this is supposed to be during the first war.
-

The night seemed too cold and too dark, sending shivers ran down your spine as you rushed to find your friends. You were separated from them when the Death Eaters noticed there were intruders, and even if you were lucky not to be noticed by them, you had to find your friends from the order.

The order has sent four members including you on a rather risky task, and if before this you were not scared of anything, now you would be lying if you say you were not frightened. You never doubted your friends' abilities to fight, but the Death Eaters were fast and ruthless, and it was worrying you about their safety.

Your heart dropped when you heard a bloodcurdling scream that you quickly recognised coming from one of your friends. Rushing towards the sound of their scream, you were stopped by a tall figure looming in front of you, with his black robes touching the ground.

A person who was close to your heart, so familiar yet oddly it felt like he was a stranger now. 

"Severus."

You breathed out, something was clawing on your heart, as you looked into his empty dark eyes that used to hold so much love and affection for you. Perhaps those warm feelings were still inside of him, but they were buried deeply, and he masked them well with his stone cold glare that he set upon you.

"Y/N."

It had been so long since the last time you heard his silky voice said your name, and hearing it brought a plethora of good memories that you did not want to remember anymore. Not when the man who stood before you was not the same man that you fell in love with.

"You shouldn't be here."

He stated, as if you were entitled to listen to him after what happened between you and him. You could still remember how he chose to abandon you, to leave the relationship and to forget your love; all for the thirst of power that he hoped would be quench once the Dark Lord was in control.

"Get out of my way, Snape."

You spat, holding on tighter to your wand until your knuckles turned white. You did not want to hurt him, and you knew he would never hurt you. The love that you had for him was overwhelming you, and it felt so wrong to love a man who became your enemy since he decided to step into the other side, ignoring your pleads and cries for him.

"If you don't leave, I might have to hurt you, Y/N." 

"You already did."

You whispered, tears welled up in your eyes as you lowered your wand, letting your feelings resurfaced. It was hard to live, knowing that the love of your life was against you, and you were not able to rescue him from his harsh decision.

Severus' heart was crushed when you ignored his threat, and a wave of realisation hit him hard, that he had already hurt you when he decided to leave you behind. It was something that he chose when he became a Death Eater, but he did not choose to leave you. Your different belief separated you from him, and it affected both of you in the worst ways possible.

"You should come with me, love."

Severus tried, for the thousandth of times to persuade you, following him like a shadow, sharing his belief so that both of you could be together like before. He missed those days when you and him would walk together in the halls, studying sessions in the library that could turn into hours of kisses, and those memorable days when you moved in with him, picturing a perfect future that both of you would create together. 

"We should be together."

He added, wishing that you would open your eyes and accepted the fact that he was not a bad guy for believing in what was right in his eyes. Severus loved you, and he wanted to live with you. He was exhausted of protecting you from afar, in fear that perhaps one day you would fall into the hands of his merciless friends and you would be hurt.

"We should, but we can't."

You argued, reminding yourself that he was an enemy and you should not let your guards down around him. He was dangerous, a threat to others, but somehow you still felt safe with him. 

"I love you, Y/N. I will always do."

His words caught you by surprise, and you despised yourself for not being able to fight the tears that was threatening to roll down upon your face. Severus was not a man who showed his affection through words, but he always showered you with his attention and loving actions. Hence it always made your heart fluttered whenever he said he loved you, and it seemed like he still had the same effect on you after so long telling yourself that you hated him.

"Our love is not important now, Severus."

Your wounding words stabbed you in your own heart, knowing that you did not mean it. Severus walked closer towards you, and you just realised that he never pointed his wand at you, keeping it at his side, exposing how harmless he was being with you.

"Am I not important to you, Y/N?"

His question shattered your heart, and you blinked your tears away, looking him in the eyes as you did not want him to see you as a lover. You wanted him to see you as a foe, and perhaps in that way, you would be able to abhor him.

"You're not."

You answered, but Severus scoffed at you, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you closer against his chest. You gasped in shock at his doing, but you were not able to fight, you did not want to, as it felt so right to be back in his arms, the safest place you could have ever been in this world.

"Severus, this isn't right."

"But it doesn't feel wrong, does it?"

You slowly relaxed in his arms, your heart melted at the way he looked at you, with love and adoration that were comforting you in away that you could even begin to describe. He used to be your safe haven, and no matter how hard you tried to hate him, you could not deny that your heart belonged to him, and his heart was in your hands.

"Do you still love me, Y/N?"

"I can't love you."

"Do you still love me?"

His stern voice would lie others but not you, you could hear the breaking of his voice, and you nodded, your heart was betraying your mind.

"I love you, Severus." 

Your words sent a warm feeling wrapped around his heart, and a sigh of relief escaped his lips, allowing a small smile to find its way on his face. Your lips quivered, it was as if you were falling in love with him all over again, and the feeling was surreal.

"I love you so much and it hurts."

You continued, pouring your heart and soul to the man who had turned his back on you, because you knew his heart never betrayed your trust. Severus wiped your tears away, wanting to hold you in his arms forever, needing you to stay by his side.  

"I never stopped loving you."

He admitted, gazing lovingly at you, who looked as beautiful as ever in his eyes. He sucked in a deep breath when you caressed his face gently, leaning against your touch and realising how much both of you missed each other. You were suffering without him, and he was dying without you. 

"Why is this happening to us?"

You asked, forgetting the real intention of your presence there. You wanted to be with Severus, to follow him wherever he goes, but it was wrong and you knew it. You could not betray your own belief just because of love. Many lives would be robbed because of it, and you despised to have their blood on your hands.

"Our love is stronger than we think it is." 

Severus said, his heart thud rapidly against his chest as you were so close to him. This was the closest he had ever been with you after you broke up, and he never wanted to be away from you ever again.

You lost yourself in his eyes, seeing your memories with him unfolded in your mind, hot tears boiled in your eyes. Since the first time you saw him from across the Great Hall, your heart was stolen and now you could not bring yourself to take it back, as your heart would forever be his, and his alone.

"Our? It's just you and me now, Severus. There is no us."

Severus leaned closer towards you, and you knew you were giving in. His love was clear in his eyes, and you wanted him to know that you loved him just as much, if not more.

"You're bad at lying, love."

He chuckled, and you could not help yourself as you smiled, brushing your lips with his. Severus claimed your lips, kissing you passionately, the intensity that was running through your body made you kiss him deeper and harder, curling your hands in fists around his shirt to pull him closer against you. Heat rose from your stomach to your chest, bursting into a flame of feelings that you had kept hidden far too long.

"I don't want you to leave me."

He muttered against your lips, and before you could stop yourself, you nodded at him, and he kissed you again, feeling whole again with your heart now bounded with his. You were intoxicated, letting your heart won the battle against your mind.

But you quickly pulled away from Severus when you heard an agonising scream, and colours drained from your face as you realised what you were doing. You were supposed to help your friends, but you were kissing your enemy instead, letting yourself indulge in your foolish love for him.

"Y/N, stay with me."

Severus was desperate to have you with him, but you shook your head, getting out of his grasp. His heart fell on the ground, breaking into tiny little pieces as you wanted to leave him once again, walking away from him.  

"I will not hesitate to hurt you, love."

He warned, and your steps came to a halt, felt a bit threatened but you knew his words were not true. Severus would never dare to hurt you, not now, not in a million years. He was your protector, and he loved you too much to hurt you.

"If you wanted to hurt me, you would've done it sooner."

You retorted, as if you were not kissing him a few seconds ago. Severus smirked, nodding at your words as he let you walk away from him, but then a thought crossed his mind.

He loved you, and he was going to make sure you stay with him.

He called out your name, amused as you turned around to look at him, unable to resist the power of your love. Severus knew you were hopelessly in love with him, no matter how hard you tried to forget him, you would not be able to.

He pulled you in for a kiss, and you melted in his touch, wanting it to be the last kiss you shared with the man you loved, and you never wanted to see him again.

But you did not know that it would not be the last, as you would share your life with him like you used to dream of, when Severus pointed his wand at you, catching you off guard and before you could react, Severus casted a spell, making sure you had forgotten everything else but your love for him, so that you stood by his side forever:

"Obliviate."

-
24th February 2021