Leaving Ethan last night left me feeling incredibly guilty, but I had to remind myself why I did so in the first place. My head was a battlefield, and I could only take so much after an overwhelming day.

Finding out that he wasn't cheating on me was a massive relief, though it didn't lift the weight off my chest like I thought it would do. I had been lied to by him; I found myself trusting him less and less with every word he spoke. The way he was quick to jump down my throat and deflect everything onto me, only brought back old memories.

After finding out about his sisters and the situation with the club and his 'father', I found myself sympathizing with him and forgetting everything he'd previously just said to me. He had told me to leave. He would rather us fight and not work through something, which left me hurt. Understandably.

Yesterday was a tiring day, with the house viewings, not sleeping well the night before, and my period, which wasn't being kind on me; so, when I had woken up from a half an hour nap to him on the phone to her, it just threw a spanner into the works.

After speaking it out with Ethan, I wasn't feeling great. I needed space. I wanted to be with my friends; sleep in my own bed; just breathe with no second thoughts. As Taylor, my therapist, has said, space is healthy, and considering we had slept in the same bed for the majority of our time together as a fresh couple, I knew I just needed that one night to myself.

I still feel guilty nonetheless, even with the amount of times Ethan assured me it was okay.

Today is a fresh start, where I can cross a line under the last week, ready to go into next with a strong head on my shoulders.

Finals start next Wednesday, it's now Friday, so in preparation, I decided that today I would study. I had a little lie in, went to my one and only lecture of the day, with Professor Wright, and have been in my bedroom studying since; my books scattered around my body.

Studying English Literature as my major will always be one of my greatest choices; it's hard at times, but I adore it. I'm so passionate about the subject, always have been since I was a little girl, whether that was writing stories in a notebook, or reading and annotating books, even from the young age of ten. There are times throughout college that I've wanted to rip my hair out due to the workload, but I'm always able to finish what I'm assigned. Pressure gets to me a lot, the pressure of upkeeping my grades, even though I know they'll never get alarmingly bad.

After Ethan and I parted ways in October - more commonly known as me avoiding him because I was too scared to face fresh feelings - I dropped psychology, and I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to get back on that course, but shockingly when Spring semester started in January, I was able to. In the time from October to December, when I was only taking the classes for my major, I was looking into which electives I wanted to study, because it wasn't enough credits. With help from a guidance counselor, I found out there was space in Art, something I've desired to do from the very beginning.

I'm definitely behind in that class, considering I missed the whole Fall semester, but my professor is happy with how I'm doing and is confident that I'll do okay. Even if I don't and fail, I can hopefully take a summer class. There was a lot of catching up to do in the last five months, but considering I didn't hardly have a social life, there wasn't much to do, and it's also an added bonus that I love Art, so it never feels like a chore.

Studying has been going fairly well, it has been two hours already and I was planning to study for a further two hours, but when I look up from my textbook to see Matt peeking his head into the room with a smile, I know my plans have just changed.

"I need to go to a sex store." That was the last thing I ever thought would spill from his lips.

"What for?" I raise my brows with a smirk.

"Well, if you'd come with me, then you'd find out." He steps into the room. I look down at all my books, and even though I should probably study, the idea of going to a sex store sounds so much more appealing.

"I have a shift at the gym in three hours, will we be back in time?" I ask, and he nods without a doubt.

"We'll maybe be just over an hour, but we can grab some food on the way. I'll treat you to a vibrator or something when we get there." He bargains like I'm not already sold on the idea of this retail trip.

"You know the way to my heart." I grin, putting the cap back on my highlighter. "Okay, let's go then. Oh, and I still have Ethan's car since he and Felix have the same classes today."

"Ooh, I finally get to go in his car." A suitable reaction.

I get up out of my bed, grab my jacket and purse with my wallet and keys in. "I just need to use the bathroom and we can go."

"Okay, I'll go check on the little one, she's currently laid on the beanbag, poking her bump to see if the baby will kick back." He rolls his eyes, leaving our room and I giggle, following behind him, but going straight to the bathroom instead.

After I do my business, I join Matt and Lauren in the main room and as Matt said, Lauren is pressing her bump. "Any luck?" I wonder.

"I think they're asleep." Lauren mumbles. "Why do they want to kick me when I need to sleep, but when I want them to kick, they won't?"

"Because your baby is getting you ready for all the sleepless nights; just wait for dirty diapers, the feeds, the-" Matt gets cut off with Lauren throwing a pillow at him. "Don't want the truth just yet?"

"No!" She exclaims, and I laugh, shaking my head. She looks between us both with a curious look. "Where are you guys going?"

"Um..." I hesitate because I'm not sure if Matt wants to scream where we're going from the rooftops.

"A sex store, wanna come?" Or he does, nevermind. It's like I don't know my best friend at all.

"Um, yes! I am deeply offended you haven't asked already." She stands up, pulling her shirt down over her bump. "Wait, were you just going to leave me? Am I the boring mom friend now? Is that it?"

"Honestly, I didn't think you'd want to come." Matt shoves a chip into his mouth. "Also, it felt like we'd be leaving Hanna out and she has classes all day. So, I thought I'd just go with the sex queen herself."

"Which is me! I would put money on the fact that between me and Fran, I had sex last." She quickly purses her lips at her mistake. "I mean, um... yeah, well, I've fucked this."

"When and who did you have sex with?" I predicted something could be happening with Felix and her, but the thought somewhat seems maddening.

"Oh, I may as well tell you since you basically know now; me and Felix fucked two nights ago." She casually says, grabbing her jacket that is hung over one of the three bar stools at our island.

"While we were here?" Matt gasps, and she playfully narrows her eyes at him. "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. You guys were acting all shifty yesterday morning."

"It's nothing crazy, I think it's just sex to be honest." She tells us as we head towards the door.

When we stop to put on our shoes, I give her a look. "You don't do 'just sex', look what happened with Tyrone. Maybe Felix is what you need?"

"I'm still not over Ty, which is no fault of my own, I've tried so hard to just forget, but feelings suck. And it's not fair on Felix to start something more; I need to figure out my head before that. I was apprehensive even crossing this line, but I was sure to make it clear to Felix that I'm not ready for a relationship, and he was okay with that. I know mentally, I shouldn't be even sleeping with Felix when I'm trying to get over Ty, but... I may as well get pleasure while I'm still small because, let's be honest, no one wants to fuck a pregnant girl." She sighs, feeling quite disheartened in the fact I'm sure isn't true.

"What if Tyrone wasn't in the picture?" Matt questions, lacing up his last sneaker.

"I can't think like that, because I know that answer will only hurt me, and the possibility of Felix and I being an 'us'. We're just gonna do... what we're doing now, I guess. But I'm putting my baby first. Our baby will always come first now. So, whatever happens will not affect me being a mother, I refuse to let it." She's a mom already and she doesn't even see it. She may have freaked at the mention of dirty diapers, the feeds and sleepless nights, but in her mind, she's there already. The baby could come tomorrow and I think she'd slip right into the role.

"You're all grown up now; I think it's time we stop calling you little one." Matt pouts at her, and she chuckles, opening the door for all of us.

"So, you and Felix are what exactly? Friends with benefits?" I think aloud, grabbing my keys to lock the door.

"Maybe, I mean, I guess?" She answers with a frown. "I have no clue. We haven't spoken about the title or lack of, I should say. The second night at the beach house when I told him I could be pregnant, something just changed between us. We were strictly friends, or fake enemies I guess you could say, after that time we hooked up at the bar, but with the news of the baby, it brought us closer together. We didn't fuck there though, but it changed our dynamic. We didn't actually sleep together again until- Wait, do you remember the night you guys were out? Matt, you went to go see Kieran, and Francesca, you slept with Ethan. It was the night I cooked dinner for us all."

I remember that night very, very clearly. Ethan was sitting at the bottom of the bed with a cock ring on, taunting him while I got myself off in front of him, then I rode him with the vibrator against my clit. It would be pretty hard to forget.

"Yeah, I remember." We begin to walk, and I just hope I'm not blushing.

"Same, I wish I could forget." Matt mutters. I feel bad that during those same hours, he was heartbroken. Kieran and him, as of yesterday, are back on speaking terms, but Matt is keeping his cards close to his chest for the time being, which really doesn't shock me all that much. Kieran finally reciprocated those feelings, but I'm unsure if it's too late for them.

"Well, that night, Felix came over, we went to the store, got loads of snacks and hung out in my room. Hanna was out as well. So, it was just me and him. We were supposed to discuss what we were going to do about the baby, about the future, but things just... happened. And since then we've had our moments of weakness where we just needed each other. I don't know if it's friends with benefits; it's still very new, we're not dating, it's not like that. I have pregnancy hormones and he's a horny guy, we just use that to our advantage." She shrugs it off like it's casual, which I do think it is now she's explained it, and I support that totally as long as they're safe while doing so. Though, with a baby in the mix, I only see this ending with them together.

It is bound to end up like that, surely.

Sensing the conversation is pretty much over with, I change the topic to our possible future home, which we continue to speak about while we walk down to the car. I'm going to miss this dorm; the familiarity, but having our own place will be amazing. As I've mentioned, in the short term, me and Lauren will be living with Scar, Maria, Ethan and Felix, so I'll be with Lauren just as much as I am now, maybe even more. But I won't see Hanna and Matt until we move in, whenever that may be.

We don't know if we even have the house yet, it's only been a day. But we haven't put all our eggs into one basket. We have expressed our interest in three properties, but only put an offer on this one. If we unfortunately don't get it, we still have those houses.

Shockingly, Lauren didn't even try to fight Matt while sitting in the passenger seat, she just got in the back. Is this a sign of us growing up? I don't know if I like it or not.

Matt makes sure to get really comfortable in the passenger seat to rub it in Lauren's face, proving my previous thought completely wrong. He's older than all of us in this car, yet he's the child. I roll my eyes at his behavior, and connect the GPS on my phone before handing it to Matt, letting him put the location in since I have no clue.

Around thirty minutes later, I'm pulling into one of the parking bays on the street. Stores line both sides, and before I can ask which shop is the one we're going to, Matt points to a discreet store which is placed between a bakery and a pharmacy.

"Can I go to the thrift store after, if we have time?" Lauren asks.

"Yeah, if that's okay with Frankie." Matt looks over at me.

"We have two hours, let's make the most of it." It'll be nice to spend the afternoon before work with my friends.

Once out of the car, I make sure it's locked behind us before I put my purse strap over my shoulder and we make our way to the store.

"What do you need again?" I murmur, realizing he didn't say.

Matt looks over at me with a hesitant look. "It's Kieran's birthday in a couple days, he's joining the legal club, so I'm getting us a few things. I won't lie, most of them are going to be for shits and giggles."

"I missed him." Lauren blurts out, and she looks sheepishly at Matt. "Sorry, his smoothies were really good, correct me if I'm wrong."

"You're not." I agree with her; he makes some fucking good smoothies.

"Yeah, I've missed him around. I just wish he had spoken to me about his fears, but I'm not going to live in the past. I've forgiven him; we just have to take one day at a time, and I'm starting by making sure he has a good birthday, which consists of help from here." As he says this, he opens the door to the descreet sex store, which couldn't be more of the opposite when we step inside.

I've never actually stepped foot inside a place like this, but it's pretty much exactly how I imagined. Dildos and vibrators of many sizes - some shocking - line the main wall, and then everything you can imagine from butt plugs, lube to lingerie and sexy outfits, have their own place around the store. There's even a whole section for parties like bachelorette's with dick shaped suckers and edible underwear.

I don't know why I haven't been to a sex store sooner.

Lauren leans close to me and whispers. "Do you think that would fit up anyone?" She points at a very large fist that I think would intimidate anyone.

"It looks scary." I add with a whisper like her.

"Yeah, let's keep clear." She mumbles.

Matt gestures for us to follow him around to a different isle, and Lauren starts to hum to herself as she looks around like a kid and candy store.

"Ooh, pretty." I pick up a butt plug that has a red ruby jewel at the end.

"There's other colors too." Lauren says, picking up the same plastic packaging, only with a black one instead.

I take a look through the colors, letting my curiosity take its lead, and I smile when I see an emerald green one. I look over at Lauren and she raises her brows. "Do I get it or not? I'm conflicted."

"How come?" She asks, looking through the different lubes.

"Because... Well, I dunno." I shrug. Maybe it's my insecurities that Ethan won't like it, but let's be honest, he definitely will. We've already experimented somewhat, and I feel like this would be something we could at least try.

"Get it. If you don't like it, then you don't have to. Live vicariously, I do." As Lauren says this, she settles on some lube to go with the black butt plug she got herself.

"Okay, yeah, I will." I murmur as I look through the different lubes like she previously was. There's no harm in trying.

She smiles at me before looking over at Matt, who already has a basket full of things. "What have you got him?"

"Okay, so far, I have this anal toy that vibrates, which I've heard is really good, some fun lubes we may never try, edible underwear, a cherry dick sucker and a rude card." He looks happy with his future purchases. "Oh, and a sex game which I strongly suggest you girls buy, it seems like a laugh and very fun."

"Okay, where would I find this?" Lauren asks before I can.

"Around this corner; there's a few games." He tells us.

Without a second thought, of course, I get the game; Ethan and I's sex life is more than perfect, but I'd love to spice it up with something like this. We're so comfortable with each other that it most likely will end up in laughter.

For a further twenty or so minutes, we have a good look around the store, even looking down the isles that we're not personally interested in, but still enjoying ourselves while doing so. In that time, I grab a suction vibrator to treat myself because it's something I've wanted for a long time and I have some money saved, so I may as well.

While we purchase our items, I, for once, don't worry about my money situation. I have some savings, not many, but some; I'm getting an okay wage from the gym, and I'm actively looking for a job. I deserve to treat myself now and again, and anyway, my monthly medical bill doesn't come out for another three weeks.

We leave through with smiles on our faces and large black bags that are as discreet as the store was, only making this experience better. I'm no prude, but I appreciate discretion when on a street with judging eyes.

We grabbed some iced coffee - Lauren got iced tea - and a donut, which we enjoyed as we made our way down the street to the large thrift shop at the very end.

"What are you looking for here? Anything in particular?" I ask Lauren since she suggested to go.

"Yeah, maternity clothes. I don't really want to buy new clothes, only to wear them for the next three months and that's it. Also, they're expensive, so I may as well try here." She grins at Matt and I. "How about you guys? Are you getting anything?"

Matt hums. "I'm just going to have a look around."

"I'll probably look at the vinyls or something... possibly buy some band shirts if there is any." I don't particularly like clothes shopping, but when it involves t-shirts of bands and artists I adore, that's where I draw the line and automatically fall in love with it.

Instead of splitting up and doing our own thing, we decide to tackle and help Lauren out with clothes... well I do, Matt picks out ugly skirts that I don't think my grandma would wear if I knew her.

I was genuinely surprised at how much Lauren eventually got; several dresses for the summer, some stretchy shorts, and even a co-ord set that will look nice if we ever go out for dinner. Her bump, as of now, is still very small, but you can tell she's pregnant, so knowing she's getting clothes to dress the bump and not hide it, it makes me smile.

Lauren insists that Matt and I should leave her to continue browsing so we can look and find things for ourselves because time is slipping by us very quickly, so we do, Matt looping his arm in mine before leading me towards the mens section.

Even though I expected they would sell music shirts, I'm still fairly shocked when there's a whole section for them. Today really is my day.

I start to flick through the many shirts, and when one catches my eye, my heart stops. "Oh my God." I mutter, looking at it properly.

"What?" Matt looks at me concerned.

"It's a Train shirt, like the band. One of their songs was one of my mom's favorites." I whisper, feeling the emotions rise in my throat as I speak. "I don't know why I'm getting emotional, but it's just a shock. I didn't even know they had a shirt or I would have bought one sooner."

"See, today was meant to be." He hugs me close, and I smile up at him. "Get the shirt, is it small enough?"

I shake my head. "It's extra large, but I don't care, I'll wear it oversized."

Maybe after such a stressful week, my mom gave me this as a sign... I've never believed in anything like that, not before my mom passed, but ever since then... it's just nice to believe she's somewhere, that she's looking out for me. So whether this shirt being here is a sign from her or not, I'd like to think it was, whether it sounds silly.

God, I fucking miss her.

~~~~

A/N

This is a filler chapter! Sorry if it sucks, my motivation hasn't been the best lately.

Also, I've just realized I haven't written smut this year and we're half way through February... so be prepared for the next chapter. I feel like treating them to some makeup sex.

Life Update: I've not been doing anything really... which is the honest truth. It was Valentines day on Monday, though, I hope you guys celebrated safely! I didn't do much, I was at college and then I was ill from the vaccine that I had on Sunday. But, I did have a Valentine; he got me chocolate and a card, so that was really sweet.

Question of the chapter:

How long have you been reading my books? I'm so curious to know.

I love you guys, follow me on twitter and Instagram, it's where I'm most active.

3804 words.

Mwah, B <33