get to Michael's house, and once I finally arrived, there were already about five cars spilling front the driveway onto the side if the street. Luckily, the street Michael lived on was wide enough so that cars could be parked on the street.

Without paying much attention, I turned my car off and grabbed Michael's present from off the seat next to me. I got out, and I immediately recognized Luke's car at the very top of the driveway. Calum's car was behind his and Ashton's car was in front of mine.

I loved the Clifford's annual Christmas party because everyone was invited. All of Calum's immediate family was there, all of Ashton's, and all of Luke's. Usually my parents and I would be here together, but unfortunately, they were out of town, which meant I had to spend Christmas Day alone.

I tried to keep a positive attitude in the midst if all of this because I wanted to have a good time. This was a party after all, and I deserved to enjoy myself.

Taking a deep breath, I used my free hand to knock on the front door. Michael's mum, Karen, answered. She gave me a warm hug and smile, inviting me in quickly. She was alway so nice, and I really loved her.

"Kate, you get more and more beautiful every time I see you. It's been so pleasant to watch you grow into the wonderful young lady you are today," she complimented me with a smile. I nodded, and a wide smile broke out onto my face.

"Thank you, Karen. And thanks for the invite to the party," I responded, my tone having a lot more life in it than a few hours ago.

"Of course, dear. You're always invited. Will your parents be joining you tonight?" she asked. My heart that I'd temporarily safety-pinned back together just for tonight was slowly falling apart and it was just the beginning of the night.

"Oh, um, no," I stuttered. "They left for an important but impromptu business trip a few days ago." She frowned.

"I'm so sorry to hear that." Karen pulled me in for another hug, but honestly, I didn't need it. I was okay for now.

"It's okay. I'm used to it."

"Are you going to be spending Christmas alone?" she questioned, and I nodded. Karen then added, "Michael told me that you and Luke were in a relationship, so I'm sure he wouldn't allow that." I winced, but she didn't notice. The way this was going, I didn't think I would make it through the night.

"Yeah, and Luke and I are..." I trailed off, not exactly knowing how to explain the situation we were in. This caused Karen to frown again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude," she apologized, but I just brushed it off.

"No, it's okay." This conversation I was having with her was getting more awkward with very second I stood here talking to her. I had to find a way out before I started crying, and I could tell she felt the same way.

"Alright, but just know that you're always welcome here," she informed me, also handing me a Santa hat to put on my head. I thanked her and slipped it on quickly, letting the white puffball flop over to the side. I hugged her one last time before leaving to go find my friends.

First though, I put Michael's gift down under the Christmas tree in the lounge room. We would be exchanging gifts later.

I checked upstair in Michael's computer room first, and it was a lucky guess because there sat the four of them just chatting about. Once I opened the door the conversation seized, and my eyes met with Luke's instantly.

He got up, and for a second I thought he was coming over to hug me, or kiss me, or something, but instead, he walked straight passed me and out of the door without a word.

The room was silent for a bit before Calum got up and walked over to me. He didn't even say anything, he just engulfed me into his arms, giving me the best hug ever. It was truly something I'd needed right now, and I was glad he recognized that. He left a very gentle kiss on my forehead before letting me go completely.

Next, was Michael. He also gave me a big hug, and finished it off with a kiss on my cheek. Ashton was last, and he embraced me comfortingly. Just to top Michael and Calum, he kissed me on both cheeks and my forehead. This made me smile. I considered them all to be like my brothers, and it felt good to know they were there for me when I needed their support.

I waved to the guys, not trusting my voice at the moment. I couldn't believe Luke left the room without saying anything to me. A simple "Hi." would've been just fine, but he went with the option of avoiding me completely.

I took a seat next to Calum, and the room was just silent for a couple minutes, us all trying to see who would break the silence first. It was Calum.

"How are you feeling, Kate?" he asked genuinely. It'd been a while since I'd spoken to anyone, so this was our time to catch up, even though there wasn't really anything to tell.

"Not great, but I wanted to have a good time tonight, so that's why I came." I answered honestly. I could tell they were being extremely careful with me because no one had made a joke yet.

Usually, the room would be full of laughter by now, but it wasn't. Everyone was quiet.

"Alright, well, we'll make sure that happens," Calum promised. I was just about to respond when the door to the room we were sat in opened.

It was Luke, and he looked a lot different than when he left. His eyes were red, along with his nose and cheeks. He cleared his throat and sniffled before entering the room and returning to his seat.

Once he sat down, his gaze directed to the floor, him not making any effort to look at anyone.

The room was uncomfortably silent, as the watches of our friends shifted back and forth from me to him, trying to gauge our emotions. I didn't know if I should've tried to talk to Luke or not, but I made he impulsive decision to just stay quiet in my seat.

Michael was the first to speak.

"So... Um, is anyone up for a game?" he asked us. Calum and Ashton agreed, and that's how we started up the infamous game of Truth or Dare.
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A.N// wow okay...

um this was ready 3 days ago, but i took those 3 days contin playing whether i should make this longer or not (spoiler: i decided not to, to save the good stuff for later ;-))

(in terms of recent events between the couple):

who's team luke?

who's team kate?

new chapter will be soon, and you'll get to see what luke got kate as a secret santa gift (ooohh)

sorry for the slow updates, my school wants me dead *rolls eyes*

what do you guys think of the new cover??

you can follow me on snapchat: @camisnotonsnap for more of my life-y (??) updates..i sporadically add people back ;-)

i'm excited for the new few updates bc this is about to get cray so,,

on that note i'll see you all later ily and be safe
sTAY AWAY FROM THE CLOWNS THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS

side note: slfl is over and i'm emo :'-(

i have boy trouble (what is my life)

i really gtg so i'll tty(all)l bYEE
-cam <3