Chapter 7 : Jealousy and suspicion
"Hobi hyung, what did they say about your leg?" Jungkook asked Hoseok as he ran up to him after seeing him enter the dance hall.
Hoseok had joined them after his visit to the emergency room, despite the recommendations of the doctor and his manager who recommended that he go home to rest and not move. Even though, with his leg in a cast and his crutches, he couldn't dance for a while, he wanted to be with the others to supervise their choreography.
"I have a displaced fracture, I will have to keep the cast on for at least a month while my bones get back in place. I'm so sorry, I'm going to delay you all," Hoseok said spitefully seeing Jungkook wince in pain at his words and misinterpreting his mimicry.
"Don't say that Hobi," Seokjin said, feeling sad for him and wanting to reassure him. "I'm the weight of the group, remember? I had already put you all behind by not being able to master the choreography, your injury has not changed that."
He chuckled and Hoseok gave him a grateful smile and said:
"Hyung, at least now I can spend more time helping you, that's a good thing."
Seokjin smiled back and nodded.
"But I hope now that you're injured, you'll be a more patient teacher," he joked nervously.
"Given the time required for my leg to heal, I'll have to learn to be patient," Hoseok said, tapping his cast gently.
"With Seokjin hyung, there is a need for it," Taehyung added lightly, chuckling while stretching his body for the upcoming new dance assignment.
Even though it wasn't a mean remark from Taehyung, it was one sentence among too many for Seokjin. It was one of the innocent little spades that, added to all the others, made him feel like a failure. But he didn't reply and went to position himself with the others.
"I'll do my best to make you proud Hobi," he said firmly.
"Okay, then start by showing us what you mastered yesterday after I left," Hoseok offered, and the others finally moved away from Seokjin to face and stare at him.
Seokjin swallowed hard. What had he mastered? He had collapsed in tears because he had precisely nothing mastered and now Hoseok was asking him to dance under the gaze of everyone, the dancers, the teachers and the other members? He was going to make a fool of himself. He was used to it but it was still so difficult to face the disappointed look of others.
"Okay," he said nonetheless.
The music started playing and Seokjin started his dance. First with rigidity, convinced that he was going to miss everything, then, seeing that he was not missing, with more fluidity.
Under the bewildered gaze of the others, he whirled around without stopping or thinking, surprisingly confident of what he was doing. He felt like his body knew what to do on its own and it was an absolutely exhilarating feeling: a feeling of absolute freedom. Suddenly, after spending his life hating dancing, he was enjoying it! How could he have hated ? Anyway, he no longer understood, because this feeling had disappeared.
He performed the entire choreography to perfection. Like in a dream, he didn't see the time pass and when, finally, the music stopped and his body stopped moving to let him breathe, Seokjin had a feeling of disappointment: he would have liked to dance for eternity.
When he stopped he realized embarrassed, after having forgotten everything and everyone around him during his dance, that everyone was staring at him, an expression of wonder on their faces. He felt himself blush to his ears and realized what he had just accomplished.
"I... uh... I really don't know how I did it," he tried to justify himself, "Hobi's advice yesterday must have paid off and, uh, my intensive training-"
"Hyung..." Jimin whispered, seeming to be holding back tears, "that was amazing!"
"You were beautiful," Jungkook chimed in, stars in his eyes. "You were swirling just like Hobi hyung," he added mimicking him and swirling around him, making Seokjin laugh as he wiped the sweat from his brow.
"It was sure that your efforts would eventually pay off!" Taehyung exclaimed, excited and happy for Seokjin, while Namjoon approved Taehyung's words with a proud nod. "Hyung, I'm so happy for you!"
Everyone nodded, even Mr. Kang who had been so harsh in his criticism of Seokjin the day before. However, the one whose opinion mattered most to Seokjin, that of their leading dancer, did not come. He turned hopefully to Hoseok.
The rapper's face seemed to waver between bewilderment and wonder. Like the others, he had found Seokjin magnificent and incredible, but did we progress like that overnight? He had a hard time believing what he had just seen. Yoongi saw Hoseok's hesitation but refrained from any comment. He also had the feeling that Seokjin's progress was too sudden to be true but he didn't want to ruin his senior's hour of glory by taking away his merit.
"Hyung wanted to cheer you up and unwittingly he was perfect," Namjoon interjected seeing that Hoseok still wasn't speaking and fearing that Seokjin's newly gained confidence would disappear as quickly as it had arrived.
"Y-yes, that was perfect hyung," Hoseok stammered, not taking his eyes off Seokjin, wondering if Namjoon could be right.
At these words, everyone smiled and the youngest applauded Seokjin excitedly. Relieved, Seokjin flashed him a smile of happiness. Finally, he had succeeded. He had made Hoseok proud and this time he hadn't disappointed his dongsaengs.
"But hyung, you have to keep training hard to maintain such a high level of performance," Hoseok warned him professionally.
"Obviously!" Seokin replied without being able to stop grinning.
He was so happy that for the first time, he enjoyed dancing with all the rest of his group – except for Hoseok who was watching them with his piercing gaze and supervising them. And for the first time, Hoseok gave him no advice and no reproaches.
Mr. Kang signaled the start of the break for the members of BTS and left the room, letting the boys rest. Exhausted from the session, Yoongi ends up collapsing next to Hoseok with his back against the mirror watching Taehyung and Jimin bickering in their side, Seokjin and Jungkook chasing after each other like children while Namjoon was lying on the floor in a corner, his cap lowered covering his whole face, and regained his strength.
"You look exhausted, hyung," Hoseok remarked, "and I'm not talking about the choreography, I'm talking about your dark circles!"
Yoongi sighed and closed his eyes, too tired to get upset like he had the day before. And after all, Hoseok was telling the truth: he was exhausted and sleep deprived.
"I haven't slept for two nights," he explained.
"You?" laughed Hoseok, who didn't really believe it. "You could close your eyes here and fall asleep in seconds, it's like your superpower!"
"Yeah, well I don't have it anymore" Yoongi growled, annoyed at not being taken seriously. "Even when I finally manage to fall asleep, I have nightmares that pull me out of sleep as soon as I fall asleep, I don't know what is happening to me."
"Nightmares? So, is that why you took me for Kayako this morning?" the dancer joked.
"Ah that..." the eldest rapper said, embarrassed, "it was Jin hyung who said that, and he was so scared that he communicated his fear to me and I too thought I saw Kayako going up stairs too."
"Yeah," Hoseok said, unconvinced but smiling so the other wouldn't take him too seriously and stop feeling guilty for what had happened that morning. "I seem to remember that you're afraid of dolls so don't put all the blame on Jin hyung, huh?"
He let out a small, mocking laugh but suddenly remembering that Seokjin's doll was there in the morning, in his hand, Yoongi couldn't smile or be angry at Hoseok's words as he was a bit nervous and his face took on an expression that intrigued Hoseok.
"What's the matter, hyung?"
"You're not totally wrong, it's true that I don't like scary dolls - who loves them anyway? - and I think Jin hyung is using that to having fun scaring me, but not only that. First it was his doll and now all his Kayako scene this morning? If tonight, I have a nightmare of Kayako, I'm really going to believe that it's because of him that I can't sleep."
"Have fun scarying you? But hyung, why would Jin hyung do such a thing?" Hoseok wondered, perplexed because he knew that the two eldest, despite their difference, had always gotten along surprisingly well. He knew Seokjin wouldn't do anything like that since he knew Yoongi would suffer and not enjoy it.
"I don't know," Yoongi confessed.
"Did you tow argue?" Hoseok inquired.
"Only yesterday at breakfast when I revealed he was crying at night and after that he told me about his doll which had moved by itself."
"Ah yes, I remember," Hoseok said thoughtfully, "so you think he would have gotten revenge because of what you said?"
Yoongi briefly lost himself in thought. Could it be that Seokjin wanted revenge on him for revealing his secret about his nighttime cries? No, that was ridiculous, Seokjin wasn't such a petty person and that kind of behavior was unlike him. He was the type to joke but never to hurt others.
Still, Yoongi couldn't figure out where his recent nightmares and fears of the supernatural came from. Of Seokjin's doll? Did it awaken the repressed fears of his childhood? It was ridiculous, he was not a child anymore to be afraid of a doll or of a ghost. He had to pull himself together and stop blaming Seokjin.
He had to look elsewhere. Was he so stressed by their schedule that it kept him awake and his fatigue caused him these irrational fears? Yes, that had to be it... it would mean that he would regain his sleep and his serenity when their schedule became lighter and he was less stressed. He sighed in relief, thinking he finally understood what was happening to him.
As Seokjin ran past him and laughed out loud, trying to escape Jungkook who was chasing him relentlessly, Yoongi was surprised at his energy when dance sessions usually tired him more than others and he withdrew his smile and his joy. At that moment, Seokjin was so cheerful that his infectious laugh made the dancers scattered around the room around them laugh as they were also resting.
"I haven't seen him like this for a long time," Yoongi said out loud, more to himself than to Hoseok.
"You don't look happy about that," Hoseok remarked.
"No, it makes me happy to see him like this but I find it weird, that's all," Yoongi said, shrugging his shoulders in a deceptively light tone.
In fact, he found it more than strange and it made him nervous after his sense of relief just seconds before.
"Weird?" Hoseok repeated, frowning. Under his cast, his leg was itchy and he began to scratch his knee furiously to dissipate the feeling of itching.
"Yeah, weird. So weird that I if I tell you, you'll laugh in my face," the elder said.
"Say it anyway. After what happened this morning, I might not find it so impossible," Hoseok retorted curiously.
Yoongi sighed and stopped looking at Seokjin to look at Hoseok who looked serious and showed he was listening to him carefully.
"If you want. So as I told you, for two days, I haven't slept even though I've never had difficulty falling asleep. But Seokjin, who has had trouble sleeping for a long time, has been sleeping like a baby for two days! Don't you find the coincidence strange?"
"Yoongi hyung, wouldn't you be... jealous?" Hoseok ventured.
Yoongi glared at him and replied aggressively:
"Yes, I'm jealous! While I turn in all directions without being able to find sleep, he sleeps quietly next to me, and I have the impression that he stole my sleep!"
Stunned by what he had just heard, Hoseok's jaw dropped.
"Don't say I'm crazy," Yoongi warned him.
"Hyung..." started Hoseok who felt that Yoongi was giving in to fatigue and anger, "I won't say you're crazy, you're just tired. And it's not like it's Jin hyung's fault, no one can 'steal' someone's sleep! Do not get angry with him out of jealousy otherwise you risk having regrettable remarks about him."
Yoongi had been so unkind to Seokjin the day before that if it continued in the days to come, it was possible that it could sustainably deteriorate their relationship. Hoseok was aware of this and he wanted Yoongi to be too who could lack judgment when he lacked sleep.
"You say I'm jealous of him," Yoongi said suddenly, "but weren't you too just now? You took a long time to compliment Jin hyung on his choreography."
"H-huh?" Hoseok said, bewildered.
"Perfectly!" Yoongi affirmed, "and I saw in your eyes that you found the situation strange too!"
"That's to say?" Hoseok asked nervously.
"That is to say, breaking your leg this morning and realizing in the process that Jin hyung was suddenly dancing as well as you is a bit like my surprise to discover that by stopping sleeping well, Jin hyung was suddenly sleeping very well!"
"It-it's weird indeed," Hoseok stammered, when the realization hit him.
"Right?!" Yoongi exclaimed triumphantly.
And their two gazes turned in the same movement to Seokjin, thoughtfully. Out of breath, the eldest had just let himself be caught up by Jungkook who was now demanding a selfie with him by clinging to his jacket.
"Hyung?" Hoseok called.
"What?" the eldest rapper asked distractedly as he continued to observe Seokjin intently.
"I didn't tell anyone this morning because I was afraid of being taken for a fool, but what you said, I feel that I can tell you that : this morning there is a reason why I fell," Hoseok said nervously.
"Uh?" Yoongi wondered, looking back at him.
"I woke up because I thought someone was calling me, I heard someone whispering my name but I saw that Jimin and Taehyung were sleeping so I thought I had a dream. I was going to go back to sleep but again heard someone calling me from outside the room so I left. And in the hallway, in the dark, I thought I saw someone..."
He stopped and flinched as he remembered what had happened.
"He kept calling me so I moved forward and just like that, I ended up at the top of the stairs. Even though I was close to him, I couldn't see him properly, he was just a shadow in the hallway! But I think it was him."
"It was who? Hoseok, what are you talking about, who could push you?" asked Yoongi, who no longer understood anything.
"Jin hyung," Hoseok breathed before muttering looking at Seokjin, "hyung, I had my doubts and I preferred to keep them to myself, thinking that I had just dreamed, but after what you said, I... I really think it was Jin hyung who pushed me."
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