Trigger warning: mentions of miscarriage, not in depth, just a conversation of it in the past, but if you will be triggered by it, even if you're not totally sure, please do not risk it for my shitty writing. I love you all, stay safe!

I'm staring at my reflection – something I've caught myself doing a lot more recently, only now, I'm liking what's staring back at me. Well, aside from the hickey's that I've so desperately tried to cover up but failed miserably at doing, of course.

Ethan's on my bed behind me, watching my every move as I adjust my baby pink bikini over my boobs, or in this particular situation, my lack off. This bikini is a lot smaller than I recall – I love small bikini's because they make an illusion of cleavage, but I have somehow forgotten just how small they are.

With this bikini, there's just the important places being covered with triangular shaped swimsuit fabric. The top is very small, it only covering my pierced nipples and a little bit of my actual boob, but the straps are very secure so that makes me feel somewhat better. The front of the bottoms has quite good coverage, so you can't see my pubic area, but the back is a full thong, the band high enough to rest on my hips.

"You look hot as fuck." Ethan says, and I meet his eye contact through the mirror.

"You're supposed to be possessive and tell me to wear a shirt over it." I sigh, further expecting myself in the mirror. I look good, there's no denying that, but I'm nervous about wearing it outside.

"You would have my head if I said that, and you know I wouldn't." He says, and I purse my lips, cocking my head to the side.

"There's no hiding the marks you left on me." I mutter, turning slightly to inspect my ass that literally has a hand print of how hard he had grabbed it.

"Yep, my whole point, darling. You're mine." He smiles over at me. "I promise you; you look amazing. But, you can always wear a shirt if you don't feel comfortable."

"My tattoos do look good." I comment, smiling at the artwork.

"Yes, they do." He chuckles, getting up from the bed. "You look great, baby."

Ethan's arms snake around my waist, his hands settling on my lower belly, and our eye contact never drops in the mirror as he pulls me flush against his body. He leans his chin down on my head and gives me a smile. He's wearing a pair of black swim shorts, the band of them white, and he looks amazing.

"We're a very attractive couple." He comments and I laugh, turning around to look at him. He cups my face with both hands and lowers his lips down to mine, leaving a soft chaste kiss. He doesn't leave me any time to kiss him back before he's pulling away, pressing another kiss to my forehead. "I love you, darling."

"I love you, too." I grin up at him.

A loud knock comes from my door, and Ethan and I share a confused look. I grab my robe, pulling it on over my bikini before he goes over to the door and answers it. Lauren, Matt and Hanna are stood there, and tears discreetly brimming Lauren's eyes but I saw them as soon as the door opened. She gives Ethan a smile, hiding her emotions.

"Can we come in, we need Frankie?" Lauren asks him, her voice stable, gently looking over at me.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I'm going downstairs, I'll leave you all to it." He says, giving me a smile, letting everyone walk into the room before he shuts the door behind him, leaving.

"Okay, the little one's gathered us like little ducks." Matt says before stopping at my bed, grimacing at it. "Before we proceed, did you have sex on this bed?"

"No, we were in his room." I roll my eyes, before looking at Lauren, who takes a seat at the bottom of the bed, hugging her knees to her chest. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Um, no, not really." Lauren takes a deep breath.

"She's wants to speak to us all." Hanna says, jumping on the bed next to me, leaning against the headboard.

"What's wrong? We're all here now." Matt asks softly, grasping her hands in his.

Lauren sighs, tears starting to stream down her face, and she sobs. "I want mint ice cream, and I don't even like it."

"Should I get Felix?" I whisper to Hanna, confused by her state. Felix somehow understands her on a different level to us.

"Don't you dare get that bastard." She croaks out, and I purse my lips together – don't laugh, Francesca, right now is not the time.

"Babe, what's wrong?" I ask delicately.

"I've been on the pill for two years now, it's great with my periods and everything, but, um, not exactly great for a contraception as I've recently found out." She wipes her eyes, not allowing the tears fall.

"You're pregnant?" I blurt out, very shocked at her revelation. I mean, it's Lauren.

"Wait, what?" Hanna's eyes widen, catching onto what she's saying.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure." Lauren takes a steady breath. "I haven't taken a test or anything, but everything just all adds up. Last night I had a dream that I lost the baby, it was fucking awful, and now I'm stressing out because I've taken drugs, drank alcohol and- I don't know, I'm just not okay."

"You're going to be okay though – you know we'll all support you." I assure her, wiping her tears for her. "You're going to be okay, you hear me?"

"Yeah, we're all here. We're not going anywhere." Matt tells her.

"I don't know what to do. My hormones are all over the place, I can't fit in my clothes, I'm always hungry, I have back and hip pain. I had some morning sickness a few months ago, but it only lasted a couple weeks. I have even felt kicks." Lauren holds her head in her hands, and I rub her knee to comfort her. "I just ignored everything because I didn't want it to be true, but I know it is."

"Wait, how far along are you if you can feel the kicks?" Hanna asks, being the baby expert and all.

"I haven't had sex since... Felix." She chokes out, and my eyes widen, blinking at her.

"This will be Felix's baby? That's nearly five months ago, Lauren." I say, doing the quick math.

"I know! I know, so I can't get an abortion, not this time." She says quickly, dropping yet another bomb on us.

"This time?" Hanna's fast, being the first person to question it. "There was a last?"

"Last April, I had gotten an abortion and I didn't want no judgement so I simply kept it to myself, only Tyrone knew about it. Not that he fucking cared or even came with me." Lauren mutters, and my anger for Tyrone seems to surpass its previous mark.

"We all would have supported you, Lauren. We would have come with you." Matt says and Lauren sighs, giving him a small smile.

"Yeah, if I was in your position I would have done the exact same thing. There's no judgement here." I tell her honestly.

"Well, you all know this time." Lauren laughs dryly, wiping her tears.

"What are you going to do?" I whisper, being extra careful right now.

"My parents are honestly going to kill me." She laughs, like hysterically laughs at the fact. "Fuck, I'm screwed."

"They won't kill you." Hanna assures her.

"Oh, but they might as well. They're going to want me to move back to Korea, and I don't want to. I may not like the guy, but Felix doesn't deserve not having me in his life." Lauren jokes and I laugh, rolling my eyes. At least she can still joke right now. "Honestly though, he's great and I'm the one that doesn't deserve him."

"I knew you liked him." Matt smiles at her.

"Oh shut up, I still can't tolerate the boy." She sniffles, wiping the remainder of her tears from her cheeks. "I don't know what to do. I mean, a baby would be such a big responsibility and I don't know if either of us are ready for that."

"Does it help me mentioning Felix is really good with his nephew and niece?" I ask, and she nods, giving me a shy smile. "He may be immature, but he'd be a good dad."

"I can't believe this. We used fucking condoms, I was on the pill, yet I still got pregnant." She mutters to herself. "The universe hates me."

"This reminds me, I need to get Plan B." I say because honestly, I forgot.

"You didn't use protection!?" She exclaims, her eyes wide. Yes, I realize that we should have, but what could we have done in that moment? I wasn't going to get up and track condoms down, and I know he certainly wouldn't. They wouldn't have even been his size anyhow.

"Hey! You're the pregnant one." I point out.

"You could be too." Matt chuckles with a shrug, and I physically shiver at the thought. It's truly one of my worst nightmares. "Wow, you really don't want to be pregnant, do you?"

"Nope, it's not for me." I chuckle dryly.

"So, you're pregnant?" Hanna repeats, giving Lauren a smile.

"Yeah, I am. I'm sure I feel movements, I don't know though, it's very weird. I'm going to get a test today anyway, but the bump really screams my answer back at me." Lauren says, rubbing her hands over her face. "Actually, can you give me your opinions?"

"No, this is a trick!" Matt exclaims, shaking his head as she stands from the bed. "If, hypothetically, you're not pregnant, you'll hate us all."

"No, I won't since deep down I know I'm pregnant. Now, look." She picks up her shirt, turning to the side, and he groans, propping himself up on one elbow. I cock my head, taking it in – there's no really denying the fact that she has a bump, but it's honestly teeny since she's so petite. She's around five-foot-one, and has a very slim build. "I'm pregnant as fuck."

"What've you had to eat, you're teeny?" Hanna asks with concern.

"Nothing since last night." Lauren answers shyly, and I frown at her – it's one PM now and we've all been awake since nine.

"You need to eat, it doesn't matter if you're gaining weight or not, you still need food, especially now that you're pregnant." I scold her, and she nods slightly.

"I'm nearly five months along. Do I look like that?" She asks, staring down at her belly.

"You can't ask that!" Hanna laughs, shaking her head. "You're very petite, so you look... maybe three months, and that's on the small side."

"I can't believe I'm pregnant. How the fuck did this even happen?! I understand we had sex, but I'm on the pill, he wore a fucking condom. And I still get pregnant?" Lauren rants, running her hand through her hair as she paces. "And I still don't know what to do about my parents."

"What if you don't tell them right away, stay here in the US right up until your third trimester, then tell them when you can't fly back home at all?" I suggest and she stops, looking at me with a wide smile.

"You're a fucking genius." She wraps hers around me and I smile, hugging her back.

"See, this is not the end of the world – you will not die at the hands of your parents because of your baby." Matt says, and Lauren pulls back, her lip quivering slightly. "Wait, fuck, what did I say?"

"I have a baby." She whispers to herself, then the tears start again which has me further confused. "I'm not ready to be a mom though guys. I've just turned twenty, and my life is just beginning. I just aren't ready for this. Felix has assured me that we're going to be okay, but we're both freaking out."

"He knows?" I ask with a smile.

"Yeah, I told him last night, he slept in my bed since I couldn't calm down." Lauren admits, and we all smile at her.

"How did he take it?" I ask.

"Um, as good as he could, I guess. Was scared, even cried a little, but then he realized he was freaking me out further, so he hugged me and we got into bed together. He wants us to have a girl." She rolls her eyes at the latter. "I want a boy, but I'll be happy either way."

"See, he's stepping up already." Hanna smiles.

"I'm on team girl." I say, joining Felix on this one.

"Same." Hanna says.

"No, we need more boys around here!" Matt whines, and Lauren smiles over at him.

"Okay, but either would be cute." I admit, imagining a mix of both Lauren and Felix. This baby is going to be adorable, any gender.

"Honestly, I don't care, I just want it to be healthy. I'm terrified that my actions has caused damage to them, I would literally hate myself." Lauren rambles, and I understand her worries, but she can't beat herself up over it because she didn't know. "I'm already a bad mother. What if this is just a sign?"

"Nope, we're not having any of that negativity." Matt shakes his head, sitting up on my bed. "You're going to be a fucking amazing mom."

"Thank you, I really appreciate your guys' help. I know it's very out of the blue, but I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer." She says with a sigh.

"Don't thank us, this is what friends are for." He gives her a reassuring smile.

"Fuck, I'm going to be twenty with a baby." She mutters, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm still a child myself."

"My mom was sixteen when she got pregnant – she did it, and so can you." I know she can, she's stronger than she thinks. "I turned out pretty great, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." She chuckles, and I scoff, pushing at her shoulder. "Fuck, I'm so hot."

"Did you bring a bathing suit or a bikini with you?" Hanna asks her, taking in her outfit – she's wearing leggings and a hoodie like yesterday. I've obviously got mine on underneath my robe. Matt's got a white tank and some red swim shorts on, and Hanna has a royal blue bikini with some jeaned shorts over.

"No, none of them will fit me, so I didn't bring any." Lauren sighs, picking at her nails and I slap her hand, to stop her chipping them. I'm a hypocrite, I know, but hers are really pretty.

"How about we raid my bag, I'm probably around the same size as what you are now?" Hanna suggests to her, and Lauren smiles gratefully in response.

"Yeah, everything's gonna be alright, little one." Matt pats her on the head.

"I thought you were gonna start singing Bob Marley then." Hanna bursts out laughing, and he shakes her head at her in amusement. "I'm not wrong though."

"Yeah, it did sound like Bob Marley." Lauren agrees.

"You're all going to hate me because I don't know what you're talking about." I admit, awkwardly, and all three of them gawk at me. "Okay, I've heard of him, but I don't know whatever song you mentioned."

"You- oh my God, you untasteful bitch!" Matt gasps, whacking my arm. I whine, going to kick him but the ache between my legs stops me, and I suck in a breath, regretting it instantly. "Huh, the Bob Marley hater can't even kick me because her boyfriend fucked her a little too hard."

"Fuck you, at least I'm getting some this weekend while your little Kieran is back at home. And anyway, Kurt Cobain and Robert Plant have my heart, so Bob Marley will have to wait." I defend myself. It's probably some bad pop artist anyway.

"Is Ethan aware of your love for these men?" Lauren chuckles, lying her head down on Matt's lap.

"Oh yeah, he knows." I smile. "We're polyamorous."

"Sure, yeah, I can totally see that working out with you four." Hanna replies sarcastically, and I laugh, leaning back against the headboard.

"Are you feeling any better?" I ask Lauren, now that she's calmed down.

"Yeah, I just can't believe I've gone this long without knowing though – like I had morning sickness for, what, a week at the very beginning? I thought I had a bug. Other than that, I've had no clues. I don't have my period anyway because I'm on the pill. It was only yesterday when I felt something inside me move or kick or something, and it was so fucking weird." Lauren chuckles as she lays her hands over her belly. "I still want to take a test because I need that confirmation, but there's no denying the fact. It was yesterday when it all clicked in my mind, and I haven't been able to focus since, I genuinely just thought I was gaining weight this whole time. I feel stupid. I feel better though – talking with you guys has helped massively."

"You had no idea. My mom was the same with my sister Clover, she didn't find out until she was seven months along – it's actually more common than you think." Hanna says, trying to comfort her.

"Yeah, and if it'll put your mind at ease, I can go buy you a test? While Hanna helps you with a bathing suit, I'm going to go to the store with Ethan." I offer, giving her a smile.

"Thank you, take my card, buy your Plan B, buy anything – actually, can you get me some mint ice cream?" Lauren asks, sniffling slightly.

"You don't like mint ice cream." I point out, and she deadpans. "Okay, okay, mint it is."

"Thank you." She mumbles. "Wait, fuck! You need to withdraw the money beforehand because my parents will know what you buy. Do you mind?"

"Not at all." I'm glad she remembered that because I definitely didn't.

"Thanks." She smiles.

"So, Ethan without a doubt will become very concerned about the pregnancy test, so can I tell him? If not, I'll make him stay in the van and go in on my own." I ask, not wanting to overstep or anything.

"Yeah, you can tell him, but be nice because obviously it's going to be his cousin or whatever relation they'll be. Also, swear him to secrecy not to tell anyone, not that I think he will, but do your weird pinky promise thing." She says and I give her a nod, chuckling slightly at the fact she thinks a pinky promise is weird, when it's actually very series business.

It's just dawned on me because Lauren mentioned it, that this baby actually will be related to Ethan. He's going to be an Uncle/cousin to the little one.

I don't want children, neither does he, but as I've always said, I'll try my best at being a good Aunt, so I'm pretty excited for this.

~~

"Look in the glove compartment, there should be a few CD's." Ethan says, smiling over at me from the driver's seat.

No, you didn't read that incorrectly. Yes, he's driving us right now to the store.

Every so often, maybe twice a month, I take my medication and Ethan drives us around, only today we're in a minibus, not his beautiful car. I've done amazing this weekend, sitting in the very back with Ethan while Felix has been driving, but this is different. This is about sitting in the passenger seat, the seat where I was sitting during the accident, and doing this twice a month, is making me feel more comfortable about doing so. I'm still nervous, on high alert and paranoid, but I'm better than the first time we did this.

"Ethan." I mumble anxiously. As I said, I'm still not great at this.

"My eyes are on the road, you won't distract me, I promise." He tells me adamantly, and I sigh, opening the glove compartment in front of me.

There's five or six CD's, so I get them all out, gulping down the knot in my throat as I look through them.

"Oh my God, you have Stevie Nicks!" I enthuse, smiling over at him.

"Put it in and I'll tell you a cool story about this." He says, his eyes still on the road, but still smiling. I quickly put the other CD's back before putting the Stevie Nicks CD in, and I exhale a breath, smiling as the instrumental comes on. "So, are you ready?"

"Yep, more than ready." I nod, flattening my palms out over my bare legs. I got changed into the jeaned shorts that I nearly didn't even pack, but I pushed my insecurities aside and put them on at last minute, not allowing any time to change my mind. I also have a Primal Scream shirt on which was one of my dad's that I stole – oops?

"This minibus is quite old – it used to be Anthony and Rosa's, and it's kind of a tradition to drive this every time we go to the beach house, even if there's just two of you going and the gas costs a fortune. These CD's have been in here years, they were here before I first rode in it." He chuckles, and I smile knowing that. Also, the fact that Anthony and Rosa had fucking amazing music taste. "Anyway, when Scar and Maria went over here for the first time, on their little babymoon or whatever, they have this exact CD on, and that's how my baby sister, Stevie ended up being called Stevie."

"Seriously?" I grin, and he nods, briefly looking over at me with a smile, but it's only for a second. "It's a beautiful name. I love it. It was a name I had in my diary for my future children."

"Oh yeah?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, but things change." I shrug.

"When did you realize you didn't want kids? I've personally always known, but it seems like you did as a teenager." He asks, and I sigh.

"I, um, I had a miscarriage when I was still with Chris, but it wasn't just that. I truly don't believe it's for me. Like, I want to live my life fully. I want to finish college, get a good job, travel a bit, and just live. When you have children, you're tied down for life, and it's too overwhelming knowing that a person is one hundred percent dependent on you. Like, I'd settle for a cute dog, but children just scare me now." I admit, him being the first person to know about the miscarriage apart from my mom and Chris. I was going to wait to tell my dad about the pregnancy but since it ended before the three month mark, I just never did.

"Wait, you lost a baby?" He asks softly.

"Yeah, it just wasn't meant to be, I guess. I mean, I was fifteen at the time, and Chris would have been the father – I would have been tied to him forever. But that doesn't mean it didn't fucking kill me, I may have been fifteen, but I stepped up when I found out. It sucked." I give him a tight lipped smile.

I feel weird talking about it because it was such a long time ago now, and I haven't talked about it openly before like this. I mean, Chris didn't really care, he cheated on me again later that afternoon. I was pretty distraught and isolated myself in my bedroom, but my mom was my rock. She was the only person I could talk to, and she was fucking amazing, but I never spoke much about it because it was so raw at the time.

"You know it wasn't your fault, right?" He asks, briefly looking over at me before continuing, looking back on the road. "I know you just said that you don't want kids because of living life to the fullest and everything, but I hope you don't believe that if you were to get pregnant, you'd have another miscarriage because that's not the case."

"I mean, it's not, not what I think. Hypothetically, I could get pregnant and have a very healthy baby, but I'm not taking the potential risk of having another miscarriage, especially since it's not even what I want. Losing the baby is what made me question if I did want them in the future. I overthink, we both know that, and that's all I did until I came to the conclusion I didn't even want children in the first place. I was never the little girl to play moms and dads with my friends, or with baby dolls. Of course, back then I stepped up, my mom was going to support me as much as she could, I was going to go through with the pregnancy, and I fell in love with the little thing, but it wasn't something I wanted before it happened. I was young, I was fifteen for Christ's sake, and it was something new – Chris gave me attention, and I thought it'd be a fairytale which it wasn't. I knew I was pregnant for a month or so before I lost the baby, and it was the first time I ever even thought about becoming a mother and potential names. It was fucking awful losing the baby, but it was also a reality check to me and what I wanted." I say, telling the honest truth. "It's sad because obviously I'd be a mom right now to a five-year-old which is fucking bizarre, but I wouldn't have gone to college, I wouldn't have met my friends, I wouldn't have met you. I wouldn't have done half the things I have done, and want to do. It's just not for me."

"If you ever change your mind, you better not keep it from me, I don't want to ever hold you back." He says sternly.

"Babe, you're what I want, I'm one-hundred-percent sure on that. I don't want kids, and I certainly don't want to leave you for one." I may sound like a horrible human being, but like I keep saying, I don't want children. "Speaking of, I need Plan B and you need condoms."

"That is what we're driving for, yes." He chuckles, and I smile down at my hands. "I have some at home, so we don't have to buy any, or are you wanting to get lucky again in the next twenty-four hours?"

"You're the one that'll be getting lucky." I scoff at his cockiness.

"So, that's a yes?" He smirks at me with mischief in his eyes.

"I'm sore right now, but a lot can happen in twenty-four hours." I shrug innocently, and his sweet laughter fills my ears. "And anyway, I've literally got like one condom in my bedside table back at home, so I need more."

"We do have to be more prepared, I won't lie." He mutters.

"We hardly even had sex when we were together." I point out, so we weren't exactly unprepared, only that one time in the shower... and last night.

"Yeah, well things unfortunately happened, so we have to make up for lost time, don't we?" He smiles over at me, and I nod, biting down on my lip. I can't believe we're having this conversation.

"We had sex five times." I blurt out, quickly adding it up. "Well, now six."

"Surely not." He shakes his head.

"Yep – four times over Thanksgiving break, and that one time in the shower. I was on my period for like five days, and then everything happened with... the assault at the club after." I remind him, and he shakes his head in shock.

"Yeah, we really need to make up for lost time." He mutters more to himself than anything else.

"Like, you went down on me a few times and got me off, but I never did you." I say, blushing at my straight forwardness. I'm not used to having this conversation with a partner.

"Yeah, I can't wait to have my cock down your throat." He says way too casually.

"Ethan!" I scold his foul language, not expecting it all. I don't think I've blushed harder in my life than I am right now.

"Oh, don't act all innocent now." He scoffs.

"What do you mean 'now'? I am innocent." I'm also a big fat liar.

"Oh really? What was that you called me last night?" He's not bringing it up, I refuse.

"Ethan, shut up and keep your eyes on the road please." I'm feeling quite uneasy with the fact he's looking over at me every so often. I don't want to come across controlling, but this is terrifying for me, even though it's the fifth time doing it.

"Okay, don't worry, my eyes are on the road, look." He says, smiling slightly, his eyes straight forward as he said.

"Sorry." I feel the need to apologize.

"Don't be." He replies softly.

"And I think you're forgetting the fact you literally made me say it. I would have said anything in that moment." I justify, finally answering his previous question.

"Yeah, well I told you I'm a teasing mastermind when I want to be." He chuckles to himself.

"You speak so highly of yourself." I mutter.

"Because I'm amazing, darling." He doesn't have an ounce of hesitation saying that, he's just so sure of himself.

"Okay, I changed my mind. We're not getting condoms, I'm leaving you for my vibrator." I say, and he shakes his head back and forth.

"Nope, not happening." He says adamantly.

"Why not? I mean, I'm guaranteed pleasure one-hundred percent of the time. And it doesn't talk back to me." I chuckle, teasing him further.

"The audacity! I've never left you unsatisfied, unless Hanna was right and you fake your orgasms with me, but I'm like ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure you don't." He says, and I laugh, smiling over at him.

"I don't, well, I have before, but not with you." I admit because as cocky as he, he also gets very insecure about this kind of stuff. "But, that doesn't mean my vibrator isn't better than you."

"Okay, miss know it all. When we get back home, we'll see who's really better." He chuckles to himself, and I stare at him wide eyed.

"Ethan, what do you mean by that?" I squeak out.

"Wait and see, darling." He says, and I look down at my fidgety hands. Is he insinuating he wants me to do that in front of him? Or him using it on me? I wouldn't exactly be opposed to the idea of the latter.

"Ethan, please just tell me." I hate the unknown.

"Francesca, you're taunting me with the fact a vibrator is better than me, and honestly, I'm not surprised because they're magical little things, but now I have a vision in my mind of you getting yourself off with it, and I need to see that happen." He says, and I smile to myself.

"I haven't even fucking used it. I bought it because I was very sexually frustrated, but I still couldn't get myself in the right mindset to use it." I admit.

"Okay, well, we'll do this together, yeah?" He briefly smiles over at me, and I give him a nod. "Wait, how do you know it's better than me if you haven't used it?"

"It's not my first rodeo, babe." I chuckle, not bothered about admitting it. "My mom bought me my first vibrator for my sixteenth birthday."

"Your mom bought you it?" He laughs in shock.

"Yeah, it was fucking amazing and actually lasted quite a while. I even brought it to college, but it sadly died like a month into the first semester, at the age of three." I mutter, remembering my old friend. Honestly, it lasted longer than they usually do. The one I bought after that broke like six months after.

"But wait, your mom bought it?" He backtracks.

"We were very close, she was literally my best friend. I mean, she got pregnant with me at sixteen, so it wasn't like she was thirty years older than me or something. She could relate to things a lot with me because she was still young herself, and she offered so I wasn't going to be the person to say no. I would have been stupid to refuse the offer." I shrug, laughing a little at the memory. "And she knew I was sexually active anyway, she had known since the beginning, so it wasn't like a big deal. She just wanted me to know what I wanted."

"Fuck, I wish I could have met her." He mutters, and I smile over at him.

"I wish you could have met her, too." I say, pushing back the knot in my throat. "She would have flirted with you though, like a lot."

"Oh yeah?" He grins.

"Yeah, she was a massive flirt." I chuckle. "She wasn't a cheat though. She just... pushed her luck with the men, especially in the presence of my dad."

"Oh, please tell me you didn't inherit that." He groans.

"Maybe, but I'll be a good girl for you." I smile, and he smirks over at me.

"You're only good when I'm keeping you from an orgasm, otherwise you're a total brat." He says and I scoff. "In bed you are."

"No, I'm not." I shake my head, denying it.

"Um, yes, you are." He says, and I roll my eyes, not going to agree with him. Not out-loud anyway because he's not exactly incorrect – I'm very needy in bed, especially when it comes to him and his teasing ways.

Stevie Nicks' 'Edge Of Seventeen' starts to plays, and at the same time we both go to turn it up.

"You like this one?" He asks.

"I fucking love this song." I say, grinning at him.

"Same, now don't show yourself up, sing along with me. We've got this song, and we'll be at the store." He smiles, and I bite down on my lip, my nerves peaking as I start to subconsciously bounce my leg up and down.

"I can't, Ethan." I whisper, looking out of the window. I don't want to distract him.

"You can, I'll keep my eyes on the road, I promise." He says, and I look over at him, and there he is, eyes on the road. "Darling, I'm not singing alone."

"You can't sing at all." I point out, and he sucks in a sharp breath.

"You wound me." He mutters dramatically.

"Shut up and sing." I laugh, before starting to hum the lyrics.

"No, I'm waiting for my favorite verse." He chuckles.

"Which one?" I ask curiously.

"First." He mumbles.

"Mine's the third, fourth and fifth, so you'll be waiting a while for mine." I say.

"Shh, you're talking over Stevie." He hushes me, and I scoff at the man.

"Fucking hypocrite." I mutter under my breath, a smile forming on my face.

We hum along to the lyrics of the chorus that starts the song before Ethan's favorite verse begins, and he starts to sing along to the lyrics. This is actually the first time hearing him sing, and he isn't the worst singer in the world. He's actually quite good.

"And the days go by, like a strand in the wind, in the web that is my own, I begin again. Said to my friend, baby, nothin' else mattered. She was no more than a baby then, well she seemed broken-hearted, something within her. But the moment that I first laid eyes on her, all alone, on the edge of... seventeen." He changes the pronouns as he sings from he/him, to she/her, and I smile wildly at him.

"Her lyrics are beautiful, but you just made it perfect." I whisper to myself.

"First time I've sang the different pronouns, it's kinda beautiful, I'm not going to lie." He mutters to himself.

"It was." I smile, humming along to the rest of the song. "My verse's are actually kinda sad, thinking about it."

"I'm not surprised to be honest, most of your music is sad." He chuckles and I scoff, pretending to be hurt but honestly, he's not wrong. Yes, I love rock and it's mainly what I listen to, but I'm a little bit of a softie for sad love songs.

We mumble the lyrics for the chorus' and the second verse together, Stevie overpowering both our voice though with sheer volume we have her up on.

"Okay, I'm skipping this verse because I'm nervous, but I'll do the fourth, and we'll do the fifth together, yeah?" I'm not singing all three by myself – he claims I have a good voice but I'm not confident enough to sing them all, no way, not under pressure.

"Don't be nervous, you're a great singer." He murmurs.

"I'm not, but thanks. I just hate performing for people which is very bizarre considering a few years ago, I wanted to be one of those girls from the movie Coyote Ugly." I laugh, shaking my head at myself. "Wait, please tell me you know what I'm talking about?"

"Don't hate me." He starts.

"Ethan!" I whine, sending him a glare.

"Just explain quickly." He says with a shy smile on his face.

"Fine, basically this girl gets a job at a bar because she's moved to the city on her own, and she needs money. This bar is chaotic – the girls get on top of it, they dance for the guys, and it's just all very fun. We need to watch it together for you to really get a grasp on what I mean because I aren't exactly the best at describing things." I say, trying to be as quick as possible because I can sense the fourth verse approaching.

"It sounds pretty cool to be fair, but I really couldn't vision you up on a bar." He laughs, and I smile to myself because I have in fact got on top of a bar, but it was when I broke into a strip club, so it was obviously shut and no one was there.

"Shh, it's coming." I hold up my hand and he chuckles, biting down on his lip, still concentrating on the road. "Well, then suddenly there was no one left standing in the hall. Yeah, yeah. In a flood of tears, that no one really ever heard fall at all. Well, I went searchin' for an answer up the stairs and down the hall. And not to find the answer, just to hear the call, of a nightbird singing, 'Come away'."

"Now, together, yeah?" He says and I nod, waiting for the second part of the chorus to repeat.

"Just like the white winged dove sings a song, sounds like she's singing. Ooh, baby, ooh, said ooh." We sing together, and I grin over at him. "Well, I hear you in the morning. And I hear you at nightfall. Sometimes to be near you, is to be unable to feel you, my love. I'm a few years older than you... my love. Just like the white winged dove sings a song, sounds like she's singing. Ooh, baby, ooh, said ooh. Just like the white winged dove sings a song, sounds like she's singing. Ooh, baby, ooh, said ooh."

"Yeah, that song is fucking beautiful." He comments, turning the volume back down, and I nod to myself, yeah it is. "And we're here."

As soon as those words come from his mouth, he literally parks the van, rolling up the windows – I didn't notice we were even here because I was such in my own head.

"I need to withdraw some money from the cash point before we go in." I tell him, making sure Lauren's card is still in fact in the back of my phone as well as mine and some cash – I'm honestly screwed if I lose my phone.

Obviously, I'm withdrawing Lauren's money because she doesn't want her parents finding out about the pregnancy, but Ethan doesn't need to know that. I don't even know how I'm going to tell him about Lauren's baby, I'm getting nervous thinking about it, and soon enough he's going to find out.

Shutting the door too, I jump down from the high seat, onto the ground, wincing only slightly at the ache between my legs that I momentarily forgot was there, and Ethan smirks when he walks around to meet me.

"Before you blame me about being sore." He starts, lowering his mouth down to my ear, whispering, aware of our surrounding. "You asked me to fuck you harder, and you were in control for the most part."

"Or, wait, how about this? You shut up, and I leave you for my vibrator." I whisper, giving him a cheeky grin, and he rolls his eyes, draping his right arm over my shoulder.

"You love me too much." He says, kissing the side of my head.

"Meh." I shrug, and he scoffs, most likely rolling his eyes. "So, I've got quite a list because our friends were such dears and gave me one. Matt wants some dark chocolate, Felix wanted a fruit bowl with pineapple and melon, Hanna apparently 'needs' a bottle of strawberry milkshake, and Lauren wants some bits."

"They don't ask for much, do they?" He chuckles, and I shake my head, but I don't mind. I'd take an actual list for all I care because I actually don't mind shopping, well this kind of shopping, I hate malls.

Hand in hand, we walk over to the cash point that's in the wall, and after waiting a couple minutes for the person in front of us, I step up and put Lauren's card in. I'm very used to doing this, so I know her number off by heart as well as everyone else's. I don't know if this is a normal thing; but we're definitely far from normal.

I only get a hundred dollars out, hoping it's enough because pregnancy tests are quite expensive, and everyone wants something, and she said she's paying for it all. I'm not letting her buy the Plan B like she insisted because that costs above a joke.

"Now, let's go. Do you need anything?" I ask, curling the fresh notes up and putting them in the back of my phone like I always do.

"I need to get protein powder because I forgot to bring some. And like Felix, I should get some fruit. Maybe mangos, they're nice." He mutters the last bit to himself as we start to walk.

"You're so healthy, it almost scares me." I joke, glancing up at him.

"Hey, you're healthy too... when you want to be. I've seen you willingly order a salad." He points out, and I hum – I do like a nice salad. "Also, you go to the gym quite a lot. You're healthier than many."

"True. I guess it's a subconscious thing why I eat unhealthily. Like, I was bullied growing up for my weight." I start, and he frowns down at me, his jaw clenched. "Calm it, Hulk. I was... smaller than most of my class mates because of my high metabolism, and it's always effected me. So, like now, I try to eat enough to keep my weight stable, but it's always going up and down; sometimes it'll drop rapidly like it did in December and when my mom died. But it's not my fault, it's my body, I know that."

"Francesca, I didn't know." He mumbles with a slight sigh.

"It's not a massive thing which is why I don't really mention it. I eat normally, but what I do eat isn't the best." I shrug, feeling a bit self-conscious talking about it now. "But, I do eat healthy sometimes, like I'm craving pineapple right now, so I might steal some of Felix's."

"Get a bowl for yourself – I'll help." He says with a laugh.

"Of course you will." I say, expecting his answer.

"Now, come on, we need to get some well needed necessities." He says, tightening his grasp on my hand as we walk through the front doors, the fluorescent lighting making me cringe.

I've obviously never been to this store, so I have no clue where anything is, but I'm thankful Ethan does, so with his hand in mine, he leads the way straight to the middle isle where all the feminine products are.

"So, I need some razors, shaving cream, moisturizer and some tweezers." I remember as soon as I spot a can of shaving cream because I honestly forgot. Even though the hair isn't incredibly long, it's annoying me already and it's only been four days since I last shaved.

Scanning the shelves for what I need, Ethan watches in amusement, and once I finally do have everything, he takes the products, holding them for me.

"Okay, Plan B is behind the counter, so we just need condoms from here, right?" Ethan checks, keeping his voice low which I'm happy about. I thought he'd embarrass me in here, but quite the opposite.

"Unless we need lube, but I don't think we do. Wait, have you tried the strawberry one?" I whisper, grinning at him.

"No, have you?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, when I were with my ex. It was easier for my young self to perform oral, like it literally made it easier because it tasted of strawberry." I shrug, probably oversharing, especially since we're in a store, and he groans at the mention of my ex. "Who else would I use it with? You don't see me getting jealous over the girls you've been with."

"Well, it'd take you a full fucking week to get through the list." He mutters to himself, and just a little bit of my heart tightens at that. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. And, it doesn't matter about them girls because you're the only one I need, the only one I will ever need, and they were nothing to me – you're the only one I love."

"I love you too, and I don't care about your... colorful past. All I care about is that you were safe and you're clean. A number doesn't define you, and you don't have to explain yourself." I mumble, giving him a tight-lipped smile. "And get it, the lube I mean, but please – and I can't stress this enough – do not ever use the mint tingle. It burns so bad."

"Oh my God, I've used that, but on my own. Never again." He shakes his head. "It shouldn't be a thing."

"Right?" I nod, chuckling slightly. "Now, get the condoms 'cause I can't reach?"

"Teeny." He comments, reaching for the black and gold Magnum box, and I roll my eyes. "Extra thin feel, that okay for you, malady?"

"Yep. Actually, please can you get another box for me to keep at my place?" I ask, knowing we will forget to split these. And there's only twelve anyhow.

"Ooh, ribbed for your pleasure." He muses, smirking over at me, and I whack his arm. I am fortunate despite his teasing, his voice is quiet. "You want these or the others?"

"I don't mind." I shrug, not at all bothered.

"Okay, we'll get them both. Anything else for you, madam?" He chuckles.

"Do you want a cock ring?" I mutter under my breath, scanning the line of toys at the very top shelf. I'm distracting and stalling getting the test if you haven't noticed because I don't know how to tell Ethan, and I know I'm going to ruin it. "You'd honestly think we were in a sex store right now, not a normal every day grocery type store."

"Francesca, for fuck's sake." He gawks at me. "We can't buy that, are you serious?"

"Why not? We will never see anyone from this store ever again. What is so different from getting lube and condoms, to you getting a black ring that vibrates? I see no difference." I shrug, giving him my honest opinion.

"I've never used one." He admits shyly.

"Me neither, but I know how it works." I whisper, hoping he'll get this. "We don't have to use it straight away... maybe when I show you mine, you show me what this does?"

"Are you insinuating what I think you're insinuating?" He questions.

"It'll be fun." I hope we're both on the same page about getting ourselves off in front of each other because that's going to be an awkward situation if not.

"Fuck, then get it. Can I stop if I don't like it?" He asks, and I immediately frown.

"Ethan, if I didn't like something about sex, you'd stop, why wouldn't I?" I ask, actually concerned now because consent isn't just for women, or one person. "Of course you can stop – I'll stop. Always."

"Thanks." He answers shortly, grabbing the teal box from the very top. He turns around to me, and his face drops when he sees my defeated facial expression. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just... I appreciate it, that's all you need to know right now."

"Okay, well, you're welcome. You don't need to thank me though." I feel awkward now, hoping I haven't unsettled him. There's obviously something behind that, and I know he hates talking, so I'm not going to press, especially not here.

"Now, do you need anything else?" He asks, and I gulp nervously before I step forward, looking through the pregnancy tests that are next to the condoms. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"So, I have to tell you something." I start, turning towards him, and he blinks at me as if I've just told him the worst news in the world. "Calm the fuck down, it's not for me."

"Who's it for?" He whispers with a frown, worry in his tone. "Hanna? Oh no, she hates children though, this is going to be a nightmare. I mean, she'll be a great mother, I don't doubt that, but-"

"It's not Hanna." I cut him off with a whisper, nibbling down on my lip, hoping he'll connect the dots for me.ahhsnosne

"No." He gasps, shaking his head. "Not Matt."

"Ethan!" I whine, giving up.

"Seriously? Lauren? She's a baby herself though." He murmurs, looking a little lost at the news. "The little one is having her own little one?"

"Yeah, she's very sure on the fact because of the bump from how far along she is, but she still wants to take a test. More to comfort her than anything else." I say, and his jaw drops, more of the dots connecting.

"Wait, is Felix...?" He asks and I give him a nod, a smile evidently on my face. "Fuck, wow. Felix is gonna be a dad? That's crazy."

"Yeah, I know." I agree.

"Wait, so how're you feeling? You know with the whole pregnancy thing?" He asks, and I look up at him, giving him a soft smile.

"I'm okay. It did make me think of everything, but I'm so happy for them." I murmur, and he nods, looking a little lost. "And it's not about me anyway. I just hope they have a safe pregnancy."

"Wait, have they been sleeping together this whole time?" He asks, and I shake my head.

"No, Lauren hasn't slept with anyone since the club when they hooked up. She literally has a bump but she wants the test just to be really sure. She found out last night, and Felix slept in her bed, calmed her down. She was a bit of a mess this morning, but she's going to be okay." I say, knowing that for sure. She's a tough cookie.

"Fuck." He mutters. "Well, I wish them the best, but that's shocking."

"I think they're in shock too. Like she's quite far along and only just found out." I mumble, half distracted as I look through all the different tests. Why is there so many?

"You know... our little shop is going to look very bizarre to strangers. Condoms, cock ring, lube, Plan B, a pregnancy test and prenatal vitamins? Yeah, bizarre as fuck." He says and I laugh, picking out a Clear Blue test, passing him the box before I crouch on the floor.

"I know." I say, grabbing a large bottle of prenatal vitamins, the same ones I had all those years ago. "Okay, I think I've got everything for her but the mint ice cream that she needs. Oh, and obviously the others' stuff."

"The protein powder is just down here, so come with me." His hands are full, so I just lean into his side as we start to walk.

Once we get there, his eyes scan the shelves quickly before pointing at one. "See the banana flavor? Be a darling, and get it since I'm carrying everything."

"We should have gotten a cart." I mutter, grabbing the small tub.

"Well, we'll learn from our mistake." He chuckles.

"Okay, now we need ice cream, fruit, chocolate, and then we can go." I say with a sigh. I'm over this shopping trip. "Oh and the Plan B, but that's behind the counter."

"I'm paying for it before you insist." He gets there first, and I curse under my breath. "It's too much for just a small pill, babe."

"I know, but I feel awful depending on you." I whisper weakly. "But I appreciate it."

"I don't mind." He says.

"It's weird." I start as we turn the corner to the fruit isle, wanting to get across what I want to say without rambling but I most likely will. "With you, you've never thrown money in my face. We're both aware that you're wealthier, but you never make me feel stupid or weak about the fact, like I have felt in the past. I know I don't have the best money situation, especially with my medical bills, but I do try and you see that. You know when I want to pay for things and you let me because you know I want to, well apart from this instance. But, when I can't, you never make it a massive deal or point out that I can't pay for it myself."

"Because, Francesca, that's the human thing to do." He replies, looking at me with a soft expression. "I'd never throw it in your face. Not in an argument. Never."

"I hope we don't argue." I mutter under my breath.

"I mean, I hope not either, but it's bound to happen, like we had our first argument literally after the first time we slept together." He recalls, and I giggle under my breath. "But it was a reasonable argument, and we got pizza after anyway."

"I hate fighting." I mumble.

"I would agree and say 'me too', but I'd be lying." He says and I roll my eyes. Why didn't I expect that answer? "I can't promise you we won't argue, but I can promise you we'll always get through it, and I won't ever bring up things like that."

His words comfort me more than he will ever realize.

With Chris, we were very toxic, he'd pick petty arguments with me and always take it too far. So far that I'd think we were over and couldn't come back from it, yet the next day, he's be perfectly fine with me, putting his arm around me at school. I was so naïve with him, and I don't know why I stayed in such a relationship which had me doubting everything about myself – physically, emotionally and sexually.

I thought I was in love, but it was merely an infatuation.

This, what I feel with Ethan, this is love. A feeling that consumes every nerve of my being. A feeling that suffocates me in the best way possible. It's body consuming – a sentence I used to describe how music made me feel. Well, it's mind, body and spirit with him.

It's terrifying feeling such an overwhelming feeling for someone. Of course, I love my family and friends, there's no denying that. But there's something different about the love for your significant other, an undeniable force of connection.

I never believed in soulmates, I thought it was all made up shit, but truly now, I am questioning it.

"Hey, my little spacey." Ethan says, pulling me out of my thoughts. "You okay?"

"Yeah, perfectly fine." I smile at the nickname. "Let's finish this."

Walking around the large store, we get the remainder of the things on the list, picking up some extra bits and bobs on the way. We picked up the Plan B pill, paid for it at the pharmacy in the back, so as we check out, I have the little white paper bag in hand.

"Do you need a bag?" The cashier lady, an old woman that has been giving me the evil eyes for the last minute or so, finally asks.

"Yeah, that'd be great, thank you." I answer, giving her a tight-lipped smile.

It doesn't help the fact that we have to pay for things as if we are three different people – everything my friends wanted it was paid using Lauren's money, she even had change. I'm paying for everything else but the protein powder that Ethan insists on buying.

The woman, Sandra, isn't impressed.

"Why did you get razors?" Ethan asks with a frown when they're bagged up. "We're leaving tomorrow."

"I know, but I feel like a cactus, so desperate calls for desperate measures of buying these now." I say, meaning my pubic area – I'm more bothered now knowing that I'm not the only one seeing it – and he rolls his eyes. "Hey! Your stubble looks great, mind doesn't."

"Shut up." He chuckles, pulling me into his side before lowering his mouth above my ear. "And yeah, it does."

"Nope, it's going." I make the final call with this. "And we're going to the beach, I want to look okay."

"You look great as it is, babe, no once cares about it." He assures me, and I hum, knowing that, but again that was only an excuse.

Once again, the woman looks up with a glare as she scans through the first box of condoms – who pissed in her cereal this morning?

"Do you have ID?" She asks, and I fight the urge to groan.

"Are you serious? I'm twenty-years-old." I gawk at her – you can buy these at sixteen, I'm sure. I take a deep breath, grabbing my phone that holds everything I need – it's basically my wallet at this point. I flash her my ID, giving her an over exaggerated smile. "See, nearly twenty-one, I can buy condoms."

"Ignore her." Ethan says low in my ear, and I sigh, knowing I should but she's annoying me now. I look up, giving him a smile. "You're the one I'm using them with, aren't I?"

"Just had to make sure. You look like a teenager." She mutters, scanning through the cock ring. This just gets better, but for once, I hope she knows what she's missing out on.

"We're here to buy what we need, keep your nose out of our business – you don't need her ID, if anything she looks more mature than her age. Keep scanning our things, and we'll be on your way. Just because you don't like your job, you don't have to take it out on us, willing paying customers." Ethan says, and I blink at him. I'm surprised, I mean, it's Ethan, and he didn't swear, he kept his voice steady and low enough. Sure, his knuckles were turning white, but I really appreciate this reaction, the calm one.

"Sorry." She squeaks under her breath.

"Thank you." I whisper to him.

~~

After a nervous drive home, fiddling in my seat, we finally pull up in the driveway, and I've never felt better, knowing I'm safe and I'm going into a house with good AC. This weather is still as lovely as ever, but I need to breathe for a second without feeling suffocated.

"Let's get in there, eat some fruit and then have some fun on the beach, yeah?" Ethan asks, taking the keys out of the ignition.

After opening the door, I jump down onto the ground, grabbing the bag in the foot-well before shutting it behind me. Ethan locks the van up and joins me as we walk through the front door.

Since my hands are full, he opens both doors for us both, the one going into the house and then the one going into the main room where I finally see my friends' faces again.

"Finally! I need strawberry milk, not this disgusting thing!" Hanna greets me, and I laugh, holding the bag up as we approach the island where they're all sat around drinking green drinks that look so very unappetizing.

"I'll have this then." Ethan takes her glass from her, gulping down a bit of the green substance, and I grimace at how easy he did that.

"You're a freak." I comment.

"I'm your freak." He retorts with a shrug.

"Okay, here are your things." I empty the bag that holds literally everything in it, on the table, not bothered by them seeing the contents of our purchases. "Lauren, I got you a hundred dollars out, and you have some change."

"Wait, that doesn't add up." Lauren frowns.

"Yep, I paid for my own things." I say with a smile.

"I offered though." She says with a pout.

"It's fine, and I needed a few extra things, so it doesn't matter." I say, shrugging it off.

"Yeah, what the fuck is all this?" Matt chortles, raising his brows.

"Ethan's getting lucky." Felix mumbles, finishing off a slice of toast.

"Oh, give it a rest." I swipe over the condoms, lube, cock ring, razors, tweezers, shaving cream and moisturizer over to me, putting them back in the bag. "Just be happy that we went for you. Lauren, I got you some prenatal vitamins, start taking them now."

"What are they?" She honestly looks lost.

"They just help the baby and you, just take them, they're good for you. You can research if you're unsure though." I say, passing her the bottle for her to inspect which she does.

"Oh, okay, well thank you, I really didn't think to get these." She gives me a smile.

"Are they safe enough?" Felix asks.

"Yes, of course." I assure him, smiling at his little worry. "Now, I need water, does anyone mind me stealing theirs?"

Matt gives me a smile, sliding over an almost full bottle over to me, and for once, it's actually freezing cold. I open the white bag to the Plan B, ignoring the instructions since I've taken this pill before. With no hesitation, I open the packaging and take the teeny pill out, downing it with a bottle of water. No doubts, no second thoughts, it's just a pill like an aspirin.

"You good?" Ethan asks and I give him a nod, screwing the top back on the bottle.

I'm better now, but I know my mind won't truly settle until I come on my period next week.

We only need one baby in this family for now, and that's Lauren and Felix's.

~~~~~

A/N

Long chapter again apparently. This wasn't supposed to be this long, but surprise.

Lauren's pregnant, someone actually guessed this and I was like, is it that obvious? I had this planned before she and Felix even got together, and I'm so excited for this to be a thing.

Life update: I'm back home now, and I'm already missing holiday. We're back to the slow writing as well. It's so warm in England right now, and I was at work all day, it was unbearable in there. I just finished watching Dunkirk and oh my God, I love Harry Styles way too much. What else, oh yes, I just released the news that I'm editing my first book, and I've actually wrote 4 chapters already!

Question of the chapter:

When's your birthday?

December 31st

I hope this chapter was okay!

Thank you for reading! Please comment your thoughts, vote by pressing the little star, and if you want, you can follow me too. I'm also on Instagram – @daisyclouds89 Xx

10,635 words

~B