Steve, entering the office: sir, i heard commotion so i came to see whether you're- OH MY GOD

Hero, on the floor: good evening steve

Steve, panicking: sIR WERE YOU SHOT?? ARE THERE ASSASSINS IN THE CASTLE??? DO I EXECUTE OPERATION-

Hero, very much bleeding: steve

Steve: WHAT

Hero, gesturing to his bleeding torso: tis but a scratch

Steve: SIR WE NEED TO NEUTRALIZE THE THREAT THIS ISNT FUNNY IM CALLING THE MEDICS

Hero: calm down there is no threat

Steve: ???

Hero:

Steve: so what happened?

Hero: uh

Steve:

Hero: well

Steve: well..?????

Hero: you know when you forget to put safety on a pistol

Steve:

Hero, while very much bleeding: :)

Steve: sO YOU AIMED IT AT YOURSELF-

-

Jeb: good morning, hero- what the fuck

Hero: dont swear on the throne, it isnt proper of a king

Jeb: are you... bleeding

Hero, looking at his leg: oh that? dont worry about it i fell three stories down on some glass

Jeb:

Hero:

Jeb: yOU WHAT???

-

Steve: ...tell me that again, but slowly

Hero, with a crocodile clamped on his arm: look i opened the fragile box from america because it smelled good and i was having, uh... cravings

Steve: you like the smell of crocodile shit?

Hero: oh come on, is that the weirdest thing ive ever liked

Steve:

Hero:

Steve: no

Hero: exactly

-

Sky: so... care to tell me why your cheek is clawed off

Hero: caught ty in his bad enderdragon hormone mood things

Sky: y-you know he can kill in those mood, right?

Hero: i got my throat slit, shot several times, beaten up, burnt, tortured, got a fucking beartrap on my foot and also literally died, adam, what more do you want me to say

-

Steve: sir please come back to the castle everyone has been looking for you

Hero, under a pile of kittens in an alley: steve you werent invited go away

-

Sky: how's working with hero

Steve: its okay

Sky: ...really?

Steve: yup, i learnt how to get him to do shit

Sky: how?

Steve: okay, hold on

Sky: ?

Steve: *inhales*

Steve: oH MY GOD THERE'S A SPIDER, QUICK KILL IT

Hero, teleporting into an area in full uniform with his rifle in his hand: i think the fuck not

Steve: there he is

Sky: okay but why spiders

Hero, cocking gun: do you really want to know?

Steve: ...and you have a 5 second headstart, good luck soldier