Severus stared at the door, contemplating whether he should go in or not. His hand reached for the door handle, and he was trembling, something that the Potions Master was not used to. He was always calm and collected, with his stone cold look on his face but that day was different for him.

He was scared. The fear was suffocating him, and he knew he had to walk in to overcome his fears. He had to see you, he could not go on another day without seeing you, knowing that perhaps it would be the last time he could see you.

He slowly opened the door, and a soft smile was cracked on his lips once he saw your sleeping figure in bed. However, it tugged on his heartstrings when he could see that you were pale and thinner, you looked so tired and weak that he wanted to do nothing but gather you in his arms, telling you that it was going to be alright.

Tear blurred his vision, and he was going to leave when your eyes fluttered open, smiling weakly at him.

"Severus?"

Your voice was small and fragile, but it was still the most beautiful thing he has ever heard. The way you said his name, like it was meant to be, and he wondered how could he live without hearing your angelic voice.

"Sev, stop!"

He ignored you as he continued to throw snowballs towards your direction, your laughter was honey to his ears, showing him that you were happy. You were not giving up easily, throwing another snowball towards your husband but he dodged it easily, a smirk was dancing on his face.

"You're so mean."

You mumbled, crossing your arms against your chest. Severus grinned at you, something that you could only see when you were only with him. But you knew him too well to know the meaning behind his mischievous grin, making you run from him but he was quick to catch you.

"Let me go!"

You laughed, as he threw you over his shoulder. You punched his back playfully, knowing that it would not affect him at the slightest bit. Severus carried you back inside, putting you down on your feet, his smirk never disappeared from his face.

"Are you mad at me?"

He asked, raising his eyebrows. You wanted to send him a glare, but a chuckle escaped your lips and you stood on your tiptoes, pulling him down by his shirt to kiss him. Severus immediately kissed you back, loving how perfect your lips were moving with his, and he could kiss you forever if he wanted to.

"Are you just going to stand there?"

Your voice shook his from his train of thoughts, and he walked towards you almost immediately, sitting in your bed. You instinctively snuggled into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you, sighing in content when you inhaled his scent. It made you feel so safe and loved, those feelings that only him could give to you.

"I thought you weren't coming."

You looked up at him, your eyes were glistening with tears. Severus smiled sadly, shaking his head at your words. He was a coward, he thought. The love of his life was battling against a killer disease, fighting to live, and yet he was too scared to accept the reality.

He was scared if he see you, he would break down, and he never wanted you to see him so weak while he was supposed to give you strengths to live.

"I'm here, love. I'll never leave you alone."

He whispered, kissing your head lovingly, tightening his arms around you but careful enough not to hurt you. Severus was really scared if he was hurting you, because he knew that you were already suffering so much and he could not do anything to help you.

His wife was dying.

"This tastes amazing."

You said, eating the chocolate with a big smile on your face. Severus cocked his eyebrow, eyeing you as you continued to eat your chocolate without minding him.

"Can I have a taste?"

Your eyes widen at his question. Your husband was not really into chocolate and candy, thus you grinned when he wanted to taste your chocolate. You nodded vigorously, allowing him to do so.

"Sure!"

You were going to give him the chocolate when he kissed you on the lips, tasting the chocolate through the kiss. You were taken aback, but a childish giggle erupted in your chest when he pulled away from you, smirking proudly when he saw a steady blush ran across your face.

"Do you want to have a taste again?"

Your eyes were sparkling with excitement, and Severus smiled before kissing you again, the chocolate in your hand was long forgotten as you kissed him harder, dropping it on the floor.

He did not even realise that he was crying until you wiped his tears away with your thumbs, worry filled your eyes as your heart shattered at the sight of your husband. You had never seen him so vulnerable and heart broken, and you believed that his tears was because of you.

"Please don't cry, love. It hurts me to see you cry."

You begged, caressing his face softly, kissing his tears away. Severus melted under your touch, and he cursed himself for breaking in front of you. He was supposed to comfort you, but now he was making you worried.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't—"

"You don't have to be sorry. I know you're devastated and you don't have to hide it from me. I'm your wife, your soulmate... I know everything about you, love."

You smiled at him, and he noticed that your smile did not reach your eyes like it used to. Perhaps time was changing, but you were still the woman that he fell in love with years ago, and now you still looked as beautiful as ever in his eyes.

"My dear husband, aren't you forgetting something?"

Severus' steps came to a halt, as he was going to go to teach his classes for that day. He turned around, faking a frown as he swallowed your question. He knew so well of what you were talking about, but he pretended to be oblivious.

"What is it, my dear wife?"

A smirk was plastered on his face as he mocked you, and you rolled your eyes dramatically.

"How could you forget something so important that you do everyday?"

You tilted your head a bit, pouting as you began to believe that he forgot to kiss you goodbye like he usually did. Severus walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you into his chest.

"How could I forget you?"

He poked your nose playfully, chuckling as he was adoring your cute demeanours. He pecked your lips softly, and moved his lips to plant a sweet kiss on your forehead, something that he did to assure you that he loved you and he was there with you.

"I love you!"

You waved at him happily, and Severus felt his heart was going to explode with the amount of love you held for him. He gave you a smile, before going to work, looking forward to be back in your arms after his classes.

"I love you too."

He knew he was supposed to hold you and comfort you, but he did not push you away as you pulled him into your loving arms. He needed it. Severus buried his face in your chest, and he let you comfort him as he thought that perhaps it would be the last time he could be in your arms.

He was crying into your chest like a child, but you did not seem to mind it. You knew your husband was hurting, and you wanted to comfort him as long as you were able to. You would never know if tomorrow was for you, considering your health condition that was getting worse. Hence, you wanted to love him for as long as you could.

"I love you, Sev. I love you."

You whispered those words into his ears like a chant, and he calmed down, clinging on you like you were the only reason for him to live. It was true, and he wondered what would happen once you were gone. What would happen to him?

"I love you, Y/N."

His voice broke, and you nodded, kissing his head softly. You started to hum a beautiful song, your voice was enchanting him as he felt his heartbeat was falling into a steady rhythm at the sound of your sweet voice.

It was so surreal and beautiful, he was tucked in your arms, as you comforted him with your voice and somehow he knew he would never get to feel this moment again if he get out of your arms. So he stayed, and listened, and he let himself cried as he felt your arms around him, holding him protectively.

It was so different when you first found out that you were dying a few months ago.

You were panting as you tried to catch your breath, tears streaming down your face freely and you did not know how to process everything that was happening. The sight of you being so fragile and scared would forever be scarred in your husband's mind.

"Y/N, love, I'm here."

He whispered, wrapping his strong arms around your trembling figure. A great tremor overtook you and you sobbed into his chest, your tears was stabbing his heart like a thousand knives but he knew you had to let it go.

"I'm dying, Sev. I'm scared. I don't want to die."

You cried, and Severus was panicked. He did not know what to say or what to do. Everything was falling apart and he was scared as well. He did not want you to die, and he would do anything in his power to help you.

"We'll get through this together, love. I promise."

Tears welled up in his eyes but he did not let himself cry. No, he had to be strong for you. He could not show you that he was heartbroken with the news. He had to make sure that you were not giving up.

"I'm scared."

His heart was aching as he could hear the fear behind your voice, and all he could do was to hold you in his arms, telling you that he would be there. He would never leave you, but ironically, you were going to leave him and it was not even a choice that you made.

"I'm scared, Y/N."

How the tables have turned, and Severus wanted nothing more but to make sure that you were not leaving him. But fate was cruel to you, and he wished he could take your place to save you from the dreadful ending.

"I know. But you'll be fine without me, love. You're strong, I know you are."

You said, tears boiled in your eyes as you realised how dejected your husband was to let you go. Severus shook his head, disagreeing with your words and you smiled sadly at him.

"I'm glad I'm the one who is dying and not you."

"Don't say that, Y/N."

He was looking into your eyes, wanting to remember how beautiful they were, and how he could drown in them forever without any care in the world. A pair of eyes that always looked at him with adoration and love, showing him that he was worthy to be someone who was loved.

"It's true. If you were the one who is in this bed instead of me, I would be wrecked. And days after you die, I would die along with you, not knowing how to live without you."

You whispered, running your fingers through his hair.

"I can't live without you, Sev. I'm not strong enough to do that."

His heart thud rapidly against his ribcage upon hearing your words, and he just listened, knowing that he would miss the sound of your sweet voice once you were gone.

"You are my strength, Severus Snape. I want you to know that."

You rested your forehead against his, not caring about the tears that was staining your cheeks. Severus smiled, cupping your face gently.

"Trust me, you're going to be fine."

You assured him, already accepting your written fate that was going to take you away from the man that you loved with all of your heart. Severus nodded, kissing your lips softly.

"Thank you for loving me."

You said, kissing his cheek that was stained with his tears. Severus was crying, all because of you, and you hoped there was something you could do to mend his heart.

"I'll love you for my whole life, Y/N. It's always been you, and it will always be you in my heart. Wherever you are, you're my greatest love, my miracle."

You smiled at his sweet words, and you put your hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

"I'll always be here with you, my love. I'm not going anywhere."

You whispered, and Severus put his hand on top of yours, nodding weakly. He would always carry you in his heart, no matter how far you were from him.

"You'll always be here with me, Y/N."

He was lying beside you in bed, with his arms around your small and fragile frame. His anguished heart was inconsolable, but as you buried your face in his chest, he slowly calmed down and rubbed your back.

"You'll always be here with me."

"Always."

You whispered softly, and you smiled, shutting your eyes as you could feel yourself slipping away from the loving arms of your husband. Severus could feel it too, as your body weakened in his arms, he only held you even closer, as if he could prevent you from leaving. He gritted his teeth to stop himself from screaming in agony, heartsick, when he felt your body fell limp in his arms, and he knew he was alone. He cried, and cried until he had no tears left to shed. He lived, but his heart died with you.

"You'll always be here with me, Y/N."

Severus just stared in disbelief as the girl sat next to him, offering him a genuine smile that was too beautiful for him to look away. He knew you, almost everyone in Hogwarts did because you were gorgeous and smart, but also very kind to others.

"Hi, Severus! I'm Y/N."

He blinked a few times, trying to process the fact that you knew his name. You were two years younger than him, and he was not expecting you to know him because he was not that popular compared to other students in his year.

"How did you know my name?"

You chuckled at his question, and Severus was smitten with you right at the moment he heard your honeyed voice, stealing his heart as you beamed at him.

"Can I be your friend?"

You looked at him with your luminous eyes, blinding him with the amount of adoration you had in your pair of beautiful orbs. He wondered what did he do until such a perfect person like you wanted to be his friend.

"I'm used to being... Alone."

He winced when he realised what he just said to you, realising how pathetic he sounded. He was expecting you to stand up and leave, thinking that he was not worthy to be your friend but that did not happen.

You put your hand on his arm, and he flinched at your touch, the feeling was so foreign to him and yet it was so familiar. You gave him a smile, and your next words were something that keep him going in his whole life, and little did young Severus know those words were something that he would hold on so dearly for the remaining of his life even after your passing;

"From now on, I'll always be here with you, Severus."

-
i'm sorry i'm a sad soul

16th January 2021