Chapter 15 : I will never leave you
Entering the dormitory late the next morning, Seokjin received a cold welcome. Hoseok and Yoongi hurriedly greeted him and hurried out of the dorm, saying they had to go to the recording studio and not even taking the time to ask him how he was doing. Jimin and Taehyung, for their part, remained locked in their room, pretending to sleep.
Both Seokjin's arms were locked in an arm sling to prevent him from moving his shoulders and he was half knocked out by painkillers, supported by his manager. Jungkook hurried to meet him and gently take him in his arms while Sejin left to return to his duties.
"Hyung, I'm so glad you're home!" exclaimed Jungkook with a sincerity which however did not manage to hide his worried look.
"Thanks, JK. Are the others... Are they mad at me?" Seokjin articulated with difficulty.
"O-of course not, hyung, why would they blame you?" Jungkook asked nervously.
"Because I got hurt and I'm going to cause harm to the group again," Seokjin said painfully.
Realizing what he meant, Jungkook opened his eyes wide and quickly denied:
"Hyung, how can you think that?! You saved me, you got hurt in my place, who could blame you?!"
"But they seemed-"
"No, Jin hyung," Namjoon intervened, having just appeared on the stairs to greet Seokjin. "Obviously no one blames you for that."
He gently placed a reassuring hand on Seokjin's.
"It's just that they are a little nerv-" he started, wanting to talk to him about the doll.
But he met the gaze of Jungkook who shouted silently at him not to talk about it for the moment.
"A little worried," the leader hastily corrected himself. "While we're grateful Jungkook wasn't hurt, you shouldn't have put yourself in danger like that."
"I wasn't going to let JK get hurt," Seokjin replied and Jungkook curled up against him gratefully.
"Thank you very much, Jin hyung. And now it's my turn to take care of you. Come on, I'll take you to your room," he said, dragging Seokjin who was moving slowly, wanting to get him away from Namjoon so that the latter wouldn't say anything that might upset the elder or make him sad.
Seokjin let himself be led obediently, too eager to get to his bed. In his room, Jungkook helped him temporarily remove his arm sling and splint and change, before putting them back on. Then, he pulled the covers off the bed and invited his eldest to come and lie down before covering him. He then sat on the edge of the bed, as if he wanted to tuck him in, looking at him with a mixture of affection and concern:
"Hyung, I'm really sorry you got hurt because of me."
"I'm not sorry for saving you," Seokjin replied softly.
"I know hyung," Jungkook said sadly, knowing full well that Seokjin always put him before himself. "But I'm worried about you."
"Don't worry about me, I'm fine, JK," Seokjin whispered tiredly.
"No, that's not true," Jungkook protested.
"I will be fine," Seokjin corrected. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, whatever you want!" Jungkook exclaimed, happy to be able to help his hyung.
"Could you please see if my doll is under the bed?"
Jungkook froze. Seokjin was feeling bad so he wanted to use his doll. The youngest knew that the doll couldn't be there since Namjoon had thrown it away but he still leaned under the bed briefly to be able to say to Seokjin:
"N-no, sorry, it's not there. Do you want me to look elsewhere?"
"No, don't bother, I'll look for it later," Seokjin assured. "I'm going to get some sleep, could you leave me alone for a bit?"
Was he going to cry? Jungkook didn't want to leave him alone but at the same time, if he stayed, he would have to pretend to look for his doll, because he didn't have the heart to tell him the truth. The trash had been thrown out the night before, which meant the doll had left the dorm for good. Seokjin would never see his doll again, he would never make the decision to part with it himself.
"Okay, hyung, take a good rest and call me when you want to get up, okay?"
"Okay, JK, thanks."
"No hyung, thank you," Jungkook replied, placing a kiss on his forehead.
Seokjin waited for Jungkook to come out and close the door then he tried to take his left arm out of his arm sling, his right shoulder was too painful for him to dare move his right arm. He tried to stifle his groans of pain so as not to attract the attention of the others while he freed his left arm with a slowness that was unbearable for him. When he finally did, he tried to ignore the pain and began searching his bed for his doll.
He was in despair at the idea of not finding it but he suddenly felt tickles at his feet. Terrified at the idea that there was a spider in his sheets, he hurriedly folded his legs against himself before throwing his blanket back to reveal the sheet.
But it was not a spider that he discovered. It was his doll, who now had hair sticking out of its bonnet. He understood that it was the hair that had tickled his feet and he was relieved. He pulled it close and immediately hugged it. It had changed, he knew, but it was because it was magical. It was his treasure.
"Yoongichi...I need you..." he whispered in the secrecy of his room.
Seokjin had fallen asleep, after whispering in his doll's ear and slipping it under his pillow. He was now on his moon, dozing off in the arms of the beautiful girl he hadn't seen for so long and who he had missed so much without him realizing it. In his dream, he did not have dislocated shoulders or splint. He was perfectly fine, nothing bad happened to him.
"Tell me, who are you?" Seokjin asked softly, as he dozed in the girl's arms.
"You know who I am."
"If I knew, I wouldn't ask you," Seokjin laughed.
"I'm the one who helps you get rid of your worries, Seokjin," the girl replied, giving him a particularly pleasant and soothing head massage.
"So, you..." Seokjin thought about how to turn the ridiculous sentence he wanted to formulate, without succeeding: "you are like my doll?"
The girl burst into her crystalline laughter which delighted Seokjin's ears.
"You're funny," she told him.
"Glad I made you laugh," he said not really understanding why it was so funny. "Do you have a name?"
"I have the name you gave me, that's all."
"Me?" Seokjin wondered, "but I never gave you a name, how could!"
"Think Seokjin, who have you been telling your worries?"
"To my worry doll but..."
"Did you not name it yourself?"
"Yes, I called it..." Seokjin mused.
"Yoongichi," the girl finished smiling.
Seokjin's eyes widened and he sat up to stare at the girl in amazement.
"Is that really you?! Are you telling me you're my doll? I mean... that's impossible, Yoongichi is a doll and you're obviously not. And anyway, we are in my dream and my doll is under my pillow...."
"Nothing is impossible as long as you believe in it Seokjin, that's how dreams are made. You are convinced that your worries will disappear thanks to a doll but you cannot believe that this doll can join you in your dreams?"
The girl wasn't wrong, Seokjin thought, dreams were really weird, so why bother to see implausible things there? After all, he had just climbed himself onto the moon and pushed a person into a sea of cloud after catching them with balls previously attached to him. Nothing was normal, so a doll that turned into a girl in his dream? It wasn't any weirder after all.
But when reality hit him, he sat up, stars in his eyes:
"Oh my... So you... you really are Yoongichi?!"
"That's right," the girl nodded, "I'm the one you confide in at night before you sleep."
"That's absolutely amazing..." Seokjin muttered to himself, before asking, embarrassed, "don't you have a problem with carrying that weird name? I can find you another one that will suits you better."
"No, I don't want another," the girl refused, "that's the name you gave me with your heart out of gratitude to me, so it's precious to me. And very powerful. It shows the affection you have for me."
Hearing those words coming from the mouth of this pretty girl, Seokjin blushed in contentment.
"For you, I'll be Yoongichi," Yoongichi concluded flipping back her long raven hair captivatingly for Seokjin who was staring at her from all angles trying to find some commonality with his doll. But he couldn't find any: while his doll had immediately seemed strange to him, the girl who was with him on his moon was dazzlingly beautiful.
"For me?" Seokjin wondered. "What do you mean?"
"At the moment, I am yours and I have the name you gave me but if you got rid of me then I would belong to someone else who would probably give me another name and who will forge a new emotional bond with me, because that's what a doll is for."
"I'll never get rid of you," Seokjin immediately promised her. "I want you to stay with me forever. Only me!"
"That's what you say now, cause you need me, Seokjin. Usually, it is children who are my owners, and they are not very faithful. They get tired of me quickly because they grow up too quickly and no longer need an imaginary friend to talk to and to confide their fears... It always makes me sad but I got used to it."
"Are you disappointed that I'm an adult?" the singer sulked, "even though I'm a cute adult? I'm sure I'm more faithful than these children."
"Oh no, my Seokjin," Yoongichi laughed, "I'm not disappointed at all, on the contrary, I'm delighted! I'm weak when a child owns me because children's worries are not very serious and therefore not very powerful. This has the consequence that I have little power to fulfill their wishes and drive away their worries."
Her explanation left Seokjin a little puzzled.
"So..." he thought slowly, "with me, do you have enough power to drive away my worries? All of them?"
"Do you still have insomnia problems? Are you still so insecure in your ability to dance or in your physical appearance?"
"No..." Seokjin whispered. "You have delivered me from these worries, you are indeed very strong."
"And wait to see what I'll offer you when you wake up! I can be even stronger for you," Yoongichi asserted, "I just need your comlete trust and love, and then, I will be able to make all your dreams come true. The more you sincerely confide in me, the more you will trust me, the more I can fulfill your wishes. I hope you won't leave me. I want to be yours forever."
"No, I will never leave you, I need you," Seokjin said sincerely.
"It's good, keep needing me," the girl said with a satisfied smile. "Keep loving me..."
Seokjin gave her a radiant smile before displaying a concerned expression.
"I really need you and I really want you to stay with me but I'm afraid it's all just a dream. When I wake up, I don't remember you. I never remember you," Seokjin lamented, stroking Yoongichi's hand to convince himself that she was real.
"Because it's only a dream," the girl said, smiling.
"Oh," Seokjin said letting go of her hand and lying down again on her lap. He was disappointed as he wished the girl was real and continued to reassure him in the real world. Feeling his eyelids close again under the new caress of those gentle hands on his head, he said regretfully: "I'm so sleepy Yoongichi, I can't stay awake any longer..."
"So fall asleep my sweet Seokjin."
"How I wish you were still with me when I wake up..." he mumbled in his sleep.
As his mind drifted, he heard a soothing whisper that made him shiver pleasantly:
"My sweet Seokjin, just because it's a dream doesn't mean I can't become real...."
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