NOW
TOM FOCUS
THREE WEEKS UNTIL FILMING

"Y/N?" Tom asks, walking towards the woman. She doesn't move though, not wanting to look up. People make small remarks as they pass the two, and even though the words are in a foreign language , it causes Tom to sigh before grabbing her hand and leading her to an alley. 

"Are you okay?" The man asks.

"Mhm." The hum is high and sad. He can see the slight tremble in her shoulders, a sign shes trying her hardest to not cry.

Tom moves his hand under her chin and picks her head up, seeing tears cascade down her face. "What's wrong? I'm sorry." The tears on her face fall faster and she drops her umbrella. Tom knows she might kick him, but drops his umbrella and hugs Y/N anyway.

Sobs come out between every few words as she lets herself go, "I hate you so much." Her arms stay at her sides but her head rests on his shoulder. He hugs her tighter, waiting a minute before she speaks again. "I can't bring myself to go back there. They hate me."

"Who hates you?" He hates the way his heart skipped when her head made contact with his shoulder. He hates the way he likes this. He hates himself for this.

"My parents. Why'd you leave me? This is all your fault. It's all your fault!" She screams into his shoulder. Tom remembers the sister that had been disowned and died, his heart hurting for his ex fiancée.

"I wish I didn't." A hand that had previously been on the small of her back moves up to her hair, slowly caressing her head, trying to comfort her the way he used to when she'd get upset. Y/N wouldn't admit it, but she likes the affection. Not because she was lonely, but because deep down she missed the feeling of being in his arms. He didn't need her to tell him that she appreciated this, he got his confirmation when she wrapped her arms around him too.

His heart skips another beat. "Let it all out."

"Why did you leave me? I loved you so fucking much and you left like it was nothing." She sobs, never taking her head off his shoulder. "And why do they love you so much? Why? Why? They just met you! How can they like you?"

He knows who she's talking about. He knew she was upset by how much Seren and Euphie had liked him. He was grateful for it. He was grateful to know his children, even with the language barrier. And even though her words hurt him to hear, he still held her and listened and he too started softly crying. There was something about holding her and being there for her that made his heart race. There was something about her in general that made his heart explode.

"Why couldn't you have just stayed!" She screams into his shoulder. If they had talked through it like adults something would be different. Everything would be different.

"I wish I did." His hand rests on her head and he pulls her in closer. "I'm so, so sorry, Y/N."

The rain falls harder around them. People outside the alleyway move faster, wanting to get to the warmth of their destinations. They don't pay the crying couple much attention, focusing on their own lives and problems. Inside the alley, Tom and Y/N hold each other, the girl listening to Tom as he talks about his feelings.

"I regret all of it. I swear I do."

"I know."

"It's okay if you never forgive me." His breath falls on the woman's neck, the tiniest bit of warmth in the cold of the rain. 

She breathes, "Okay."

His hand moves from Y/N's head to the other side of her waist. Tom unexpectedly pulls from the embrace. The woman painfully swallows her tears, a burning sensation in her throat, and looks up at him, their eyes connecting, a sense of mutual understanding between them. Her eyes are full of hatred and despair and lust, and as bizarre as it is, Tom's okay with it. His eyes, on the other hand, are full of love, lust, affection, and regret. And Y/N, too, is okay with that. They understand they still love each other, that the other returns their feelings. But they also understand the hurt and coldness between them, the chance that, although small, there will never be forgiveness or another try.

"I love you." Y/N watches the tears falling from his eyes as he says these words. She looks at his clenched jaw, the slight shivers his body lets out. He's cold and vulnerable and he knows it. And she knows it's because of her. "I'm so sorry." His head falls and his shoulders shake, the memory of the day he left stuck in his head on repeat.

She doesn't feel the need to say it back. She doesn't want to give him reassurance to that extent. A part of her likes seeing him this way, scared and feeling alone. She sees herself in the way his shoulders hunch and his hair messed up. She knows the feeling too well, because of him. "I know." She replies. The spiteful feeling doesn't last long though, as soon enough she leans her head onto his, their foreheads against one another. She can hear his unsteady breathing, the silenced sobs. They stay like this for a moment before she speaks again, moving her head away, "You know the worst part of the last few years?"

He looks back up at her, ready to listen. He already looks broken, in no way prepared to hear what's next. And as the words slip Y/N's mouth, he only breaks more, regret multiplying, self hatred deepening.

"Euphie almost died. I almost had to go through that by myself."

Heyyy. This week was hard. I'm sorry for the kind of late update. I couldn't write last weekend and this week has been really stressful. I finally wrote the last half of it between studying French vocab. We're almost done with this story, there's less than ten chapters left. Which is really weird to me. I've been with this for four years, it's such a  big part of me, I've grown up writing this. I never expected to get this much attention- ever. A lot of people have been reading nervous recently, which blows my mind. It feels like forever ago when I finished it.

How have you been doing, though? Good, I hope. You deserve happiness :).

How did you feel about this chapter? I appreciate feedback. Did you cry? Did you get sad? Angry? What were your ~feelings~ reading this? I'm genuinely curious.

I recently found the old plot for Serendipity. All the choices and branches and ohmy you guys made so many bad decisions last time. You almost killed Y/N, you know. I had to steer your answers away from that haha. Maybe I'll show a picture of it one day.

I'm so grateful for your support, more than you'll ever know. Reading comments are the best part of publishing days, and you always make me happy.

I love you all, I'll see you soon. Have a good day/night, wherever you are in the world.

-SIDEPHAN-