Chapter 45 : Meet me in my room

A/N : After a long time without writing, I suddenly wanted to write again. 

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The next day which marked the start of the weekend, Seokjin woke up early but Taehyung had already left. Remembering everything that had happened between them the day before, Seokjin began to cry silently and didn't stop until his eyes were welled up.

Then he found himself helpless. Usually, he loved Saturdays. He would eat a hearty breakfast with Taehyung and Jimin in the canteen, later than the rest of the week, then the three would spend the morning together, doing homework or having fun. And in the afternoon he had often a football match with Seung and Jungkook where Taehyung and Jimin came to support him, either at Eunma or in another high school. Sometimes in the evening, Taehyung would practice the violin in the music room and Seokjin would come and listen to him as his only allowed spectator and appreciate the beauty of his music.

This Saturday however, Seokjin had no desire to get out of bed. He wouldn't eat in the canteen with Taehyung and Jimin, or spend the morning with them, so what's the point of getting up? He knew he could eat with Seung and Jungkook and he wasn't worried about being alone but he didn't want to give Taehyung more reasons to be mad at him.

Several hours after he woke up, well after Yoongi had left who had left him pretending to sleep without trying to wake him up to find out how he was and who had probably gone to eat and go about his mysterious activities, Seokjin got up.

He took a shower and then, instead of going out, spent the morning sitting at his desk doing his homework alone. He ignored messages from Jungkook who suggested that he join him at the library to study and then who urged him to respond when the Jeon heir realized that Seokjin was ignoring him despite their pact.

At lunchtime, hungry, Seokjin sighed and resolved to abandon his work. He splashed his face with cold water which finally deflated it and gave him a presentable appearance again. He then went to the canteen, trying to be discreet and looking at the crowd of students, he didn't see Jimin but saw Taehyung eating alone.

Saddened by this vision, he was going to join him to try to talk again and reconcile, thinking that it was impossible for their friendship to be broken forever but Jungkook and Seung intercepted him so that he would eat with them.  Then, he resolved to take his eyes off Taehyung to sit at their table, ultimately judging that it was probably the best solution to prevent Taehyung from making an angry scene in front of everyone if he hadn't calmed down enough since the day before.

And all in all, he preferred the company of people who didn't hold grudges against him and could comfort him.

"I heard you had a fight with Taehyung," Jungkook informed him, glancing briefly at his cousin, away from them. He had already told Seung that, Seokjin realized. He also learned that Jungkook had had a brutal altercation that morning with Taehyung in their room and that was what allowed him to learn about it.

Seokjin nodded slowly. He was grateful that Jungkook didn't seem openly happy about this situation, despite his animosity towards Taehyung. Seung put an arm around his shoulders to comfort him.

"It's best that you don't stay too close to him if he's angry with you," he advised, knowing that Seokjin wanted to reconcile with Taehyung, "who knows what he could do to you, he can lose his temper when he's angry, you know it as well as me."

"But he didn't do anything to me, it was me who hurt him," Seokjin whispered, fighting back tears, thinking that he was the one responsible for Taehyung's anger and that he shouldn't do it pass for the villain of the story to those who hated him unconditionally. He himself was not a victim, he had hurt his friends. His two best friends.

He added nothing else and began to eat, imitated by the other two. Seokjin's silence seemed to drag on, respected by Seung and Jungkook.

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Seung finally suggested to Seokjin. He knew that Seokjin didn't like heavy silences and always made sure to liven up their conversations. His silence showed how distraught he was and he certainly needed to get out what he was feeling.

"Jimin and Tae don't talk to me anymore because I hurt them," Seokjin said in a small voice.

"Jin, right now you're the one who looks hurt," Seung pointed out and Jungkook nodded with a frown but didn't say anything more.

"No, please don't act like I'm the good guy and they're the bad guys! Please listen to me until the end," Seokjin retorted in a louder voice, "I I wanted to help Jimin at all costs and I invaded his private life despite his warnings so he is mad at me. I should never have gone against his wishes, I thought I was doing something right and I didn't notice it was wrong. As for Taehyung, he found out that I told Jimin a secret and kept it from him and then he realized that I wasn't a trustworthy friend and that I was hiding things from him when he never hides anything from me.

I tried to protect them because they're my friends but by doing that, I hurt them, and now I don't know how to fix things," Seokjin continued, his throat tight, "because even though I want everything to go back to the way it was before, I won't be able to stop worrying about Jimin and I still won't be able to tell Taehyung what I'm hiding from him."

Jungkook and Seung exchanged a look.

"I can't say anything more," Seokjin said quickly, catching their gaze, realizing that they were perplexed about his secret. "Even to you."

"I think I understand what you are going through," Jungkook said, who had a hard time understanding how someone could get into such a state for that, especially for his cousin and his sidekick but who knew Seokjin well by now. "But listen Jin: even though you can't say anything, you're honest, you're not a liar, that sets you apart from Taehyung. So, I think you deserve to know that Taehyung is a hypocrite because he also hides things from you but makes you believe otherwise."

Seokjin shook his head.

"No, you're wrong," he stated forcefully, "you still don't understand what kind of person Taehyung is with me."

Jungkook, who knew full well what Taehyung was hiding from Seokjin but couldn't reveal it, didn't add anything else and only sighed.

"From my point of view," Seung said, taking over, "you didn't have any bad intentions towards either of them so if you ever tried to discuss it with them and state your point of sight but they didn't want to hear anything, it's because they don't deserve you to care about them, period."

"Yeah, those kind of guys don't deserve you," Jungkook agreed, "you better stay away from them from now on, you'll be less unhappy if you don't have to worry about Taehyung's tantrums and Jimin's fighting tendencies."

That was what Yoongi thought too, Seokjin knew without having to ask his opinion. However, this hardly helped him get better. He thought he shouldn't have expected advice from two people who didn't like Taehyung or Jimin like Seung and Jungkook, or who just didn't like the rest of humanity like Yoongi. 

Seung seemed to really want him to move away from the two boys he thought were bad for him because of their shared past, but Seokjin couldn't bring himself to do so. He didn't want to abandon his friends after all the way he had come with them and knew that what would make him more unhappy was being away from them and not the other way around.

He thought it would be good for him to go with Seung and Jungkook to play an inter high school championship match with their team at another high school. Indeed, football always managed to make him find his smile and his positivity.

Nevertheless, he was so unfocused that he made lots of technical errors and, for the first time, his coach took him off the field, angry at his poor performance while Heungmin, his captain, looked very disappointed in him. 

Deeply upset about this, Seokjin spent the rest of the match on the bench with a deeply saddened look and watched Jungkook lead the attack without him. He felt incapable: incapable of playing correctly to help his team win, incapable of being a good friend.

When he returned to Eunma that evening, he felt miserable. Then, after his dinner and his shower which lasted so long that he had to remember at one point everything he had been taught about wasting water to finally agree to turn off the tap, he went crashing into his bed on his back and remained like that for a long time, without moving, staring at the white ceiling which reflected his tormented thoughts.

After long hours of silent debate with himself, he sent a message to Hoseok that he had saved in his phone under his pseudonym "Hobi":

Hi Hobi!

Is Jimin in your room?

He only waited a few seconds for Hoseok's response:

Hi Sweetie Pie.

I almost thought you would never ask me.

Yes, he is here.

But he didn't come out all day.

Really ?! Seokjin worried.

Yes, he didn't even leave his bed.

Worried, Seokjin thought that it was their argument yesterday that had put him in this state, just like himself who had felt bad all day because of it.

Can you tell him I'm sorry?

I shouldn't have interfered in his affairs, it's my fault if he got angry and said things that were beyond his meaning.

I can but I'm not sure that's what will help him get better.

What do you mean ? Seokjin wrote, perplexed.

I can't tell you.

Unless you accept my proposal yesterday.

Seokjin frowned. Yesterday's proposal? Did that mean Hoseok wanted to trade one of his secrets for Jimin's? Even though that was what had ignited things between him and Jimin?

I refuse, he declared firmly.

Jimin doesn't want to tell me and he got angry when he learned that I wanted to know.

Besides, it wasn't nice of you to tell him.

I thought you didn't like hiding things from your friends?

Ashamed, Seokjin realized that this was the exact reason why Taehyung was angry with him and he thought that maybe Hoseok was in the wrong.

Jimin is really down today and not because of his argument with you.

It is becoming urgent.

The only way you can help him is if you know what's happening to him.

What is happening to him?! Tell me please ! Seokjin asked quickly, even more worried than before.

I'll only tell you if you accept my deal, Hoseok reminded him, firm in his position.

Seokjin bit his lip nervously. What should he do? Jimin didn't want him to know what was happening to him but if it was really bad he had to find out. But he was afraid of revealing a secret to Hoseok because of what Yoongi told him. Could it be so dangerous for him?

He had to try contacting Jimin again before he was sure he had no other choice.

Hey Jimin.

Are you OK?

Can we talk?

But instead of receiving a message from Jimin in response, he received a message from Hoseok again.

I told you Jimin wasn't doing well, don't you believe me?

If he knew he had sent a message to Jimin, it was because he was in the room with him. Seokjin wanted to rush to their room but he didn't know if they would let him in. And since Jimin wasn't answering his phone while he was in bed, it was probably because he didn't intend to talk with him right now.

If you don't want to deal with me, no problem.

I won't force you.

But I won't propose to you again after today.

This is my last offer.

Afterwards, I will let Jimin deal with his problems himself.

WAIT! Seokjin wrote hurriedly.

Yes?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you!

I'm not offended. I understand your doubts. 

After all, your friends told you to be wary of me, you're just follow their advice.

I'm sorry, It's not that I lack confidence in you. I just wanted to make sure I made the right decision.

Now I am.

You are ? 

Yes, I accept your proposal.

Are you sure?

Yes!

Whatever happens, will you take responsibility? Because I won't.

Seokjin made Hoseok wait a few minutes before answering:

Yes, I will take responsibility for it.

Perfect.

What secret do you want to share with me?

Seokjin thinks quickly, searching for information about himself that might be of interest to Hoseok. He wrote :

My mom works for Tae's family as a maid. Is that enough of a secret?

It was the secret that had earned him to become victim of harassment at school. 

I already know Sweetie Pie, almost everyone know it at school.

Upset, Seokjin wrote:

I have asthma, did you know that?

Yes, I know that too.

How? 

The guys from your  football team talk a lot during meals.

Come on ! Tell me something the other guys at school don't know.

Something you never told others.

Something you were told never to say.

Seokjin started to think that it was a very bad idea to want to trust Hoseok.

Are you going to use it against me?

Look who lacks confidence in me now," Hoseok quipped.

We'll see what I do with this information.

Maybe nothing.

I don't do anything with most of the secrets I collect if that makes you feel better.

I just like being the one who knows the most about others.

It makes me the most powerful.

And that allows me to not be the weakest despite my family's position.

You know how you can feel crushed by the richest, right?

We're on the same team, I'm not your enemy.

So no need to be afraid.

Half reassured, Seokjin was about to resume his search for a secret that he could possibly reveal when Hoseok, impatient, decided to speed things up:

Kim is Namjoon and Taehyung's last name, not yours right?

That's right, Seokjin agreed, who had forgotten that the other students ignored him.

He even wondered how Hoseok could have noticed this detail when Kim was a very common name in Korea. He must really be very intelligent.

But if you were asked to change your last name, it's because your original name was problematic for the Kim family.

Seokjin was impressed by Hoseok's discernment.

It piques my curiosity

This is the secret I want to know:

What is your last name ? 

That's all you want to know? Seokjin was surprised, reassured to get away with it so easily.

Yes, that's all ^.^

Well, my name is Murakami, like my grandfather and my mother.

Seokjin Murakami?

Are you Japanese?

I am, but only of origins, because I was born in Korea.

Mr. Kim didn't want people to know that I was of Japanese origin, I don't know why it makes him so ashamed, so he made me take the name Kim, explained Seokjin, who thought he had to explain why for Hoseok to be satisfied with this information.

Wooow, that's an interesting secret.

You think ? Seokjin asked skeptically.

Oh yes! Hoseok agreed, satisfied.

You've earned the right to know Jimin's secret.

REALLY?!

Yes, but not by phone.

Meet me in my room.

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