Based on Taylor Swift's Exile (ft. Bon Iver)
-

Severus did not want to be here. At that moment, he would rather to be in the Malfoy manor with the Death Eaters instead of being in the order meeting, knowing that you would be there. He brought himself there with a heavy heart, telling himself that as soon as the meeting ended, he would leave without having to see or talk to you.

However, he found himself staying for dinner after the meeting. It was so unusual of him to stay, but he just could not bring himself to leave. No, he was too awestruck to see you. It had been a few months since the harsh break up, and Severus admitted that he was still in love with you.

He watched from across the table as your lips curled into an enchanting smile, which used to lift his spirits after a long day but now it was a smile for another man instead of him. His heart clenched when Remus wrapped his arms around you, saying something that made you laugh, as if he just told you the funniest joke you had ever heard.

Severus scoffed, thinking how easy it was for you to find another man while he was stuck in his love for you. He loved you, in fact he would never stopped loving you. He wanted you, but he knew you were the one who walked away from him, leaving him with whatever left of your ruined relationship. He would always hold on dear to the love that he had for you, no matter how far you left him.

-
I can see you standin', honey
With his arms around your body
Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all
And it took you five whole minutes
To pack us up and leave me with it
Holdin' all this love out here in the hall
-

Jealousy crawled over his chest as he realised that you were happy, too happy, without him. Severus knew he had no right to be jealous with Remus, he had his chance and he lost it. You were no longer his love, but he could never deny how strong his feelings were for you.

Seeing Remus taking care of you and making sure that you were content; it ticked him off. It was supposed to be his job to make you happy, not Remus. But then again, Severus told himself that you were no longer his.

How ironic it was for him to despise your smile, while he used to adore it so much. It pulled on his heartstrings when he noticed that your smile was not for him, and perhaps he was being selfish, but he wished you would give your smile to him just like old days.

You were his everything, the one that kept him going without any doubts. He always found comfort in your arms, making him feel like nothing could harm him as long as you were there with him. He wanted to defend you now, taking you away from the man that was holding you, but he could not.

You were not his everything anymore.

-
I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
You're not my homeland anymore
So what am I defendin' now?
You were my town
Now I'm in exile seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
-

He wanted to hate you. He wanted to hate you for making him have faith in love again. He had his boundaries, and he was not going to let anyone break down his walls but then you came. You made your way into his lonely life, melting his stone cold heart and turned it into your home.

You warmed his heart and his home, chasing his loneliness away and replaced it with love and affection that you brought. His doubts were no longer there as his mind was filled with the thoughts of you every day. Severus fell in love with you, and he believed that this time, he would not get his broken like before.

You were different from her, and you would stand by him forever.

Oh, Severus had never been so wrong in his life.

He knew it was bound to happen. A man like him did not get a chance to have a happy ending, and yet you managed to make him believe in it. He was distant, and so were you. Severus would never put the blame on you, as you would never blame him too.

It all happened way too quickly, and he did not get to fix everything when you finally had enough and decided to leave him behind.

-
I can see you starin', honey
Like he's just your understudy
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me
Second, third, and hundredth chances
Balancin' on breaking branches
Those eyes add insult to injury
-

You noticed that Severus was staring at you and your boyfriend, but it only made you hold on tighter on Remus. You loathed the way Severus was looking at Remus, as if he was nothing more than a rebound for you. You kept telling yourself that he was not a rebound that you found after leaving Severus. No, your lover was much more than that.

You hated that when you saw Severus again tonight, you started to believe that you still loved him. You had tried so hard to forget him, and you were not going to crawl back into his life. You were worthy so much more than that.

When Remus kissed the back of your hand, your breath hitched as you saw the glare that Severus was sending. It was as if the Potions Master was willing to fight for you, and you abhorred the feeling. You felt sick to the stomach at the thought of him fighting for you like he used to, when you could still vividly remember how he let you go without putting up any fight to make you stay.

You shook your thoughts away, pushing the memories of him at the back of your mind. You gave him too many chances, and he screwed up each one of them, making you feel like you were alone in the relationship. You never put the blame on him, but you were not going to take the blame either.

You moved on from him, and he should do it too. It was not easy, but you did not like the way he was judging you, as if you were at fault for finding someone new, who treated you better than he did.

-
I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
I'm not your problem anymore
So who am I offending now?
You were my crown
Now I'm in exile seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
So I'm leavin' out the side door
-

You saw the way he was gripping the fork until his knuckles turned white, clearly he was bottling up his anger. You frowned, trying to keep your focus on your dinner and Remus but you could not.

Severus had no right to be mad at you for moving on. It was not like you cheated on him, you would never do that to him. Of course, you loved him, and you wanted to tell him that everything was going to be alright but you also knew you could not walk back into his life.

You knew how the ending would be if you let him back into your life. You would face the same issues, with him slamming the door and you would cry yourself to sleep as he would apologise on the next day, only to repeat the same circle again and again.

No, you made up your mind, you knew you worth more than that.

-
So step right out
There is no amount
Of cryin' I can do for you
-

Severus breathed sharply, determined to talk to you. He had spent so many days thinking of his fault, letting his guilt wrapped around his chest when you were away. It was time for him to talk to you, and perhaps you would find it in your heart to forgive him and come back to him.

He could not stay in the exile, just seeing you out with another man who was not him.

"Y/N, can I talk to you for a second?"

You were flabbergasted, never did you think that Severus would want to talk to you. Remus looked at you, feeling unsure if you should talk to Severus. You did not want to, knowing that it would end with one of you being hurt but your heart was saying otherwise.

"I'll be with you in a moment."

You said, squeezing your boyfriend's hand assuringly, kissing his cheek as he left you with Severus. Remus trusted you with all of his heart, but it would be a lie if he was not scared that one day you might leave him for Severus. He knew how strong your love was for him.

-
All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out)
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
-

You glared daggers at Severus who was asking for a second chance with you, while he could see that you were together with Remus. He had the audacity to make you walk away from your relationship, just so he could fix his past mistakes instead of moving on from them.

You were glad that you were secluded from the other members of the order, or else you were sure they could feel the rage that was burning in your chest.

"You didn't even hear me out, Y/N."

"I didn't. But you didn't hear me out too. You never did."

Your voice trembled, both from anger and devastation that was battling in your mind. You could not believe that you were having this talk with him after months trying to move on from him. Now when you were happy with with your brand new life, he just had to remind you of your pain and suffering that you experienced with him before.

"You never gave me a warning sign, Y/N."

You rubbed your temple, holding back your tears as the memories were unfolding in your mind. He dared to make you remember these days when you were laughing in his arms, happy to be with him as if the world was built for you and him. But he was not brave enough to remind you of the tormenting days when you and him would have nasty fights, leaving both of you screaming and crying like there was no way out of the misery.

But you found a way out, and you left.

-
All this time
I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)
I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around)
'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
So many signs
So many signs (you didn't even see the signs)
-

"There is no second chance, Severus. We failed."

"I know."

The silence was killing you, as you could still remember it used to be a comforting silence when you would run your fingers through his hair, whilst he told you about his day. But at the moment, the silence was too much for you to bear, it was as if you could hear the breaking of his heart.

"You never opened up to me."

He began, and you knew that it was a bad decision to talk to him. It would only end up hurting both of you more, and the wounds that you were healing from would only be worsen once you let his words get under your skin.

"I did. You just never paid attention to me, Snape."

Your words stung, leaving an empty hole in his heart, a place once you called home. Perhaps it was true, both of you failed to maintain the relationship. But in his eyes, you had your flaws and in your eyes, he had his failures.

-
I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
You're not my homeland anymore
So what am I defending now?
You were my town
Now I'm in exile seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
So I'm leaving out the side door
-

The night when your heart-wrenching sobs wrecked through your body, and he watched as you left. He was calling out your name, trying to stop you from leaving but he was defeated. He did not fight for you hard enough because he thought you might come back to him in the next morning, realising that both of you were meant to be together.

It was painful when he realised that you would never come back to him.

He did not fight for you before, but now he was willing to do anything in his power to get you back. But it crushed his heart when you did not want him to fight for you. You would like it before, but not anymore.

He was not your knight anymore. He was no longer the man that you fell in love with.

As you looked him in the eyes, your heart ached at how broken he was. You worked so hard to collect the pieces of his heart that he left behind, trying to mend him for so long but now, Severus was back to his old shell. He was back to becoming his past self, indulging in his poor mistakes and unforgivable foolishness while you could not bring yourself to help him.

You wanted to, but you knew the ending was not the one you wanted.

-
So step right out
There is no amount
Of cryin' I can do for you
-

"I still love you."

His words sent a pang of guilt in your chest, and you wanted to cry. You wished you could say the same, and you wanted to let it out but you could not. It would be unfair to Remus, and it would be imprudent to yourself.

You were not ready to let yourself fall into his love trap once again, only making yourself sad and devastated every day as you realised that you and Severus were not meant to be together.

"You shouldn't, Severus."

You stated sternly, gathering your courage as you held back your tears. He nodded weakly, knowing that your words were true. He should not love you when you were happy with another, but he could not stop himself.

You were his precious angel, who saved him from his agony, and now when you pushed him back into the drains— You would still forever be his angel. Never once did he abhorred you even if he kept telling himself that he should.

"I still love you, Y/N."

-
All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out)
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
-

You shook your head at his words, and leaving the room before he could utter any other word that was going to stab you in the heart. You went directly to Remus, who could see the frown on your face but he knew better not to ask in front of his friends.

Severus scoffed as he was left alone there, his heart was shattering into tiny little pieces. Of course, he could not do anything to persuade you to come back to him. You did not love him anymore, and it was as clear as the sky that he was not the one you wanted in your heart.

He sucked in a deep breath, cursing himself for thinking that it was a good idea to talk to you. There was no use of loving you, as you did not need his love anymore.

If only he was not ignorant with the signs that you gave when you were losing hope in him, he would still be holding you in his arms. If only you were not so silent about the pain that you were bearing, you would still be loving him without conditions.

But the ending was not always happy, and his ending was never going to be happy.

-
All this time
I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)
I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around)
'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
-

Severus watched as Remus wrapped an arm around your waist, making your way out of the Grimmauld Place. At that moment, he knew he was losing you and there was nothing he could do to win your heart over.

The relationship ended, but he still could not figure out the reason behind it. He had questions in his mind, wondering if it was his fault or had it been yours but he loved you too much to put the blame on your shoulders?

He would never knew.

He just knew that it would take forever for his feelings to fade away, and unlike you, he would have trouble to move on from you. Sighing, he admitted that it was not possible for him to find another woman when his heart was forever bounded with yours.

Perhaps it was his written fate, to watch you from the exile as you lived your life with another man, smiling and laughing like you had never known him.

-
this has been in my draft for so long, contemplating to post it or not but i decided to post it anyway because i don't have time to write a new one.

i hope this is good! <3

28th January 2021