"Well, um, we could start with… uh," Tom began. We had switched to the living room, right to the entrance, the soft light glowing the dark room as Tom sat on the tempting brown coach as I continued to pace,"well we could start with,- uh-"

Tom kept blubbering with stutters that my anxious pacing suddenly became slow as his voice invaded my steady thoughts, interrupting not only his flow of thoughts but mine.

"Well, uh- we could uh-"

"Tom, spit it out!" I yelled, stoping my pace and causing a bounce to Tom as his eyes widened.

Silence followed as we stared at each other's wide eyes.

His blue worried eyes with mine slowly growing guilty, regretting my outburst.

God, I feel bad for Tom.

I managed a smile.

With that, Tom shook out of his shock with the shake of his head and continued.

"Sorry, it's just that,-" he paused again as he slowly looked back at my curious eyes. He looked away,"it's just, we should start with you know… Uh.. how it … Uh," he stumbled yet again and with my waiting, I realized what he meant to say and I sighed, looking away. He was nervous and he didn't know how to say the words. Mind as well say it for him, anyway- too late- "How did it happen? How did you leave?" his voice was clearer and stronger within himself as he finally said those words.

I didn't answer. I didn't want to revisit the feeling, how, and why, I knew it all came back down to me but I had to hide it and push down within.

I looked down and took a breath.

Shaking my head, I looked back up at him.

"How did it happen?"

He nodded at me.

I sighed yet again, looking away.

I didn't want to tell him and I was about to tell him that I didn't want to tell him but as I looked back up to his eyes, I knew I had to tell him.

And so I did.

With his attentive stare and nodding head, gaze that never peeled from mine while mine faltered multiple times,
I knew that this was going to be the last time I would be able to tell this story so easily. But with Tom, it was simpler.

As I told him how he, my Andrew, or rather, Andrew, crawled in from the window, slept in my bed, kissed me, kept me close, smiled, laughed at our stupid cuddles and jokes. Laughed at whatever. I told him how he told me he loved me, so gently and kindly you'd assume a star had told me, but it was Andrew who did. I told him how I had stood up and yelled. Confused and angry and suddenly ran out. I confessed, I didn't know what I was doing and that right now, I felt I sounded stupid.

But that thought only left Tom to stand up and say, "No, you're not!"

To be honest, that surprised me.

Surprised me so that my recently bulged eyes eased and I managed to crack a smile along with a laugh.

He managed to crack a smile too despite his seriousness towards the subject.

He sat back down while I continued to laugh.

"Well, that's what happened, my stupid ass ran away from a boy who said he loved me," I said as I looked at him through the dimly lit room.

It was silent with that.

I didn't know what to do with that.

He hadn't spoken the whole story time until that one outburst, and I had nothing else to say to fill the silence.

"I know what you're thinking." That thought caused his head to look up at me in curiosity,"how could someone love a girl like that," I shrugged out while Tom's curious gaze shifted to a 'seriously' look which I would call the expression of dead ass shit. "What?"

He responded with the same look. I responded with "What?"

"Of course, he loves you, why wouldn't he?"

"Well, shit, if you love me!" I laugh. "What stupid thing will I do now?"

"Oh stop it," he deapened and my recently forced laugh faded and so did his serious look.

"Sorry," I said after a moment of silence,"I know, you don't deserve this. I mean, I'm even boring myself."

His response was silence, letting me know that he was willing to stay as he stared deep within my soul with only a glance.

Damn.

I looked away.

"I better get going,"

He stood up. Surprising me yet again.

This is the most excitement I've seen out of him in all my whole years of knowing him.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I managed a nod, starting to walk out the living room, passing around the coffee table that separated me from the couch. The short dimmed hallway led me to the entrance, white door welcoming out. Before I could turn the knob, Tom's hands fell onto mine.

I looked up at him, surprised.

Damn, where did this Tom come from?

He stared into my eyes and the icy blue eyes I was so used to, looked shaded in this dark light, creating a different glow in his mysterious orbs. I felt the wind get caught in my throat, knocked out without doing anything.

What was happening?

I felt an unknown feeling within me, sudden and confusing, different as I saw his eyes switch from my gray eyes, that dip to brown from time to time, down to my lips that suddenly parted.

Damn.

This Tom was good …at whatever he was doing.

Looking back into his eyes, away from his own parted lips, I watched and waited as he was to do his next thing, next steps, maybe next kiss? No, that's weird, it's Tom. That's not going to happen and I don't want it or want it to happen.

My eyebrows scrunched above me as I suddenly felt irritated at this long pause but before I could act on it he said,"Wanna play a game before you go, so you could shake out these feelings… You know, so you don't drive unsafely," he suggested and my heartbeat settled within me once more and I took a breath with a smile easily popping out.

"Of course," I responded and both our eyes lit up.

I had to confess, Tom was quite beautiful and a little intoxicating despite him probably not knowing it, but he was just a friend, a friend that was confirming me.

And as we moved to the kitchen where he claimed to have his games, we set them up in front of the entrance floor. It was fun to have his company and to play, be stupid and make jokes.

"So, what about you and Alexandra?'' I had teased, leaving him blushing despite it being dark in the room, his pale skin gave way. He shrugged it off as he looked back into my eyes.

~~~~~~

After the small encounter, a hug and a game, I was ready to go on with my life, into the world! Thank you Tom! I can say, in the future when I think of my first break up. I just needed a friend to comfort me, though I was confused by our friendship, interaction, and denying any feelings, for now, he was my friend who had comforted me in the best way he could.

And as I walked out his front door, shaded by the tall bushes, and walked to my car, I suddenly felt better. The cold air isn't as harsh and rather refreshing, it isn't a wake up and more of an embrace, a pat on the back if you must say. I feel more at ease as I start the car and drive my way back with a smile on my face. I don't think about anything as I simply focus on the road, clear road ahead with yellow lights illuminating my path

Exiting the highway, just as I had entered it, I found my way to my neighborhood doors. Dark night and dark streets, just like Tom's were, I navigate my way through the slippery road.

As I find my home, driveway empty, inviting me in, I turn onto it with a bump and a stop.

Ready to leave my car with engine clicking off, I step out and find the ground beneath my first foot and then my next landing too.

Looking at the black pavement floor, recently wet, it shines from the lamp lights surrounding the shaded streets. And as my gaze travels from the ground, my street, up to the sky and finding the smile of the white moon, I see my house right beneath it, tall, normal like all the other houses.

That's when it hits me. The black night, yellow lights, wet ground and house right in front of me.

This is the house where everything happened. Where I got to know him, where I broke it and left him.

Oh my god! Left him!

I left him here. What if he's still in there? What if I will enter with him awaiting me there, eyes tired and red, crying as he looks at me helplessly broken? Oh my god! What if I see him again, in there? What would I do then?

I think all this as I stand perfectly still in front of my car, looking up at the house that towers ever so gently over me. My heart sinking at the thought of seeing him again, nervous as my insides grow cold and the warmth of my car is distant and I suddenly feel overwhelming cold, too cold to ignore the fact that I must go in.

Leaving behind my stance, saying goodbye to my dark red car, I walk around it, feet tapping on the wet pavement, insides rushing with a shiver as I reach the door. My breath fans around me, a fog following and a tremble forming within me as the door clicks with the key jingling as I open it. Shivering and dreading what lies ahead, I reluctantly enter the welcoming warmth and excitedly close the door behind me with a bang. A sigh escapes me. Leaning against the door as I regain my balance, the warmth suddenly enters all my recently cold bones and that's when I can open my eyes and see the inside of my home.

Wide stairs at the right that lead to hallway, kitchen in front with the island standing empty, all dark with one window letting in the street lamp, so a foggy yellow glow guides me. Guides me off the door and each step I take feels slow, it's like I'm floating to my destination. The warmth might be overwhelming but thinking about Andrew being in my room, on my bed, makes my heart beat louder and my bones feel cold again.

My floating aura, body flying up the stairs, finding the hallway with few pictures and the railing on the other side, I stop in front of my room, pushing open my door.

My eyes wide, a gust of wind pulls at me with my hair flying quickly beside me. The recently yellow light doesn't find my room, it's white! The moon's shadow flapping through the window curtain. Black room against white light. Windows open. Cold air against warm heating. My once cozy room feels foreign and ureal as each breath I take another flap of white light enters. My gaze scanning now and no longer hit with the surprise of my room's view, breath catching with the air cold… I see my bed… my empty bed, with no Andrew.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I manage to see it all, he truly did leave me, he really is gone, he isn't here.

Looking from my cabinets, to the dresser and mirror, I walk in fully feeling like a floating ghost.

I find myself on my bed, gathering all my thoughts and letting the memories subside and the darkness's glow fill.

Any hope of him is gone and I know now, we really are over. I suddenly feel like crying but I'm numb and broken at the cold realization that I don't even mind the wind blowing beside me.

I almost don't hear the voice as my fear and sadness plays a song in my head.

"Nina,"

I hear it this time and the music stops.

Gaze slowly leaving the abyss, I look up to a standing boy in front of my doorway. Elliot.

Elliot.

He looks like he's been crying.

Eyes widened, I suddenly feel alert as all the sensations awaken.

"Elliot," I gasp out, my arms opening naturally and his still stance ends as he quickly runs into my arms, jumping on top of me with no hesitation. The gust of wind hits me once more and when his arms wrap around mine, I feel warm again.

Both our panting breaths melt together, both eyes closed, resteading, balancing once more with fear evident within both of us. I hold him tight, tighter and tighter as he squishes against my chest with head resting on my shoulder.

I can still hear his small cry whimpers.

I feel guilty for whatever it is he's feeling. I'm so sorry my dear Elliot.

A great squeeze, he then lets go and looks at me as he sits on my legs. His eyes look wide, full of worry and hope, green hazel eyes that match my own when mine switch to brown. Both my brother and I share the genetic magic of eye color switching.

"What's wrong?" he asked before I could. A pout leaves my lips as he does too.

Without any of us knowing the other's true sadness, we both know it's deep.

No answer. I simply reach my hand to his soft cheek, wiping away the wet tear that lingers on his pale skin. His eyes never leave mine.

Hands cupping his cheeks, I know that he wants to know what happened, though I doubt what to say next, I sigh.

"Elliot," my voice comes out soft, weak almost, but I manage a soft smile. He can read right through me and he throws me a hug, taking the breath out of my lungs as I squeeze him right back.

"Nina," he mumbles in-between my shirt and head, "I'm scared,"

I rub his back as I let his tears wet me and his whimpers become a part of me.

He doesn't say more.

"I know, I know,"

"You really know?" he wonders as his head pops out of its hiding spot, looking into my eyes for my sincerity. He jumps into my hug quickly. Not having seen untrue in my eyes though his doubts may have been there and he'd usually play a game to make sure, but he was too exhausted, too scared, I could see it, I knew exactly what he meant. "Mom's gone!"

I squeeze him tighter as I feel my heart leap within my chest at his words. Trying to bite down my worry, I let him continue instead.

"I don't know where she is. I'm scared. She left me here alone," he cries as I rub his back,"she's never done that before,"

His worry thoughts become mumbling cries and I feel it all too close to my heart, but I allow it in with each cry he breathes and each pat I give.

The room dark around us, and light is nowhere to be seen. We feel both alone but now comforted, it's different.

"I know, honey, I know Elli, I'm scared too, but it's going to be okay," I tell him, feeling his cries weaken as he listens in, rubbing his back, taking in his hug fully, "we can do this, we're going to be okay, we're going to be just fine and alright. With or without them, okay?"

I hear his hum of agreement as his head shifts while he nods and a soft smile sprouts on my sad face.

"Nina?"

"Yes?"

He moves from my embrace, pulling out as he looks up at me, arms around me the best way he can hold. He stares right into my glistening eyes that I've grown to accept. Elliot has my eyes and I can't hate my own anymore.

He spreads a sad smile on his shining face.

"I love you, Nina,"

Another sad smile grows on my face and he dives into a hug once more.

"I love you too, I love you too,"

His cries die down but our worry continues. We might be cold but our bodies keep us warm. It's dark and the lights around us are a shadow, but we both know something better is on its way. I rub and rock side to side, both cuddled up in a comforting embrace.

I say, "it's okay, it's okay," and we know, it's okay. Dark room lighting up our close bodies on the bed that holds so much fear, worry, memories, we don't know what's next.

We only have each other.

All this, and I don't even notice the tears falling on my face, the wetness that surrounded me and my cries that mix with his.