Jin was suffocating. The hand closed tightly around his throat refused to let go, no matter how hard he clawed at it. His back, electrocuted by the barrier, was burning him and his shoulder injury was throwing him. 

    Shownu and Eunkwang were nowhere in sight to save him, it was just him and that mysterious assailant that he didn't see. He would have to fight to the end by himself if he wanted to survive.

    "Give it up, why bother?" 

    The voice was familiar to him but he couldn't put a face to it.

    "No, I want to live!" Jin wanted to yell. But his cry remained silent. He continued to claw at the hand, but this time not a shred of skin came off: the flesh seemed to be that of an ordinary human.

    "Why?" the voice asked as if reading his thoughts. "Who do you want to live for? Yourself? As if someone cared about your existence."

    "For my dongsaengs!" Jin thought. "My dongsaengs care about me!"

    A mocking laugh sounded and Jin suddenly then recognized the identity of the one who strangled him. 

    "Miung..." 

    "Nobody wants you," Miung pointed out.

    "Shut your mouth!" Jin said in a cry that sounded more like a moan of despair. "My dongsaengs are waiting for my return!"

    "Your dongsaeng have learned to live without you, didn't you realize it yet? They succeeded without you. They don't need you anymore. You'll just be a drag on them, and they'll quickly make you understand that."

    "SHUT UP" This time the whisper turned into a scream.

    Miung tightened his hand on Jin's throat with one hand and with the other pressed hard on his injured shoulder. Jin angrily tried to get rid of it with his fingernails, suddenly digging into the flesh.

    "Get off m-AAAAAAAAaaaaaargh".

    "Ouuch! Hey, wake up!" an imperious voice ordered, different from Miung's.

    Jin snapped his eyes open and realized he was still screaming, clutching his throat in his own hands. He pulled it out and clapped it over his mouth to stop his cry. Sweat beaded from his forehead and his whole body ached: his throat that he had squeezed too hard, but also his back previously burned by the electric barrier which had rubbed too much against the mattress because of his restlessness.

    As for his aching shoulder, the cause was the hand that had gripped him tightly and shook him tightly to wake him from sleep. Jin had scratched it severely while clinging to it, thinking he was tearing off the hand of his dream. That explained why the skin had felt normal to his touch.

    "Let... let go of me," he gasped, jerking Yoongi's hand away, whose lamplit face showed his displeasure at being roused from sleep so abruptly and to have been scratched until the blood by a furious cat.

    "You were thrashing and moaning like a lunatic and ended up screaming. You must have woke everyone up," Yoongi added in annoyance, while looking at his palm intently, as his eyes had just landed on something that shouldn't have been there.

    "Sorry, I didn't do it on purpose," Jin defended himself, struggling to remember where he was and barely understanding Yoongi's presence by his side. He didn't even remember closing his eyes after lying down on the bare mattress, covered only by his coat which had become his temporary blanket. "What time is it?"

    "Almost five," Yoongi indicated before waving his hand and exclaiming : "What is all that blood?!"

     Jin saw that it was covered in blood and turned pale hastening to feel his painful shoulder and to feel his hand becoming sticky.

    "Oh shit..."

    "Well, I notice the military made you very polite, that's a very polished language for an idol," the rapper quipped.

    "Shut up Yoongi!" Jin replied, irritated.

    Not that Yoongi was wrong. Indeed, his level of language had really deteriorated during his few months of military service, in particular after having been insulted on numerous occasions by his superiors or his elders, but also after having spent time in a dormitory full of boys from different social backgrounds, some of whom spoke very colloquially and who made fun of those who spoke with too much preciousness like the idols.

    In this dorm, language had become an indicator of weakness or power and when he arrived, Jin was therefore at the very bottom of the food chain. With Shownu and others, he had therefore had to, in order to integrate and stop receiving bullying and constant hazing, learn to speak like the others. Which hardly suited his profession as an idol and his image as a well-behaved boy. He hoped not to make a language error when he resumed his place in public events.

    He got up eagerly, holding his aching shoulder tightly, but when he got to the bedroom door, Yoongi stopped him.

    "Where are you going?"

    Jin remained silent, realizing that he didn't know himself where he was going: he wanted to go get something to treat his reopened wound but he didn't know this house. The rapper sighed, as if to say goodbye to his precious sleep time for good.

    "Stay here, I'll be right back."

    Yoongi quickly left the room and came back with a first aid kit which he opened on Jin's bed.

   "Let me see your shoulder."

    "It's okay, I'll do it on my own," Jin protested.

    Yoongi looked at him as if he didn't believe him capable of it and shrugged.

    "As you want."

    As Yoongi left the room again, Jin began to remove his various layers of clothing and found himself shirtless, revealing his back whose bandages mistreated by friction fell limply to the ground.

    "Crap, crap, crap!" he whined.

    He knew he couldn't put them back on himself or even put balm on his burns. Too bad, but he would do with the pain. His shoulder wound had reopened and was bleeding profusely through the band-aid. How tightly did Yoongi squeeze him to wake him up? Was he that angry to have been woken up?

    "So much strength in such a small body... and what a bad temper in addition!" Jin grumbled, removing the band-aid and blotting up the blood with a compress before disinfecting the wound by gritting his teeth and redressing his wound. When it was done, he rummaged through his suitcase for an oversized sweatshirt which would save his back from too much friction with the fabric.

    "It looks painful," Yoongi remarked as he came into the room again after watching him from the shadows, startling Jin who hastened to face him to hide his back.

    "Well, thank you for your consideration but it's not your fault, you can go back to bed." 

    Jin didn't want to start the conversation about the origin of his injuries. He still hadn't put together the lies planned for his dongsaengs well, and the early hour was not conducive to their sudden elaboration.

    "I never said it was my fault," Yoongi replied, handing Jin a glass of water and a pill, before to grab a little band-aid in the first aid box placed on Jin's bed to put on his deepest scratch, mumbling : "and it's me they dare to call grumpy kitten."

    Jin felt guilty.

    "Sorry for the scratches. And thank you for the painkillers," the elder thanked him, swallowing the medicine with relief.

    He closed his eyes and tried to banish from his mind the terrible images of his nightmare to be able to put the wounds in his body back to sleep. But he still felt Yoongi's gaze on him and was embarrassed by it.

    "What?" he asked after a moment of silence, wondering if it was really possible that Yoongi was worried about his condition.

    "Who is Miung?" Yoongi asked and Jin suddenly oppened his eyes to watch the rapper with shock.

    "Did I say that name?" he wondered, who not expecting this question.

     "Where else would I have gotten that weird name? It sounds North Korean. You screamed his name like he was skinning you alive in your dream," the rapper replied without filter and thus unconsciously ending any possibility of discussion between them.

    Jin scowled. 

    "It's nobody, you must have been dreaming," Jin replied sourly. "You can leave now, I don't want to talk to you."

    There had probably been a time when he would have wanted to confide in Yoongi about the difficult situations he had been through, but that time had passed and now the second oldest in the group was the last person he would have told what had happened to him at the DMZ, not even the fact that he had narrowly escaped death. He alone carried this burden and alone would heal his tormented spirit. 

    "I wasn't the one dreaming and screaming like a lunatic," Yoongi replied harshly before heading towards his side of the room. 

    Jin gave him a grimace but didn't argue back, still wondering why he wasn't more curious about his condition than that. In fact, it suited him that he wasn't talkative, although it also seemed to show how little consideration, he now had for him.

    He then retrieved clothes from his suitcase and locked himself in the bathroom adjoining the bedroom and after washing, prepared himself carefully, not knowing what to do with his shaved hair but taking special care of his face. After all, temporarily at least, he was an idol again.

    "A ghost!" Hoseok exclaimed as he entered the dining room.

    His smile warmed Jin's heart previously frozen by Yoongi's greeting. And Jungkook who was sitting next to him, happy to see this, rubbed his back vigorously to reiterate his words from yesterday: he was welcome home.

    "Hey Hobi!" Jin said with a smile.

    "Nice haircut, why haven't we had a picture of you since you left?" the rapper chided him as he sat across from him.

    "Phones are prohibited in the barracks, remember? It's for national security reasons, it seems. Why do you think I haven't sent any news?"

      "Oh that's right! So we won't have any pictures of you in military uniform? What a shame!"

    Jin smiled at the fashion specialist Hoseok aspired to be, obviously eager to pass judgment on his military look:

    "Rules are made to be broken and at the beginning of our training, before having them confiscated and being punished, some of the boys smuggled phones and took pictures of us."

     He handed Hoseok his phone to which some of his friends at the barracks had sent the pictures taken back then.

    "Ooooh hyuuung, you look so manly on these pictures!"

    "Of course, I am manly!"

    "So, you're on leave, hyung?" Jimin asked. Dark circles were spreading under his tired eyes and he seemed to want nothing more than to go back to sleep right now. But a tight schedule had been sent to them for the day, so that was out of the question.

    "Yes," Jin agreed, shoving a spoonful of rice into his mouth, guilt-ridden as his eyes moved from one tired face to another. 

    He himself had a face marked by fatigue but no one was moved. He had already apologized several times for waking them all up, but their lack of a smile at his surprise return made him realize that it obviously hadn't been enough.

    They were all gathered around the breakfast table but before Hoseok arrived, the mood was quite tense for Jin. All the members looked tired, and the rude awakening – Jin's cry – was unappreciated. 

    As he expected, his return hadn't been greeted with warmth, rather with a form of polite bow. The eldest was back and that was it. Just shy hugs or handshakes, or even nothing at all for Taehyung like for Yoongi the previous night.

    Jin was amazed at how handsome Taehyung had turned out in his absence, yet coldly handsome. Indeed, the second youngest had lost his natural smile, his candor and his amusing grimaces. 

    His eyes didn't laughed anymore and his whole face seemed painted with a maturity that didn't feet neither his age nor the personality that Jin had known him in their early days. What had happened to him? His little Voo was not so little anymore and definitely not funny and kind to him as before.

    "How long did you come back for, Seokjin hyung?" he asked without looking up from his bowl.

    "I don't know, I wasn't told that. Do you already want me to go Voo?" Jin tried to joke.

    "I didn't say that," Taehyung replied simply, still without looking at him.

    "It's strange that you don't know Jin hyung," Namjoon commented, already suspicious, and Jin inwardly railed against his leader's tireless brain, "and by the way, how come Sejin hyung wasn't notified before? He said he was only made aware yesterday. Did something happen to you?"

    "Have you been fired hyung?" Hoseok asked, accompanying his words with a laugh, however nervous because this hypothesis appeared to him to be possible.

    Jin swallowed his coffee the wrong way and started coughing furiously, nearly choking.

    "No way, don't tell me I'm right?!" Hoseok exclaimed.

    "Hyung, were you fired for your unfunny jokes?" Jimin scoffed, not believing it.

    "Jin hyung, you didn't get fired, huh?" Namjoon asked anxiously.

    "Impossible!" Jungkook exclaimed, his eyes wide as marbles, waiting for Jin to quickly dement. He admired Jin way too much to believe it but he wanted Jin to confirm it.

    "Hey! Can you all stop your questions?" Jin, exasperated by this interrogation which was too close to the truth for his taste.

    Next to him, Yoongi, who had remained silent since the beginning of the meal, finally spoke and released his interpretation:

    "He had to be fired because he fought."

    "What do you mean he fought?!" Namjoon exclaimed, turning to the older rapper and asking him about Jin as if he wasn't there.

    "We expected him to come back from the military service more mature and more respectful of the rules but obviously we expected too much of him," Yoongi explained, shrugging his soulders.

    "Yoongi, what the fuck?!" Jin thundered, earning shocked looks from everyone else.

    "See how vulgar he talks now?" Yoongi added, "Someone is going to have to re-educate him."

    "And where did your respect for your hyung go?" Jin attacked him back. 

    The others contemplated this dispute with amazement, taking care not to intervene in this duel of hyungs.

    Jin suddenly realized how Yoongi no longer addressed him with respect. The term "hyung" seemed to have disappeared from his mouth as he hadn't used it since Jin's return. The eldest then recalled his conversation with Shownu who claimed that Joohoney had taken his place of leader in the band and would definitely want to keep it. Was that what was happening to Yoongi? Had he decided to take his place as the eldest of the group?

    "We're three months apart, how does that make you worthy of my respect?" Yoongi replied confirming Jin's fears.

    "Stop it, both of you" finally recommended Namjoon who felt the disaster coming, but who was ignored by both his hyungs.

    "What did you just say?!" Jin asked Yoongi, who dared to add to his authoritative argument. In Korea, age justified the hierarchy of respect due to everyone, it was like that and everyone accepted it.

    "You weren't there to manage the difficult situations with us and it was I who took on the role of eldest. Just because you suddenly come back doesn't mean you can take this place. It is an important place that is earned through hard work. And you certainly don't deserve it by getting kicked out of the army."

    "I WAS NOT KICKED," Jin roared, flinching at Yoongi's belligerent attitude. His fury, if it startled everyone else, didn't silence Yoongi, however, who went one better:

    "Then explain to us your return without forgetting to tell us about your injuries in this case."

     "Injuries?" Hoseok asked, curious as the others.

    "Yes, he is badly injured all over. Guess we must be relieved his face isn't disfigured otherwise people would start to question his thug behavior."

    "Yoongi, you bast-" Jin began, more furious than ever, ready to inult  the younger.

    "That's true!" Jungkook exclaimed, suddenly worried as he remembered the wounds on Jin's throat, hidden that morning by a tightly buttoned-up shirt collar that stuck out from his hoodie. The maknae seemd to blame himself now for not being more interested in it sooner.

     "What happened, hyung?" Namjoon asked, now accusingly. He ordered in an authoritative voice: "tell me the truce."

    Jin crashed in front of Namjoon. Although he was the eldest, Namjoon was the leader and he had never questioned this position, judging the rapper anyway much more capable than him of ensuring this function. Moreover, the eldest and the leader had been close in the past.

    Now, however, he did not know how to address him because he did not want to lie to him or attract his contempt but at the same time, he could not tell him the truth. Was he going to tell him that he was probably going to be responsible for a new Korean war? He remained silent.

    "So, you really fought? Aren't you going to explain yourself?"

    "Joonie, I'm not responsible for what happened, I swear," the eldest tried to explain.

    "Oh my God..." Namjoon murmured, measuring the extent of the disaster that this news would cause for the group. His alarmist tone quickely contaminated the others.

    "What will happen to BTS?" Jimin worried, laying a hand on his leader's arm, who shook his head helplessly to say he didn't know.

    "Is this news going to be made public?" Taehyung wondered grimly.

    "I don't know, and I imagine that Jin hyung either" Namjoon said, getting a shy nod from Jin. "Manager hyung didn't tell me anything. We'll have to ask PD-nim about all of that."

    "Hyung, what did you do?!"

    Hoseok's furious tone made Jin shiver. Finally, Hoseok was also mad at him now. They all had to be. Jungkook himself wasn't even looking at him anymore, preferring to exchange a desperate look with Taehyung. 

     Being ignored by Jungkook and read his concern was worst of all. Jin would have liked to reassure him as he had always done in the past, but how could he? He had never been responsible for his worries before.

     The words of the Miung from his nightmare resurfaced in his mind: "You'll just be a drag on them, and they'll quickly make you understand." They hates me, Jin understood. 

    His tired heart began to pound in his chest and each breath was painful, making him gasp and he clutched his chest with a feverish hand. he knew he should have avoided strong emotions but the disappointment of his young members made his heart ache, literally.

    Not knowing what to do with their accusing looks and tones, he let out a little "I'm sorry" and left the table without further explanation. Why did he have to be sent back to the dorm instead of being sent to his parents?

    "And here he is running away. What a hyung," Yoongi railed.

    And no one contradicted him.