5 days, 5 whole days has passed to the business party and in these 5 days I got 4 panic attacks, and nightmares almost every night.

I have already asked my secretary to take an appointment with my Psychiatrist for Monday. The incidence triggered my past memories and now I was tired from all this. Regular nightmares, hardly 4 hours of sleep in whole day, thinking about the past again and again. I am tired. I miss having someone with whom I can share my thoughts, someone whom I can rely on, someone who cares for me. I miss him.

The ringtone of my office landline bought be back from my thoughts. I picked up the phone

"Yes?" I asked

"Ma'am your father, Mr. Kapoor is here and wants to meet you." I heard my secretary's voice.

For a second I was shocked. Why's he here? My father have visited my office only twice till now and both times the situation after the meeting was not good. I am scared of any more bad things happening in my life. I want a break from everything.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes. Please direct him in." I replied

"Okay ma'am" He replied and I kept the reciever back.

I looked at my face's reflection in the computer screen. I looked tired with a little red eyes and dark circles. I regret not doing makeup today.

I heard a knock on my cabin's door.

"Come in." I replied and Vivek opened the door and my father entered.

Vivek nodded at me and left the office closing the door.

I signalled towards the chair opposite mine.

He took a seat and looked at me.

Seconds passed. He was silently observing me.

I cleared my throat "What would you take? Coffee, Tea, Juice?" I asked him

"Anything would be fine." he replied still observing me, I nodded and called Shreya, Vivek's assistant and asked her to send a cup of coffee for me and a glass of juice of for my father knowing well that he don't drink coffee and tea anymore because they trouble him in sleeping. I hate myself for caring so much for him but I do.

"You look tired." He said

"The week was not the best one I had." I replied and again silence surrounded us.

1 minute passed I decided to break silence "Why are you here? It's not like you visit me every other day to check up on me if i am tired or not, living or not." I asked

His eyes showed hurt for a second but then again they were blank. I think it was my illusion. My mind is showing me things my heart crave to see.. I don't want to see him sad ot hurt. I just want to see care for me in his eyes if not love. I can expect atleast care.

"Barkha is getting married on the coming Tuesday." he said I remained silent waiting for him to continue.

"Tomorrow there's a family dinner and day after tomorrow on Monday is her Haldi and Mehendi. Everyone would like it if you will come." he said

Would you like it? I wanted to ask but then didn't.

"I will have to check my schedule." I replied.

"I am sure you can take out some time for your younger sister's wedding." he said like a taunt.

"I have only one brother. She's not my sister. She's just the daughter of my father's second wife." I replied in a hard tone.

"Well she's my daughter and that makes her your sister." he replied in a same hard tone.

"I don't consider her one. And will never do." I replied.

"Great then. Come for the sake of people whom you consider your family." he said standing up and turning to leave the cabin.

"Okay then I will come for dadi, dadu, Aarti bua, bhai and bhabhi." I replied and he stopped walking. His back tensed.

Not saying anything he left leaving me again hurt and craving for some love and care.

Why? Why he hurts me everytime?

Why am I so stupid to expect something from him every time? Why?

The Mistake is mine only. I expect too much.

Forcing my mind to forget everything I drowned myself in work. Some hours later someone knocked on my door.

I looked at the my watch. It's time to go home.

"Come in." I replied

Vivek entered with files in his hands.

"Ma'am this is the file of the Williamson's project. And this is the file of the deal with the Rathore groups. And these cheques need your signatures." Vivek said and handed me the cheques while kept the files on the table beside my computer system.

I signed the cheques one by one and handed them back to him.

"You can leave now." I said.

"But ma'am you?" he asked hesitatingly.

"I still have some work to complete. Don't worry I will manage and will leave after that." I said.

"Okay ma'am." he replied and turned to walk out.

"Wait Vivek, One more thing can you please prepone the appointment with Dr. Awasti to tomorrow? I know its Sunday but I know Dr. Awasti really well and just tell her it's an emergency. If she's busy then postpone it to Wednesday. And also can you please ask someone to send a cup of coffee for me, before leaving?" I requested.

"Okay ma'am. I will bring the coffee." he said. I nodded and he left.

After few minutes he came and kept the coffee and then left.

I again drowned myself in the work.
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My focus from the files broke when I started feeing drowsy.

Shaking and sighing I looked outside the huge French windows.

It was dark. I picked my phone and saw the time 1:37 am.

Sighing I walked into the washroom and washed my face and eyes.

Pucking up my purse, blazer, phone and car keys I walked out of my office.

The security guard greeted me when I exited the building.

Sliding in my car I started driving towards my home.

In the darkness of the night the roads were all lightened up with night lamps and halogen lights. There was a time when I used to love these dark nights lightened by lights. I used to enjoy looking at the city from my room's balcony. But now it feels like these lights have snatched away the feelings of day, noon, evening and nights, they have snatched the seasons from my life.

Parking the car I walked inside my house.

Turning the lights on I walked into Ridhaan's room and saw he was sleeping with his legs coming out of the blanket. Covering him properly I kissed his forehead and switched off the bedside lamp before walking out back into the living room.

It was the 3rd day in the week when I was coming home after 12.

Turning the TV on I crashed on the couch. I knew it that there would be nothing good to watch on TV at this time but maybe I was just trying to hear some voice in the very silent house.

Walking inside the kitchen I warmed the leftover dinner of dal and rice for myself in the microwave and came back the living room.

Sitting on ethe couch I started eating the food slowly while hearing the sounds of Advertisement from the TV. It doesn't matter if I eat at home or not. There's always freshly prepared food in my refrigerator for me. However messay I leave my room in the morning, in the evening it's always clean. Like some magical power occurs and cleans my house everyday. If you have money then it's not difficult to find this magical power but I wish I could get some magical power to have a peaceful sleep and a power to lessen this feeling of emptiness inside me.

My step sister is getting marries in few days. But my absence or presence doesn't matter to anyone. Especially my father and the bride. But is it a good thing that my so called family have no problem with my absence on such a big occasion?

I am alone.

*****************
SUNDAY MORNING.

I opened my eyes panting for oxygen.

I looked at the wall clock. It's 5 am.

Not again. One more nightmare. When will they stop? Will they ever?

I sat up and realised I slept on the couch last night. The half eaten food was lying on the table.

Taking a huge breath I stood up and walked inside Ridhaan's room to check up on him. He was sleeping peacefully.

Quickly after freshening up I changed into my gym wears and walked into my gym room.

I checked my phone for any messages or calls.

There was one message from Vivek. I opened it and after reading it I felt a little peace.

The appointment with Dr. Awasti is today at 11. Great.

Connecting my phone to Bluetooth speakers I started my workout.

After my workout I took a bath and got ready for the day. Getting Ridhaan ready I walked out of the house and sat in my car after buckling Ridhaan up in Baby seat.

We drove to a nice cafe and had our breakfast because the house helps, cooks, and Ridhaan's caretaker are not working today. Sunday is their off.

After breakfast I drove us to Dr. Awasthi's home where she'll be meeting me.

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The consultation went well. I feel alot better after getting all the things out of my head,after sharing my pain. She recommended to restart the panic attack meds if I get any panic attack again and also she restarted my sleeping meds but she told me to use them only in dire times.

After the appointment I drove home. I was cooking lunch for me and Ridhaan when I heard my phone ringing. Bhabhi was cal lin me.

I answered the call and put it on speaker putting the phone on counter.

"Hello" I said

"Hey, How are you Naina? " Bhabhi asked

"I am fine Bhabhi. How are you?" I asked

"Just don't ask Yaar. I am so done with these mother and daughter pair." Bhabhi complained.

"What happened now?" I asked

"Nothing. Just marriage preparations. Outfits, jewellery etc. Barkha is being so annoying. She keeps declining the designs of the best of designers. And Mrs. Kapoor's complaints never ends." she said

"Oh no. I can feel your pain bhabhi. You know what leave everything and just come at my place. We'll enjoy. Let them do their work." I suggested.

"Your idea is so tempting but sadly I can't because relatives have started coming. Today is the family dinner na." she replied in a fed up tone.

"Uh huh. Today is the dinner." I said

"Yeah. Didn't dad visited you to tell you about the wedding schedule?" She asked curiously.

"He did. And the invite didn't felt like he wants me there. I hope you can understand what I am saying." I replied while I added water to the floor to make dough.

"Trust me I can. I know his ego and the things between you both are not really good. So are you coming? " she asked

"Yeah I will come for the main events. Not gonna attend the dinner. I don't have the power to bear Priya Buaji and Barkha's maternal family." I replied.

"Hmm. I understand. Its a compulsion for me to join as a daughter in law. If it was not I wouldn't be attending it myself." she replied which made me chuckle.

"Have you picked up your outfits for the functions?" She asked me

"No. I am not getting any particular dress for her wedding. I will never dress up for her wedding after all the things she said to me and I don't think it matters to her if I am dressed up or not. She hates me." I said

"You know what you should dress up and rock. Wear the most beautiful dresses and just let her burn on seeing you happy. Get dressed, look preety and let others go to hell. You just enjoy with people who cares for you and wants to spend time with you" she said

I thought about it for few seconds.

"Okay. I will see." I said

"Yay. That's like my SIL. So when are we going to your company's dress studio?" She asked me

"You haven't bought your dresses yet?" I asked

"I already have a yellow sari for the haldi ceremony and I have yet to pick outfits for wedding and Mehendi ceremony." she said.

"Okay so if you're free let's leave in 1 hour." I replied.

"Great. So you want me to pick you or should we meet at the studio?" She asked

"I will meet you there only." I replied.

"OK. Bye, see ya." She said

"Bye." I replied and ended the call and started making Chappatis for myself.

Finally done iwth cooking I plated 3 chapatis, 1 for Ridhaan and 2 for me, mixed veg which I made earlier, salad and curd for Ridhaan.

I sat on the carpet of living room with the food where Ridhaan was already playing.

We both ate lunch together.

Finally after combing my hairs and taking some snacks for him, I drove us towards the studio.

Reaching the studio i let Bhabi chose her dresses. Ridhaan was busy in playing games in my phone.

I chose outfits for myself which will get ready by tomorrow evening.

Taking my phone away from Ridhaan I handed him a yellow kurta embroidered with red and orange silk thread to try.

"Why are we buying this ethnic dress? I don't feel comfo.. Confartble in this." he complained.

"Barkha massi is getting married soon." I replied.

"Who is crazy enough to marry her?" Ridhaan said making Bhabhi laugh and making me curse Siddhi in my mind. Why the hell my son have such a smart mouth? From where he learned this behaviour? Who taught him these bad manners to talk like this about elders?

This is all the work of Siddhi. They both love gossiping and bit hing about people. Siddhi has turned my smart adorable and cute son just like herself. I need to keep an eye on both of them when they are together.

Soon the day ended and I retired to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Next day I got ready in a cream Anarkali suit and made Ridhaan wear a same cream coloured kurta with cream pants.

I drove us to the Kapoor mansion only to be greeted by silence. My father was walking in the hall with a frown on his face. He looked tensed. While Mrs. Kapoor was crying sitting on the couch with her sister and her brother's wife.

A few relatives were talking in groups. My grandma and grandpa were both sitting on another couch with anger covering their faces. I found Bhabi standing near my dadi (grandmother) while Bhai was not there.

I looked at Bhabhi and asked her with signs about what happened?

She just silently said Barkha's name.

I walked towards Dadi and Dadu.

"Dadi Namaste."i greeted folding my hands while Ridhaan ran towards my grandfather, greeting him.

As soon as Dadi heard my voice she looked at me with a big smile and enveloped me in a hug.

"Namaste Mera bacha. How are you my dear? You have become so thin. Are you not eating properly?" she asked me.

"I am fine Dadi and I have not become thin. I am just like I used to be." I replied. She pulled away from the hug and held my face in her hamds. She kissed my forehead and patted my cheeks.

"My precious child." she said

I smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Namaste Dadu." I greeted my grandfather folding my hands.

"Meri gudiya. How are you doing Gudiya?" he asked while hugging me. (My doll)

"I am fine dadu, how are you?" I asked

"I am good." he replied. I broke the hug and looked at Dadi who has Ridhaan sitting on her lap while she's kissing his forehead and cheeks.

I greeted Aarti bua, her husband and then stood beside Bhabhi.

"What have Barkha done?" I whispered to her.

"She have declined to marry Agastya." she said which made me frown

"Why?" I asked curious

"Apparently she don't want to marry now." Bhabhi replied.

"What?" I asked shocked. Has she gone mad? If she didn't wanted to marry then she shouldn't hav eagrred for one earlier.

"Yeah. And Sharma's are furious with it. They have given a warning that its not their problem and if this wedding didn't happened then they would ruin Kappor's business and respect in the world." she said which made me more shocked.

"What the hell? Is this a Bollywood movie or what?" I asked

"It's not dear. But Sharma's are right too. Whole world knows that Kapoors and Sharma are becoming relatives and tying knots. Their reputation will, image and Business will tarnish if words got spreaded that no wedding is happening and Barkha has backed off from the marriage. Everyone would say that there's some problem in Agastya." Bhabhi said and I nodded my head understanding and agreeing her point.

"Would you just go and talk to her instead of crying here? Why is she doing all this? She's is literally ruining everything. Who do such things one day before marriage? Nobody forced her to say yes. She was the one who agreed for this relationship." Bhai said angrily to Mrs. Kapoor while entering the hall from the garden.

I asked Ridhaan to go to the kids room and play with them.

"What should I talk to her? She has already said no. She said that if we forced her she'll cut her wrist." Mrs. Kapoor said crying which made me roll my eyes. Her daughter is spoilt.

"Is this a joke for you guys or what?" Bhai yelled and walked out of the room again when his phone rang.

"What should we do now?" My grandpa asked my father.

"I will go and try to talk to Barkha." he said and started walking towards the stairs

"No. Stop. Don't force her. I don't want her to take any wrong step." Mrs. Kapoor yelled standing up, holding my father's hand.

"Will you just shut up Maya? Are you even listening yourself? How can she say no to the wedding like this without any reason and issues?" he yelled jerking Mrs Kapoors hand away.

My phone started vibrating with an incoming call. Escaping the family drama i walked out of the room in the garden.

Bhai was standing there looking at distance.

I kept my hand on his shoulder which made him look at me

"When did you came?" he asked me while hugging me.

"Sometime ago." I replied hugging him back.

"You should talk to her." I said when he pulled away from the hug.

"You think I didn't tried. Her mother is not letting anyone talk to her. She's treating the situation like Barkha is not at fault." he said and sighed

We were talking about things when Bhabhi's worried and panicked voice disturbed us.

"Dhruvv.. They.." Bhabhi said panicking pointing towards the hall

"What happened Janvi?" bhai asked rubbing her back to calm her down.

"Mrs. Kapoor... Mrs. Kapoor is saying that instead of Bar.. Barkha.. Naina can marry Agastya." Bhabhi said looking at me

And I was numb.

Me?

No.. I can't.. I won't...

*************

Heyyyy people.

How's the chapter?

Did you like it?

Are you liking all the newly added parts?

Story will be getting more interesting now.

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Signing off
Meera.