Your smile never left your face as you waited for Severus in the restaurant, thinking of how much you missed him since it had been weeks you had not seen each other. Your feet were bouncing under the table, excitement was bubbling in your chest as time was ticking, and you grew impatient, could not wait to see your boyfriend that night. 

Your voice was too cheery for the waiter, and he could tell that you were waiting for someone special which made your face flush as you agreed with his words. You did not mind about other people in the restaurant as you looked out of the restaurant, anticipating to see Severus.

But your excitement was slowly subsiding when you glanced at your watch and realised that it had been hours and Severus was late, too late that it was starting to make you feel sad if he had forgotten about your date night, which he planned by himself and not you.

Severus was a busy man, and you knew his job as a Hogwarts professor was not easy, but you just wished he could see that you needed his love and time too. It did not help when you had to keep your relationship as a secret from others, as Severus never wanted his students and colleagues to know about his private life. You did not like the idea of hiding your love, but you obliged because you loved him.

Sighing, you had to force a smile when the waiter came to tell you that they were closing, and you did not miss the pity in his eyes as he looked at you. With tears pooled in your eyes and a heavy heart, you went home, ended up crying yourself to sleep on your supposedly date night.

You knew you were not supposed to be there, in the Hogwarts ground, walking towards Severus' office but you could not help it. You missed him so much, and you just wanted to see him after he stood you up last night.

You should be angry at him, but you were not, you were just disappointed that he did not show up, and devastated that he could not even tell you first that he was not going to come. 

You sucked in a deep breath and knocked on his office door, a smile was painted on your face as you waited for him to open the door. You were expecting him to be surprise and kiss you, showing you of how much he missed you, but it did not happen as he opened the door, a frown was visible on his face as his eyes landed on you.

"Why are you here, Y/N?"

Your smile dropped, and you were starting to get mad at him for being so insensitive towards your feelings. You were going to say something when he pulled you inside, slamming the door behind you and you could see annoyance in his eyes.

"I'm here to see you, Severus."

You did want to start a fight with him, but you were enraged when he was annoyed with your presence, when you just wanted to see him.

"Somebody could've seen you here. You can't be here."

Worry was dripping from his voice, and sometimes you wondered why he cared so much about others' opinions on his private life until he has forgotten to care about your feelings. You shook your head, crossing your arms against your chest as you could feel a lump in your throat.

"We haven't seen each other for so long and the first thing you do is being angry at me."

You scoffed, masking your feelings behind your words, but it was clear that you were hurt and yet, your boyfriend seemed oblivious to it. Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and a sigh escaped his lips, shaking his head at you as if you were at fault.

"This isn't all about you, Y/N." 

His audacity to question your presence was bubbling rage in your chest, but it soon turned into a huge wave of devastation when his glared burned into you.

"Severus, I'm not going to apologise for wanting to see the love of my life because I missed him."

You stated, hoping that he would understand how desperate you were to see him. He did not know how your heart longed for him, wanting to be close to him, and love him properly, not behind closed doors like this.

"I've told you, this isn't all about you."

He said, and you dropped your hands to your sides, clenching your jaw as tears flooded your eyes. You did not want to be dramatic about the situation, but you were truly hurt. He broke his promise to see you last night, and when you came, he wanted to chase you away like you were a stranger to him.

"Of course, it isn't. It wasn't all about me either when you left me waiting for hours last night when you were the one who planned our date."

You said, almost in a whisper, and you watched as confusion flashed in his eyes. His confusion turned into realisation, and it vanished into guilt and you could see he was just remembering about it. Your doubts were right, that he had forgotten about your date night.

"I know I'm not really important to you, but you don't have to do this to me."

You held back your tears as a sad smile was emblazoned your face, breaking Severus' heart into tiny little pieces as he saw how dejected you were and he was the cause of your distress. He was making you feel disappointed and sad, and he was daft for not realising it earlier.

"You make me feel unwanted, as if you are ashamed of me."

You poured your heart to him, breaking into tears without you even realising it. You were not a person who cried in front of people, and Severus knew that, hence it shattered him to see that he was the one who had broken your heart and it was his fault you were in tears.

"If you want me out of your life, you should've just say it. You don't need to make me feel like this."

His silence was piercing your heart, and you wanted to hear his voice, you needed him to talk to you but he was quiet as he stared at you, guilt and regret were swimming in his dark orbs. 

Curling your hands in fists, you chewed on your bottom lip, noticing that there was no point of saying what you feel when he did not even care at all. Turning around on your heels, you were ready to leave when he caught your wrist, pulling you close against his chest.

"Please don't leave." 

He pleaded, and you could hear the breaking of his voice. You hated to see him so distraught, but you could no longer live like this, hiding you from others like you were a mistake that he made, and denying your love as if he did not need you. However, your heart was bounded to his, and you knew you were losing yourself when he looked you in the eyes, remorse was evident in his eyes.

"Is this what you wanted, Severus? Do you really want me?"

Your voice was small and fragile, making Severus realised that the woman he fell in love with was slowly disappearing into a vulnerable person, all because of him. He nodded vigorously, caressing your face and rested his forehead against yours, his heart was aching as it was the closest you had ever been with him since weeks, and yet there was tears on your face instead of a smile. 

"I love you, Y/N."

He said, and your heart bloomed, every single time he said those meaningful words, blessing your ears and comforting your soul in a miraculous way. Your heart thud in your chest, and you could almost hear the beating of his heart too as the silence engulfed both of you.

"I can't live like this anymore, Severus. It's killing me."

You thought you were strong enough to be his secret, but it was slowly ruining your hidden relationship, your love was now full of doubts, and your heart was wretched. It was as if you had never existed in his life.

"I can't live without you."

"I think you can. You have to, Severus."

Your wounding words were destroying his heart, tugging on the deepest home in his soul, which was where your love resided. He shook his head, looking you in the eyes, not wanting to let you go.     

"I will do anything for you, Y/N. I will beg on my knees if I have to."

Your eyes grew wide at his words, and your heart dropped on the floor, shattering as Severus held you tighter in his arms, tears welled up in the corner of his eyes. You were stunned, but you did not say anything, as everything was overwhelming you and Severus thought you were still leaving him.

The thoughts of you leaving his side, falling out of love with him, turning him back into his old self who was lonely without your love; Those things were scarring him and he almost dropped on his knees, but you were quick enough to hold his arms, stopping him from kneeling on the floor.

"Severus, don't."

Your voice trembled, tears threatened to spill from your eyes as your proud boyfriend almost fell on his knees for you. It was not what you wanted. You did not need him to worship you and gave up everything for you, but you just wanted to be loved and appreciated, that was all.

"I'm sorry for not thinking about your feelings, love. I will change for you, but I cannot live without you, my heart."

You never heard him being so defeated and heartbroken, and it wrecked you. You had fights with him before, but usually he would stay calm and collected, with his stone cold glares and his snarky remarks, but this time, it was different. You could see his fear of losing you, and it hurt you deeply.

"Do you think we can make this work?"

You asked, thinking that your relationship was falling apart, and there was no use of trying to save it when you were alone in the endeavour. But when Severus nodded, a fresh new hope was fluttering in your chest.

"Our love is strong enough to go through this, Y/N. I promise you."

He sealed his promise with a kiss, and you melted into his arms, believing his words as he started to prove how much you meant to him, showing you off to the world and making you see that he was never embarrassed of you. It was tough, but somehow Severus gained you trust again, and both of you fixed everything.

Your relationship had flaws, but those imperfections were making your love grow even stronger.

-
5th March 2021