11-4-15 four days clean
I feel numb.
I don't wish to ever get up.
I'm so depressed that I have no will power to keep breathing much less slit my wrists.
I'm struggling with more than anyone reads on me, even you guys.
Every day feels like hell, the bittersweet routine of it burning holes in my lungs.
I'm still devastatingly in love with someone who will never again say those three little words followed by my name.
Keeping my eyelids open is difficult, much like everything else.
I want to die.
I don't actually give a shit about school or anyone or anything anymore, I just pretend I do. Shit, even singing feels like an obstacle to climb.
I'm lying to my mom (not new) and I hate her. More than ever.
I don't feel loved by anyone.
I'm being bullied by a kid who makes me feel so insecure about myself. He has said I'm fat (or i weigh a ton.. This occurs at least twice every time I see him (usually just in study hall every other day)), im a Satanist, nobody is proud of me and its no shock my parents aren't because nobody is proud of the goth kid, etc, etc.
My dreams don't feel here anymore.
The days feel blurry. So blurry.
The thought of living exhausts me.
I'm terrified to admit how bad it's getting to anyone.
- (m.m)

This is me letting it all out. It's straight up.