I don't have motivation to eat food I'm stuck with for the past three months. I've been slipping breakfast and lunch a lot. I'm not happy with my stomach... I'm scared. I'm scared of my girlfriend leaving. I'm scared of her hating me. I'm scared to be forced to break up with her because of age limits. I have cut my arms, thighs, ankles before...no one had noticed except two of my friends irl in gym cause I cut to hard and it started to bleed again and I had hissed in pain a little. They noticed and made me stop. It was only the first day I had cut and I had already about 20 cut marks on each arm.

No one had really noticed cause I had a habit of wearing jackets a lot and sweaters. I didn't think much of cutting because I didn't care I thought I deserved this! I thought I was useless trash and would have been better off dead. No one would miss me except family. I've tried killing myself two times...once when I was around the age 12-14 and the other more recently 15. I tried to cut me wrists but I chickened out that was the first attempt. Eventually after some activity. My doctor or someone made me have an appointment with a therapist. I didn't wanna pay attention to them but they asked so much.

Then eventually I told them...I felt this because my dad had a habit of yelling horrible things at me when he would get mad at me. I actually believed some of the things "idiot" "dumbass". I was bullied in sixth grade all I wanna explain is that they made a horrible game about me. It was basically like tag but it was called "don't touch me, Halie!". My heart had stopped when I heard that. Timeskip to high school my first year I spent a semester in health class learning about health issues and abuse. I froze slightly when the teacher described emotional abuse. My dad had emotionally abused me.

Another timeskip a boy in my class who was known as a troublemaker decided to stare at me for a sec before saying "That's a fatass neck!" I felt humiliated cause some of his friends laughed. The teacher wasn't there and we had a sub then he asked for someone to airplay to do CNN 10 since he didn't have a Mac. I volunteered cause I was nice and I did it the video lagged and the boy made the remark "That's probably from all the Roblox she plays!" I felt even worse. Hell! Even the sub felt bad for me! After school I stayed after to do my homework in the library and I had sent a message to my mom saying "A boy (it was either harassed it bullied) me" I didn't lie right now that is actually bullying. Kids thinks those remarks are a joke but they aren't taken as jokes when the victims first gear them. Best part my mom came in a couple of mintues into my homework time and picked me up and I showed a picture of what the boy looked like. I showed it to my mom the thing she said was so funny me "He looks like a fucking dork!" No joke she said that exactly and he was actually trying to be gangster cause he would occasionally throw some signs.

Another timeskip. The therapist heard about my depression and I can't remember how it happened but I was sent to a mental hospital. It was torture. It was suppose to make me not wanna die but it actually made me want death more. No joke I couldn't call anyone. I had to wait for phone calls and during this whole time I had became a mute slightly. I hated talking. I was only in there for three days AND THAT IS ALL I NEED IT TO BE (666 words). I'm not telling my parents of me cutting when the therapists said to watch me I was stable when they let me go home. Something inside me snapped when my kitten knocked over a vase that my grandma gave me. I stared at the broken pieces for minutes.

I did the horrible I grab a small shard and sliced some of the skin on my finger to test the sharpness. Satisfied it had cut I hesitantly started to cut one cut turned into two then more and more. I haven't been cutting recently because my girlfriend told me I shouldn't do it and the only reason I haven't been cutting is cause of her. She is my light and when we got together my life became brighter than it use to be. She made me so happy I didn't care about being in a long distance relationship all I needed was her. I know she is a female and around my age (don't correct me babe if you see this) cause we were on a voice chat in animo and i heard her voice I loved it. She was nice as well, she said that she saw herself as an asshole but I don't.

God I'm so in love with her it's only been a couple of months since we got together and I'm seriously so much happier than I was before.

This doesn't mean that my friends on Wattpad didn't brighten my day either. Foxlettgirl you seriously are like my sister who would protect me even if I could be older. TheNamelessChibi you are also my sister who would protect me. April-The-Weirdo my explosive and very protective sister on Wattpad who would probably stop at nothing to beat someone up if they made fun of me. ImAllFandomTrashRn I know you reading this you use to be my pet owl then you slowly evolved into my mama owl, mama you're so protective you said mainly things. Realizing my entire family on here is very protective for some reason of me a lot.

Also one thing. Irl I fake a smile to make my family think I'm happy and ok, so they won't send me back to the mental hospital. I smile now a lot whenever my girlfriend LovesRoss messages me or even votes for my stuff.

~Ghoulex