Chapter 5 : Back to the place named home

    Jin pulled his surgical mask up over his nose and adjusted his cap which covered his shaved hair before getting out of the taxi. He was not well known unlike the rest of his group and the darkness of the night already protected him from view, but he preferred to take his precautions.

    He picked up the suitcase the driver handed him and bowed respectfully to thank him. The other got back into his car, muttering barely comprehensible remarks about today's young people who looked suspicious and stayed out late at night.

    The young man chuckled as he watched the taxi pull away and disappear around the corner. Certainly, he must have looked very suspicious as a person, especially in a neighborhood as luxurious as the one in which he was. However, this district was indeed his destination. He was himself surprised to have found himself in this kind of neighborhood, but it was the address his manager had sent him.

    Pulling his suitcase behind him up the steep street, he headed for the gatehouse that controlled entrances to the Hannam-dong residential compound, otherwise known as Hannam-ill. Once identified, he was able to step through the gate and through the deserted alleys of the complex built into the hillside, and walked towards the apartment in which he was to live, hissing in wonder at so much luxury as he crossed the small district.

    He finally stopped in front of the door that was to lead him to the end of the dream and let go of the handle of his suitcase before ringing the bell to signal his presence. Through the peephole, he felt a gaze land on him and heard a cry of surprise barely muffled by the door. 

    Very quickly the rattle of a bunch of keys was heard turning at full speed then, the door opened on the fly, revealing a human form too fast for him to be able to pierce its identity before it jump on him and knock his cap to the ground.

     "Jin hyung!!"

    Seokjin smiled and affectionately stroked the black hair of the boy who had just jumped around his neck.

    It had already been a year since he had seen him and when, finally, he freed himself from this embrace and was able to observe his face, he noticed with regret that his big doe eyes were no longer as big as before, that his youthful face had lengthened and his jaw had gradually become more straight. Worse, he was almost as tall as he was, and infinitely more muscular, despite his intensive military training. Where was the boy he had left? 

    Seokjin was a little bit sad, feeling like he missed the end of his childhood. He smiled nonetheless, beyond happy to see him again.

    "How are you, Jungkook?"

    "I'm fine hyung! What about-" Jungkook began excitedly, before being interrupted.

    "What are you doing here, didn't you still have a year of military service to accomplish?" The voice was dry, almost accusatory.

    "Hey Yoongi, I'm fine, thanks for asking!" Jin accompanied his ironic tone with an unconscious slight lift of his head that allow Yoongi and Jungkook to see the freshly stitched wounds on his throat.

    "Hyung, what happened to you?!" Jungkook exclaimed looking at the marks in shock while Yoongi just frowned.

    Jin grimaced and quickly readjusted the collar of his coat.

    "Long story, don't want to talk about it. Do you allow me to come into your house or do I have to wait another year?"

   Jin would have liked to be less bitter in his way of addressing his dongsaengs during his reunion with them, but he had the sudden feeling of no longer having his place with them, after having dreamed for so long of returning there.

    "Hyung, it's your home too, of course you can come in!" Jungkook replied, a bit shocked at Jin's words.

    Yoongi wordlessly grabbed Jin's suitcase and dragged it briskly into the apartment before disappearing from their sight.

    "What a cold welcome! At least he's not hiding that he's not happy to see me again," Jin sighed, who didn't really want to enter anymore.

   If he had had money, he probably would have considered going to the hotel. Maybe Jungkook could lent him some money. Not only did Jin have no savings, but he still had enormous debts to repay to his company, debts that his meager army recruit pension had not even made it possible to repay the company a little. 

    He wondered if the others had already managed to repay these debts and if he was also going to be isolated from the other members in this aspect of his life.

    "Suga hyung is just surprised, don't worry. Come in, you're more than welcome home, hyung," Jungkook assured him warmly before dragging him into the apartment, not noticing the grimace of pain Jin made when he tugged him by the arm. "I'm surprised too to see you, I didn't think you'd get permission so soon, not before the end of the year anyway," he confessed once the door closed.

    Jin would have liked to change the subject and what he saw upon entering allowed him to do so without difficulty.

    "Wooooow!" Jin shouted suddenly, widening his eyes, amazed at the luxury that surrounded him and which was not at all familiar to him.

    Gone is the filthy dormitory they had lived in since their training years. The group had managed to gain popularity and grew rich as a result, getting more and more sponsors and fans, giving more and more concerts. Jin had heard only echoes of his group's meteoric success, but now he had the proof in front of his eyes. Pictures of the group, most with six members lifting trophies, decorated the walls of the lavish apartment.

    "You've worked hard," he remarked, a hint of bitterness in his voice. 

    BTS was a group of seven but he was now just a phantom member that few people knew about. He also worked very hard, but he couldn't continue his journey with the rest of the members and had to leave them to complete his military service. 

    It was unfair because now he had the feeling that this achievement was not his. Hell, he almost felt like he didn't belong in their group anymore. Jungkook sensed his discomfort:

    "Hyung, none of this would have been possible without you. It is your success as much as ours."

    "Do you really believe it?" Jin smiled weakly who needed more than that to be reassured.

    "Of course! And we are all very grateful to you."

    Jin instantly lost his smile. Jungkook was lying, there was no doubt. The maknae might be grateful because his relationship with Jin was special, and maybe some members were a bit too but for the others, obviously it wasn't. They had had no qualms about putting him aside as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

    "Where are the others?" he inquired, hearing no sound.

    "They are already sleeping, the day has been tiring for us. It's amazing that Suga hyung got out of bed when you knock."

    For us. As if his own day had been a cakewalk! 

    He hadn't had permission. He had been tried summarily by a military tribunal which had taken the temporary decision to suspend him, along with Shownu and Eunkwang, for the serious facts that had occurred the night before.

    They were in no way responsible for the attack but they were nevertheless blamed for their irresponsible errors such as Jin's shooting at Miung, Shownu's shooting at the unidentified enemy, or even the gray areas that was perceived as voluntary omissions on their part to hide other potential more serious errors. The three boys had denied it all, but it had come to nothing.

    They could have been locked up in a military prison pending the results of the investigation, but against all odds, Captain Park had vouched for them and asked that the three idols be temporarily sent home while awaiting the results of the investigation, in particular the results of the analysis of the weird piece of skin.

    Jin, who had nearly fainted more than once during the long audience, was only taken to the military hospital afterwards. 

    He had been told that his heart had been weakened by the electric shocks he had received and that he needed plenty of rest to fully heal. He also had to stay away from strong emotions and he hoped that the situation wouldn't be too tense with Yoongi and the others.

    He lso came out with stitches on his wounds in his neck and shoulder, as well as an arm splint to support his injured shoulder but he took it off in the taxi that took him back to Seoul because he didn't want to worry his dongsaengs or show the image of a Jin weakened by the army, on the contrary: he wanted to come back as a strong and respectable mathyung. It was probably the influence of Shownu and Eunkwang, mathyung and leader of their respective group, which had led him to this thought.

    His manager Sejin had been notified but the real reason for his suspension was a state secret and the official reason given to the company was a behavior problem within his unit. Angered to learn this, Sejin didn't pick him up, only giving him the group's new address, and Jin had begged him not to reveal the truth to others.

    He was a failure for his manager and for his company, maybe even for his country. But to inform his family on the one hand and his group on the other was to lose everyone's respect. Well, everyone who really mattered to him. And he wasn't ready for that. 

    He hoped that despite his long estrangement, he could regain the respect of others as the oldest member. However, Yoongi's frosty reception had chilled him.

    "If it was to welcome me like that, he would have done better to stay in bed," Jin replied to Jungkook, instantly hating himself for throwing his nerves on the maknae who had nothing to do with it and who was the only one there with him and to unconsciously cheer him up by his mere presence.

     Jungkook looked sad.

    "Hyung, if you're tired, I can show you where your bedroom is, we'll talk tomorrow."

    "I have a bedroom?!" Jin wondered, his eyes shining with hope. 

    After the old BTS dorm, Jin had known the even more shabby army dorm, where older recruits unbolt the screws so that the bed collapses when the young recruits settle in to sleep.

    "Yes!" Jungkook replied, smiling at the candid excitement of the elder, before losing his smile suddenly, realizing that the sequel was not going to please him. "But you share it with Suga hyung."

    "Oh, great."

    "Sorry," Jungkook apologized, seeing that the other was getting more and more frustrated by this return home and was particularly affected by it.

    "Don't be, it's not your fault," Jin said hurriedly, although he would have liked to share a room with Jungkook and wondered how the distribution had been made. "Do you have a roommate already?"

    "Yes, I share a room with Namjoon hyung," the maknae replied. "V hyung, Jimin hyung and Hobi hyung share a threesome room."

    "Okay," Jin replied simply, before pointing out : "I see that no one wanted to be with Yoongi and the boys even preferred to be in threes rather than sharing the same room as him".

    "But Hyung, I thought you wanted to be Yoongi hyung's roommate! That's what you wrote in the greeting cards we made for the day we got a bigger apartment. I'm sure Suga hyung wouldn't have wanted to share the room with anyone but you and besides, he firmly refused anyone else to move in with him."

    "Certainly because he thought that I wouldn't be back for a year and that he could thus enjoy his solitude for a long time", replied Jin who decidedly could not stop resenting Yoongi.

    "Hyung, you can't say that, that's unfair", the maknae said in a reproachful tone, "you both said you'd be roommates forever, don't you remember? Everyone here remembers that and no one would have dared to brave that and take your place with him."

    "It was a long time ago," Jin sincerely replied. "Obviously everything has changed and I would have preferred not to share his room. And I'm sure he think the same. But as the absentees are always wrong and I was not there at the time of the distribution, I am aware that I have no say."

    Realizing that he couldn't convince him that night, Jungkook gave up and led Jin upstairs where the bedrooms were. Jin followed him to the room he'll share with Yoongi. The latter had lit a bedside lamp to allow Jin to settle down and Jin was grateful to him for that. Discovering his bedroom in the dark was not a pleasant idea.

    "Good night, hyung," Jungkook said. He hesitated for a few seconds then hugged his hyung affectionately: "It was a nice surprise to open the door and see you again after so long."

    "Thank you, JK," Jin replied tenderly, giving him a brief hug before watching the maknae return to his own room he shared with Namjoon. Even though he had quickly grown to take on the appearance of a young man, Jungkook looked as Jin had left him at the age of 16 and that reassured him: he would be his landmark in this group that seemed to have changed so much in his absence.

    He slipped into his bedroom. It was spacious and divided in two by a huge white shelf with lockers on either side of which were two beds, two desks and two wardrobes. The bottom part, plunged into darkness, was obviously that of Yoongi, already perfectly fitted out and personalized. The lit part, near the door, was the one that had been left to Jin.

     Since he hadn't been expected to return so early, all his belongings were in closed boxes next to which Yoongi had put his suitcase, and his mattress was devoid of sheets and blankets. Even his room seemed to welcome him coldly.

    He didn't feel at home. This house was unknown to him and even his members, each of whom he imagined deeply sleeping in his bed after a long day he knew nothing about, seemed to him to be strangers whom he was going to have to relearn to know and who would probably turn away from him when they learned what had happened to him, official version or not.

   Without bothering to change or rummage through his belongings for sheets and blankets, he sat down on the bed and turned off the bedside lamp. Then he leaned back against the headboard, adjusting his coat around him and folding up his legs, remaining like that for several long minutes, trying to forget everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours.

   His phone suddenly vibrated, pulling him out of his torpor.

Hey D. Feet!

Are you OK?

Did you get home already?

    Shownu. Jin smiled. Finally a familiar person. Shownu and Eunkwang had accompanied him to the hospital earlier in the day but their respective managers had picked them up before Jin's treatment was complete and the goodbye had been very sketchy between them.

Stop with that nickname, I'm WWH!

Yes to both questions.

But everyone is sleeping and it's weird cause I don't feel at home anymore.

Yeah, tell me about it, I feel like I broke into my own house, they hardly recognized me and Minhyuk shouted at the burglar-kidnapper-murderer before crying.

By the way, did you inform your members about the reason you came back?

No, I'm just on a surprising leave. Did you tell them?

Impossible, I am the leader of my group, not just the oldest, I am supposed to be the example to follow.

Ooooh really?! Then why did they choose you as the leader in the first place?  Jin wrote with a smile on his lips, 

Touché.

But seriously, 'Behavior problem'? what a puff to have given that as an explanation!

If my dongsaengs find out, I will lose their respect forever.

And I think Joohoney has gotten off to a good start as the backup leader when I was gone, I don't want to leave him a hole to step into.

I fear a mutiny to come.

    Jin chuckled at his friend's exaggeration and he sent her a laughing emoticon.

I'm not kidding Jin, I'm dead serious. 

Monsta X is different from BTS.

What do you mean ?

We all fought against each other during No Mercy to integrate Monsta X.

It's part of the DNA of the group to fight for the place of others.

Oh...

I believed that as a survivor of the show, you were close enough to trust each other.

I'm glad I didn't have to go through a survival show to join BTS.

Anyway, I'm sorry for you. Suddenly my situation seems less miserable to me.

Oh, because suddenly your dongsaeng have become more loving towards you and regret throwing you into this cruel system for their own glory?

    Jin frowned.

Take care of your own dongsaengs and leave mine alone.

I take that as a no.

And I don't take care of your dongsaengs, I take care of you.

    Jin knew Shownu had good intentions but he didn't like hearing him criticize his dongsaengs.

Jin, take care of getting better in the days to come, and don't worry too much about your dongsaeng and your company. 

If the army decides to prosecute us, our companies will kick us out, they don't want a scandal that taints their newly launched groups.

I know but I don't want to think about that possibility for now.

Then take advantage of this time to become an idol again, show them your talent and prove to them that they were wrong to think they could do without you.

Thanks dude.

No problem D. Feet.

I will pray hard that you die tonight and this nickname with you.

Stay hopeful.

Come on, courage for the next few days.

Same for you, fighting!


    Jin let his phone slide beside him. Over the past few months, he and Shownu had been inseparable. Eukwang had only been incorporated into their unit later and had not undergone the initial training with them before taking up their post at the DMZ.

    Without Shownu, Jin suddenly felt very lonely, even as all of his dongasaeng now stood a few feet away from him, closer than they had ever been in nearly a year. Because none of them knew what they had felt. 

 None of them had to undergo the new Law of Korean boy bands and to leave their group prematurely when they just debuted.

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