THIRTY SIX. midnight dove

  The muffled sound of an argument pulled Adeline out of the deep state of unconsciousness, body jerking forward in the vehicle she laid in. Her hands gripped the edges of the seats, eyes springing open as the realization that she was in the green Hyundai dawned on her. The feeling of waking up from a long nap slammed into her, dizziness greeted her body as she popped the door open. Morning sun shined down on her as she slid out of the back seat, hastily shutting the door quietly behind her before taking in her surroundings.

Deep forests sat protectively on each side of the paved road, fog resting gently against the tall trees. Adeline pressed a hand to her head, the back of her skull pounding with pain due to getting out of the car hurriedly. Meeting her own eyes in the cars window, the purple and black bruise around her right eye failed to go unnoticed as she brought her fingers to the mark and grazed it.

The soft touch caused her to wince in pain, eyes falling down to the clothes on her body. Daryls flannel remained on her arms, warming her skin from the chilly wind. Stepping away from the car, Adeline looked to her legs and swallowed the spit in her mouth in attempts to suppress the memories that tried to lash freely in her mind hauntingly. She felt disgusted with herself, body itching to change out of the pants she wore when the man who called himself The Governor put his hands on her.

Adeline felt the need to take a boiling hot shower, to let the water burn the layer of skin to rebuild a new. She fought the battles inside of her mind, tearing her eyes away from her legs and running a hand over her face before facing the woman who leaned against the car next to her. Locs framed her face, eyes sharpened into a careful yet skeptical glare that drilled into the widow.

Glancing to the katana crossed over her back, Adeline wiped the solemn emotions away from her face and replaced them with a tight lipped smile. The woman noticed this, but deciding against talking about it as the widow shifted on her feet - "What'd I miss?" Adeline questioned, hoping to get answers for what had happened.

With only a silent stare, the woman pointed in two separate directions. One finger towards the woods and one down the road they stood on. Following her stare, Adelines body tensed up at the sight of Merle Dixon taking a piss on the rough bark of a tree. Turning her head to the highway, she found Rick, Daryl, Glenn, and Maggie in a hushed circle. It wasn't long before she put two and two together, reluctance taking over her features as she opened the door and grabbed her machete that sat in the floor of the vehicle.

After curling her fingers around the weapon, Adeline slammed the door shut before stalking over to the circle. Bags of exhaustion mixed with deprivation sat proudly underneath her eyes, strands of brunette hair framing her face. The boots she wore padded against the rough road, machete held tightly in her hands as if someone were to attack her at any minute. Daryls flannel fit comfortably on her body, the first few buttons left open to reveal her bloodstained chest. The dried splatters on her face had been wiped away, her gratitude going to whoever did it.

Rick set his eyes on his approaching sister, "Adeline, you should be resting. It's not good for you to be on your feet after all you've been through," He informed, his words laced with a careful and worried tone. They had tried not to wake Adeline, half of them worried about what would happen to Merle if she were to lay eyes on him. But the other half would gladly join her on the rampage.

"I'm fine. Nothing happened." Adeline refused to go back to the Hyundai, not even wanting to spare a glance towards the vehicle due to the experience she had in the storage room she was held in. The marks of exhaustion on her features were evident to the naked eye, but her family around her knew that she wouldn't sleep until she knew everyone was safe and remained to be once her head hit the pillow. "Rick, I've been handling my shit since I was a kid. So, please." She pleaded.

Nodding his head reluctantly, Rick watched as his sister claimed the spot next to Daryl and crossed her arms over her chest. Shifting on his feet, he looked at the survivors around him - "Merle staying is not gonna work." He continued the conversation like nothing had happened, which sent a wave of relief flowing over Adelines back.

"It's gotta." The younger Dixon spoke, his eyes glancing over to his brother who stood tiredly in the woods next to the road. He turned his head back to them, hand gripping the strap of his crossbow that hung around his shoulder.

"It'll stir things up." Rick retorted, placing his hands on the edges of his gun belt as he talked. Daryl squinted his eyes, "Look, the Governor is probably one the way to the prison right now. Merle knows how he thinks and we could use the muscle." He informed, causing a feeling of uneasiness to creep up on the widows spine at the thought of the Governor rolling up to the front gates.

Maggie shook her head in denial, "I'm not having him at the prison." She refused, her voice overlapping with a distressed Glenn's. "He had a gun to our heads. Do you really want him sleeping in the same cell block as Carol or Beth?" He questioned, glancing over to Adeline.

Remembering back on the countless of times Daryl had her back, the widow pinched the bridge of her nose and met the boys eyes - "Merle's not a rapist." She defended the man, avoiding the slightly grateful eyes sent her way.

"Well, his buddy is." Glenn was quick to retort, resulting in a look of guilt lacing his features at the way Adeline and Maggie looked to him. The widow nodded her head slowly, taking the smallest step back as she ran a hand through her tangled hair and tugged through the knots to distract her busy mind from the haunting remembrance.

"Hey, they ain't buddies no more. Not after last night," Daryl spoke up in attempts to change the subject - which caused a feeling of confusion to sprout in Adelines stomach at his words. Turning to face him, the realization that Oscar was nowhere to be found dawned on her. "Last night?" She questioned in hopes of getting answers.

Daryl nodded in confirmation, "Sun'va bitch got me, forced Merle and I to fight in an arena around all his people. That's how he ended up here, how we lost Oscar." He informed, a feeling laced with guilt simmering in the widows stomach at the newfound information.

"Still yet, there's no way Merle's gonna live there without putting everyone at each other's throats." Rick continued, his voice raspy as he tore his eyes away from the lost look in his sisters face. Each time he looked over to her, he remembered how his mind tricked him into seeing Shanes figure during the fight to get out of Woodbury, which led him to remembering the night in the field.

"So you're gonna cut Merle loose and being the last samurai home with us?" Daryl retorted, motioning over to the dark skinned woman who leaned against the Hyundai down the paved road. Frustration was clear in his tone, the relief of seeing his brother after nine months being replaced with the fear of having to leave him again.

Rick shook his head, "She's not coming back."

Maggie shrugged her shoulders, "She's not in a state to be on her own." she defended the stranger - which made Adeline wonder how much she truly missed out on.

A reluctant look laced Glenn's features, "She did bring you guys to us." He reminded, only for Rick to shake his head. "And then ditched us." The leader added.

"At least take her back and let Hershel stitch her up. That's the least we could do for her. Let her heal then send her on her way," Adeline spoke up after a minute of standing in the pool of her own silence.

"She's too unpredictable." Her brother was quick to reply, his eyes settling on the woman leaning against the car who stared directly at them.

Daryl nodded in agreement, "That's right. We don't know who she is." He brought up, turning to face them. "But Merle, Merle's blood." He reminded them.

Glenn shook his head in disagreement, "No. Merle is your blood." He argued, "My blood, my family is standing right here and waiting for us back at the prison." His words were forceful, eyes sharpened.

"And you're part of that family." Rick spoke up, turning his head to look at Daryl after agreeing with Glenn's words. "But, he's not. Merle's not." He continued.

Shifting on her feet, Adeline broke the silence with her voice - "I think we should bring him back with us." She admitted, causing them all (excluding Daryl) to look at her with bewildered eyes. "Listen, he may not be apart of our family but he is apart of Daryls. That matters."

"So he just automatically earns your trust? How can you say that? After everything that happened to you and-" Glenn started, the words he spoke all hidden with good meaning but his approach rubbed off the wrong way due to the anger bubbling up in his veins.

"I didn't say I trusted him." Adeline was quick to cut the boy off with a tired voice, "But I do trust Daryl. That should be enough for you guys to agree on this." She argued, the rednecks eyes glistening with gratitude with every word she spoke.

After finishing, a silence overcame the group of five. The widow looked over to her brother for an answer to the situation, but she was greeted with nothing but eyes full of reluctance and refusal at the idea. A scoff involuntarily left her lips, fingers reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose as she stepped back. They weren't gonna let him.

Daryl threw his hand out in frustration, "Fine. We'll just fend for ourselves." He spoke, shifting on his feet as Adeline looked to him with furrowed brows threaded with immediate denial at the idea.

"That's not what I was saying," Glenn spoke before she could, taking a step towards Daryl. The redneck shook his head and avoided the widows eyes, "No him, no me." He asserted, holding onto the strap of his crossbow.

"Daryl, you don't have to do that." Maggie started to reject the idea, stepping forward. Adeline turned on the heels of her feet to face the man - "You can't just leave." Her words left her chapped lips, her tone full of pleads.

Avoiding her begs, he shook his head. "It was always Merle and I before this." Daryl reminded her, causing the smallest hint of betrayal to twist in her stomach.

After the death of her husband, Adeline took every extra mile to avoid showing signs of weakness. When she did, it was only because she couldn't hold it in anymore. The nights a tear slipped out, or a choked sob clawed it's way out of her throat. All of them had one thing in similar - who she was with. Daryl Dixon. Nearly every single break, every moment of weakness or need, he was there.

"Daryl, please." Her voice was soft, cracking slightly due to the desperation that was lined up behind the words. "You can't..." Adeline started, the vulnerability showing through her words and the tears that threatened to slip from her eyes. Her weakness had seeped through the crevices, sneaking their way upon the grieving widow.

The realization that she had accepted Shane's death dawned on her. Eyes full of desperation meeting Daryls empty ones, a swarming nest full of betrayal and hurt hanging above the two. The look on his face felt as if she had touched the nest, and everything inside had come tumbling down onto her. And she was convinced that the desire to not be alone had faded, to not need someone.

Adeline swallowed the pleads in her throat, stepping away from the redneck as she tucked her hair behind her ears and met his eyes once again - "Fine then." She spoke, the small crack in her words failing to go unnoticed by Daryl as she curled her fingers around her machete and handed it to him.

Once he took it in his grasp, Adeline backed away from him and kept their eyes connected. "You'll need it more than me." She informed, sparing one last glance his way before walking in the direction of the vehicle.

         When the front gates to the prison rolled open upon their arrival, Adeline thought a feeling of relief would simmer down onto her mind. But instead, she was greeted with the familiar numb feeling of hurt, eyes trained on the buildings ahead. When she found out Carol had survived instead of dying alongside T-Dog like they had thought, a small brief wave of gratitude rushed into her before the joy faded away into the ashes of destruction that was glued to her luck. Nothing good lasted, and the return of Carol only made her fear the time when she wouldn't.

Taking Axels guard duty, the exhausted widow knew the only place she should be is in her bed resting. Instead, she was convinced that the second her head hit that pillow - every memory would crash into her like a tidal wave. It would resemble a domino effect, everything that she had seen and felt in that interrogation room returning. The last thing Adeline wanted was to be reminded of the things she could prevent, and the way Daryl abandoned them.

The sunlight shined harshly onto her skin, legs hanging off of the side of the guard tower. Adeline kept her hands around the rails, forehead pressed against the bars tiredly as she kept her eyes glued to the walkers clinging to the side of the fence. One in particular had caught her eye, the clothes on its body resembling the same her husband had worn the night he was killed. The widow thought the reminder would cause her to break again, but the only feeling she felt was anger residing in her stomach.   

A sniper rifle laid next to the side of her thighs, caramel eyes glancing over to the gun every so often. There was a part of her that was glad she gave her machete to Daryl, because if she didn't she knew she would be outside of those gates to relive the hurt she felt. The numb touch of frustration that lingered in the tips of her fingers, itching to let it all out on the stalkers that hung from the gates. Adeline wished she had allowed herself to grieve on the road, and she wondered how different things would be if she did. Maybe Daryl would have stayed.

A creak was heard from inside the guard tower, her head turning just in time to spot Rick opening the hatch and searching the room for her. Once his eyes landed on her figure that sat on the edge of the wrap around balcony, worry pumped through his veins as he opened the thin metal door and stepped out to crouch down next to his sister. "Axel told me you took his shift. You shouldn't be out here, you need to rest. Hershel said the same thing."

"I'm fine, Rick." Adeline curtly assured, pulling her eyes away from him and settling them back onto the fence. "I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to." She added onto her words reluctantly, lowering her voice ever so slightly as she grabbed the sniper from the ledge and stood up.

Rick followed her movements into the guard tower, watching with careful eyes while she placed the gun onto one of the desks. "He'll come back." He spoke, causing his sister to turn around and look at him with furrowed brows threaded with confusion. "It is Daryl, after all." He added, the widow sighing deeply in return.

"I don't care about that," Adeline lied through her teeth and leaned against the desk. "It's the last thing on my mind right now." She continued, "You need to stop worrying about me and figure out what you're gonna do about those people." She changed the subject, mentioning the four survivors that Carl had found inside the prison while they were gone.

"You think we should let 'em stay?" Rick questioned, honestly needing his sisters opinion on the matter. Before Lori died, she was the once he went to - the one he asked if what he was doing was in the right or the wrong. Now that she was gone, he needed someone to turn to.

Shrugging her shoulders, Adeline looked to the ground in thought. "You said so yourself, this isn't a democracy anymore. What I think shouldn't matter. It's your call." She reminded, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's not like you'd listen to anything I'd say, you know that."

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose and shifted on his feet, "You're my sister, Adeline. Of course what you want matters to me. I don't make these decisions based solely on what I want. It's for the good of our people." He spoke, meeting her tired eyes that glistened with frustration.

"Being your sister means a whole lot of nothing, Rick." Adeline felt her throat tighten, the anger inside itching to claw its way out of her as she pushed herself off of the desk and paced the room. "You should just go." She insisted, keeping her eyes away from him.

When nothing but silence lingered in the air, she turned on her feet and met his reluctant stare. "Did you hear me? I want you to go away, Rick. Okay? I want you to go. Just leave me alone." She repeated, her voice cracking in between words, a downpour of emotions threatening to pour from the crevice.

"I'm not leaving." Rick shifted into his feet, "I'm not."

A scoff left Adelines lips, running a hand through her hair as she looked out of the window in the guard tower. "When I asked you to leave me alone on the road, you did. Why can't you do it when I actually want it?" She retorted, anger lacing the words she spoke.

"I don't- I don't know what you want me to say." Rick admitted, "You shut me out, Adeline. I couldn't force my way in, that would have only made things worse." He appealed, causing his sister to curse under her breath.

"I want you to stop acting like you're sorry!" Adeline snapped, her serpents tongue taking control as she stepped closer to him. "Stop acting like you didn't want him dead, Rick! I'm not an idiot, I heard what you said that day." She confessed, her words causing him to shake his head.

Rick took a step away, "No. Adeline, you don't understand. You weren't -"

A laugh left her lips, "I wasn't what?" She questioned, "I wasn't there? I was, Rick. I was there on the side of the road when you told Lori that you could've stopped, but you didn't. Because you didn't want to, because you wanted him dead." Adeline revealed, her brother looking at her with eyes full of guilt.

"Addy..." He attempted, only for her hands to shove into his chest at the sudden urge of anger that lashed through her veins.

"You killed him! And you're still here. He's not. He doesn't get to see today! You did that, you took that away from him. From me!" Adelines voice cracked, tears of anger dripping from her eyes as she stepped away. "And you... you said that he was a monster. That's what you told Carl, what you told everyone. You told them he was sick... and I can't stand the fact that everyone believes that he was the only one to be afraid of on that farm."

The silence that lingered in the air became too much for her, her voice cracking with the next words she spoke. "He wasn't. He lied for me. Because he wasn't the only one that killed Otis that night. That was me too." Adeline admitted her sins, covering her features with guilt. "We could've made it out of there with that man. But it was easier without him. We could've gotten back to Carl quicker, so he shot him. And when he pulled Shane down to the ground, I ripped him off of him."

Rick furrowed his brows, tears glistening his eyes as he stepped away from Adeline. "You- what? You did what?" He questioned, voice breaking slightly.

"And I don't want your apology for what you did to him. I don't- I don't want it. I don't want your sympathy. I don't want you to treat me like I'm a victim. I don't- I don't need self forgiveness, I- I need him." Adeline broke, tears falling from her eyes.

Noticing how lost she had become, Rick took a step forward and reached out to her just as she slumped against the desk and fell to the ground. "Addy..." He started, placing his hand on his belt as he crouched down.

"Because- because it's his apology that I need." She admitted, lifting her head to meet his eyes. "He was the one that left me. I was- I was chasing after a ghost, Rick." Adeline trembled, feeling her brothers hand lay on the side of her face. "I'm here and he's not. He's gone. And he gets to- he gets to not hurt. But I don't. I'm forced to hurt because I loved him. There's times where I just don't want... I don't want to fight it."

Rick shook his head, wrapping his arms around her body and pulling her into a hug that she desperately began to need. "Shane was dead before you killed him. I don't need your apology... I need his." She cried, curling into her brothers arms. "I know, Addy. I know." Rick whispered, holding her to his chest as she let the emotions she held in for so long leave.

"IT HURTS."