Midterms are the absolute worse. I am in the library at home trying to understand what I am reading. I have been here all night and right now, I am not assimilating anything. I decide to rest my head for a while, I walk down the aisles of bookshelves. The library is so big, there are at the very least 500 books in here. I have almost every book in here, books are my jam but strangely not school books. Those are the worse. I haven't hung out with the group in weeks, when it's time for midterms, we don't hang out 'cause instead of reading together, we distract each other. I go back to studying. Its three in the morning and I have paper today at eight, good thing it's my last paper. I studied till five before going to get ready for school.

''My goodness, you look like hell" Ava greets. I have lost at least ten pounds during the midterm. My face looks like it has seen a lot.

''Thanks?'', "You do not look good yourself" I compliment.

"I don't feel good"

"Good thing it's our last paper". I nod. "Heard from Raina?" she asks.

"Yes, her last paper is today as well".

''We should -" she starts.

"Throw a party" I complete.

"I love you" she says and I laugh.

"A costume party" I add.

"Yes, it would hide all the misery in our faces" she adds laughing. We leave the lot and go to class.

The paper wasn't so bad, at least my staying up all night wasn't in vain. Ava and I are on our way to the Cafe to wait up for the group. Their papers are finishing a bit later than ours.

"Guys!!" Raina calls as she walks in.

"How was it?" Ava asks. Raina shrugs.

"That good, huh" I comment.

"We are throwing a party"

"No way, I was going to suggest that" Raina says, her face lit up.

"We are so connected"

"Yes" Lucas Says.

"Ahh" we all shout.

"Don't sneak up on us like that" I say.

"Creep" Ava adds.

"Where is Ryan?" Raina asks.

"Football practice". That's true he has a football game later today. He and Lucas are the only ones who finished their midterms yesterday mostly because they have a football match to play today and in our school, we take our football matches seriously.

"Don't you have to practice, last I heard you are still on the team" Ava asks.

"I do, took a break". he says and runs out of the cafe. We should go support the guys game. Ryan might like that and i would love to cheer him on.

"When is the party?" Raina asks.

"Let's go support the guys" I state.

"What about the party?"

"Tomorrow, gives us time to decorate the house and throw an epic party" I reason.

"Okay"

We drive back home to get ready for the match this evening, we stopped at a craft store to get some things before going home. At home, we decorate some card boards with stickers, glitters and the likes with Ryan and Lucas' name. We also got mini megaphones to cheer them on. I Diy-ed a top of mine; I Tie-dyed it, kept Ryan's jersey number on the back, then added stickers and glitters. Ava did the same but with Lucas' number. We finally get ready and leave for school. We find seats so close to the front but with good vantage point to see and enjoy the game. The game as been underway for a while now, Ryan's team is winning as expected.

Ryan's team touchdown again and one cheerleader in particular cheers for Ryan. I do not like this.

"Who is that?" I ask pointing at the blond.

"Brenda" Ava answers.

"She's in Ryan's department, she has her eyes on him" Raina adds. Okay, I don't like her already. I take the mega phone and cheer for Ryan louder than her. Ava and Raina snicker beside me. Brenda looks back at me and I give her the stink eye. Ryan and I are in a good place, nobody is coming between us. I keep cheering for Ryan even when the cheerleaders are doing their thing.

"Go Ry" I call when he sits on the bench. He looks around trying to find me, his face lit up in a grin when he sees me. I wave at him smiling.

The game finally ends and instead of going to his locker, Ryan runs over to me and picks me up.

"Hi" I greet. He responds with a kiss.

"Can't believe you came" he says.

"Of course, I have to cheer my husband but I guess someone beat me to it" I say referring to Brenda.

"Who?" he asks.

"Blondie, I heard she likes you"

"She doesn't matter" he answers. "I'd see you at home?". I nod. He kissed me before leaving. Raina and Ava are waiting by the car.

"Blondie on your six" Ava says. I turn around and see Brenda walking up to me.

"Hi" she says sarcastically. I nod. "I saw you with Ryan"

"So.."

"Stay away from him, he's mine" she sneers. I look at Raina and Ava and we burst our laughing.

"My goodness, I thought that only happens in movies or books" Ava says.

"Isn't it a bit cliché?" I ask.

"'Stay away from him'" Raina mocks and we laugh again. Brenda just stands there staring at us like we are aliens.

"You stay away from him, you do not want to mess with me. You might be the popular cheerleader but I am one girl you don't want to mess with. I will do anything, anything to keep what's mine". We leave her there in shock and drive home.

***

The girls and I spent all day preparing for the party this evening, it is a costume party even though it isn't Halloween. Everybody from school as been invited, we set up in the backyard cause of the crowd besides our home is not open to every tom, dick and harry. We already got our costumes, even the guys helped set up. The girls and I are in my room getting ready while the guys are helping the dj set up, he came late.

"How do I look?" Ava asks. She is dressed as a sexy Harley Quinn, red and black crop top with matching shorts, fishnets, black boot and ponytail to match. She even has a bat. She is the Harley to Lucas' Joker.

"Sexy" Raina compliments.

"I don't think Lucas would keep his eyes off you" I add winking. She blushes. Raina is dressed as the sexy alien to Larson's astronaut. Ryan and I decide to go as secret agents going to a costume party. I am wearing a long black gown with a long slit by the side exposing my thighs, there is a fake gun strapped to my thigh. The front of my dress is plunging, I love necklines that make Ryan notice my breasts. I let my hair drop to my waist. I have a skull makeup on and it matches the make-up Ryan as on too.

"I think we look good" Ava states and we go down to join the party. Outside the party as already started, everyone is dancing and laughing. I'm happy they are having fun. We meet up with the guys who compliment our costumes and we decide to take a picture.

It's been a while since the party started and I haven't seen Ry in a while. I ask Lucas where he is.

"Room". I run of the stairs to Ryan's room and I wish I didn't. He is kissing what's her name or should I say Brenda is kissing him while he just stands there.

"Ry?" I call from the door. He pushes Brenda off him. "I will excuse you" I say and back out the door.

"Mae" he calls after me but I don't answer. I know he wasn't kissing her back but the sight is still painful to see.

"Mae!!" he calls again. I can hear him running behind me. I take the elevator to the basement trying to hide. I didn't know I was crying till I felt the tears on my hands. I know he wasn't kissing her, my brain could comprehend that but my heart doesn't seen to have gotten the memo.

"Mae" I hear Ryan beside me. I quickly wipe my tears, the last thing I want is for him to see me cry.

"Are you crying?" he asks holding me.

"No" I answer and look at him. The tears come falling at the sight of the lipstick on his lips, it's bee cleaned but there is still some. I struggle out of his grip. "Let me go"

"Not until you listen"

"I am listening" I say.

:She ki-"

"She kissed you, I know but it still hurt to see, Ry"

"Mae"

"Don't call me like that"

"It was nothing, she is nothing"

"Does she know that because I don't think she does", ''Did you tell her about me, your wife?" I ask. He scratches the back of his neck.

"I thought so", I begin to walk out of the room.

"Why does it matter, she kissed me but I didn't kiss her back''. He should not have said that.

"Why does it matter? Did you ask why it matters?!'' I shout at him. "I would show you why it matters. I run back upstairs and to the party. I see Paul ahead of me, he is dressed as a pilot. I look back and see Ry behind me, I smile devilishly at him.

"Hi" Paul greets when he sees me. I drag him my his tie and plant a long kiss on him.

"Hi" he greets again short breathed.

"I am going to kill you" Ryan shouts at Paul.

"She came onto me, It was just a kiss" Paul shouts. I hold Ryan back before he attacks Paul.

"What you are feeling now is why it matters, he didn't kiss me back" I tell him before dragging Paul away.

"What was that?" Paul askes when we were out of Ryan's earshot.

"An argument between couple, sorry I used you to make a point"

"You can always use me to make that kind of point" he says winking. I just laugh.

The rest of the party went well, I had security escort Brenda out of the property and Ryan kept giving Paul the stink eye. Overall, everyone had a great time.

Everyone already left leaving Ryan and I alone at home, I ignore him after we said goodbye to our friends and go to my room to wash up. I had a hot shower to wash off the dirt off the party, I come out of the bathroom, my towel around my waist.

"What a sight" I hear Ryan from the door, I go to the closet and wear my pajamas.

"Don't do that". Ryan is leaning the door to my closet.

I lean on the opposite side of the door, "What do you want?" I ask folding my arms.

"Many things but mostly you at the moment" he says smirking. That was enough to send warmth through me.

"Ry"

"Fine, I came to apologize. I don't like you being mad at me"

"Apology accepted. You can go now". I move to go but his hand stops me.

"You are not going until I erase Paul off of you?"

"What are you sayi-" he cuts me off with his mouth. He kisses me with so much passion.

"I didn't like that you were smelling of Paul" he says.

"In that case" I kiss him back. "Now you don't smell of Bianca"

"Bren-". glare at him. "Bianca" he says.

"Want to go for a swim?" he asks and I nod.

"Meet you downstairs".

I choose a black string two piece suit, the suit bra hardly covered anything and the pant is high waisted but ties at the waist. satisfied with my choice, I make my way to the indoor pool, Ryan is already in the pool, he is swimming a lap when I walk in. I rinsed my self then walked into the water sitting at the edge and watch him swim to me.

"My goodness, Mae" he says seeing my swimsuit.

"All for you"

"Let me repay the favor", he kisses me and gently carried me into the water. The water is either perfect or I am already warm from Ryan's kiss. I think its the latter. I swim away from him and go underneath the water leaving only my head above the water and I remove my top.

"What are you do-" he stops talking when he sees my top floats to the surface. "You are killing me Mae" he says and walks towards me like I'm a prey, I don't mind being a prey as long as it's with Ry. His eyes cloud with lust as my pant also floats to the surface. He wraps my leg around his waist when he gets to me, putting me on display. He kisses my mouth passionately, down my neck, collarbone and shoulder before coming back to my mouth and repeating on my other side. One hand holds me while the other travels up my thigh.

***

It's been three weeks since the party and things couldn't be better with Ryan and I. He has been attentive towards me and we have gone on so many dates. Everything as been calm so far but it feels like the calm before a storm hits. Ryan left on a business trip yesterday and I miss him already. We've been together almost every night but he still wouldn't stay in bed with me after. It is beginning to feel like a problem.

"Do you miss him?' Raina asks noticing I am lost in thought. I nod.

"Why don't you go surprise him?" Ava suggests.

"That's true, I know what hotel he is staying".

"It's a plan".

The next day, the girls and I are on a private jet to New York. We arrive at the hotel, we booked our rooms in the same hotel Ryan is at. Raina asked the lady by the desk for Ryan's room and after some money exchanged hands, the lady told us the room number. Our bags are in our rooms already when we get in.

"I'm going to Ry, see you guys later?" I tell them and leave for Ryan's room.

"My gosh is she in love with your brother" I hear Ava say as I leave the room.

I make my way to room 2005, Ryan's room. You remember when I said it felt like the calm before at storm? I should have stuck to that feeling. I open Ryan's door and I feel my heart stop. Ryan and a girl walked out of the bathroom both in towels laughing.

"Mae, what are you doing here" he asks. My eyes go to the girl with him. So many things go through my mind like maybe it isn't what it seems, maybe something spilled on them and they had to remove their clothes, many things went through my mind in the seconds I stood by the door but my heart was not having any of it. First the not staying over after sex, then the kiss with Brenda and now this. I can't take it anymore, I love Ryan so much but my heart just can't take it anymore.

"Mae, it's not what it looks like" he says

"Yes, it's just a misunderstanding" the girl says. I nod my head and gently back out the room.

"Mae, wait up" I hear Ryan say. I run to my room, write a text to Ava about going back home, pick my handbag and leave the hotel. I call Suzie at home to make the plane wait for me. The hotel drives me back to the airport and I fly back home. I couldn't stop the tears that fell when I am airborne, they just kept falling. A car awaits me at the hotel and takes me home. I quickly go to my room and lock the door before Suzie can ask me anything. I have been in bed crying for at least four hours now, my body would not stop making tears.

''Mae'', I hear Ryan by the door. No, I cannot do this now.

"Go away" I shout and turn in bed.

"I am not leaving till we sort this out" he says, I turn in bed ignoring him and finally fall asleep. I slept for eight hours, eight hours, its three in the morning and I am hungry. I open my door quietly and see Ryan resting against the wall, sleeping. I tiptoe around him and go downstairs, he his still sleeping when I come back up, I close my door gently behind me.

"Mae" I hear Ava call for the tenth time today.

"Open the door, Mae" Raina says.

"It has been two weeks now since we've seen you, open the door".

Two weeks since the trip incident, I just can't face anyone. I feel like a fool for going to meet Ryan. I should have just stayed home and none of this have happened, I wouldn't have seen Ry and we wouldn't e fighting. I would have been in bliss, would still be upset by his always leaving me in bed but at least we would be fine. Right now, I am upset about so many things ranging from Celine, to Brenda to the girl in New York to him not talking to him about what upsets him, to him only looking at me like I am his sex partner, not his wife. I am just so angry at him. He has been calling for me every night for the two weeks but I keep ignoring him and I plan on doing so till I feel better.

There is a knock on my door reminding me that Ava and Raina are still out there. I turn in bed and start crying again, I feel like my heart is broken.

"We would come back tomorrow" Ava says and I hear footsteps. I close my eyes and fall asleep.

***

Another week has gone by and I think my body is officially out of tears. I drag myself off the bed to the bathroom, I look in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. The bags under my eyes are more like luggage, my hair is so dry and looks brittle, I notice the split ends at the tip. My collarbone is way more protrude same as the bones in my shoulder. I remove my cloth and check my body, I have lost lots of liquid and my skin is dry. I prepare a bath and soak in, my body is happy about the hydration. I change into a t-shirt and it looks like I am lost in it, I change into a crop top instead and sweat pants cause my regular pants don't fit anymore. I pack my wet hair in a bun and go downstairs. I hear the group downstairs watching a movie, I go to the living room and see them on the couch.

"When do you think Mae would come out?" Ava asks, it looks like she has lost weight too probably out of worry. Lucas wraps is arms around her pulling her into a hug, she looks up at him and he wipes her tears with his thumb. Wow, when did that happen? I guess nothing brings people together like tragedy and in this case my tragedy. I am happy for her though. Lucas has had a crush on her since forever.

"I don't know" Ryan replies. Wow, he looks like hell. A part of me is happy to see him like that though, not gonna lie.

"She hasn't eaten in three weeks guy" Raina says.

She didn't have to exaggerate, I have eaten but like just enough to survive.

"You don't think she's dead, right?" Lucas ask his eyes wide. Everyone glares at him.

"Hi" I greet in a low voice. They look back to see me.

"Mae" Ava shouts, jumps over the couch and gives me a big hug. I tap her back in return. The others come around for a hug except Ryan, he sits where he was looking at me. A look of relief on his face.

"We are so happy you are down, we will give you space" Raina says when she sees the look of Ry's face.

"Yes, we would see you tomorrow or not" Ava adds.

"You don't have to go" I say not wanting to be alone with Ryan.

"It's fine, we wanted to see you and we have" Lucas says picking up on what is happening. They all pile out of the room towards the door.

"Bye" they all say at once.

"Bye" I respond and turn around to see Ryan. He looks so tired. Without looking at him, I go past him and up the stairs.

"Not so fast" he says and grabs my hand pulling me to him.

I gasp.