THE B*TCH-ME  HIGHSCHOOL
 
High School is a long story. Forget those blockbuster Xbox movies, with billions of dollars to their name. From ‘As Cool As I am’ to ‘After’, I mean which kind of blockbuster movie isn’t about High school romance.
Oh, I hear you cry, ‘After’ series, was set in College.
Forget it dickhead, that movie was as badass as hell itself. Do you know how unromantic everything within that movie was?
  You meet a guy in your bathroom, and well, he turns out to be a gangstar. Now I ask a question, where in God’s ass do we have gangstars who’re bookworms?
Point number two: You fall in love with the guy only to find out he’s been making a game out of the whole thing.
Like, he wasn’t into you in the first place, but rather was playing the goddamn ‘truth or dare’ challenge.
And then you realise you messed up. You make apologies to your mom, who, as all ‘movie’ parents do, forgives you and lets you know ‘everything is gonna be alright. That dickhead wasn’t the one meant for you!’
 
What the hell, Lisa? Find some other guy! That gangstar nerd is not meant for you.
   But of course you don’t listen, you end up, falling back for the same guy at the end of the day…..AGAIN!
 
If there’s ever a movie I hate for the lot of my life, it would be ‘After.’ Anna Todd I would say made the book so sensational that in High School (my High school) all the girls started thinking of all the intimate moments.
Kinda reminds me what happened to me in my last year at High School. You see, I think part of my problem has to do with the fact that most of the girls watched stupid movies. (I haven’t forgotten about you, Mr. ‘Fifty Shades of Grey!’  Thank you!)
 
So, you study with girls who not only watch stupid movies, but also think everything in life is about romance and the merry-go-round.
 
Maths as usual was my problem. I couldn’t get the shit together and yet, I heard to make my SATs as forking high as possible so that…
So that I couldn’t get kicked out of college….if that’s what you wanted to hear.

 
I go to Mr.Lauden. He’s this young Maths teacher, very loving, very kind. Yeah, and pretty much everything to do with positive minded people….(Hello, suckers! Greetings from Christine---a realist!)
 
Anyways, so after the lessons, I go to Mr. Lauden (it’s pronounced ‘Loud-en’) and get the best out of my Maths lessons.
What I didn’t know was that my best friend Rachel (such a betraying name I’d say) was spreading this uncocked rumor of how I was ‘dating’ the Maths teacher.
I put dating in quotes because, seriously, how can you even date a Maths Professor? Like, if it was Literature, that would be fine. I mean, someone would defend you.

But Maths? Seriously, hell no! Where was romance in those ‘x+y=12’ equations---or equation---or whatever? There’s literally nothing that can even spark sexual feelings for a Maths teacher…
So, Rachel sets me up, until every girl in my class starts making faces with me, whenever Mr. Lauden enters class.
 
And goodness, thanks to those private lectures, I got 34% at the end of my High School. Oh, don’t be such a sucker. You think that’s pretty bad, well, show me your marks….*giggles*….
 
34% put me ahead of fifteen dolly students, the likes that read ‘After’ by Anna Todd, plus everything to do with Juliet and Romeo.

And when that hurt them the more, I ended up receiving hate messages posted on my Facebook profile.
 
       MARK ZUCKERBERG’S CRACKPOT!
 
“Cheater!”
   “Lame-ass kisser!”
 
“Date-and-wins!”
 
“Got helped by a dick!”
 
….…
 
Alright, I get it. I hear you cocksuckers, sorry for calling you that, but ‘pussies’ sounded really bad, so yeah.
You come to my Facebook page and post as many as what? fifteen bs texts?
Seriously?

I’m no rocket scientist, but I think you got a little bit over yourself that time…since…listen here closely….

1) My Facebook account got blocked, so I didn’t even see your messages…(someone just told me what you posted!)
2) And two, I don’t even think you guys were really serious about what you just said.

 
 
So, if your name starts with K or M or T or H, and you posted any of those messages, please just know I wanna hug you.
   Can we be friends again? Please! (What a bunch of losers!)
 
***
I think that’s why I love writing books. Finally you’ll read this in your bedroom with your Chicky boyfriend watching this football game, and he’ll be like, “Hey, babe. What’s the name of that girl who won you in High School?”
 
And your mind will be like, “Oh, you mean that b*tch who got a 34%!” And of course you’ll have to explain why you called me a ‘bitch’ yet you, you were below me….(But seriously, all my past High School enemies, I love you all. No like, all the sarcasm, and jokes aside, I really miss you so much. You guys were really great….Yeah, that’s not sarcasm remember!)
 
***

Now, where in God’s doormat was I?