Matt's POV:

I hate myself. I hate myself so much.

I shouldn't have got up. I shouldn't have walked away. I shouldn't still be walking away.

I'm such an asshole.

"Please, Matt, come on, stop walking away from me!" My best friend, my Frankie calls, following my every move.

As soon as I open my bedroom door, I stop and turn around. She's stood, tears streaming down her face, and guilt eats at me, knowing they're staining her cheeks because of me.

"I'm so sorry, Matt. Please." She breaks down, biting on her bottom lip.

"I'm your best friend, Frankie. Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, it's my only question that I desperately need to know. "I tell you everything. Damn it. I tell you every-fucking-thing that happens in my life, and you've just been sitting on all this for months. Do you know how fucking ashamed I feel, knowing that you were harming yourself, having nightmares and I didn't even notice?"

"Matt, please." She sobs, reaching for me. "I couldn't, I told you that. I couldn't even be honest with myself."

She been my best friend for nearly two years now, and this is our first argument – I don't know if it is though because I'm not angry. I'm hurt, confused, and honestly, I'm feeling betrayed.

"You told Ethan. He knew." I point out, not caring how selfish I am being. I love her, I love her so much but I feel fucking awful. She's gone through hell, and as her best friend, I didn't know. I didn't even fucking notice she needed help. "You told a guy that you had known a few months, maybe less, over us, your closest friends. We love you, Frankie, we would have been there for you!"

"I know! I know and that's what hurts more, but you weren't there. He found out after the breakdown a couple days before Christmas – I didn't just tell him. I had nearly overdosed in our bathroom and I pushed myself to tell him because I knew I had to, not because I wanted to. You were all celebrating Christmas, and it was never the right time!" She gulps, wiping her face with the sleeve of my red plaid shirt.

"There was never going to be a 'right time'!" I stress my point. Would she have never told us if she didn't have the panic attack downstairs, which was without question, terrifying.

"There would have. I would have made sure. I wasn't going to keep this from you forever. I didn't want to." She sniffles.

"You aren't in the wrong, I'm not mad at you, I'm upset. I've just learnt that my best friend in the whole world was in a car crash, that she lost her mom and went through how many weeks of abuse from her father. On top of that, you were triggered so much into physically harming yourself, and you have been dealing with this right in front of my eyes." I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "I feel like the worst friend in the world right now."

"No, no please don't. You're amazing, Matt." She pleads with me.

"You lost your mom, Frankie. You lost her, and you dealt with it alone. I hate myself for not noticing this. You sleep beside me every night and I never once woke up when you had a nightmare – you had to deal with that alone." I choke out, wiping my own tears now. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to. I just- I couldn't. I believed I murdered my mom for months. It's not exactly an easy topic to bring up." She chuckles dryly.

"I wouldn't have thought that." I say honestly – no way would I have thought that. "Your fucking father should be ashamed of himself, like what the fuck? I understand he lost the love of his life, but he took it out on you! That's fucked up."

"I know." She whispers, sighing. "I hate him too."

I wrap my arms around her small body and she ducks her head into my chest, sniffling as I kiss the top of her head.

"Do you hate me?" She mumbles and I immediately frown.

"The fuck? What, no! No, I could never!" I blurt out, and she looks up at me. "I love you, Frankie. It's a bit hard not to."

"I love you, too." She says with a little smile. "I didn't want to keep this from you. I didn't."

"I know, I just feel... I don't know, but I do know it's not your fault. I just feel weird." I try to explain, not needing or wanting her to feel more guilty.

"I'm sorry." She apologizes.

"Don't be." I sigh.

"Um, is this a bad time to tell you I have two new tattoos?" She asks and my eyes widen, blinking at her.

"Where!?" I exclaim in total shock. I would have seen them, surely.

"Um, the scar that I had gotten from the surgery on my ribs, I have a tattoo over that. And, um, me and Ethan got each other's star signs, so I have a Scorpio sign on my hip." She blushes at her words, and I smile at the latter. "We got them on Christmas day. You've all seen his shoulder tattoo – well, he has a Virgo sign on his wrist too."

"That's what that is?" I ask, and she nods.

"I'd show you the tattoos, but this contraption is a bit hard to get off." She gestures to the lingerie underneath the red and black shirt of mine.

"Tomorrow?" I suggest.

"Yeah, tomorrow." She smiles with a nod. "I'm sorry for keeping this from you. It's been eating me alive, and I hated lying. I felt awful having to lie. It was nothing against you or the girls, it was just my own personal issues."

"I know and I understand, but I just wish you had come to me. I would have been there for you." I repeat, and she sighs. "I know you're a strong bitch though."

"I'm getting there." She chuckles.

"Now, let's move on, yeah? I don't want to keep repeating things because it's only going to upset you." I don't want to dwell on it because it's the past, and she put herself first for once which she never does. "So, how are you and Ethan?"

"Seriously? That's your next topic?" She whines.

"Yep, spill the tea." I say, walking into my room and she soon follows behind me. Since my life is quite... boring, I somewhat rely on everyone else's lives to entertain me.

We drop to the bed, and she gets the blanket on the corner and pulls it around her. I do wonder how she isn't boiling because it's very hot in here, but I do think it's more of a comfort thing.

"So, we kissed. Twice, but-" She starts and I stop her right there, slapping the mattress.

"Excuse me!? You did what?" I exclaim, shocked those words came out of her mouth so freely.

"Kissed, but they were pretty harmless." She tries to explain.

"I call bullshit." I know when she's lying – the white lies anyway. Her left eye flickers.

"Fine. The first one was last night. I had a nightmare, and I went into his room because I hadn't had a nightmare in nineteen days and it was really bad." She speaks about these nightmares that haunt her subconscious so freely, and it kills me to know that. "Anyway, I got into bed with him, we spoke, I told him about the nightmare, and then I was teasing him about a book he was reading. He wouldn't show me, so I kinda got on him and got it. But then I kissed him – it was very impulsive."

"You have balls, I'll give you that. So, you just kissed or did anything else happen?" I ask, knowing she's usually not brash on details, she's actually pretty good at telling me these things.

"No, well, I wanted things to happen but it wasn't the right moment. I want to be with him, like fully in a relationship before we have sex or he touches me. And I needed to tell you guys before we can get together." She gives me a little smile.

"There's nothing stopping you now." I point out.

"I know, and it's kinda scary." She chuckles to herself. "I know you're dying to know – we kissed again today, on the Ferris Wheel. I initiated it, but he kissed me. It was perfect, it always is."

"That sounds cute." I smile, wishing that was me. I want to be kissed on the top of a Ferris Wheel, lucky bitch.

"It was. And he won me a bear, of course." She adds.

"He's good to you, Francesca." I say, meaning it.

Ethan Kane – wow, he had a massive reputation around college. I remember him from my freshmen year, and he was very much into the partying scene. He had girls hanging off him, he's be drunk in classes, and he's be causing fights carelessly. He's like a changed man now, no longer a boy.

"I know, and I love him so much." She sighs, lying back on the bed. "Why does it have to be so complicated?"

"It isn't if you don't make it. Your situation now is pretty simple, babe. You go to him, you tell him you love him and put yourself on the line. He won't reject you." I know the latter for a fact, he may be Ethan, but he's not that stupid.

"You better not be saying this because of the bet." She frowns at me, and I look at her in confusion until it comes to me. Oh yeah, the bet...

"No, I'm not. I actually forgot about it." I honestly say.

"So much has happened, I just.. I want to, but I don't think he will. He's very insistent when it comes to consent and he needs me in the right frame of mind, or it's just not happening. I don't want to be rejected again, not right now." She sighs again, running her hands through her hair.

"At least he's a man who asks for your consent." I point out, and she gives me a smile. "Okay, you have very hot lingerie on right now, I think we can all agree on that. I don't really see Ethan rejecting you with that on."

"I've never worn lingerie for someone, I wouldn't know how to act." She's making up excuses now.

"You act like the strong sexy bitch you are, you strut in there and claim your man. He will fucking love it." I assure her – I may be gay, but I'm still a guy. I know when someone's hot or not.

"Seriously?" She asks unsurely.

"If you don't want to, don't." I make sure to get that across because she needs to want this. "I promise you; you look amazing."

"I have scars on my thighs." She admits, and my heart breaks for her. "I feel so ugly when I look at myself in the mirror. I can't see what everyone else does. He's seen them but I don't know."

"Look, babe, hypothetically speaking, if you were with someone and they gained scars, stretch marks, weight, changed their appearance – would you love them any less? It's all in your own head. He'd be an absolute prick if he thinks they'd change anything, and we both know he doesn't. He loves you for you, and he's probably told you this, right?" I ask and she nods weakly, giving me a shy smile. "Don't let your mind dictate this."

"I haven't had sex since December, what if I totally freak out?" She better not spiral now. I grab her hands, giving her a stern expression.

"You won't, these are just doubts." I assure her.

"So, I just walk in there?" She asks.

"Well, maybe take the jeans off, freshen up, brush your hair, put some lip gloss on and some deodorant. Then, you'll be perfect." I say and she laughs, pushing my away with my chest. "Go have some fun – you don't have to have sex tonight, just talk to him. I know he's the person you need to be with right now."

"I love your company." She frowns at my words.

"Yeah, but I know you're desperate to see him, so go before I change my mind and make you stay in here all night." I warn, and she giggles, sitting up. She flings her arms around me, and I laugh, hugging her back. "I love you, go have some fun."

"I love you too, and I'm sorry for everything, but thank you as well." She mumbles against my chest, and I give her a stern expression. She brings her fingers up and mimics zipping her lips.

I'm so lucky to have her as my best friend...

~~~~~

A/N

VERY SHORT CHAPTER, but you got Matt's point of view finally! I love him so much, and his reaction was valid. He probably should have handled it better, but he was hurt. So don't hate him please!

Life update: It's 11 years of One direction and I'm not okay.

Question of the chapter:

What do you like to do in your spare time?

With work and writing, I have no spare time lol. When I start college, I'll funnily have more time than I do now.

I hope this chapter was okay!

Thank you for reading! Please comment your thoughts, vote by pressing the little star, and if you want, you can follow me too. I'm also on Instagram – @daisyclouds89 Xx

2160 words!

~B