A/N: Not a romantic one-shot ^^"

A warning, this chapter will dive down on abusive and toxic friendships and fear not- that toxic friend is not Nagito ^^

If you're currently going through things like this, please feel more than free to talk about this to somebody you deem as trustworthy and know that you're a precious flame that doesn't deserve to be snuffed out :)

Another warning, a mention of self harm would be here too.

Also, there are mentions of emotional manipulation, gas lighting, and every sign of a toxic friendship.

Dear Y/N,

I hope you have a great year! Merry Christmas and Happy holidays, oh and have a good New Year as well! I love the times we spent together, all the good and the bad, you made my life entertaining and I know, I sound corny as hell

So the gift I brought you is hella expensive and cost me my allowance for two months btw this current gift is waaaaay more expensive than the two figures I gave you last year combined, but you wouldn't give a fuck now wouldn't ya you backstabbing shit

- your friend, (insert random name)

You were stunned after you read the letter. Despite rereading it over and over, you were sure what you were reading. You were getting mixed signals, you were too unsure.

You reluctantly glanced over the gift given to you, an effortlessly box shoved in a gift bag, but you didn't minded it one bit. Not you were ungrateful of what you were given, you were just unsure whether you should accept it or not. You received mixed signals from their message and you weren't sure whether they were mocking or were they really genuine? Well, the last few statements felt the rawest among all of it.

You feel guilty for being unsure whether you should accept it or return it to them; given the fact that they mentioned that they asserted efforts into saving funds to buy this gift for you, but their message was just giving you the wrong feeling. I mean, who wishes someone to have a good time before calling them such inappropriate names?

To top it all off, you had a horrible history with them and you're sure that they were still unable to move on about what happened between the two of you.

It all started in Middle School. They were quite the stuff of humiliation for doing stunts in class that surely jerked attention of both students' and teachers' to them. They were the sponge absorbing student's verbal abuse, in which you started to feel sorry for them and started to start small conversations with them to make them feel like they're not alone.

And so, the 'friendship' commenced.

They started to message you on a daily basis, hanging out with you frequently, etc.

You learned a lot of things about them, all the good and the bad.

They can lift one's spirit up, but can also put them down. A prime example of this was a time during the approaching dance party to celebrate the founding honour of your prestigious school, in which you couldn't contain your excitement to ask the person of your dreams to the dance, in which they immediately called you a blind cunt for being dense to not know that you were out of that person's league. You brushed it off as one of their jokes, but a part of you is screaming at you to avoid them.

You were usually reserved, silent as a mouse. You never really get bouncy and maybe they weren't used to seeing you all excited and bouncy like that- maybe they got annoyed of you and you can't blame them; you'll be annoyed too if you're being pestered nonstop. You temporarily stopped speaking to them around that time and you were deeply hurt about what they said... The 'friendship' regained its flame once again when they started chatting you up again... As if nothing happened.

They tend to dip their selves in your troubles despite your refutes. Another prime example would be the time you decided to leave your circle of friends because of your insecurities and the feeling of not being welcomed in the group. And once you left that friend group, your friends were devastated, but understanding. They must've held a grudge, but surely it was in a short span of time.

And what did (insert random name) do? They insisted that you should get back together to the point they were pestering about you all day to do so because "I don't want to see you sad like that" and once you repeatedly insisted that you had no intention to reconnect with your old circle of friends . They stopped when you snapped... But that didn't stop them from doing another stunt.

They invited you to a movie night with them and you accepted. Unknown to you, (insert random name) invited your old friends too and just like you, they were oblivious to the fact that you too were invited.

You snapped at them once again, breaking down and screaming... But what they said permanently made your last string of patience disappear.

"You should be thankful that I'm helping you."

This was the final straw for you and decided to end the so-called 'friendship' with them and cut your connection with them. You blocked their accounts, deleted their number and ignored them.

They were extremely stubborn to get you to talk to them, apologizing- no they weren't apologizing... They were guilt tripping you, telling you that you were their only friend, that they were only want the best for you and that you should be thankful to them.

Suffice to say, you blocked every duplicate accounts that they have and ignoring their pathetic attempts to tempt you to reconnect with them. They'd send you gifts, in which you gave away to others or throw it away...

And that day came. A day came where you were emotionally fucked over by something you didn't do, but was the reason of it.

It was the day before summer vacation and the end of Middle School for you, when (Insert random name) came to school, arms littered with cuts.

An emotional leverage was held over you, knowing why they had these scars. But you know full too well that it wasn't your saying that they should off or to abuse their selves... But you can't help but to feel guilty because of that. They were immediately sent to the councilor's office because of that.

You spent you remaining summer before freshman year wallowing in the fact that you were the reason why they considered self abuse. The reason why you grew woozy at the sight of blood and any wounds in general that would immediately send you fainting at the sight of it.

High school came and you thankfully recovered from that event and soon found yourself in an accepting group of friends. There were Jeanny, and Khianne, they were an understanding bunch who encourages you to enhance your talent. Then there was Gabriel, CJ, Aaron and Lawrence and Zahra, another group of people that was really sweet and understanding.

You have a really good relationship with them, they welcomed you with arms wide open into their cozy little family. You were comfortable in the friendship... Until they thought they can sabotage and replace you in the group.

Even if your Freshman high school life would be going sweet, it was a little unfortunate of you to be sharing a few classes with (insert name here). They would give you nasty side glances, but they would also give you gifts for some reason.

Overall, you were confused.

But then there came a time when your friends decided to plan a swimming trip during semester break... Of course you agreed, but what you didn't know that a certain someone would be attending as well. Despite being called (insert squad name) swimming bonding, an outsider of the squad was invited.

And instead of having fun with your friends, you found yourself distancing away from them as they seem to have more fun with them instead of you. Jeanny took notice of this and invited you for a swim, in which you fabricated a reason why you can't. Being the understanding cinnamon roll she is, decided that she should accompany you in the cottage to talk with you instead to avoid making you feel out of place.

After the trip, all of you went home, in which (insert random name) left a message in a groupchat of you and your friends saying; "Damn, that was fun. Too bad my wallet was emptied because I was the one who basically brought the foods I never get to eat"

That surely left a bad taste in Jeanny's tongue, considering that they were the one who offered to buy food. It's not like she forced to make them pay for all the food. In fact, she insisted that the squad will have a contribution to buy the food and to raise funds for the cottage they'll use.

You let her confide in you because of this events, in which you told her about your past with them. She nods in understandment, but considers the fact that she shouldn't judge a person by their past. And you respected her for it.

(Insert random name) then proceeded to bribe everyone in your squad to watch a movie; their treat because it's their birthday in which the whole squad agreed. You were reluctant to agree, but Jeanny and Khianne convinced you to watch. And since you didn't want to miss out the fun, you accepted it.

After viewing the movie, the squad was hungry and decided to eat, in which (insert random name) once again offered to pay for the food. Jeanny took the chance to ask if it was okay, in which they insisted that the food was in them. So the squad agreed.

After that, Jeanny finally snapped at them.

After leaving, Jeanny received a message from them telling her that all their money was spent on them. Jeanny got the vibe that they were trying to make the squad look like a bunch of gold digging assholes. She sided with you every time they would come near the squad, making sure that they wouldn't do anything to you or anyone, after she witnessed (insert random name) cursing out on Khianne, calling her names all because of a mobile game.

It was summer that time, and Jeanny proclaimed that the squad should go on for a swimming trip, in which (insert random name) chimes in with a sickening statement: "I bet my wallet will be emptied because of y'all again."

And so, the squad decided to plan without them knowing, in which you were unfortunate not going to be able to attend since you were being scouted for Hope's peak academy. Your friends were understanding and so bonded over the swimming pool while you were being scouted for your dream school.

And after the scouting, you found yourself receiving a letter from Hope's Peak, stating that you were accepted. You were in euphoric tears the whole afternoon after receiving that letter.

Soon, your new school year starts and managed to get yourself platonically attached to Nagito Komaeda. He was... An interesting friend to say the least, but you managed to help him the way you can. The whole school year was fine, until you found out that (insert random name) went outta there way to transfer in Hope's Peak as a Reserve Course student.

Their pathetic attempts to try to approach you proved to be in vain when Reserve Course students are not allowed to enter in the main course of Hope's peak. And even if you're outside of school, they can't approach you with Nagito by your side after hearing about his intense amount of luck...

(Insert random name) was extremely persistent. You had a complicated relationship with them. They claim that they hate you, but then they claim that they respect you after calling you degrading nicknames... It was all just so confusing.

And it all leads to this current moment, with you staring at the dreaded gift they gave, in which you were unsure how to receive it.

"Hmm? What's wrong, Y/N?" Nagito glanced over your shoulders to take a glimpse of the letter you were reading, in which you automatically responded by covering the letter by pressing it against your chest.

"I-It's nothing, Nagito," you stammered, hastily shoving the letter in the gift bag just like how the gift was shoved in it. "It's nothing to be concerned about." You smiled at him.

"Hmm? Whose the gift from? I saw a Reserve Course scum sneaking in here earlier and they look like the guy who is frequently bothering you." Nagito pressed forward. "Maybe it was from them."

You rolled your eyes. "Oh quit it with your conspiracy theories, Nagito. I'm sure it wasn't from them." You turned away from him.

"Then why the sudden shift of mood?" You glanced at him over your shoulder, who you saw was giving you a stern look. "Look, I know irrelevant trash like me isn't in the right place to talk to you like this -"

"You're not an irrelevant trash, Nagi. Quit loathing yourself." You sighed. "Didn't I told you to stop pushing yourself down?"

"You're changing the topic." He crossed his arms over his chest, in which you mirrored him with a pout.

"And so do you." You responded. He only shook his head in amusement.

"Look, if they're bothering you, don't hesitate to call me okay? I know trash like me -"

"You mean a precious flame that doesn't deserve to be snuffed out -"

He simply sighs, rolling his eyes. "Or that, feel free to call me when they're making you uncomfortable."

"Shucks, I don't want to bother you all because of this, Nagito -"

"I insist." He gives you a closed eyes smile. You sighed in defeat.

"Fine."

"Yes! It feels great that a scum like me is able to help the Ultimate (insert talent)!"

"How many times do I have to tell you that you shouldn't do that to yourself, I -"

After the predicament, both of you decided to head out of school to go home. And all this time, all you can think about was the letter and the gift. Even if the thing was lighter than a feather, it managed to weighed you done just by looking at it. All you can do was to drown in your own thoughts and contemplations on your way home.

And when the darkness bloomed and enveloped the world in a thick blanket and darkness with dots and lots and lots of stars... Amidst the the deepest, darkest hour, your mind began to spiral downwards, contemplating and questioning your own judgement.

Were you the toxic one? Were you the reason why the friendship with (insert random name) did not worked? Were they just trying their best to befriend you and you were the selfish one? The snobbish one?

You were stuck between the black and white template of this current predicament, but surely wasn't in the grey area. As both sides tugged on you back and forth, you struggled to think one topic at a time without contradicting yourself.

This wasn't the first time this has happened to you, you felt something like this back in middle school, when they started to abuse their selves, in which you felt responsible for something you didn't do, but certainly caused. Not you were blaming them, but you were certainly not at fault there.

With trembling hands, you reached for your phone on your desk. The screen luminously glowed strongly amidst the darkness, as your shaking hands immediately tapped a specific contact of your friend.

"Hello?" She sounded as if she was woken up, and you felt guilty for disturbing her peaceful slumber.

The toxic side of your brain was being rapidly hit by a stick by your rational part of your brain, telling you it's okay to ask for help.

"H-Hi, Jeanny... Do you have a moment?" Your voice shook, as your free hand fumbled with your blanket, fondling with the fabric tightly.

"Y/N? What's wrong?" And with that, she sounded alert.

"I-it's - uh -" you stammered, feeling your neck tightening in every breathe you attempt to take. "I-I-" at this rate, you found yourself breaking down.

"Okay, calm down. I'm going to get there as soon as possible. Hang on sweetie!" And with that, the call was ended and you were left in your own silence, as you repeatedly hit your knees in attempt to shift your pain into physical instead of emotional and psychological.

It felt like a good few seconds, in which you thought was an eternity, you hear a window open by your bedside window, three familiar figures squeezing their selves in the window and into the room.

"O-ow!" Nagito pressed exclaimed, as he was finally to squeeze his full figure in your room, but without miscalculating and planting his face on the ground, where a pillow was miraculously placed where his face landed.

The panting Jeanny runs to you and immediately embraced your shaking frame, whilst Khianne helped Nagito to stand on his feet, before the both of them scrambled to your direction to envelope you in their embrace. You sobbed onto Jeanny's chest, hiccuping occasionally as they comforted you.

"I-I'm the worst friend, an ungrateful whore who doesn't seem to appreciate gifts -"

"No, it's not your fault. You never wanted one in the first place." Khianne retorted, digging in her pocket for her handkerchief and began to lightly dab the fabric on your tear stained cheeks and snotty nose.

"I feel like the worst person for making them live like that! They- they started to self harm because of me -"

"Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault. It was their choice to do that." Jeanny reassured, tightening her hug.

"No, no- you-you just don't get it!" Your vocals cracked, as you tried to squirm away from their embrace. "I'm the worst person there is! An ungrateful, backstabbing piece of garbage!"

"You're wrong!" Nagito retorted. "You're the best person there is! You helped all of us to overcome our insecurities! You helped this trash evolve into... A trash, but still better than my past self!"

"S-stop talking about yourself like that." You hiccuped.

"See? That's what I'm talking about!" Nagito chuckled.

"You're not what you think you are, because all we see is an encouraging person who wants to see their friends bring out their best and will always support them no matter what." Jeanny sighed, nuzzling her cheek onto yours.

"Yeah! What she said!" Khianne agreed.

"You're..." You waited for what Nagito had to say. "You're a flame that doesn't need to be snuffed out." You smiled a tearful smile, before trying your best to hug back three people who stuck with you through thick and thin.

"All of you are the best people and you make me bring the best in me." You sobbed. "I love you guys, no homo."

"That's our Y/N."

Extra:

"So... How did ya guys met?" Asked Y/N, as they curled in a blanket burrito, cradling a bowl in ice cream to their chest, whilst eyeing their three friends who they swore had not met yet.

The three people all averted their gazes. Yeah, you had to wonder when they did they met. Clearly Jeanny and Khianne hadn't met Nagito yet.

"I uh..." Jeanny cleared her throat. "When you called me, I knew immediately what's up and decided to drag Khianne out of her house, before..." She continues to look away, harshly tugging on Khianne's sleeve to make her continue the story.

"Uh, on out way here... We walked on the rarely used highway with the steep way? And then we uhm... We saw Nagito rolling down and he was approaching us so fast that he crashed into us and we too started rolling down." Khianne continued.

You nodded. "Does- does that regularly happen to him?" Jeanny asked, tipping her head towards Nagito, who only shrugged.

"Then after that, we somehow found ourselves finding out that each of us are your friends and here we are." Khianne finished.

"Ah, it is an honour to meet Y/N's friends! Being friends with the Ultimate (Talent)'s friends make me feel special. The Ultimate (Talent)'s equally unique and extraordinary friends... Are friends with an irrelevant waste of space like me!"

Your face fell, a sweat drop on the side of your head, as well as Jeanny and Khianne, while Nagito just grinned widely.

"... He is usually like this, isn't he?" Jeanny whispered to you.

"Yea, his self-esteem is currently in a work in progress."

A/N

Hi, it's me :)

This One-shot is based in a real story (partially) and I am proud to say that the inserted characters here are my friends who helped me with a lot, dealing with my issues

^_^ and if you're reading this, I wuv all of you guys