51. Flashlight
A.N// enjoy this, and READ THE END NOTE okay go!! <3
.
.
.
Luke's POV
Adrenaline was coursing through my body, and I couldn't breathe. Now was not the time for me to be freaking out, but I couldn't help it. I knew I'd messed up, I was fully aware, but I didn't want it to end like this.
I didn't know how Kate was feeling. She didn't tell me. I could see her shutting me out with every second that passed by. She was putting her guard up against me.
Kate was hurt, I could clearly see that, but I couldn't read her like I was once able to. She wasn't communicating with me like she once did. She didn't even say I love you back each time I said it to her before I told her story and before she left.
My heart was racing.
I knew it from the first day, and I continued to believe it was true everyday afterwards, but the deal between Kate and I was the worst thing I've ever done. Maybe if I wasn't so stupid, she could still be here with me.
I was standing at the end of my driveway taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew I needed help.
I basically ran into my house, and my brother was still sitting on the couch. He was watching some football on television, but he immediately brought his attention to me.
"Is she okay?" he asked, concern spread throughout his facial features. I shook my head.
"I don't know," I sighed, panic starting to make its way back. I kept going with the deep breaths, breathing slowly so I could try to stay calm.
"What do you mean you don't know?" He stood up and he looked me right in the eyes.
"Jack," I began, taking another deep breath. "She's gone." My confession made his eyes go wide as he pushed passed me and walked to the other side of the room.
"What? Are you serious?" he question frantically as he was pacing in the spacious lounge room. I nodded, still not believing it myself. A deep sigh left his mouth. "Where do you think she went?"
"I don't know," I told him honestly. It was weird how calm I was being considering the circumstances. If this were to happen a few months ago, I probably would've been crying by now.
"Luke, that's not helping. You have to know something," he said, a bite in his tone. He was panicking, just like I could've been, but both of us panicking wouldn't get us anywhere.
"Jack, I just told you that I don't know where she is. Don't you think I would've gone to find her already if I did?" I raised my voice just a little. This was stressing me out too.
Kate was the only person I'd ever felt such a strong feeling for, and it would break my heart if we broke up, especially over some dumb thing that I did. I had best intentions with the worst idea. I knew this mistake would be hard to come back from, but I just hoped it wouldn't be over after this.
"I'm sorry, I know this must me hard for you, but we need to find her as soon as possible. Who knows how far she could've gotten to wherever she is now," he explained, finally starting to calm down.
"I know."
I had no leads to anywhere that she could be other than her house, but why would she walk there? I would've taken her if she wanted to be away from me, just to save her the trouble.
My mind was drawing blanks, and all of a sudden I just couldn't think about it anymore. My head started to hurt, a pound striking every time I blinked. I needed to sit down, so I did.
"Have you tried calling her?" he asked all of a sudden. He was right, and I wondered why I didn't think of that earlier. Even with my headache, I got up quickly and ran up the stairs. I pushed past my door, and the sight was tugging at my hear a little bit more.
Her cellphone was sat right in the middle of my bed. Of course she left it.
I had to go find her. I didn't care if it took all night, but I wouldn't stop looking until I knew she was safe.
I didn't want to call her house because if her parents knew she was missing, they'd start freaking out, and I didn't want them going through that. I was also trying to make a decision of whether or not I wanted to tell my parents. I didn't know how they would react.
If they found out why she was upset in the first place, they would be so disappointed in me. Not even my brothers knew, but I would probably have to tell them while we were trying to find her.
I went back downstairs to the lounge room where I left Jack, and when I got there, he was talking to Ben. I assumed he was informing him of the situation so maybe he could help us.
I went over to them and Jack stopped talking, focusing on me.
"Her phone is on my bed, so I can't call her," I told him. He shook his head, and Ben sighed.
"Well, we have to go look for her Luke. We can't just stand around here trying to figure it out when she could be in danger. The sooner we get in the car and start looking, the closer we are to getting her back," he said. He was completely right, but I was in no state to drive. My head was pounding, and I was starting to get dizzy.
"He's right," Ben agreed.
"Okay, but I can't drive. I feel sick," I claimed.
"Fine, I'll drive. Let's go," Jack offered. I held up my finger, signaling them to hold on a second. I went into the kitchen and got some pain killers out of the cabinet and a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. I took them quickly and brought the water with me.
I thought I'd made it out of the kitchen without being questioned, but my mum stopped me just as I reached the door.
"Luke, you look like you're in a rush. Where are you going?" she asked, no accusation in her tone, just curiosity.
"Kate is gone, and we don't know where she is," I admitted. Her eyes went wide, the same reaction as Jack. "She left her phone, so we con't call her. Jack, Ben, and I are going to look for her now. I have no idea how long it's going to take, but we'll be back as soon as we can."
"How come she left without telling anyone?" she questioned, not understanding. The last time she saw Kate was at lunch a little over an hour ago, and she was bright and happy. I could see how that would be confusing.
"That's a long story, and I'll explain when I get back. Love you, mum," I rushed. I kissed her on the cheek and walked towards the door.
"Be careful, Luke. You'll find her if she wants to be found." Her words struck my in the heart. I knew it was going to be a long day filled with a lot of driving. I sighed, trying to prepare myself for whatever situation that could come up.
I made my way back to the lounge room to let my older brothers know that I was ready to go. Jack grabbed his cellphone off of the couch and we headed for the door.
Once we were outside, we walked over to my car and Jack took the drivers side. I took the passenger's seat, and again, we made Ben sit in the back. The feeling I had was so indescribable. It felt like my heart was in my throat.
Jack started the car, and backed out of our driveway.
"Where to first?" he ask, his eyes focused on the road. Riding in this car was not helping how sick I felt.
"Go to her house. I'll check there," I said. I rested my head on the window, and I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the dizziness in my head that was still pounding. When was this medicine going to kick in?
"Are you sure? What if her pare-" I cut him off before he could finish. I already knew what I would do if they were there, and I didn't need to keep thinking about it.
"Yes, I'm sure. I'll just tell them she left something. I don't know," I groaned. My head was hurting so bad.
"I don't need your attitude Luke. I really don't have to be helping you right now," he remarked. Again, he was right, so I was going to try to be as patient with him as possible. I just sighed.
A few minutes later, we were at her house, and I got out of the car quickly.
"Stay here, I'll be right back," I told them, and they nodded in compliance.
I walked to her front door slowly, and I took the key to it out of my pocket. I knew she wouldn't be in here, I just had this feeling, but it didn't hurt to check. I unlocked the door quickly and was met with a wave of relief once I realized her parents weren't here.
I check every single room in the house, twice, and just like I'd expected, no one was here at all. Honestly, I didn't know where she could be besides here or our friends' house. I guessed I would check there next.
I walked out and locked the door back, making my way back to my car. I got in and shut the door, resting my head against the window once again.
"So?" Jack questioned expectingly.
"She's not in there, obviously," I replied. "Go to Calum's house," I instructed immediately after.
I didn't even want to think about what Kate might've done with Calum if she went to his house. Whatever it was though, I deserved every bit of it.
I knew she wouldn't cheat on me, even if she was upset. I also knew she had the tendency to do reckless things when she was upset, but I was hoping that wasn't the case. I was hoping her loyalty to me and our relationship would be the barrier that kept this from spilling over into an even bigger mess.
I just felt awful, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
With my head rested against the window, my eyes became heavier and heavier before they finally closed. In a perfect world, I would wake up and she would be right next to me.
In a perfect world, I wouldn't have made such an idiotic mistake and we could finally be happy, for once.
All of a sudden, I could hear my name being called. It brought me out of my light sleep.
"Luke...Luke, wake up," the person called. It sounded like her. I blinked a few times, the light from outside making my head hurt more than before. Once my eyes were adjusted and I was fully aware of my surroundings, I realized that I was still in the car.
"Huh?" I responded, still a little groggy. I looked ahead of me and all around the car, and quickly figured out that it was Jack calling me and not the love of my life.
I groaned loudly and banged my head against the window, which was definitely a bad idea because pain shot straight to my temples, causing me to groan again.
"Ow."
"We're at Calum's house," he said. I nodded in response and got out of the car. I walked up to Calum's front door and I knocked lightly.
Joy answered the door with a bright smile, as always.
"Hi, Luke. How are you?" she asked. I loved how bright and happy she was all the time. It was like the best thing ever, and she made the best food.
"Hello, Joy. I'm doing well, you?"
"Great...So you must've stopped by to hang out with the guys? They're all in the basement," she informed me. I nodded and thanked her before she let me in, and I went directly towards where the basement door was located.
I took the stairs two at a time until I reached the bottom and when I walked into the room, I was met with a loud welcome. I tried to ignore the pain in my head so I could stay focused on what I actually came here to do.
"Luke! Hi, mate. We were just about to call you," Calum greeted. I forced a smile, and he noticed that there was something wrong almost immediately. Well I obviously knew that Kate wasn't here, otherwise she would be down here with everyone else.
"You alright?" Michael called out before Calum could say anything. I shook my head. I didn't even want to talk about it, but I had to if I wanted to get help. "What's wrong?"
That got everyone's attention. Ashton turned around from watching the television, and Calum was a little more attentive.
"Kate..." I started, trying to catch my breath as the emotions began to break through my calm demeanor. "She, um- she left me, and I don't know where she is. Her phone is at my house, and she's not at hers. I don't know where to look," I explained, my voice cracking at the end.
"What the fuck? What did you do?" Calum asked, genuinely concerned. Ashton stood up and joined in the group.
"I messed up, so bad. Guys, I might've lost her this time." It really stung in my heart to say that, but I knew it was definitely a possibility at this point.
"What happened?" Calum asked again. I rocked back and forth on my heels nervously. I obviously knew what I did was bad, and I had no idea how my best friends would react to it, but I was going to explain anyway.
"I don't know if you guys knew, but Kate lost her virginity to me." Michael gasped, but Calum and Ashton nodded because they were already aware of that fact. "Well, the only reason she did is because I offered her sex lessons, but I was lying to her about my experience because I was a virgin too," I confessed. Ashton's eyes went wide, obviously not believing me.
"So you lied to her?" I nodded. "Why?"
"Because Thomas and I made a deal," I told them. Calum sighed, I could already see the disappointment forming behind his eyes.
"You knew Thomas?" He questioned, his voice raising a little.
"Yeah..." I took a deep breath before continuing. "He made a deal with me. Whoever got her virginity first got to stay in her life." Ashton shook his head. Calum out his down.
"Luke, what the hell? That's so fucked up," Calum said finally. Uncontrollably, a tear fell from my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away. One of my hands frustratedly ran through my hair as I tried to gather my thoughts.
"I know that," I retaliated.
"You took her virginity for a game?" Michael questioned. I nodded, not being able to actually say it out loud. "Luke," he sighed.
"You of all people knew how important that was to her, and you took it as a game? You had to have seen how messed up that was in the beginning," Ashton reprimanded me.
"I know, but when we had sex the first time, it didn't feel like a game to me. I actually liked her," I promised. It was a little awkward to be sharing all of this, but they were my best friends and we've shared far worst things.
"Yeah, we get that, but it was still based on a game, and Luke, you have to admit how fucked up that actually is," Ashton argued. I knew he was right and there was no getting around the fact that I took her virginity as a game. No matter how much I liked her, it was all just a game for my own selfishness.
"I know, but I just--I need to find her. I need you guys' help because I'm all out of places, and my head hurts and I feel dizzy," I told them. I really needed to keep myself together before I started full on crying. I could feel it coming too. A lump in the back of my throat getting bigger and bigger by the second, laboring my breathing. "Do you think she'll break up with me?" I ask.
"If I were her, I would," Michael chimed in immediately.
"Michael, be quiet," Calum ordered. There were a couple seconds of silence before he spoke again. "Honestly, I think Michael is actually right, but we all know how much Kate loves you. We see it every time she looks at you. It's crazy because you guys have something so genuine, like this weird connection that no one can break, and we can all see how much you guys love each other just by your interactions. If she loves you as much as I think she does, this won't be the end. It may take her a while to build that trust for you back, but it's not going to be the end," Calum stated, completely confident with his answer.
"So what should I do?" I asked. My eyes were getting watery, tears threatening to prick through at any moment. I definitely didn't have time to be crying.
"I say just follow your heart," Ashton suggested. "Where is a place that means a lot to you and her?"
"My bed?" I questioned. They all groaned.
"No, Luke. You have to think deeper than that," he urged. I was thinking as hard as I could, but my head just hurt so bad. I felt like it was going to explode any second now.
"Guys, I really don't know. That's why I came here for help. Can you please just help me?" I whined, on the brink of a mental breakdown. I walked around them to sit on the couch, and I just put my head in my hands. I had no idea was I was going to do, and it was starting to get dark out.
"You know her better than any of us. Just think about it. Take a minute to really think about it, somewhere that means a lot to the both of you," Ashton pushed me. With every thought that came to mind, my brain was pulsing.
I physically couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't think about it, I just couldn't.
The thoughts I had about where she might've been would lead to the question of if she's going to break up with me or not. Those thought would lead to me thinking about my life without her in it, something I didn't want to happen.
This entire deal thing was a lose, lose situation. If I lost the deal, I wouldn't be in her life, but if I won and she found out, there was a great possibility that she wouldn't be in my life. The second scenario was for the worst though, and I couldn't believe I was so stupid to fall into Thomas' trap.
Times like this were when I wished I was still a virgin, and maybe she would be too. There was no way of knowing what would've happened if I didn't agree to the deal.
There's no way of knowing what would've happened if Kate didn't agree to my deal.
The only thing that didn't hurt my head so much was reminiscing on us. Sure, we had our not so great times, but we also had some awesome times together. These were memories I would never be able to forget, even if I tried.
She made my the happiest I've ever been. I'd never smiled so much until we became a thing. I just couldn't help but to be so giddy when I was around her.
She made my heart race a mile a minute, butterflies surging throughout my stomach, and a warmness spreading through my body.
She was so captivating, and I couldn't even begin to comprehend it.
Everything was just replaying over and over again inside my head, from the laughing to the arguing, the kissing, taking breaks, all the way to the sex, the smiling, the happiness. I don't know what it would feel like to not have any of that again.
I loved her so much, she literally took away my breath. It was something I didn't even understand.
I knew the way I was feeling was something that could never be duplicated. I wasn't ready for this to end. I promised her I would fight for us no matter how hard it got, and I wasn't going to break that promised. If I just gave up, my promise would be broken.
I promised her that I would always find my way back to her, always. She promised me all of the same things. We promised...
I stood up quickly from the couch, which was a bad idea because I started seeing stars. Once I was stable again, which took a few seconds, I could see my three best friends staring at me intently.
I'd just realized the perfect place, and this was my final guess. If she wasn't here, I didn't know where she was.
"I got it," I said finally, pushing past them to get to the door.
"What? Where are you going?" Calum asked, following me. Ashton and Michael followed behind him. I went up the stairs and out of Calum's house quickly. They were all right behind me.
Once I got to my car, I went around to the driver's side, and I opened the door. I was already dark outside, which was just my luck.
"Get out," I instructed Jack. He didn't ask any questions, he just did as I told him and unbuckled his seatbelt. He got out and went around to the passenger's side, getting in quickly.
Calum came around to my side of the car as I was strapping myself in. I rolled down the window soI could hear him.
"Where are you going?" he questioned again. I could see Ashton and Michael loading into Ashton's car, prepared to follow my to my destination.
"I have the perfect idea of where she could be, so I'm going there. Follow me if you want, but I really hope this is it," I explained to him. He nodded and left my side, getting into the backseat of Ashton's car.
I didn't really know how I was going to pull off driving with a massive headache and severe dizziness, but I was going to do my best because know one really knew where this place was except me. Since the car was already started, I backed out of the driveway and headed to my final guess.
About ten minutes into the ride, Jack finally asked me the question I'd been waiting for him to ask this entire time.
"Why did Kate leave in the first place?" I'd really been trying to focus on nothing but the road because of my head, but they deserved to know because they were helping me after all.
I quickly explained to them what happened, and in my review mirror, I could see the disappointment spread out across Ben's face.
"What the fuck, Luke?" Jack scolded. I saw it coming and I deserved it. "You took a girl's virginity as a game? How could you even do something like that?"
"I was being selfish, and I wasn't thinking," I admitted honestly, letting out a sigh afterwards.
"Yeah, that's pretty messed up, mate," Ben agreed. I huffed because this has been what everyone said, something I already knew.
"I know that, okay? That's why my girlfriend ran away," I said with a little bit of force in my tone. I quickly calmed down though. "She wouldn't even talk to me about it," I mumbled. It wasn't low enough for them not to hear it, but I guess they both decided not to comment on that.
The rest of the ride was silent, and I was just using this time to think everything I wanted to say through. If she wasn't in this place I had no idea where she would be.
I realized that I just could keep saying that I was sorry because that wouldn't fix anything. Like Ashton said, I had to dig deeper than that. I had to spill my heart out.
I've done it multiple times before, but never in situations like these. This had to be a game changer.
Once I passed my house, I knew there were a couple minutes left in the ride. I supposed my brothers were confused, and I was prove right when Jack questioned our route.
"Where are we going exactly?" he asked.
"This place..." I started, trying to figure out how I wanted to explain it. "I used to go there when i had bad dreams...when Kate and I were taking a break. It's the place
where I gave her the promise ring."
I pulled into the open grass and I parked my car there. Ashton parked next to me, and I got out.
"Do you want us to go with you? It's pretty dark out," Ashton asked, Calum and Michael got it of the car as well. I shook my head.
"No, I'll go by myself," I told them. "It'll be better if we're alone."
With that, I took off jogging in the direction of the huge wall of trees and bushes. It was kind of hard to get through them, but I'd pretty much mastered the concept with the amounts of times I'd done it. Once I was through, I turned the flash on my phone on so I would be able to see.
I didn't know how deep she went into these woods, but I hoped she didn't go too far. I didn't know what was hiding past a certain stretch.
I walked for what must've been five minutes, just calling out her name but getting no response. My heart was pounding, and I wasn't sure if I would actually find her here after all.
Five minutes of more walking is when I tripped over something, a stick maybe? I caught myself quickly so I wouldn't fall into the leaves and dirt, and I used the flashlight on my phone to figure out exactly what it was that almost made me fall over.
I scanned the area quickly, and my heart nearly stopped at the sight of the blonde girl sitting on the forest floor in a white romper. She was twiddling a ring between her fingers, her head hung low. It was Kate.
It was a stab straight to my heart to see her with the ring off. I felt like I already knew what was coming. I didn't know if she hadn't noticed me yet, but there was a light shining on her so she must not have been paying attention to it.
"Kate..." I called out, trying to get her attention. I received no response. I called her name again, and still, there was no answer. "Baby, are you okay?" I asked, seeing if that could get her to talk to me.
It worked, but no the way I wanted it to.
"Do you think the dirt will come out of this white romper?" she asked me. "It's new, and it may be ruined," she added. I took a deep breath before kneeling down and sitting next to her. Her voice was low, lifeless.
"I don't know, Kate," I responded honestly. I reached out to touch her, and she flinched away. That was another stab into my heart. I no longer had the light just shining on her. Instead, my phone was on the ground with the light flashing upwards. "Are you okay?" I asked again, desperately trying to get some answers.
She didn't answer that. I just had this huge guilt weighing down on my shoulders. I hated seeing her this way, especially since she was normally so happy. I hated knowing that I did this to her, that this was all my fault.
"I don't know, Luke. I just hate feeling like this," she confessed, finally breaking the agonizing silence.
"Like what?" I questioned.
"Like I don't know how I feel or what I feel. I can't even cry about it because I'm so numb," she told me. Her voice cracking at the end was the end of my life. I just wanted to hold her, and rid her of this feeling. I didn't want her to be like this.
"Babe-" She cut me off before I could say anything else, and when I reached out to touch her again, she shrugged me off. This wasn't going well, worst than I expected.
"Don't." She took the ring she was playing with in her hands and set it on the back of my phone. I nearly choked on the air. Kate rested her head between her knees that were pulled up to her chest. "I just want to go home," Kate mumbled.
I reached over a put a few locks of her hair behind her ear, and this time, she just let it happen.
"Alright, I can take you," I told her. Without another word, she stood and and started walking back the way I came. I grabbed the ring, slipping it into my pocket, and my phone quickly so I could follow her.
I used the light on my phone to guide her path, and to my surprise, she reached for my hand. I took it and intertwined our fingers, providing her some security as she led us out of the dark woods.
Ten minutes later, we'd passed the path of trees and shrubbery, and we were out in the open field. Kate had let go of my hand, and she was walking with so much distance between us. It was about two minutes more of a walk until we got to my car, and the silence was killing me.
"Your phone is at my house," I informed Kate, just so she would know.
"It can stay there. I don't need it anyway," she said. I sighed, and I was relieved when we finally got back to my car.
Immediately everyone got out and surrounded her, showering her with hugs and questions, and I just wanted them all to stop. She needed space, mostly from me, but from everyone.
She took it like a champ though, plastering a fake smile on her face just to satisfy everyone around her. She didn't say much, only a few words here and there, but she was smiling a little.
Once everyone was done with their little reunion, we piled into our cars, and headed back. Ashton was going back to Calum's house, and I was taking Kate to hers.
It was a ten minute drive, filled with just the radio playing softly in the background.
When we got to her house, I got out and followed her to her front door. Her parents still weren't here.
"Kate.." I sighed. She looked at me for the first time tonight since before I'd told her the story. I blinked rapidly, trying to bring the thoughts back to my brain, but it wasn't working. My mouth was dry.
She turned around to unlock the door and faced me again when she was done.
"Luke, I don't know where we're going to go from here, but I just need some time to gather my thoughts. I thought I had everything figured out a couple hours ago, but it turns out that I don't," she stated. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, not particularly liking what she was saying.
"Why won't you talk to me about it?" I asked.
"Because I need to figure this out myself. You've already told me everything I need to know." With every word she said to me, my heart was ripping in half. This couldn't be the end, I wouldn't allow it.
"Kate, please," I begged, my eyes welling up with tears. I needed someone to pinch me and tell me this wasn't real.
"I'm sorry, Luke." She placed both her hands on my chest and leaned in, pressing a light kiss to my jaw, just as a tear fell there. My eyes involuntarily closed at the sensation, on that I knew I wouldn't be feeling for a while. I was trying to engrave it in my mind just in case this was the last time.
She pulled back ever so slowly, and walked backwards. She didn't even give me a chance to say anything before she lightly closed her front door.
My head didn't even hurt anymore, just my heart.
I just stood there for a good few minutes, taking everything in. A stream of tears were rolling down my face as I said, "I love you," directed towards her. Everything in me was hoping she'd heard me, but I knew that was impossible.
I walked back to my car with my shoulders slumped over and my head hung low. I got in without a word, and I buckled myself in. Jack was the first to speak to me.
"Are you guys okay?" he asked.
"I don't know."
"Are you guys going to be okay?"
"I don't know."
.
.
.
A.N// well that just happened.
sorry this took so long, legit I had this finished and half of it deleted so fml i had to do it over...
i'm going live on younow in 30 minutes!! @hey.itscam. be there or get rekt.
follow me on snapchat for more updates @camisnotonsnap
will try to update sooooon!! but idk i'm really busy :"(((
do you think luke and kate are going to break up?? let's discuss it here.
ily guys, thanks for reading and staying tuned, and i'll see you soon!!
-cam <3
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top