I wasn't sure what song to put for this one-shot. There were many songs that fit this story for me. True Colours, This Is Me, Set It All Free, and many more. While I'm not the biggest fan of High School Musical The Musical The Series, I do like this song and I feel it works well for the one-shot.

Title: inspired by Fruits Basket
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Nya's never been very good at controlling her temper. It was like waves crashing the shore, seemingly quite harmless but as soon as you touch the water it slams you back into the sand. It didn't help that her brother was also famously bad at controlling his emotions (though Nya would say that she was slightly better than him at it... in certain instances). As Nya got older, it became obvious that her anger was something that would need to be curbed. Society took one look at her female appearance and declared that it meant fury needed to be reined in, stamped down with disapproval and snide comments. No one would listen to a raging woman, perhaps a weeping girl, but if Nya dared to show the unsettled waters underneath she was immediately dismissed. Even when Nya joined the ninja, at first as somewhat of a side-kick, that still didn't change. With the public eye constantly watching them, she couldn't afford to let their reputation be sullied because she couldn't hold her tongue. So she held it. She bit into it until it bled. She tried everything she could to stop the storm, to make the skies clear so that maybe just maybe Wu might pick her to be one of the ninjas too.

But it never happened. Again and again and again and again, Nya was brushed aside. The ninja took on the glory, their faces were pasted on the front page, while Nya was gossiped about in passing- usually wondering which one of the boys she was romantically involved with. It was humiliating, it was disgusting, it was infuriating. She worked hard every damn day and didn't have a thing to show for it. She smiled until her cheeks hurt, she practiced using calm, sweet tones and locked in every negative emotion until it felt like her heart was made of stone. But no matter what she did, no matter the cheerful, kind façade she put up, no one seemed to care.

It was only after a particularly nasty column in the newspaper, painting her as dim-witted, and dull, commenting only on her appearance and the mask Nya put up which was only there to satisfy them. It was only after she'd torn the thing to shreds that she realized that she needed a new solution. A better solution. One that would free her from the chains life strangled her under.

So she built a mech.

She fought some villains.

She saved some people.

And she became Samurai X.

Samurai X became a whole new character, a whole new mask, but this time it was one of strength and power. Nya was able to push all of the anger and frustration, all of her hard work and dedication, into something that could give back, into an incredible warrior people would respect and praise. It all came with a male label but at least she was doing something, at least she could become a person she felt proud of.

Unfortunately, even that couldn't last.

Nya could finally be a ninja, just as she always wanted. But with it, she only got more judgement, more pressure, and the same, familiar need to stuff everything into a box and hide it in the very depths of her being.

Maybe it was because of her slowly cracking facade that her relationship with Jay fell apart. Maybe it was because he could never fully understand and Nya could never fully tell him. Maybe it was the fact that both of them had deep-seated insecurities they weren't ready to show each other. So they kept it all buried down until the gnarled monsters stashed inside them reared their ugly heads and let themselves be heard.

Nya wasn't sure what to do. She's reshaped herself so many times, molding her personality to whatever she thought would make her the most successful, the most approachable, the most loved. But no matter what mask she set on her face, the hardened clay would always crack.

"Do you know why I didn't make you a ninja originally?" Wu asked one day. It seemed completely out of the blue at the time. But looking back on it, Nya wondered if the master had known all along the turmoil that roiled inside her. He always seemed to be able to see right through her.

"Because I couldn't control my temper," Nya answered automatically. When Wu didn't confirm, she turned to look at him.

He only tilted his head, the usual unreadable wisdom across his face. "Why is it that you feel your temper needed to be controlled?"

Nya blinked. "Because it's a weakness. It only hurts people, makes them uncomfortable-"

"Ah, yes, it's about the people." The sensei sipped his tea slowly, taking in the quietness of the morning. "That is something all of my students have in common. A need to please others, to make them happy. That is not a good thing or a bad thing. Like most things in the world, it is neutral. Caring allows you to be empathetic, charismatic, and emotionally intelligent. But it also can cause you to change things that don't need to be changed, worry about things that don't need to be worried about, hide things that don't need to be hidden."

Nya's brow furrowed. The way he was talking, the truthfulness in his tone, the easiness of his words- it kept on poking at something she didn't want to be prodded. It felt like her skin was itching, an uncomfortable feeling spread all across her body.

"I don't understand," Nya said curtly, hoping that he would get it over with and they could forget that the conversation ever happened.

Wu smiled gently at her. "You see, Nya, your temper is a beautiful thing. You have so much powerful, incredible emotion. It is the very thing that fuels your element, the storm inside of you. Yes, when emotion remains unchecked it can hurt people. But it does not need to be controlled, to be chained down and forced away, but rather it needs to be guided- taught. It needs to be told where to direct the anger, where those emotions are coming from, rather than told that it needs to be locked away."

Nya looked away, feeling all too raw and exposed. It was as if Wu had scraped over a secret wound and had peeled back the bandages to reveal the painful cut underneath. "It's not that simple," Nya whispered. "Kai can get away with it. Cole can get away with it. All of the boys can get away with it. Their anger is something that is assumed and normalized, but mine? It's placed under a microscope. It's pulled apart and judged like food in a cooking competition. People will accept a furious man but an angry woman? She's labelled as crazy, unstable."

Wu nodded in understanding. "It is true that there are a lot of unfair biases, especially against women. But like most things in life, emotion requires balance. Too much and you'll be blinded. Too little and it'll eat away at you. Both are equally dangerous. It will take time to find that balance. But I believe you can do it. You weren't ready before, you didn't know how to let it out. But I saw you grow from the rugged Samurai X to the graceful water ninja, to the tough, amazing, young woman you are today. You will be able to find that balance. It is then, that you will unlock your true power."

Nya was quiet, her mind rolling around her teacher's words as they sat together. Muffled sounds of the boys arguing and laughing could be heard from inside the monastery, carrying out into the courtyard, but she barely heard any of it. She was too focused on what he was saying, how odd and weird it sounded. She trusted that Wu was right, he had decades of life experience over her and he's rarely been wrong when it's come to advise like this but it still felt so bizarre. It was as if someone had told Nya her whole life was a lie.

But it wasn't. She knew that. She knew in her head that what she'd been doing, how she'd been living, wasn't right- or healthy. But it was so hard to allow, so hard to give in.

"I've been holding it in for so long," Nya whispered at last. Her tone felt empty and hollow. "I-I don't know if I can let it all go."

Master Wu turned to her, a warm, almost parental, look in his eye as he gently took her hands. They were warm and worn. Calloused fingers gently rubbed against her equally rough palms. The signs of a weapon, the signs of a warrior. Despite that, it didn't feel like a connection between fighters. It felt so much more personal, more caring. Then, in such simple, soft words he said,

"It's okay."

No, it's not.

"You don't need to hide away anymore."

Yes, I do.

"Free the monster."

No.

"Open the lid."

I can't.

"It's far more beautiful than you've ever realized."

A pause. The little voice whispering in her ear... it was like it was holding its breath.

Beautiful?

How could the nastiest, most horrific, most hideous parts of her...

Be beautiful?

Then another soft whisper:

"Let it out, Nya. It's okay. I will love every part of you."

Oh.

It was like being hit by a tsunami. The emotion was so strong, so confusing, so terrifying. There was this flow of pain, of agony, of mourning. Mourning the times lost, the days spent in bathrooms- trying to keep it all in, the happiness lost just from trying to keep the plastic smile on her face, the identity she's kept stuffed away and suffocated. The imperfect edges seemed to cut her, the never-ending need to be perfect never fully retreating, even as she finally yanked open the gates. Nya didn't even realize she was crying, sobbing really, until she felt wetness on her hands and a wail escaped her mouth- horrible and earsplitting. Wu didn't chide her for it, he didn't turn away. He just took out his handkerchief, dabbed her eyes, and hugged her. Perhaps it was the easy understanding he had that only made her cry harder, her thick shell cracking and splintering all over the floor, but there was also something so nice about being hugged. There was something so magical about knowing that a person was seeing you at your ugliest and telling you that it was okay. That it didn't need to be covered by any mask. That you didn't need the chains anymore.

Mixed in with the sadness was relief. It was sweet and cool, washing through her body until it reached her fingertips and the very ends of her toes. It warmed her chest, a budding love swelling in her as she just closed her eyes and let herself make peace with the person she was.

She was Nya.

She was happy.

She was sad.

She was angry.

She was fearful.

She was all those things, not always equally, not always individually, but she was all of them.

And that was brave.

That was strong.

That was beautiful.

Nya felt something in her heal that day. She felt the little cardboard box inside her, the one that was always stuffed full, finally begin to empty its contents so that she no longer had to hide them away. So that she could finally love those parts of herself, instead of tying them down with fear and hate.

Later, Nya and Wu would go inside for dinner. If the ninja noticed her reddened eyes and runny nose they didn't say anything. Lloyd just quietly saved her a seat. Zane just smiled and gave her a plate. Kai simply ruffled her hair and Cole just jammed his face full of food, a teasing joke falling from his lips. Jay nudged her from her other side, a slightly concerned look on his face but he didn't push. He just touched her hand hesitantly with his pinky before handing her the last cookie, much to Cole's protest. Nya looked at all of them, not with a smile, not with a stony mask, but with open love, open care, and when Kai tried to cheat during their evening gaming session...

Well, she looked at him with pure, furious, fabulous anger.

NOTE****
To those who look at my announcements, you'd know this originally was going to be a Quiet chapter but then I realized as I was writing it that it had absolutely nothing to do with the book and was only becoming filler for what needed to be story. But it was becoming such an interesting exploration of Nya's character that I didn't have the heart to delete it and instead made it a one-shot.

I've seen themes of hiding one's "true self" away many times throughout media. Some of my favourites are the play We Are Masks by Lindsay Price, Fruits Basket by Natsuki Takaya, and a lot more stories that look at this topic, whether it be a positive or negative interpretation. This concept of locking away the parts of you that you don't like, that you think other people won't like, is one that is very close to home for me. I wonder if my subconscious was just trying to give me some impromptu writing therapy with this one.😂 I won't get into all of my crud, but I really hope this one-shot resonates with people and maybe lets them know that they're not alone. Especially for the woman out there. I know men and people of all gender have these issues, and this is not meant to undermine any of that, but I just wanted to explore some of the problems I've seen and experienced as a woman.

I hope you've all been having a nice day or night and if you haven't I hope that it gets better.

Remember to care for yourselves, everyone.

LuckyBugBooks🐞