Trigger warning: mentions of depression and suicide. Know your limits, people.
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Cast
Alfred F. Jones (America) as Michael Scott
Arthur Kirkland (England) as Dwight Schrute
Matthew Williams (Canada) as Jim Halpert
Hope Neufeld as Pam Beesly
Sebastian Vargas (Seborga) as Ryan Howard
Jett Anderson (Australia) as Andy Bernard
Ludwig Beilschmidt (Germany) as Stanley Hudson
Gilbert Beilschmidt (Prussia) as Kevin Malone
Dreamz Reader as Meredith Palmer
Thaovy Nguyen as Kelly Kapoor
Shelby Ferrell as Angela Martin
Ivan Braginsky (Russia) as Toby Flenderson
José Hernández Valdez Martinez (Mexico) as Oscar Martinez
Elizabeta Héderváry (Hungary) as Phyllis Vance
Carlos Machado (Cuba) as Darryl Philbin
Annalise Neufeld as Karen Filippelli
Wang Yáo (China) as Creed Bratton
Lovino Vargas (Romano) as Lonny Collins
Sammi Seal as Madge
Leon Lee (Hong Kong) as Glenn
Honda Kiku (Japan) as Philip

The workers of Dunder Mifflin Paper Company were silently doing their work. Suddenly, the door opened and a familiar, smirking face walked in, holding a cardboard box with his stuff. "Good morning, Hope."

Hope looked up from her computer at reception and smiled. "Oh, welcome back, Jett."

"J." Jett corrected. "I'm J now."

"Oh." Hope blinked a couple times. "J. Sorry."

"Apology not accepted," Jett stated, making Hope's mouth fall open slightly, only for Jett to chuckle and smile. "because it wasn't even necessary in the first place."

Hope blinked, having no words to respond.

"Several weeks ago, Jett Anderson had an incident." Jett spoke to the camera. The scene cuts to a flashback of Jett punching an office wall in a fit of rage. "But after five weeks in anger management, I'm back. And I've got a new attitude, a new name, and... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies."

Jett walked further into the office, coming across Matthew and Arthur's desks. "Morning, Matthew." Jett stated.

Matthew looked up in surprise. "Hey, Jett. How are you, man?"

Jett lip curled ever-so-slightly. "Good. J."

"What's that?" Matthew asked.

"You can call me J." Jett stated.

"No, I'm not gonna call you that." Matthew stated with a faint smile, shaking his head.

Jett stared at Matthew for a few moments, lips pressed tightly in a thin line, before he shook his head. "Cool. I can't control what you do, I can only control what I do."

Matthew smiled. "Jett."

"J." Jett corrected with a strained smile, moving on to the next person. "Arthur!"

Arthur didn't look up from his desk, continuing to work.

"How's it going, man?" Jett pressed.

"Yes, I have decided to shun Jett Anderson for the next three years, which I'm looking forward to. It's an English technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna."

"Matthew, could you please inform Jett Anderson that he is being shunned." Arthur stated without looking up from his desk."

"Jett, Arthur says welcome back, and he could use a hug." Matthew stated with a smile.

Arthur's eyes flinted away from his work as Jett smiled. "Okay, tell him that that's not true." Arthur muttered.

"Arthur says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks." Matthew said.

Jett started chuckling to himself as he walked away, leaving Arthur in a panic. "Okay, no, Matthew, tell him bears can climb faster than they can run." Arthur looked back to see that Jett was walking away. "Matthew! Tell him!"

Matthew looked across the room, letting out a small, "Je-" before he shook his head. "Nah, that's too far."

Arthur glared at Matthew. "Damn you."

[OPENING SONG PLAYS]

"Today is safety training day. Ivan is leading ours upstairs." Alfred tried to hold back a grimace, but couldn't as he shook his head, looking to the floor as he pretending to throw up. "But I am giving everyone a little bit of a treat- we are going to listen in on Carlos's presentation to the warehouse. And if I know Carlos, it gonna be zoppity."

"Now," Carlos spoke as he crutched his way across the warehouse floor, both his fellow warehouse workers and the people from the office following lazily, "this is the forklift."

Alfred, who followed Carlos up to the forklift, began yanking on part of the machinery.

Carlos scooted Alfred away with one of his crutches. "You need a license to operate this machine. That means the upstairs office workers can't drive it." Carlos explained, staring straight at Alfred. "Quiz! Al."

Alfred looked up from staring at the forklift. "Hmm?"

"Should you drive the forklift?"

"I can, and I have." Alfred nodded.

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" Carlos yelled, getting closer to Alfred as he stared him down. "I said should you? You should not drive it. You should not drive the forklift." Carlos repeated over and over again loudly, not breaking eye contact. "You understand?"

"You're not allowed to drive the forklift." Lovino echoed nearby, arms crossed.

"It's not safe. You don't have a license." Carlos continued.

"Guys, I'm not the only one who's driven the forklift." Alfred stated. He pointed at Sammi. "Slammy has driven the forklift."

"Sammi." Sammi corrected, not entertained.

Alfred let out a sharp breath, deeply disturbed by this. "I thought your name was Slammy."

"No, it's always been Sammi." She stated.

"Okay." Alfred muttered, rolling his eyes excessively before looking to Carlos with a snide smile. "Um, her."

"Her, yes, "her" is qualified to work a dangerous machine. You are not." Carlos repeated.

Alfred's eyes flickered to the camera.

"Okay?" Carlos demanded. Alfred something muttered unintelligible under his breath. "Do you understand that?" Carlos pressed.

"Yeesssh." Alfred muttered, looking to the floor before his eyes bounced back to the camera.

"We do safety training every year- or after an accident." Carlos explained to the interviewer. "We've never made it a full year. This particular time, I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf when one office worker, who... shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled-"

"'Hey, Carlos how's it hangin''?" Alfred laughed into the camera.

"And I fell and busted my ankle... I'm legitimately scared for my workers." Carlos muttered.

"The bailer can flatten a car engine!" Carlos yelled over the sound of the bailer operating under his control. "It can cut off your arm and crush your entire body without skipping a beat."

"Yeah!" Arthur pumped his arm in the air in excitement as Jett stared at him apprehensively.

"How many people a year do you think get their arms cut off in a bailer?" Carlos asked the crowd.

"Bail 'er? I hardly know her." Alfred muttered to Leon, who looked at him in annoyance.

"Damn it, Alfred!" Lovino snapped. "Pay attention, man."

"Anybody wanna take a guess?" Carlos continued.

"Five bucks says it's over 50." Gilbert muttered to Matthew.

Matthew furrowed his brows with a sly smile. "You really wanna bet?"

"Anybody?"

"Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored." Gilbert said in a frustrated whisper.

"How many?"

Matthew smiled. "Okay, you're on."

"Ten people, Alfred." Gilbert cursed under his breath as the camera cut back to Alfred. "Ten people. Would you like to be one of them?"

Gilbert got out the money to pay Matthew, but Matthew shook his head. "No, don't worry about it." He muttered. "We'll just go double or nothing."

"On what?" Gilbert asked.

"I don't know. We'll figure something out." Matthew stated, and Gilbert nodded, pocketing the money.

Hector, who was standing to the side and slightly in front of Matthew, leaned back slightly. "What are you guys talking about?"

"These are very dangerous machines down here." Carlos continued, staring straight at Alfred. "And the upstairs workers- Alfred- should not go anywhere near them."

"Yes, yes." Alfred agreed, walking forward with his arms crossed. "But it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world-"

"It would be the worst thing in the world, it would!" Carlos shouted.

"What the hell is wrong with this man?" Lovino yelled in disbelief.

"It's a big, red trash compactor." Alfred stated with an eye roll.

"It's not a trash compactor! It's a bailer!" Carlos screamed as Arthur walked behind him and stuck his head in the bailer, looking up into the machinery.

"Okay, I got it! I got it!" Alfred repeated with his hands up. "Only on the rarest of occasions-"

"No, do not touch it! There is no occasion for you to go near this stuff, okay?"

[The scene cuts to everyone upstairs, the office workers sitting at their desks while the warehouse workers sit on the couch by reception]

"Ivan now has the floor, and he is going to try not to screw this up like everything else in his life." Alfred stated, standing at the reception desk next to Ivan, who was looking at Alfred with no emotion on his face. When Alfred was the only one who chuckled, he continued. "Let me rephrase that- I believe that you can do safety training and make it sound just as good as Carlos. Here we go!" He shouted, using his hands to hoist himself up onto the reception desk to sit, causing Hope to look up and jump.

"Okay, um... one thing you're gonna wanna look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome." Ivan began in a very monotone voice. It's recommended that you take a ten-minute break from typing every hour. For your circulation, um, you're gonna wanna get up out of your chairs, and, uh, and move around about ten minutes every hour."

Alfred, getting antsy, jumped off of reception and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yes, good, fine. Like stretching and..."

"Um... yeah. Your computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes." Ivan continued as Alfred shifted his weight back and forth on his feet dramatically, stucking his lips into his mouth. "So it's also recommended that you step away for about... about ten minutes every hour."

"Wow, that is... that time really adds up." Alfred commented. "That's like a half an hour every hour?"

"So you take them at the same time." Carlos muttered, staring at the floor as he spoke.

"Okay, you know what? You're making it sound kind of lame, so skip ahead to the really dangerous stuff." Alfred directed Ivan. "Like sometimes, computers can explode. Can they not?"

Ivan shook his head. "No, no. Um, you always want to keep a sweater or cardigan of some sort in case it gets drafty."

"What about a long-sleeved tee?" Sebastian asked.

"Well, that'll work." Ivan nodded.

"Long johns?" Jett asked.

"A shawl?" Gilbert called out.

"You know, anything that warms you." Ivan said as Alfred glanced back anxiously at the warehouse workers, where he witnessed Sammi yawn out of boredom.

"Okay, you know what? I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom." Alfred interrupted. "Sorry, he is very lame." Alfred grabbed the manual Ivan was reading from, skimming it. "Um... let's see... Seasonal affective disorder! A depression that includes weight gain, fatigue, irritability, brought on by the low light of winter." Alfred read off, taking the manual and walking over to Carlos as he did so.

"Thank God we only had the bailer to deal with." Carlos commented snidely.

"Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain't it?" Lovino teased.

"Okay, guys, you know what? I didn't interrupt when you were having your presentation." Alfred muttered to them.

"Actually, you did." Carlos stated.

"... yes." Alfred nodded, turning away. "Okay, let's do another one. This is a good one. A particular concern for office workers is a sedimentary lifestyle, which can contribute-"

"Sedentary." Ivan corrected.

"Yes, which can contribute to heart disease. Heart disease kills more people than bailers." Alfred exclaimed as he pointed at Carlos.

"That's called having a fat butt, Alfred." Lovino stated.

"Mmm, no, no, it's-"

"Yeah, yeah. That's fat butt disease. That's what you're suffering from?"

"No." Alfred laughed awkwardly.

"Fat butt disease, Alfred?"

"No, I..."

"Excuse me, Sea Monster, you weigh like 1,000 pounds." Thaovy stated, glaring at Lovino from her spot next to Sebastian.

"Yeah? I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you?" Lovino challenged.

"Sebastian!" Thaovy exclaimed, looking to Sebastian, who was now pale in the face.

"Dude, please, tell your girl to shut up." Lovino stated dismissively.

"What?" Thaovy demanded.

"Thaovy," Sebastian sounded like he was going to be sick, "you insulted the gentleman. Please, apologize."

"Are you kidding me?" Thaovy shouted.

"All right, we out of here." Carlos interrupted, standing up and placing his crutches under his arms.

"Carlos, I did not walk out in the middle of yours, so I-" Alfred started.

"Yeah, but ours was real, Alfred." Lovino stated.

Alfred nodded awkwardly. "Yes."

"That's what we been trying to tell you, Al. It's serious down there. We do dangerous stuff, man. This is shenanigans, foolishness." Carlos explained, he and Alfred locking eyes as Alfred glared at him, completed insulted. "NERF ball. You live a sweet little NERF-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it."

Alfred clicked his tongue, backing up. "Okay." There was a moment of silence in the office as the warehouse workers gathered themselves and began to file towards the door.

"What, NERF isn't cool anymore?" Alfred asked his workers, trying to fill the awkward silence.

Carlos thinks he's such a man because he works in a warehouse. Well, big deal! I worked in a warehouse- Men's Wearhouse! I was a greeter. I'd like to see Carlos greet people." Alfred ranted. "Probably make 'em feel like wimps- not me! I... 'Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Wearhouse. We have a special on khaki pants today.'" Alfred stared at the cameraman expectantly. "This is one example." He stated, before sitting back in his chair.

Gilbert stared intently at the jar of jelly beans that Hope was holding out for everyone to see. "Ten."

"Really, ten? That's your guess?" Hector asked in disbelief. "You're a professional accountant."

"There's, like, ten green ones." Matthew muttered in Gilbert's ear as he stood up straight.

"42." Hector stated.

"I'm gonna say 50." Matthew countered.

"51." Annalise stated from her spot next to Hector.

"Oh, don't be that person." Matthew complained, turning to Annalise.

"Come on, that is lame." Gilbert added.

Annalise glared at them. "It's a strategy!"

"It's called being smart." Hope said.

Annalise nodded. "Thank you."

"Oh, jeez." Matthew muttered, smiling as Hope poured the jelly beans onto the reception desk.

"I don't know how the whole betting thing started, but it's fun." Hope stated into the camera with a giddy smile.

"Ten." Hope called out as she counted.

"Gil's out." Matthew stated.

Gilbert shook his head. "Damn it!"

"47, 48, 49! Matthew wins!" Hope exclaimed.

"Oh!" Matthew yelled as he clapped for himself, Hector congratulating him cordially.

"That is not fair." Gilbert whined. "He has spent hours up here at reception with you. Hours and hours."

Matthew's smile turned to an awkward one as he stared at his feet. "Okay, okay."

"No, constantly, like, for years." Gilbert continued, causing Annalise to shift uncomfortably and flint her eyes away from Matthew.

[The scene jumps to Hope standing in Alfred's office, who is very distressed]

"Hope, depression is as scary as a bailer, right?" Alfred asked.

"I... don't understand the question." Hope muttered awkwardly.

"Working in a office can lead to depression which can lead to suicide. I mean this is really serious stuff."

"Yeah..."

Alfred looked back to his computer screen. "I- I- nobody commits suicide because they work with a bailer." He stated, looking back to Hope. "And yet those guys are making fun of me. Calling me a NERF. That..." Alfred shifted in his seat, becoming more upset as he spoke.

"It's really hard to demonstrate depression." Hope pointed out in an attempt to appease Alfred. "Their safety training had visuals."

Alfred's eyes widened with realization as he smiled. "Yeah..." He stared at the camera for a moment before shaking his head, suddenly very excited. "Yeah, you are... so right. They have visual aids. And all we had were the facts. You don't go to the science museum and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball and your hair sticks up straight. And you know science."

Hope nodded. "So you're okay?"

Alfred nodded. "Indubitably." He stated, before staring at the camera again. Hope slowly exited Alfred's office, a bit freaked out by his sudden shift in behavior.

[The scene cuts to Alfred pacing in the break room as Arthur listens]

"They use props, they use visual aids, and they just... made us look like dopes." Alfred ranted.

"Idiots!" Arthur growled, shaking his head. "God, what are we gonna do?!"

"I don't know. I don't know. Because you know what our killer is?"

"Wolves."

"Depression." Arthur and Alfred both answered, respectively. Alfred glared at Arthur, shaking his head in annoyance. "Depression."

"Visual aids..."

"Yes."

"A quilt- depression quilt?" Arthur suggested.

"No time to sew a quilt." Alfred muttered. Then, his eyes sparkled with realization. "I got it. Get me the number for the Giant Big Box toy store." He whispered. Arthur smiled slyly, before walking quickly out of the break room.

"You may be asking yourself, what am I doing on a trampoline?" Alfred said as he bounced lightly on a trampoline in the office parking lot. "Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, relieve some stress, and then move on with my day. Not!

"Here's the plan. Arthur is going to gather all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys and we're going to have another safety seminar. Only this time, where's Alfred? Oh my God! He is on the roof! Now I've got their attention. I tell them about the cold hard facts of depression. And then I say, 'Hey, you ever seen a suicide?' And I jump. And they freak out. And they get to see the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note... they might think, 'hey, I should've been nicer to Alfred.' But that's..." Alfred scratched his head, "not why I'm doing this.

"Then I land on the trampoline, take a couple extra bounces for fun. I climb off, walk around the corner. Ta-freakin'-da!"

Thaovy sat on Sebastian's desk while they were in deep conversation- well, Thaovy was in deep conversation talking while Sebastian stared at his watch. Everyone in the office was staring at them, something Thaovy was completely unaware of.

"So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four. Number six becomes number five. Number three becomes number two, etcetera, etcetera. And let's just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what? Now I want to see Love Actually again, but it's at the bottom of the queue. Oh no! What do I do? What I do is this: I go online, I go 'click, click, click,' and I change the order of the queue so that I can see Love Actually as soon as I want to. It's so easy, Sebastian." Thaovy rambled as Hope begrudgingly placed money on Sebastian's desk. Do you really not know how Netflix works?" She asked as Matthew slyly slid Sebastian more money.

Sebastian put away his watch and looked up at Thaovy with an innocent smile. "I guess I forgot." He stated, before standing up and kissing her forehead.

Thaovy blushed, smiling as she rolled her eyes. "You're such a ditz." She giggled, getting up and going back to her desk.

"Sebastian, well done. 2 minutes, 42 seconds." Gilbert read off from his notepad. "Additionally, Hope, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times. And Matthew, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies."

[The scene cuts to Arthur and Alfred standing on the roof of the building, the camera focusing on the trampoline below for a moment before switching to the two men]

"Okay, let's do this thing! I'll go summon the troops!" Arthur stated excitedly.

Alfred looked up from staring at the trampoline. "Maybe we should test this first, Letterman-style. Throw a TV over."

Arthur frowned. "We measured it once."

Alfred shook his head. "Go buy some watermelons."

"Seedless?"

"Just-" Alfred cut himself off, turning away.

[The scene cuts back to the betting downstairs]

Yáo sat at his desk, completely enveloped in the work on his computer. He reached over and grabbed an apple sitting off on the side of his desk. He took a bite and set it back down. The camera then panned to everyone in the office, staring at Yáo with anticipation.

Ivan, who was closest to the camera, leaned in to explain. "Yáo is eating an apple. I found a potato." He whispered.

Hope decided this was her moment. She walked over to Yáo. "Hey, Yáo."

Yáo turned and smiled in greeting. "Hey!" As the two chatted back and forth, Matthew moved in and took the apple, replacing it quickly with the potato and moving away. When Pam left, Yáo grabbed the potato and bit into it, chewing, and noticing no change.

Half his coworkers cheered quietly and the other half rolled their eyes as Gilbert began passing out money to the victors.

"I don't know this place as well as I thought I did." Annalise stated in disbelief to the interviewer. "I'm getting cleaned out."

[The scene cuts to Alfred and Arthur on the roof]

"Ready?" Arthur asked Alfred, holding a watermelon.

"Let's do it. Drop that sucker." Alfred nodded.

"Yeah!" Arthur yelled, letting go of the watermelon. It hit the trampoline and bounced high. "Bingo!" Arthur yelled, but the celebration came too soon- the watermelon flew through the air, spinning wildly as it received shouts of fear from Alfred, before landing on the roof of a parked car. The car alarm whirled loudly, causing Alfred to pace nervously.

"Deactivate the car alarm, clean up the mess." He commanded.

"Okay." Arthur nodded.

"Find out whose car that is. If it's Ludwig's, call the offices of James P. Albini. See if he handles office accidents." Alfred continued.

"Got it."

"Also, take apart the trampoline, stick it in the bailer."

"We're not allowed to use the bailer."

Alfred glared at Arthur. "Have Salami do it, or the sea monster."

"I'm on it!" Arthur yelled, taking off towards the staircase.

[The scene cuts to Arthur grabbing a binder from behind Jett's desk]

"I'm temporarily lifting the shun." Arthur muttered loud enough to grab Jett's attention as he stared wide-eyed around the rest of the office.

Jett turned and looked up at him, smiling slightly. "Thank you."

"It means nothing. I need you to do something for me." Arthur said quickly in an even quieter voice.

Jett gave a small nod. "Anything."

Arthur glared at him. "Okay, calm down. I need you to acquire an inflatable house and/or castle."

"You mean a moon bounce?" Jett asked.

"What do you think? You've got an hour."

"I'm gonna need petty cash."

"Shunning resumed." Arthur stated bluntly, slamming the binder closed and turning to put it away.

"Do you... do you want a drawbridge?" Jett asked.

"Un-shun." Arthur stood still, thinking. "Yeah, that sounds good. Re-shun."

[The scene cuts to Arthur and Alfred back on the roof]

"Oh, yeah, this is much better." Arthur commented as they stared down at the purple and pink castle bounce house in the parking lot. "Safer. An excellent decision."

"Yes. Thank you for seeing that." Alfred muttered.

"When you land, try and land like an eight-year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults." Arthur continued.

Alfred shook his head, shifting his weight on his feet rapidly. "I don't know if I want to do this."

"Do you want to do another test? I got plenty of watermelons in my trunk."

"No." Alfred sounded like he was going to be sick. "No more. The tests are going terrible. If we keep doing them, I'm not gonna want to jump." Alfred took in a deep, sharp breath. "This is about doing, not thinking!"

"Right, doing! Totally doing! It's rock and roll!"

"Rock and roll!"

"Yeah!"

"You're right, I'm not thinking!"

"Yeah!" Arthur shouted before playing terrible air guitar.

"I am ready to do this! I'm ready to make a point!"

[The scene cuts back to the office where everyone is silent and working]

Arthur ran through the door, his eyes wide with the slightest of smiles on his face. "Hey, guys, listen up. Alfred is up on the roof and acting strange!" He exclaimed in a horrible acting voice.

"Whoa, what's the situation?" Jett prodded, playing along.

Arthur glared. "Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression! Re-shun."

Jett rolled his eyes. "Okay, when's the shunning thing gonna end?"

"Un-shun- never! Re-shun." Arthur snapped. He then turned his attention back to the rest of his coworkers. "I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die!"

"Is it nice outside?" Ludwig asked from his desk.

"It's gorgeous. Let's go!" Arthur exclaimed.

"Do I need my jacket?" Ludwig continued.

"No, really, it's very nice. Come on!"

"Will I be too warm in a long sleeve T?" Sebastian asked with a small smile.

"EVERYONE'S GONNA BE FINE IN EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE WEARING! LET'S GO!" Arthur shouted, waving everyone to the door. Arthur led them downstairs, arriving at the door first. "Let's go!" He waved them on, leaving the office building and leading them to the parking lot. "Come on, hurry up, you guys!"

"My life!" The camera cut and zoomed in on Alfred, standing on the roof as he looked out towards the horizon. "Ooooh, my life!"

A megaphone seemingly materialized as Arthur raised it to his mouth. "Alfred, what's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong!" Alfred shouted as his workers looked at up him, confused. "The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression!"

"Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?" Arthur asked, using finger quotations on the phrase "bummed out".

"Arthur, you ignorant slut! Depression is a very serious illness! Over 32,000 people commit suicide every year, according to a 2004 study!"

"Is that the last year to date it was available?" Arthur asked through the megaphone.

"Yes." Alfred threw his hands up to his face. "My head is in such pain and turmoil!"

"Don't do anything rash!" Arthur yelled as Alfred dropped his hands, assessing the crowd.

"Arthur, where are the warehouse guys?" He called down.

"I didn't-" Arthur ran closer to the building as to be discreet as he talked to Alfred, "I didn't think you need them for this part."

"Okay, that's-" Alfred shook his head, annoyed.

"You said to just-"

"That's the whole point, dummy!"

"Okay, I'm on it!" Arthur stated, taking off. He entered the warehouse spastically, bringing the megaphone back up to his lips. "Attention blue collar workers!"

Meanwhile, outside, Alfred still stood silently on the roof, waiting for the warehouse workers. Below, Hope glanced up at Matthew. "What are the odds that this is in any way real?" She asked.

"I'd say, like, 10,000 to 1." Matthew muttered sarcastically, and Hope nodded.

Gilbert, who was standing nearby, turned to Matthew. "Okay, I'd like ten bucks on those odds."

"If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it." Gilbert stated to the interviewer, before smiling slyly. "If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude."

Arthur returned with the warehouse workers, still talking through the megaphone. "Alfred's up on the roof and he's acting strange!"

"Ooooooh, my life!"

"Alfred, what's wrong?" Arthur demanded, sprinting towards the building.

"Everything's wrong, Arthur! The stress of my modern office has made me depressed!"

"Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?"

"Arthur, you ignorant slut!"

"Well, you know, the first performance was a little off." Matthew explained to the cameraman as Alfred continued behind them. "But I really think they hit their stride in the second show. Um... might even bring my parents tomorrow to the matinee."

"And that is why-" Alfred voice shouted loudly in the background.

"Oh, excuse me. It's my favorite part." Matthew smiled.

"- I am going to jump off this roof!" Alfred yelled.

"This is just offensive." Shelby muttered to Sebastian, who was smiling.

"At least we're outside." He commented.

"Hey, check it out. There's a castle over there." Yáo commented as he adjusted his zipper, obviously from just finishing going to the bathroom in the bushes.

"Oh, my God. There is a castle." Matthew stated, walking over to the scrub covered fence, which was partially obscuring the bounce house located on the other side. He jogged over to the scrub-free gate as the rest of his coworkers followed.

"No, there's nothing to see over there, people. There's nothing to see." Arthur tried to stop them, before he looked up to Alfred in defeat. "They found the castle, Alfred."

"Damn it." Alfred whispered.

Matthew was smiling at how silly it was that there was a bounce house in the parking lot, but Hope was putting two and two together and stared up at the roof in horror. "Oh, God. Oh, my God, he's gonna jump." She stated, looking to Matthew.

Matthew's smile fell as he looked at the bounce house again, and then at the roof. "Oh... he's going to kill himself... pretending to kill himself."

"Yeah." Hope nodded.

They both took off to where they originally stood in the parking lot, staring up at Alfred. "Hey, uh, Alfred." Matthew called up to him, shaking his head. "Don't jump on the bouncy castle." He stated, Hope shaking her head rapidly next to him. "You can't do that 'cause you are going to get horribly, horribly injured."

Hope snatched the megaphone from Arthur. "Hey, Alfred!" He gave a small wave. "I have a present for you, but you have to come down and get it."

"What is it?" He asked from the roof.

"Come down and open it and you'll see!"

"Arthur, find out what the present is." Alfred commanded.

"Okay, uh... I don't see anything. She might be bluffing." Arthur shouted up.

"Arthur." Hope snapped.

Arthur stared at her for a minute, before grabbing his megaphone back. "Oh. It's, uh... a Repliee Q1 Expo female robot. They're only available in Japan."

Alfred shook his head. "Arthur, you are such a liar. Hope, really, what is it?"

Now, Carlos had the megaphone. "Al, this is the opposite of safety. You jump, you're gonna seriously hurt yourself."

"You told me that I lead a- a cushy, wimpy, NERF life."

"Yeah, but I never said you had nothing to live for." Carlos stated.

"What do I have to live for?" Alfred challenged.

"A lot... of things. Uh, you, uh..." Carlos stuttered, looking to Arthur, Matthew, and Hope for assistance. "What about Janice? Lovely, lovely, lovely Janice, man. It's going good, right?"

"It's complicated with Janice. I don't know where I stand or what I want. The sex isn't nearly as good as it used to be." Alfred rambled disheartenedly.

"Al... you're a very brave man." Carlos stated. "I mean, it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day knowing full well you gotta be you."

"Do you really mean that?" Alfred asked.

"I couldn't do it!" Carlos exclaimed, Matthew and Hope holding back a couple chuckles. "I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave."

"I'm braver than you?"

"Way braver! You Braveheart, man."

Alfred nodded slowly. "I Braveheart." He looked to the camera next to him, before looking to his feet. "I am."

"Come on down, okay?" Carlos asked.

"Okay. Hope, I'm coming down to get my present." Alfred shouted. Hope looked into the camera at her level, which zoomed in on her alarmed expression.

"An office is as safe as the people in it." Alfred's voice over explained as the camera showed Alfred climbing off the roof, the workers below giving him a round of applause. "And sometimes those people can drive you to do crazy things to show the dangers of the office." He continued as the footage showed him waving and saluting to everyone on the ground, before handshaking and hugging it out with Carlos. "That's the danger I found myself in today. I saved a life... my own. Am I a hero? I really can't say, but yes."

Meanwhile, Ludwig stood outside, staring at his dented car covered in smashed watermelon.