"Good night, Professor Snape."

Some students said to you as you were walking to your room, whilst they retreated to their dormitories. They would never know how heavy your heart was every time people called you with that name, the memories unfolded before your eyes, torturing your soul with how lonely you were without him.

It was not like you despise it, no, you loved that name. It reminded you of your husband, the only person who owned your heart and you had never been in love with any other man but him. No matter how you tried to open your heart for another, you could not. When he left, he brought your heart along with him.

You slammed the door shut, sighing, as you looked around your room. It was your shared room with Severus, but now when you lived alone, it felt so spacious and lonely. You went to sit on the couch, your eyes watered at the sight of the empty space next to you. When he was here with you, he would never let you sit alone, he would put his arms around you and pull you closer into his chest, showing you how much he cared for you.

"Bad day?"

He asked, as he rubbed your back comfortingly. You nodded, burying your face into his chest, inhaling his scent which sent a warm feeling wrapped around your heart.

"Apparently I'm not as good as you in teaching."

You mumbled, and Severus frowned at your words. He put his finger under your chin, forcing you to look him in the eyes. His heart was wretched when he saw tears in the corner of your eyes.

"Who said that to you?"

"The 6th year students in my class did. I know I shouldn't have used your last name. I would only taint it with my foolishness as a teacher."

Your words pulled on his heartstrings, as he realised you were talking so lowly of yourself while he thought the world of you.

"Don't say that. You're a great teacher, Y/N. Everybody was talking about Professor Snape being their favourite teacher, and I'm sure, they weren't talking about me."

He said, pecking your lips softly. You chuckled under your breath, showering his face with your kisses. You squealed when he suddenly carried you in his arms, making a smile grow on his face.

It broke your heart to look around the room and you could see your memories with him, engulfing you with so much happiness but at the same they were taunting you with the fact that your husband was gone. You were just left with his memories, the one that kept you going each day with the strengths that he left with you.

"Professor Snape... How I love that name."

You smiled sadly, your eyes landed on your wedding ring which you never took off even after years of his death. It resembled how strong your love for him, and you would never forget how happy you were to call yourself as his beloved wife.

"Stop staring at the ring, darling."

Severus chuckled when he saw you staring at the wedding ring on your finger, a broad smile was emblazoned on your face. You placed a kiss upon the ring, and your husband could not help but grinned as he saw how excited you were.

"I can't believe we're married!"

You squealed, sitting in his lap, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around your waist. You grabbed his hand and placed a kiss on his wedding ring, making a chuckle erupted in his chest as he watched what you were doing.

"I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too."

You brushed your lips with his, before he pulled you in for a kiss, sending butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Your heart thud rapidly against your ribcage, and you giggled as peppered your face with kisses. No words could explain how happy you were, and you wished you could stay in the moment forever.

Sadly, time did not work that way and you had to move on with your life. You chewed on your bottom lip, getting yourself in bed as you realised it was late and you had to go to work tomorrow.

You tried to sleep, but your mind was flooded with his memories, prisoning you in such feelings that you wanted to let go, but you also wanted to hold on to them, knowing that those feelings were keeping you sane.

You turned around and you were wrecked to feel the other side of the bed, cold without him. You never slept on his side, wanting to keep it just for him, even if you knew that he would never come home. No, he had left forever.

"Y/N, please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you sad, darling."

Worry filled his eyes as he looked at his crying wife, who was clinging on his arms. You sniffed and shook your head, trying to glare at him but failing as your eyes softened as his worried gaze.

"You were gone for two days without saying anything to me. I thought... I thought I lost you, Severus!"

You knew he went on a mission for Dumbledore, but he always sent his words to let you know that he was safe. But those two days were tormenting you as you heard nothing from him, making you think of the worst thing that could happen to your lovely husband.

"I'm so sorry. I promise you I'm fine."

He whispered, resting his chin on your head as he buried you in his loving embrace. You nodded, relieved to see him home safe and sound without any injuries. It tugged on your heart with how dangerous his life was, and how hard he tried to keep you out of it, wanting to keep you protected and safe.

"I would do anything to keep you safe, darling."

You did not even realise that you were crying when one by one, the memories came invading your mind, as if it wanted to show you of how much you had lost since the day you lost him.

"You're strong, Y/N. He's always here with you."

You mumbled to yourself, reminding you of his words when he was slipping away through your fingers. It felt as if it was yesterday when you found him bleeding to death, the venom was killing him slowly, and you could not imagine the pain that he was going through.

"Don't give up on me, love. Stay with me, please."

You cried, but you knew your husband were leaving you. He caressed his face softly, a sad smile was cracked on his lips as he adored you like he always did.

"I love you, Y/N."

He whispered weakly, and it only made you cry harder as you realised that he was giving up. You shook your head vigorously, wiping his tears away as you noticed he was crying as well.

"I love you. Please don't leave me."

"You're strong, Y/N. I'll always be here with you. I promise."

He sealed his promise, kissing your lips softly. A heart-wrenching sobs wrecked through your body when you pulled away from him, realising that your husband was gone. It all happened too quickly that you wanted to die with him, but you could not, knowing that one day you would meet him again.

He was waiting for you.

You were dazed when you could see yourself dancing in his arms, the memories felt so real that you let tears streamed down your face freely. You bit your lip to contain your sobs, as you saw your old self laughing as Severus whispered something in your ears.

Both of you danced happily, Severus would never dance in front of other people but behind the closed doors with you, he would do anything to please you. You put a hand on your mouth to silent your cry, afraid if you make any noise, the sweet memories would disappear from your sight and you were left alone again.

Your old self swayed in your husband's arms, leaning against his chest, as Severus kissed your head lovingly. A plethora of emotions were swimming in your head, knowing that it was just another memory, but you wanted it to be real. You wanted to go through it all again, just to have your husband back in your arms.

"Severus, I miss you..."

You sobbed, your body was trembling as tears escaped your eyes. You looked up and noticed that you were alone, and you were distraught when you saw your husband walked towards you, a faint smile was sent to you.

"Severus?"

Your voice was small and broken, feeling so fragile and devastated that you wanted to be in his arms again. He sat in your bed, kissing your forehead softly and it was so real that you felt as if you were going insane.

"I'll always be here with you. I promise."

He pulled you into his arms, and you shut your eyes, wanting to be held by him forever. It had been so long but the feeling of his embrace was still so familiar to you, being in his arms was the safest place you could have ever been. You cried and smiled, letting him comfort you in the shroud of the night.

When your eyes fluttered open, you realised that it was already dawn. You could hear the singing of the small birds, perching on your window like any other day, making you happy with their sweet little voices.

"Severus?"

You called out, puzzled with your mind as you thought you were dreaming. Everything felt so real and you were not sure if you were in the reality or you were still running around your head with the memories. Silence engulfed the room and there was a lump in your throat, realising that it was true.

However, your crying was stopped when you heard his voice. His voice was thick with worry and concern upon seeing your tears. His voice, your husband's voice, it was so real.

"Y/N, darling? Why are you crying?"

Your eyes widen when you saw Severus rushed to your side, wrapping his strong arms around you protectively. You lost your words, your eyes never left him as you were afraid that he might leave again if you did.

"Severus... You're here with me."

You said in disbelief, caressing his face in your hands as you wanted to feel him. Severus frowned, but his gaze softened when he saw your red and swollen eyes. He understood it right away, kissing your lips to assure you that he was there, holding you in his arms and there was nothing that could harm you.

"I'm here, Y/N."

"But.. But I lost you! Please don't leave me again..."

Your wounding words scarred his heart and he sighed, shaking his head as he knew you were still haunted by the incident. He rocked you in his arms like a baby, calming you down until you were breathing steadily.

"I'm here, darling. I'm fine. You saved me, remember?"

He gave you a smile, hoping to calm you down as he hated to see you cry. A strangled sob escaped your throat and you kissed him passionately, unable to contain your feelings as you realised that he was still there with you, safe and breathing. You knotted your fists in his shirt, pulling him harder against you to make sure that he was there. The kiss eased your heart, stealing your breath away and give it back, making you feel so alive.

"I love you. I love you so much. I love you!"

You said repetitively, chuckling as he kissed your nose, grinning at your adorable antics. You gazed at him, grateful that he was holding you and your worst memories were nothing but a dreadful nightmare.

"You saved me, darling. You did. I love you."

-
i twisted the ending, trying to change tears into smiles <3 i hope it works!

today marks five years since alan rickman's passing :( this man was a blessing to us, and we will continue to appreciate his talent and hard work that he gave through his movies.

alan rickman
February 21, 1946 - January 14, 2016

14th January 2021