The recent events made Penny doubt her ability to judge situations wisely. She was withdrewing once again, but she needed to think everything over in peace, which she could only find on her own. However one person was making it particulary difficult. It hurt Penny to ignore Sam like that, but everytime she tried to look him in the eyes, she was afraid she would wake up and realize it was just a dream that he was really alive.

But it didn't go unnoticed. Sam was always trying to talk with her, but she always found an excuse not to do so. It hurt Sam to see her like this, once again reserved and quiet. Moreover she never looked him in the eyes while talking with him and when she smiled, Sam immediately knew it was forced, because it didn't reach her eyes. 

It was also like that this morning. It was a week since they came back to Pontypandy and nobody could say if it wouldn't have been better if they had stayed on the exchange. Because they barely talk on the calls, as Pontypandy was slowly waking up to life. 

"Penny! Sam! Can I talk with you two?" They heard how Station Officer Steele approached them when they were hanging their uniforms. 

They walked to the office in silence, following their chief. But to their big surprise they saw there was someone else in the office already. And when he turned around, not standing with his back to them anymore, both Sam and Penny quickly recognized who paid them a visit. 

"What are you doing here, Ryan?" Penny asked stunned, but even if her question was not too polite, her voice betrayed her. 

"Not what you're thinking about, Penny" Ryan replied charmingly. "I need to find out whether or not the two of you plan to go back on the exchange or should I cancel it?"

"I already talked with Lucas, I'm staying here. This is my place" Sam said stubbornly. He made up his mind the first day of the week when he saw how much mess his leave gave his home town. 

Ryan nodded before he briefly wrote something in a file he brought with him. There was a silence for a longer moment and from the corner of his eye, Sam swas how Penny nervously walked from one leg to another. 

"What about you, Penny?" He asked her directly. 

"I'll stay too" Penny replied reluctantly. 

Ryan wrote it down as well and thanked briefly Station Officer Steele, before he left. As soon as the door closed, Station Officer Steele let Sam and Penny go as well. But to Sam surprise, Penny left in silence, lowering her head a little. Sam, seeing that, stopped and called after her when they chose other direction on the stairs. 

"You seem not happy about this decision" he started embarrassedly when she turned around to him. 

"I don't want to talk about that, Sam" she objected indifferently. 

"You recently don't want to talk about anything, Penny" Sam stated politely. "What is really on the line?" 

"I've been thinking that..." she started hesitantly, while they slowly walked over to the bench hid behind the lockers. 

"You know you can talk to me about anything, don't you?" Sam chimed in to encourage her and, to his joy, it made her chuckled. 

"I know, but there are some things that I can't talk even with you" she sighed as she lowered her gaze once again. 

"Why?" Sam looked at her perplexed. 

"I'm just satisfied that you're alive, Sam" Penny quickly changed the topic, as she squeezed his hand and the hurt in her eyes left a little place for a hope. "But I can't stand a thought that I could lose you once again" she added as her eyes for a first time met Sam's. 

"You'll never lose me" Sam whispered softly as he took a step closer. They eyes met once again as they smiled dreamily. 

It was the last thing they said to each other, because Ellie, Elvis and Arnold found it as a good idea to congratulate their friends that they chose to stay. 

When their shift ended, Penny walked out with Arnold while Sam and Elvis  stayed on the rest of their shift. It was a quiet walk and Penny was able to think calmy when she said goodbye to Arnold. 

She didn't want to leave her friends in Pontypandy, but she also couldn't deny she had nice time in Nantes. It helped her realized what Pontypandy really meant for her. There was a home and people who didn't judge anything. They had their own quirks and that was what made Pontypandy special. But she was still hesitating if she shouldn't come back on the exchange and finish it. For her dad and for part of her that didn't give up. 

She knew Ryan and his ability to convince people. She let herself be convinced by his charming manner as well. 

At that time, they were both young firefighters who started working on the same firestation in Newtown. Ryan was a soul of every party, while Penny was rather reserved. They weren't suitable someone could have said, but somehow Ryan chose to ask Penny whether or not she would go with him on that New Year ball. Penny agreed right away, because she was secretly hoping for it. It was on the beginning of their second year of working together, but Penny was charmed by his good looks since the very beginning and, as hard as it was for her to belive it today, she had a crush on him for a longer while then. They had a pleasant time together on the ball and they started to grow closer with every single small gesture of Ryan. He could be attentive if he want, but when he asked Penny if she loved him, she couldn't be happier. For that Penny it was like a dream come true. 

The problem started after a year of their relationship. They took it slow as they both agreed on that, but after some time Ryan stopped spending as much time with Penny as he used to. Then he began to clearly avoid her. And then Penny had enough. Unfortunately for her, at that time Ryan realized who her father really was. Before he only knew him from civil and he didn't connect the dots that his other station officer. He began to tease Penny about it at work and then behave like nothing happened later if he found time for her. 

But Penny was quicker and she found his secret first. However it made her cry several evenings and even a talk with her father didn't help. When she found out why Ryan couldn't find more time for her anymore and was lying about why he was so busy, she didn't have any other choice than to break up with him. But he showed his true face and humilited her at the front of their whole team when she was scared of the fire in the big abandoned warehouse. 

Since then zhe was very careful with trusting people and especially men. That was the reason why she was so reserved and needed time to gain her trust back when she transfered to Pontypandy. 

She sighed when she reached her door. When you have so much to think about, such lonely road doesn't seems so long anymore.

She managed to put down her bagpack and turned on the kettle, when, over the noise, she heard a phone ringing. 

"What do you want, Ryan?" She asked annoyed, picking up the phone. 

"I wanted to ask if you're free tonight?"

"What for?" Penny asked confused. 

"You saved my life and I wanted to pay my debt" Ryan replied casually. "I'll be passing by Pontypandy tonight so I thought that maybe... you could agree to let me pay back". 

"By asking me out?"

"Why do you seem so surprised? We used to do it quite often" Penny could bet he was smiling cheekily. 

"When we were a couple" Penny objected dryly. 

"I know you didn't want to keep in touch with me since our..." he just left it unspoken as he reluctantly moved on. "But you might want to know about the decision that has to be made when it comes to the chief fire officer's rank" he explained. 

"What do you mean?" Penny was again interested at listening. 

"It is not a case for a phone call" Ryan objected. "Mind if we talk face to face?"

She desparetely ran her fingers through her hair, when she heard the question in her ears once again. 

"Sure" she answere briefly. 

"I'll pick you up at five" Ryan announced, before Penny hang up. 

She fall down on her bed, feeling that warm feeling inside of her as she sighed. How much she would prefer it would be Sam, but for him she would always be a friend. 

Hi! This chapter shows probably the last meaning of the title of the whole story, as it is not too long before the ending, so I'll hope I'll be able to hurry up and I hope you had fun while reading this one;-)