It's Wednesday, another beautiful day!!!!
Hanging out with all my friends today, instead of just Tom..hehe!!!!!
Okay... Um... That's all I got to say, All I got ...eek
Bye

It's Thursday!!!
The inspiration to write has come as I plop on my bed with a smile, opening up this, obviously freaky notebook, and I begin to write... -As you can tell.-
Actually, maybe the inspiration isn't completely there, but I'm just so happy, every five seconds I get a gilt of some sort of reminder of how happy I am! How can that be?!?! Is it the weirdest thing to do? Maybe my beginning of the year self would've thought it was weird, and to be honest, I feel kinda weird too. Oddly enough, it doesn't seem to bother me.

It's Friday!!!
We all loooooovvvvveeeeeee Fridays!!!
The first week of November is already almost over, it's gone by so fast.
-
Okay, now I'm definitely making myself cringe. I just read over what the few sentences above on this page said about Wednesday and Thursday and like... what?
Maybe I should erase this all?
I'm so tempted to...
But ... Maybe... Just maybe, this little green notebook had me write this, me being happy. Ya, that's it, a memory of my happiness. Yes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday -

Since I see my small little thoughts of my days, I've decided, I'm going to write them down. Let's go right into detail.

Siting at the lunch table, that we always sit in, I lean against the table with Alex besides me whose doing the same thing. We're both crunching over the table, our faces almost touching the table.
Tom is sitting across from me, just the same as always.

We're all smiling, looking crazy stupid with our outstretched grins, excited for no reason, they're just smiling because they see me smiling too.

Sally still isn't here yet, but we see her walking closer to the table, approaching us with her sunshine hair illuminating the room.

When she reaches the table, Sally hovers over us, a shadow casting over our crunched up bodies. We look up, our smiles still on our faces and our chests still touching the table.

She looks confused, suspecting us for a moment as we give her questioning smiling stares. We probably look creepy as hell with our bulging eyes and our childish grins up to no good, it's like we're acting we've just got caught for doing something bad.

Waiting for her reaction, we see the wheels turning in her head before she breaks a smile that we were all waiting for.

"What's going on?" she asks, an amused smile on her face as she sits down next to Tom, pulling her bag off her shoulder.

Sally looks over to Tom in question as Alex and I giggle in response. Tom is the only one that looks crazy stupid but sophisticated at the same time. He still sits tall, as always, but this time has an expansive grin on his face, illuminating the room.

He should smile more.

I think Sally is thinking the same thing because she ignores her own question and begins to laugh too, releasing the tension inside her.

All our smiles brighten.

Even Sally's.

After that quick introduction on how we came to be in our spots at the lunch table, we began to talk about silly little things.

Changing our positions from scrunched down to sitting up again normally.

As conversations switched to one to the other, I realized how awesome my friends are even if we're all a bit wonky in our own way.
We might all have our secrets but we all still manage to sit together and have fun.

"Hey, so Nina," Sally begins at one point, that mischievous grin that she so casually loves to put on is stretched on her soft skin. She always does so when she's excited to tell me something.

I play along with her childish game and I smile with question in my eye, not only wondering what she is to tell me, but excited.

"You wondering what we got you for your birthday?" she finally squeaks.

I laugh.

The sound sounding natural.

"No," I answer after I'm done with the eruption of my laugh. I have the same childish grin on that Sally has, hiding something with my smile. This makes Sally lean in closer, now she's excited to hear what I'm about to say.

"I mean, maybe...yes, okay, yes," I finally say, giddy at my small confession.

"Okay, yay, let me show you!" Alex squeaks beside me, turning my attention towards her. "I think I've got it in here," she says as she unzips her purse, searching through it before yelping for joy. She pulls out something.

"What, no!" Sally yelps, laughing.

"What?" Alex asks, clearly confused.

"That's for her birthday, silly," Sally informs her, saying this as she shakes her head, all the while amused.

Alex sighs.

"Ugh, okay," she pouts, putting the gift back in her purse and sliding the zipper to a close, "No fun," she whispers to me, making sure that Sally doesn't hear, but I think she does anyway.

Sally just shakes her head, an amused smile still at her lips.

As the conversations go on, and now that I'm writing this, I realize, that our relationship has become an escape of reality- Our little lunch table was the only thing in the world in that moment. Only smiles as a puff of clouds surrounded us, blocking us from any outsiders.

It was nice.

I've also realized, that maybe we all need a little break from reality, and before, I don't think we ever got a break, our relationship was always... real.

And I feel as though it was never peaceful because I was never peaceful, but now I feel suddenly filled with joy wherever I go. I've gotten my escape from the world because of Andrew and now... Now I'm able to give that to my friends.

Wow

That realization is something... Maybe I'm important to somebody, maybe I can help.

Now as I write this, I'm smiling lightly, proud.

It's all because of Andrew.

Thank you.

for making me seen

Thursday -

There is literally NO REASON why I should be happy, but, I'm so Happy!!!
I'm crazy, I know, I know, but I'm happy!!!
Skipping to one class to the other, smiling like a child would, I think most kids are looking at me weirdly as I do this.
I shrug the thought off.
I feel as though I'm free with my hair bouncing underneath my walk. I feel like sunshine when the world is dark and I feel safe when the world is so dangerous.

In class, instead of dazing off with thoughts that worry me further than I should be, I sigh dreamily, acting like Alex in some ways, but I'm actually paying attention in class. My happy mood has got me to pay attention! Is that crazy or what?

I'm paying attention so much that at moments I even look at the clock above the black board to see how long class has been and just like that the bell rings. It's crazy, I only looked at the clock once.

Well, that's Thursday for you. I guess I'm growing with my happiness.

Friday -

Nothing really important happened today. All I did was school, paying attention!

It wasn't all warm and fuzzy as the other days were, it was darker outside, daylight saving seems to be catching up on us now, so everything seemed super long, but all the while, a good day still.

Right now, I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, writing down on this green notebook, trying to think over what happened today.

Not much comes to mind.

Just blank, to be completely honest.

The bed I'm sitting in is extremely comfortable, sitting on the edge of it where the colorful sheets meet at the end of their way and curl under the bedside.

Wow. My mom made this, she made my bed.

I sigh.

Anyway, it's been a pretty good week!

Talked with friends, school getting better and the happiness is taking over me.

I haven't seen much of Andrew though, I miss that, but I hope to see him soon.

I smile at the thought of him but then it turns sad for some reason. Why is it sad?

Maybe it's because I miss him.

I mean, sitting in this room that's lit up by the lightbulbs while outside is dark as the sun sets, I'm all alone in my room. No sounds, no people, just thoughts of this pretty amazing week, maybe one of the least hectic of them all.

That makes me feel good.

I should smile for a peaceful week!

Yes, a great week...

Knock knock knock!

- I hear the sound coming from outside, zapping me out of my thoughts and I stop writing.

Huh?- is the first thought that comes to mind.

And then, I turn around, facing the culprit who made this sound.

My eyes widen in surprise when I see what it is.

Looking towards the closed window, I find Andrew behind the window on the other side of the screen, him smiling as I do the same.

I bounce out of my seat, clearly surprised.

I can see his happiness even in just his small smile.

He unhooks the closed window and slides it open like a pro.

"Hey," he says as he adjusts his body on the ledge.

"What are you doing here?" I whine, trying to hide the excitement in my voice but failing miserably as I smile.

"What, not happy to see me?" he teases, smirking.

I sigh, falling onto the bed in defeat of my mini fear that he's here.

"You can't be here," I whine once more.

"What, you worried 'bout your mom?" he teases again, only making me groan in response.

"Oh, don't worry," he reassures me, looking out the window, "Your mom's car isn't even in the driveway," he says.

He chuckles when seeing my exhaustion as I lay onto my bed.

I sigh, spreading my body on the bed.

"Come on, what's got you so worried?" Andrew asks, curiosity in his voice as he jumps off the ledge effortlessly. Acting like the tickle monster, he sneaks his way towards me, his fingers wiggling in front of him.

I laugh as I watch him, making my worried state disappear.

He jumps onto me, my giggles echoing through the room as he blows raspberrys on my neck.

"Oh, I've missed you," he sighs out, kissing my neck softly, rushed and passionate with joy.

I sigh too, feeling safe in his arms, his little monster act gone.

Slowly, he gets off of me. He lays on his side beside me, watching me with awe in his eyes.

His stare makes me wiggle inside.

"But really, what's up with you and your mom?" he asks, going back to the somewhat serious topic.

The sound of that word, mom, slipping from his mouth makes a shiver travel through me, suddenly anxious.

I think he can see the worry etched on my face caused just by the mention of my mom. I haven't talked to her in forever.

"Oh, you know, whatever, what do you mean?" I answer, shrugging it off like it's nothing, smiling it off.

He's not buying it.

"Come on, I can sense something's up."

I sigh in defeat at the default that didn't seem to work on him.

I groan, turning over on my bed, my back facing him. I just groan again.

"Oh, come on," he hums out softly, like a song, urging me to spill the secrets and just trust.

I sigh, I guess I want to trust, so I turn over slowly, facing him.

We lay opposite from each other, both laying on our sides and our gazes is all we can see.

"It's nothing," I answer, still shrugging it off yet I continue anyway, "We just got into a fight, you know, like, I don't know, a while ago," I say, shrugging again, "And the last time I talked to her was, uh, the night we first kissed," I inform him, remembering the night.

He seems shocked as he looks at me, his eyes wide.

"Wow, that's a long time," he observes.

"Well, it was the first kiss in this room,"

"Oh, okay, so not that long ago, but still, that's long ago, I mean, we've come a long way from just kissing," he says, nudging me slightly.

I chuckle, lighting up the room with a small blush rising up my cheeks as the sinful memories of what him and I did not too long ago pass my thoughts.

Andrew always seems to manage to make everything easier.

"So," he begins, continuing the hard conversation,"what was the fight about?"

I sigh, groaning at the question.

I shrug, maybe this is my way of coping, and I turn away for a second, looking up to the ceiling before bringing my attention back to Andrew's lovable eyes. I feel at ease again.

"She just called me by my real name," I answer casually, like it's no big deal, but saying it out loud just makes the smile on my face slowly disappear, "Eliza," I add, my voice soft and weak as I look down instead of into his eyes.

"Uh hu, and what's the big deal about that name?" He asks, curious, probably confused but he doesn't show it.

I shrug again.

Silence starts in the room, quiet but visible to me and I feel I should probably talk soon, but Andrew doesn't make me feel this way, it's a comfortable and understanding silence.

I stay silent, contemplating my thoughts in my head, wondering how I should express them before the words finally jumble in my head.

"It's just that, ugh, okay, fine, I'll just...," I sigh one more time before deciding to just be honest, "My dad ... that name, he gave it to me,... it reminds me too much of him," I say, my voice soft but clear.

My eyes continue to dart away from his gaze, looking down where the bed sheets lay underneath us, then to his legs, and then to my hands. I bite my inner lip, waiting for his reaction. He stays silent.

"It's just, also, ugh, she knows how that name affects me," I finally express, anger fueling in me now, "I mean, I've told her, the second he left, I said, I hated everything, everything about him, you know," I ramble, my gaze fixating on him for a moment, wanting to see his reaction, but it's blank, only showcasing that he's listening.

I look back down, continuing my fuss as I recall the memories of my past. Shaking my head, the anger boils in me, letting this flow of words come out easier, "I mean, I hated how him leaving affected my mom, I hated how I would just see my mom cry, I hated how no explanation really came, because, he, he was everything to me, and he just left and I had to be with my mom,"

I look back up at him.

"And my mom was always crying, had to always work, never with us now, coping with the job and finding herself in the arms of another man while, I, I, I-"

I breathe out. Reading the anger in me, feeling all caught up, too many emotions all in one go, trying to regain myself, I speak again.

"I-" I sigh out on more time, "I had to take care of my brother, Elliot," I finish, looking down, exhausted with the memories that fill me up with grief.

Silence occurs once more, Andrew letting me take this moment in, my victory of finally saying it out loud, voicing it, voicing it to someone.

I smile at the thought, soft and proud. I slowly raise my head until I'm met with his gaze once more.

His eyes look straight through my soul, as if he understands, searching for the answers, kissing me with only his gaze, telling me I'm safe and he's proud of me with only the smile that peeks out on his face and forms slits in the corner of his big eyes.

I laugh, the silence bothering me, and seeing him just explodes the nervous energy out of me.

Closing my eyes, realizing, yet another emotion that I've been needing to express.

Breathing in one more time, the laugh fading, I take my time before meeting with his gaze, listening to the beat of my heart, and then I open my eyes to him.

I smile.

It's quiet again.

As we just look into each other's eyes, he's proud without even saying a word, a small smile still showing on his face. He slowly reaches his arm over to me. His hand lands on my shoulder, caressing it softly, a pat on the back sort of vibe.

"You're so strong," he informs me, and even if he hadn't said that, I think I could've read it with just him being there.

I smile.

"I didn't want to interrupt your speech, so I just let you have your moment," he tells me, making my suspicions true, "But now," he says, scooting closer to me, "now I can hug you," he says, so confident and checky, adorable as he smiles brightly at me.

I laugh and allow him to scouch closer to me, pulling me closer as he wraps his warm arms around my waist, his hands holding my petite body and we hug on the bed.

Warm and fuzzy with our heads resting on each other's shoulders.

The comfortable silence comes again and I love this moment even more. Andrew made this hard confession even easier than I thought it would be.

Closing my eyes, enveloping myself with him as if we were one, I take him in, his scent, his warmth and his inviting body against mine, making it all the more soother. He's amazing.

When he slowly turns his head, so effortlessly kissing my neck, causing the small moan and sigh to realease throughout my body as his kisses land on my check, a small peck, I sigh once more. Even, this small touch is enough to send me to a new world of tranquility and peace.

I think Andrew also is at peace with me, I can sense his eyes are closed, his eyelashes flurtering against my skin before he moves our proximity further apart.

We both flutter our eyes open, a warm and soft smile at our lips.

"I think you should talk to her," he suggests, his voice inviting instead of pushy like how the statement might've come across to most.

I smile, even though I roll my eyes, huff slightly, moving my head back, further away. He pulls me by the waist, closer to me again.

"Okay, okay, fine," I agree, rolling my eyes with a smile on my face.

"Good," he whispers, proud, and continues to lay his head on my shoulder, small kisses every once in a while.