Heart beating in my chest, breathing in and out but I don't feel any of it as all around me is dark, walking through the halls like a zombie, no emotions.

Eyes looking straight ahead, no direction, just fixating on nothing, a blur, not focused, no emotions or thoughts in my head, a slave to my body as it moves me to one class to the other until I'm in the lunch room.

Standing still in fear, the realization of where I am dawns on me, eyes catching sight of my table, hands holding onto the lunch tray that I managed to grab, this morning, no energy to have packed my own lunch.

Breathing in and out, trying to avoid the fact that I'll have to walk up to them, anxiety rushing in me, breathing in and out, closing my eyes, licking my lips as I try to wake myself up, just enough confidence to spark and fuel me to the table and zap myself out of my zombie state, but it doesn't work.

All that happens is the trembling, the eyes growing blurred as the memories flash through my head for a moment, growing more worried as I realize I'm walking emotionless towards the table, stagnant, looking unbothered as always, but you can sense the tremble, the hesitation in my expression as I look over the brown table, catching a glimpse of Tom sitting tall, eyeing me for a moment before getting back to his carrot.

I look away, zapping my attention straight ahead, breathing in and out, before turning to face him, gathering the courage to bend down and then sit down.

Silence occurs through us as my controlled breathing takes place, his few carrot snaps pop through the air as he glances my way before looking back down, he looks sophisticated, unbothered and just taking my scene as any other day.

Grateful for that, I grow more relaxed, the holding back state leaving for a moment as I avoid his gaze, looking at the empty seat beside him instead.

"Where's Alex?" I manage to mumble.

"She's in New York," he replies, natural and normal, eating softly. As the information settled in, my head bobbed up in surprise.

Catching sight of his face for a moment longer, searching to see if I heard correctly, his eyes flutter towards mine, momentarily catching, breath thumping and growing uneasy, he nods his head, going back to looking down at some paper.

"She's there until the New Year," he slides out, so casually that it feels like nothing out of the ordinary is happening, him looking at some journal as he comments a few details about Alex while I sit across from him with tray sitting between us along with his lunch bag. I'm not eating while he is, pretty normal sight to see for anyone else on a dull, gloom day like today or any other day for that fact.

It doesn't feel normal though.

"And uh-," I look down," S-Sally?" I manage to ask, sounding natural despite the stutter, despite it feeling like a betrayal saying that name, I look normal.

I glance back up, staring back into his eyes, forcing myself to, my throat tight as I dread to see what lies beneath those eyes. And as I look at them, so blue and mysterious, they tell me everything, his head bobbing up to my question, question in his eyes for a moment, pupil growing as he takes notice of my state, I don't even care how ridiculous I must seem to him but when I see no answer in sight only the fact that he's hesitant and doesn't tell me anything, I know, he knows everything.

I look down, down at the brown ugly table and to my lap, controlling the tears that don't blur my vision quite yet, controlling my breath to stay natural, taking notice of my jeans, the way the different colors of blue match together making it seem like one fabric, instead it's a thousand threads lined up together and if you pull on one too tight, cut one off, the whole ensemble disconnects, breaking apart and leaving a mess, no longer collided and safe in this one bundle up joy of a jean.

That's what I did, I took it too far, and now I don't know what to do and it only leaves me in a pitiful stance with a zombie walk as I daze from one moment to the next, a frown plastered to my face, tired eyes and possible bags underneath them, just a terrible mess and I already feel the tears wanting to blur my vision.

The zap of memories flash through my head once more, the constant feeling and thought in my mind, the image plays in my head, sitting in Andrew's lap, my cries echoing through the room as I'm a blubbering mess, not caring or afraid of how I look, all he does is keep me close and let's me cry, sob, sob and sob and sob, ugly and wet, hair wet, face wet as it plastered my pale shiny skin, covering myself up with his lap as I cried into him, his hands caressing my damp hair, staying silent and supportive, making me cry even more in that moment.

The only thought in my head, in that second is what a fool I had been, now, as I lie in Andrew's arms, lying as he sits, now after all of it was over, I finally heard the creek of the window door open, now I could hear, clear as day, echoing in my ear, mocking me with my stupidity, now, when I didn't need to hear it, the memory of the window's creak settled and I cried even more.

As this memory plays in my head, the cries, Andrew's caresses during my meltdown, the second I ran out of the rain and into my room, he was there, holding me as I sobbed, the click and creak of Sally's entrance echoing in my head, now I was here, sitting at the lunch room table, letting the overwhelmed thoughts settle over me at how I could've just listened to that window's creak instead of just being stupid, that I didn't even realize I was silently crying, wet face already, so quiet I couldn't even feel my stomach cry for food, or hear my small whimpers, I was literally transported into that time and place until I could hear it all again, noticing where I truly was once more.

Still looking down, eyes droopy and lost, frown still intact, numb, not feeling the body I had, I could only see the small shake, trembling slightly until I grew the power to force my head to look back up, eyes wet with subsided tears, numb, no emotion present in my face, but I knew that Tom would be able to present it once he saw me. My head up, I looked forward to him.

As if he could sense me, he was already staring right back at me, ready for me, hiding his worry with his blank expression, but his sea of an eye crashed slightly at the sight of me. I was convinced to look back down, but I didn't.

We stayed silent for a moment, staring only at each other, his eyes growing relaxed along with mine, despite the tension and my tightened body, avoiding gazes for a few moments, but after a break, we went right back to each other's gazes.

I grew calmer, scared still to see what his expression was to be, to see if I was to be thrown out of this relationship, this group of friends because of this betrayal, yes, those ridiculous thoughts did come my way, and maybe that was partly the reason why I was so numb.

But those words of exile never came, he only looked down for a moment before he coughed to announce his statement, my eyes growing in anticipation.

His eyes squinting, possibly worried to say what he is to say, covering up the awkwardness with another far off stare ahead before he finally stopped the stalling and began.

"Um, do you want some of my carrots, possibly, that lunch tray does seem awfully well awful,"

Surprised by his remark, my weak face broke into a smile and I gasped out a chuckle.

"Oh Tom," I cried out with joy.

Standing up off my chair, I reached over to his side and in an impulse, I pulled him into a hug of gratitude. Him reluctantly hugging back, surprised too as he patted my back before embracing me fully.

"Thank you," I sniffed as I pulled away,"for being such a great friend,"

He sheepishly accepted my gratitude with a shrug and a shy smile which only caused me to pull him back into my embrace, the regret that filled me along the weekend disappeared.

Breaking apart again, I chuckled at my act and he did too, and yet again, seeing his boyish grin made me embrace him once more, standing over him as I hovered him in another hug as he sat, my long brownish hair draping over his shoulders.

"You're amazing,"

He shrugged back in agreement, smiling sheepishly once more, hiding the grin and smirk on his pale face, his checks turning slightly darker in red which caused my numb ones to come alive with red too.

After that, the rush of hugs and my still wet face went unnoticed as we went back to normal chit chat, while taking small bites of food, laughing at anything, even if my other friends wouldn't talk to me again, at least I had Tom, but talking to Tom made me see that I'd probably still have my other friends too.

Even when Tom informed me of Sally's whereabouts being in the Projector room, I didn't go looking for her, I knew she needed time and I did too, and for now, this was enough, the pain and regret was slowly subsiding... for now...