Severus looked around his house, the silence was deafening, as if it was mocking him that he was the cause of the emptiness of his home, and the emotional hole within his heart. It was way too quiet, the solitude that he was hoping to find was no longer there as it clawed on his heart when he realised his home was silent because you were not there.

Suddenly, your scream rang through his mind once again, tormenting him as he could only see you being dragged away from, fear and disappointment were evident in your eyes. You were begging for him to help you, but he did not. He watched as they muttered cruel spell towards you, wanting to murder you slowly but painfully. Even when you were losing your voice to speak, your eyes pleaded him, talking to him in a way that only he could understand, but still, Severus masked his feelings well and the Dark Lord was impressed.

He would remember the agonising scream you let out forever, along with disapproval looks from Narcissa and Lucius, once they realised that he was not sticking to the plan. Voldemort trusted him enough for Severus to convince him to set you free, and yet Severus did not do it, afraid if his position would be threatened. The memory was unfolded before his eyes, and he quickly shook his head, collecting himself together as he started to feel guilty.   

Walking back towards his bedroom, Severus inhaled sharply, it was as if your shadow was following him wherever he goes, haunting him with his guilt and regret. Perhaps he was used to having you by his side, hence now that he was alone, he felt so odd and dejected, or perhaps he was just letting the guilt eat him alive, upon letting you to face such a cruel fate when you deserved so much better than him.

His dark eyes scanned over the boxes in his room, filled with your stuff. He knew he was missing you, and it would only worsen if he saw your stuff lying around the house, when he knew so well that you were no longer there in his home. Severus tried to put them away in those boxes, but he had no heart to throw them away, failing to do it every time he intended to do so.

Sitting down on his bed, his heart tightened, feeling as if the bed was too huge for him alone, without you for him to hold at nights. His hand instinctively reached for your side of the bed, wincing slightly as he noticed it was cold, since you would not be lying next to him anymore.

Severus was bathing himself in guilt as his eyes landed on your picture. Before he could stop himself, the picture was in his hands and his shaky fingers traced your smile, feeling something was tugging on his heartstrings. Your smile used to enchant him, pulling him out of the dark tunnel of his life, showing him a path of happiness that you promised him you would provide and he obliged, following you in every step of the way.   

But he let you go, in the most heartbreaking way, as if you were not the one who collected the pieces of his heart he left behind, mending it until he believed in love once again, teaching him to be happy, only for you to be left and betrayed at the end of your life.

Severus knew you loved him, you told him about it every day, reminding him of how loved he was and he did not even need your words because he could see your love and adoration for him clear in your eyes, and in every thing you did to him. You were always careful with his heart, afraid if you would somehow shatter it with your own hands, and Severus realised you had never hurt him.

Tears boiled in the corner of his eyes, and panic rose into his chest, trapping him in guilt and sorrow that he could never get out from for the rest of his life. Your sweet voice was ringing through his ears, your words of affection and your angelic voice as you hummed him to sleep— They were coming to him in a harsh wave, pulling him under, and he was drowning. 

Severus found himself lying on his back, staring at the empty space on his bed, hoping that he could do something to bring you back. His heart was hollow, and it was a place that you used to call home, and Severus was not sure how to fill the void within his heart.  

A strangled sob was fighting to escape his throat but he pulled himself together, crumpling your picture in his hands, tears rolled down upon his cheeks forcefully, as he could no longer hold them back no matter how much he wanted to.

Gritting his teeth, Severus threw the crumpled picture on the floor, knowing that he would regret it later once he came to his right sense of mind, and seeing your picture now was ruined. But at the moment, he was hurting and dejected, and he felt his regret thud against his chest.

It stabbed him in the heart as he shut his eyes and he could only see your face, your longing gaze and your sweet smile for him. He gripped on his sheets, holding back an agonising scream as the pain was too much for him to bear. He did not have you to comfort him, or to make him feel loved, as he knew you would never forgive him.

You were the strongest person he knew, but when you were captured, you were helpless. Severus knew your life depended on him, and the sound of your sobs was still fresh on his mind, remembering of how grateful you were to see him, not knowing that he was about to unleash your caustic fate upon you.

You were lying on the floor, blood gushing out of your mouth as you coughed, your ears could no longer hear the laughter of the Death Eaters. The pain was too much, and you slowly felt yourself slipping away, getting closer towards the light.

With all strength you had left, you looked at Severus, pleading him silently to rescue you, still thinking that Severus would never let you suffer. You clenched your jaw when he stood there, emotionless, as he watched your life leaving your body slowly.

You raised your bloodied hand towards his way, your love was too big for him, hoping that you could feel him for the last time but he just stared, and you had never felt so angry at him before. You tried to understand his reasons, but now it was just impossible as you felt so threatened and betrayed by the love of your life.

"Will you do the honour, Severus?"

The Dark Lord's voice echoed in the manor, and you knew your fate was sealed. You never thought you would die in the hands of Severus Snape, the broken man that you healed and loved, never once did you think he would turn his back on you.

Severus approached you, his steps were never faltering, his cold gaze was glued on your weakened body. You knew he would do it, he let them tortured you in front of his eyes, you realised he would also let you die under his watch.

"Do it."

You spat, not wanting him to see how pathetic you were on the floor, bloodied and bruised, while you used to hope for him to save you. All eyes were on Severus, but no one could see how hard he gripped his wand until his knuckles turned white, no one could feel how wretched he was to see your angry gaze on him, no one could know how in love he was with you.

"Why did I ever love you, Severus?" 

You whispered, tears filled your eyes but not from the pain your body was experiencing, but from the pain your heart was suffering. Your loving gaze was no longer there, and he could notice your hatred towards him that he wished he could wipe away, but there was no possibilities. Severus could feel the breaking of his heart, and before others could sense his doubts, he raised his wand, pointing it to the woman who had his heart in her hands; 

"Avada kedavra."  

Severus woke up, panting, cold sweats were trickling down his forehead as he sat up in bed, tears pooled in his eyes. It was the first time he got to sleep since you were gone, but even when he was asleep, you were always in his mind, reminding him of how heartless he was when he was taking your life. 

He put his head in his hands, sighing, realising that he could never live this way. The guilt was suffocating him, and he knew it was slowly ruining him in a way that he could never imagined. He needed you to forgive him, but he remembered the look in your eyes when he pointed his wand at you; your eyes were full with pure hatred and disappointment, and there was no way you could forgive him before he casted the unforgivable curse on you.

Getting out of his bed, Severus decided that he needed to get away from his home, a home that he used to share with you, the woman he loved with all of his heart. He wished you could see his reasons, but then again, he was the one who should be blamed.

His steps came to a halt when he stepped on something, and he kneeled down to grab your crumpled picture, his lips were trembling as he held back his tears. He could never forget your face, not in a million years, as you were the one who brought him to life when he did not know how to live. You never gave up on him, sticking by his side and he was so happy with you.

He used to be so happy when you were with him.

Severus found himself walking in the muggle town, his hands in his pocket as he focused his sight on the ground, not interested to lock his eyes with people. He groaned when someone bumped their shoulder with him, he looked up and shrugged it off as the person apologised and continued to walk away.

His eyes widen as he caught something familiar, recognising your figure so well that he was sure he saw you walking in the crowd. His heart thud rapidly against his ribcage, blood rushing through his veins as he started to feel as if you were there with him.

He took another glance at the figure and his breath hitched, the woman looked the same as you, and she even had your smile. Telling himself that he was daydreaming, or perhaps it was another person who looked like you, he tried to walk away but he could not. His heart was pulling him towards her, and he could not fight it off.

"Why did I ever love you, Severus?" 

Your whisper was in his mind, reminding him of how disappointed you were in him, and he wanted to let it go, but he could not. Severus found himself walking closer towards the woman, his eyes never leaving her as he was afraid she would disappear into the crowd, and he could never see her again.

He wanted to admire her from afar, but when she bumped into someone who did not even bother to apologise, her stuff scattered on the ground, Severus was quick to walk over to her and helped her.

Severus collected her stuff and handed them to her, and she thanked him, smiling politely at him and his heart fluttered when it was the same smile that he would get from you.

"Thank you for helping me."

Her angelic voice was your voice, and Severus was convinced that he met you again, but it was impossible, as he was the one who killed you, and if it were really you, then she would not be smiling at him but she would be scowling instead after what he had done.

Severus wanted to nod and walk away, forgetting his encounter with her but he could not as he saw her bracelet. It was the exact same as your bracelet, the one that he gave you as your birthday gift, the bracelet was charmed that it would alert him if you were in danger. Severus could still remember how many times he was alarmed when you were taken to the Malfoy Manor, but he stayed, holding back from helping you when he should.

"Y/N?"

Before he could stop himself, your name slipped out of his mouth, and his face flushed, embarrassed if he took another person for you. He was about to apologise, when her face lightened up, a bright smile was painted on her face but he could see confusion in her eyes.

"How did you know my name?"

Severus could feel the breaking of his heart, and before others could sense his doubts, he raised his wand, pointing it to the woman who had his heart in her hands; 

"Avada kedavra."   

He felt as if his world stopped spinning around as you fell limp on the floor, eyes closing and you were no longer breathing. He never thought it would be so painful to see you die before his eyes, and it was even more terrifying to realise that your death was caused by him, as if your love meant nothing.

"She's dead."

He could hear Bellatrix's voice, announcing your death like it was a good news. Her words sliced his heart, and he stared at your body, feeling disgusted at himself for taking your life when you were supposed to have so much more in life, you were destined to live happily instead of lying on the floor bloodied and tortured.

"You impressed me again, Severus."

The Dark Lord's praise made him realise that everyone was still watching him, wanting to see how loyal he was being to them. Severus' heart bled, as he took his eyes away from the love of his life, and he looked at Voldemort, nodding slightly.

"The blood traitor is dead."

He announced, and Severus clenched his jaw at the Dark Lord's caustic words, feeling his heart shaken up as they still wanted to insult you even after they tormented you to death. But he gained his composure, masking his feelings with a hard glare and he repeated those words, showing that he was never on your side, while he was always with them.

"The blood traitor is dead."

-
Tell me why I find it much easier for me to write angst instead of fluff.

2nd March 2021