During the few months they had spent together and despite all common sense, Eunkwang had come to consider Jin as the baby of their little group. Indeed, even though Jin and Shownu were the same age and the two weren't much younger than him, Jin had always seemed very childish.

     He always seemed happy and excited about the slightest thing, exaggerated a lot about everything, loved to make jokes, make people laugh, have fun and disobey the rules behind their superior's back. He seemed to take nothing seriously, taking any excuse to laugh at a situation that others would have deemed critical, too serious or at least unworthy of being laughed at. Eunkwang himself always ended up laughing about it anyway, driven by Jin's contagious laughter and frivolity.

     Even so, Eunkwang realized that when it came to his passion and his dongsaengs, Jin suddenly became more focused, more mature and more serious. He was showing how much they were important to him and how much he wanted to work for the good of his group. 

     During those times, he regained his real age and his place as the eldest of his group. But those serious moments were usually very quickly eclipsed by the joking moments, as if Jin wanted to hide that serious aspect of his personality and remain the one who makes people smile , and not the one who imposes rigor and gloom.

     As he was particularly good looking, polite, and too kind and childish for his own good, at the barracks, he had very quickly been the subject of hazing from the other soldiers and, Shownu and Eunkwang had never ceased to protect him and get angry in his place because, again, he had found a way to laugh it off with his persecutors.

     But Eunkwang felt he had failed to protect Jin from the DMZ attack. And now, today, he had drawn the name of his group in the ballot box, condemning him to face a thousand and one dangers at the DMZ. He felt uncontrollable streams of tears escape his eyes as he held the paper up for all to see.

     "I'm really sorry, Jin."

     Mortified, Jin's first reaction was to turn to the rest of the BTS members. Jimin had just fallen to his knees with his head in his hands and Taehyung, his hand on his shoulder, looked completely helpless to comfort him as the younger was visibly as devastated as he was.

     The other members stood speechless, unable to take in what they had just heard, staring at Jin as if the elder was going to tell them at any moment that it was a mistake or some sinister joke.

     But in front of Jin's eloquent silence, reality imposed itself on them, painful, and Jungkook's tears were swallowed back in the wet embrace of Hoseok who had also let his own flow. Soon, the two were embraced by the protective arms of their leader whose face, still turned in Jin's direction showed the horrifying realization of all that this bad draw meant for BTS.

     This dark image contrasted sharply with the relief and joy that had taken hold of Monsta X. The group was gathered in a compact heap to celebrate the luck they had and only Shownu stood at a distance and prevented himself from reacting favorably to this announcement because next to him he felt Jin about to collapse and was sick of it: his group was only saved because his friend's was not.

     The harrowing picture his dongsaengs offered could have been enough to send Jin into deep despair. But the worst part was Yoongi's frozen expression. Not sad, not angry, but disappointed. 

      Disappointed as if he was ready to forgive Jin if the coin toss picked out Monsta X, disappointed as if he was about to give him his hug and adorable gummy smile if BTS didn't been designated. 

     Disappointed as if he was now finally convinced without concession that everything was Jin's fault, and that nothing would ever be the same again.

      "I... I..."

     Jin tried to mumble another apology immediately drawing action from the nearest cameraman who pointed the lens at him.

      However, words failed him, his mind seemed to cloud over, and he could no longer think clearly. How did he end up here at the Blue House, under the gaze of his whole country? How did he find himself in this situation where he was responsible for the distress of all his young bandmates? How could all this have happened? Soon, his vision began to blur and even his breath failed him.

     Yoongi who was still staring at him took a step towards him but was overtaken by Shownu who was closer to him and held him tightly to prevent him from falling, as his swaying body was threatening to do so.

      "Hey, calm down and breathe, Jin."

      "I... c-can't... I d-don't... w-want them... t-to go there..."

     It was a heartbreaking sight, Jin's despair with the rest of the young members of BTS in the background. Why did they have to endure this? They were just young artists. Why did they have to carry the destiny of their country on their shoulders? 

     Helpless, Shownu tightened his reassuring grip, unable to do anything else.

     "I swear Jin, I would have preferred hyung to pull my group instead of yours," he said in a tone that made him wonder if he was trying to convince Jin or rather himself. "But we can't help it so please, you have to stay strong. For your dongsaengs, remember ?" he added in a soft voice, knowing that it was the only subject that could make him react with force and bring him back to his composure.

     "T-they... they... They hate... me," Jin gasped, struggling to breathe properly as the anguish choked him, consuming him from the inside like a blazing fire whose thick smoke was rising all the way to his chest and deprived him of air.

     Shownu glanced over at BTS and met Yoongi's piercing gaze several dozen meters away from them, swearing that he read a glimmer of concern there for a few seconds before reading a cold contempt. Why did his dongsaengs always have to behave like callous jerks in front of him, even in this terrible situation that required them to be welded? he thought angrily as he tried to avert Jin's gaze from his group.

     "No, it's not true," he wanted to reassure him, glancing helplessly at Eunkwang because he knew that he wasn't the one who would manage to convince Jin that his dongsaengs didn't hate him. But the BtoB leader himself was clutching the urn, gazing down at the ground, in tears at Jin's distress and couldn't help him, as his compassion was destroying him. "You are not responsible for what is happening, remember? They have no reason to hate you."

     "But I hate myself," Jin breathed in an almost inaudible whisper, before adding, more softly, "If I die now, there will only be six of them, will they escape the Games? Will I be forgiven?"

     "Wow, wow, wow! Have you lost your mind?! Do not say that !" Shownu cried ,whose voice was finally audible to all.

   "What's going on Mr. Son?" a voice next to them suddenly asked.

     Mr Kim. Jin and Shownu had completely forgotten its existence, dejected as they were. Seeing him so close to them was almost a shock and Jin didn't want to appear so weak in front of this man who represented North Korea, his nightmare, and who wanted to prove that his nation was more powerful than the other.

     "I beg your pardon?" Shownu asked, stalling for time for Jin to calm down and straighten up to present a more dignified attitude in front of the still rolling camera.

     "Would Mr. Kim Seokjin question the decision of the ballot box?" the man asked slyly.

     "What? No!" 

      It was Shownu who had just shouted that, indignant, as he was still supported a Jin unable to respond to the man's accusations. But then, he realized that the North Korean must have heard him talk about dying to prevent the games from taking part.

     "However, I have the impression that he refuses to let anyone participate."

     "You misunderstood, I assure you," Shownu contradicted him tensely, as Jin, speechless, concentrated on his breathing. He realized that while he hated this man and what he stood for with all his heart, the man undoubtedly hated him even more.

     Mr. Kim smiled, glad to see Shownu losing his temper at his provocations.

     "Mr. Son, as you and me are here to negotiate peace agreements between our two countries in the most courteous way possible, I'm going to give you an opportunity to change your friend's fate. Would you like to volunteer for the Games, and thus save your friend and his group? I leave that choice to you."

     In Shownu's arms, Jin felt his heartbeat quicken again as if under the effect of the excitement produced by these words. Was he really giving them that chance? Hope then crept feverishly into his mind, the hope of getting out of it. 

     He looked up at the North Korean who was smiling but that didn't reassure Jin as it came from his enemy who had shown nothing but coldness so far. He needed to get confirmation from Shownu, He needed his reassuring smile.

     Turning to his friend who always supported him, however, Jin felt his hopes suddenly shattered. 

     Because Shownu's gaze, previously so determined when he explained to him that his group was ready to fight if he was chosen, had become shifty, turned towards his group which he looked at with a worried air.

    "Sh- Shownu?" he called in an uncertain voice.

     Shownu's gaze finally stopped escaping and fell back on Jin's, filled with newfound determination. He let go of him and moved away from him a little to face him.

     "Jin, I can't volunteer, I'm sorry."

     His words hit Jin like a punch. Shownu refused to save him.

     "But... But you were saying..." Jin insisted tearfully.

      "I know what I said," Shownu cut him off, more curtly than he would have liked, "but I am their leader and I have a duty to protect them to the best of my ability. If I can save them from this ordeal, I will do so without hesitation, you know you would do the same if our situations were reversed."

      Jin couldn't help but feel a deep sense of betrayal and abandonment. During the year they had spent together, even though they were the same age, Jin had always felt younger because Shownu, in his identity as a leader, was both protective of him and decisive. 

     He had thus perceived in Shownu as much a dear friend as a real hyung for him, even if he would never have confessed to him. But despite everything, he had given him all his trust and had always followed him. And today, seeing him choose his dongsaengs, Jin regretted a time when it was him that Shownu would have protected no matter what.

     "Please," he whispered in a last desperate attempt.

     "Jin, you are the eldest of BTS, please understand me. Believe me, if I could, I'd gladly trade my place for yours, but I won't volunteer if it means sending all my dongsaengs to the DMZ in the face of great danger."

     "So, is that why you wanted to save me from dying at the DMZ?" Jin asked resentfully. "Just so your group won't be sent instead of mine? So that my group is the one who suffers?"

     Stunned, Shownu froze, unable to respond immediately, because Jin's words was unfair but he couldn't deny that it hadn't crossed his mind for half a second, and he blamed himself terribly for having had this odious thought. He wanted to deny, because his friendship with Jin seemed more fragile than ever. 

     However, before he could argue any further, Mr. Kim sarcastically asked:

     "That's your last word, isn't it, Mr. Son? You won't volunteer?"

     This is my chance to correct my mistake, Shownu thought. I have to volunteer! But he made the mistake of turning to his group. His bandmates stared at him, apprehension glow in their eyes. That glow was what guided his lips against his will:

     "That's my last word," he stammered, instantly regretting it.

     And it was like a last stab in the already aching betrayed heart of Jin who understood that nothing would save him anymore. Nothing.

     "I see. It is now understood and irreversible." The Northman said before adding slyly, looking at the two boys with the same smile as before: "that's how critical situations reveal the authenticity of friendships, isn't it?"

     Jin realized then that it was a mocking smile: he had mocked them with this proposal knowing where it would lead them.

       Shownu for his part felt terribly ashamed. From the start, the North Korean hadn't sought to offer Jin the chance to be saved. He knew what the answer would be from Shownu, from someone who was offered to take this terrible place of sacrifice. 

      The only thing he had wanted to do was lead Shownu to unequivocally deny the chance to save Jin and thus betray him. He had only instilled hope in Jin to further plunge him back into despair and make him even more emotionally fragile.

     And Shownu let that happen, he didn't take this opportunity to save Jin. Ultimately, he had just proven to all of Korea that even if he was able to protect his young members, his friendship was worthless. He had just betrayed his friend and maybe also given the impression that he was a coward.

     "Jin, please, forgive me," Shownu begged, reaching for his hand.

     But Jin took several steps back briskly, both from Mr. Kim and Shownu whom he was looking at with a hurt look which was unsustainable for Shownu.

     Unable to speak to him, just as he was unable to movetowards his members to reassure them because he was afraid that they would refuse his presence at their side, Jin fled, far from the cameras, far from the eye of Pyongyang, far of his betrayed friends, far from the friend who had betrayed him.