severus snape x student! reader
ANGST! 🖤
——————
He was sitting in his chair, staring into distance as his mind gears tried to solve the dreading confusion that was suffocating him. He knew he could shrug it off and continue to finish his work, he got plenty of them but he could not just let it go.

His students's words rang through his hand again and again like a broken record, breaking down his walls. Suddenly, he felt so vulnerable that he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him.

Severus stiffened in his seat when he heard knocks on his office door, knowing well who could be here at this hour when everyone else had already settled in their dormitories.

"Hi, Severus!"

The door was opened, and his heart warmed at the sight of you walking in with a big smile on your face. He wanted to open his arms and hold you— You always managed to bring comfort to him. But he told himself to stay put and you could not help but noticed his frown.

"Love, are you alright? What's bothering you?"

His heart melted at your soft voice, and he smiled sadly once you were standing by his side, touching his arm lovingly.

"Nothing, Y/N. It's just..."

He thought for awhile, he knew he had to say it sooner or later. His eyes landed on a notebook on his table. It was a gift from you, and you insisted that he carried it with him everywhere. A sigh of devastation escaped his lips and he looked you in the eyes.

"I think it's better if you go back to your room now. It's late."

He said, trying to sound stern and cold like he did in his classes but he knew he had a soft spot for you. You shook your head and fiddled with your fingers nervously.

"Did I— Did I do something wrong?"

You asked, almost in a whisper. You could see the misery in his eyes, you wondered if you were the cause of it. Severus knew he would hurt you, but he had to.

The students were talking about you and him. Of course, you were in your final year and you were legal to date him. But still, the students talked badly about it.

He could only show his rage to some of them and use his power, keeping them in detention and all. But at the end of the day, he realised that the students were right.

Severus did not deserve you. You were a young and bright student. You had such a great future waiting for you and he could not be selfish. He knew the students were right.

They kept saying how you would get attached with him and forget your dreams just to be with him. Severus did not want to be selfish and keep you in his life while you have a whole better life to live in without him.

He loved you, way too much that sometimes it hurts him.

"Severus, my love..."

You caressed his face in your hands, breaking him from his train of thoughts. You were so gentle and loving towards him. How could he break your heart?

"Tell me what's wrong, please."

Your eyes were begging him silently as you gazed at him. Severus had to take everything in him not to pull you into his arms and never let go. He took a deep breath and looked away, pushing your hands off him.

"It's you, Y/N. It's us. Everything about us is wrong."

He stood up from his chair and you were taken aback. His hurtful words was slowly sinking in the back of your mind. You looked at him in disbelief and frowned.

"Why would you say that?"

You questioned, anger and sadness started to bubble in your chest. Only that morning he was smiling and laughing with you like the world was only built for the two of you. What has changed in such a short amount of time?

"We can't be together, Y/N. It's over."

His voice was cold and distant, as if you were a student in his detention. You huffed angrily and stomped towards him, but he did not take a step back.

"How could you say that like it's nothing?"

You were angry, but your heart was aching. Severus was a little bit shock to see the change in your demeanour. You were always calm and collected, not the kind to break into a fit of rage like this.

"I love you, Severus! You think you can just push me away like I'm nothing to you?"

You gritted your teeth but you did not yell. You hated yelling and screaming because it breaks your heart. But it seemed like sometimes quiet anger was more painful that loud one.

"Love? Girls your age know nothing about love, Y/N. Don't talk about love."

He spat, and his eyes widen when he saw hurt flashed through your eyes. He crossed the line and there was no way he could undo it.

"Really? Girls my age know nothing about love... But what about me?"

You clenched your jaw, trying to avoid your lips from trembling. Tears started to well in your eyes, your heart was shattering as his harsh words resonated within your heartbeat.

"I love you. But all this time we've been together, you have been doubting my love."

You muttered in disbelief, a tear rolled upon your cheek. Severus felt a lump on his throat when he saw you cry. He could not stop himself from wrapping his strong arms around you protectively, kissing your head as he whispered his apologies.

"I'm sorry, love. But I had to do this."

He whispered, his heart was hammering against his chest rapidly. You were sobbing uncontrollably as his words did not comfort you at all.

"You're trying to push me away because you don't trust me."

You said, looking up at him with your glassy eyes. His grip around your body weakened as he found no words out of his mouth.

"You don't love me."

You pointed out, venom was dripping from your voice. Severus shook his head violently and his heart bled when you pulled away from his arms, disappointment was clear in your eyes.

"I love you, Y/N. But we're different."

His voice was soft, too soft that he thought if he raise it a little bit you would crumble right there like a fragile flower. He did not want to hurt you even further than he already did.

"You deserve to have a better life without me. You're meant so much more than to end up with a broken man like me. Living a life with me, loving me while trying to unbreak me and heal me— That's not a life that you should live in. You're my everything, love, and you deserve so much more than I got to give."

His eyes pooled with tears and he was nothing but honest with you. You sniffed and curled your hands in fists, tears streamed down your face like a waterfall. The pain was too much for you to bear.

"I don't ever want to live without you, Severus."

You whispered in agony, not believing the fact that the love of your life was pushing you away. Severus breathed in sharply, holding back his tears.

"You have to."

He stated, as if you were in no place to make your own decision.

"You have no right to make my decision!"

You screamed at him, but then you broke down on the floor. Your gut-wrenching sobs was wrecking his heart as he watched you. He wanted to calm you, but he knew it would only make things worse.

"You're the only one I want."

You poured your heart and soul to this man and all he could do was stare at you with tears in his eyes. Severus swallowed the lump in his throat and looked you in the eyes, perhaps it would be the last time he looked into your beautiful pair of eyes that had been his home for such a long time.

"But you're not the one I want, Y/N."

He lied, knowing well that his heart yearned for you. You nodded weakly at his words, standing up from the floor and did not even mind to look at him.

"If that's what you want. I don't know anything about love, do I?"

You said, chuckling half-heartedly. Severus could hear his heart breaking as you were leaving. He hoped you would give him a glance but you did not. You were numb, and you wanted him to feel the same.

"Farewell, Professor."

Severus made many mistakes in his life but he knew letting you go was the best for you. Perhaps it was a mistake for him, but his mistake was doing you good.

You never talked to him again after that, building your walls so high that he could never reach out to you. Severus knew he had hurt you, and he had to deal with it.

He watched over you, making sure you were safe and protected. You were struggling with your grades after the harsh break up, and he was worried. But you were strong enough to fight your sorrows and managed to get wonderful results.

He witnessed you graduated from Hogwarts, and how you left without bidding farewell to him. But you knew you did.

Years gone by and Severus still kept your notebook in his possession. He had no heart to put it away, knowing that on the first page of the notebook was your handwriting of "I love you, Severus."

It felt as if he could feel your love and adoration every time his gaze was planted on those words, knowing you were deeply in love with him when you wrote it.

That was until a new professor came to Hogwarts, and somehow he heard your name when he was talking to McGonagall. She noticed he was interested thus she called him, a big smile was plastered on her face.

"Severus, I believe you've met Thomas."

McGonagall started, and Severus nodded with a small smile. He just wanted to know why your name was heard and then he wanted to leave as soon as possible. Surely, Thomas looked like a great professor, he kind of reminded him of Remus Lupin but Severus was not in the mood to make any friends.

"Do you still remember Y/N L/N? She was your favourite student, wasn't she?"

Severus could not help but smiled, it had been so long since he heard about you. It warmed his heart to know that you were actually more than just a favourite student to him.

"She was the brightest student I've ever had. I wonder what she's doing now?"

He responded, and McGonagall chuckled softly. Thomas smiled and looked at Severus.

"She's an auror now. I'm not surprised to hear that she was good in school, she's excellent in her job too."

Thomas told, a sickeningly sweet feeling was laced in his voice. Severus frowned when he realised the new professor knew too much about you.

"Thomas is her husband. They have been married for two years." 

McGonagall explained, answering the question in Severus's mind without she even realising it. The Potions Master felt his breath hitched, and his world was falling apart.

"You're her husband.."

Thomas nodded, giving him a smile. Severus pushed himself to fake a smile before excusing himself, leaving Thomas and McGonagall alone.

It was really over now.

Your heart did not belong to him anymore. He did not even realise he was crying as he stared at your notebook, his tears staining your neat handwriting. Severus sobbed in the darkness of his room, trying to convince himself that you were living a better life— One that he could never provide you.

He knew this would happen. He was the one who let you go and allowing you to find another life to live in.

But right now the pain was too much for him, to know that your heart loved another, your love was not for him anymore.

Little did he know that your heart could never love him any longer since the day he pushed you out and you bid your goodbye. Severus reminisced the heartbreaking moment and he was reminded that instead of hearing you say you love him—

The last thing he heard from you was, "Farewell, Professor."

—————————
what a sad journey :')
by the way i will be starting my online classes tomorrow for new semester of college and I'M NOT READY but anyways, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter! ❤️

22nd November 2020