(TRIGGER WARNING!! If you are easily triggered by self-harm and other things like that, then you can skip the chapter! I won't mind.)

I looked outside of the bathroom, glancing in all directions. It did not seem like anyone was there. I took a deep breath of relief. No one will know, no one will see what I was going to do. That is good. No one can stop me this time, not even my Duel Monster friends. They were back in my room, probably anxiously waiting for my return. Who knows if I will come back to them, the same as I was before everything went downhill. I closed the bathroom door and locked it, pale and numb from all of my feelings. I did not want this feeling to reach them, to anyone that I love and care for.

I stepped back from the door and turned towards the closed knife on the sink table. That knife was my only escape now. I have done it a few times already, covering up any noticeable scars to not let anyone see them. What a weird feeling, to be hiding this secret from everyone, and I am the one that wants to reach the souls of others through my music and dueling. Heh, guess I cannot do it honestly now.

Grabbing the knife, I opened it up and touched its sharp blade. I sharpened it up during auto shop class, so I am sure that my teacher would want me to use it for productive purposes. I do not think that he knows that I will be using it to make cuts on myself. No one should know, anyway. The reasons why I would do something like this, a so-called innocent girl with special powers, are too long. After Oliver died, I do not think I mentally recovered. My thoughts of regret hung around in my mind once in a while, and whenever I think of music, I would think only of him. It took me some time before playing my violin again just because of that. Until that time came, I focused more on my dueling, reaching people through the card plays that I would make. I have not stopped that yet, which I find useful, and I have a good winning streak. The streak made me the second best in Yuina, only lower than my brother who was proclaimed to be the Duel Monsters King of Yuina through the tournaments. Since I was second best, I was the Duel Monsters Princess. Many people have been waiting for a match between my brother and me, to see if I could win the title as the best, but so many things have been happening that life has been too much of a mess to deal with one duel.

First, there was the Three-Week War, which monsters starting roaming around the city from the Shadow Realm! I had no idea where they were coming from, but we had to fight for our very lives. If we lost even one duel, we would lose our souls. Luckily, we managed to get some of the souls back but not all of them. Then after that was high school. I took my parents' suggestion in transferring schools, and at first, everything was okay. The students were helpful to me, and I was doing well in my studies.

Then they found out I was a sorceress. They started to alienate and discriminate me during the school day, especially the girls in my class. I did not understand why they hated me so much, but I can assume that it was because I was different. I was different, and no one at the school liked it. Each day of going to the school was stressful, but I kept pushing forward. I tried the best I could to ignore them, and I even tried to defend myself when they began to beat me up. But their words began to scar me, and I started to believe them. I was not worthy to walk among them like an average person, and I could find no way to change that. So, one day, I tried to overdose on some medication I saw in the medicine cabinets. That did not work because I was caught quickly by James, who told me what was going on and I began weeping bitterly. I gushed out everything to him, and I immediately transferred high schools and started going to a counselor. I even went to my doctor and a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with depression and gave me medication to take. To be honest, I do not consider that medication. I am not an average person, so who knew if those drugs would actually work on me.

As soon as I transferred, I thought that my troubles would be over. It was not my new high school that most of my friends from elementary and middle school went to, that was the issue. Well, maybe there were a few students who questioned my abilities, but it was another school close by that gave me troubles. The school nearby were just as critical as my old high school, and they found out that magicians go to the school. So, those students would do their best to make life miserable to me, because everyone knew that I was born of magic. My friends and family are trying to get the other high school not to do hurt me, but they do not seem to listen. It was just one issue after another.

Now I am resorting to cutting. It is the only way to get some relief from the pain, while not getting seriously injured to the brink of death. No one knows, and I like it to stay that way. I rolled up my pants up to my knees, and I saw all the other scars I obtained from doing this. I could have gotten rid of them. My magic can heal injuries up to the point where there will not be any noticeable scars. But I left mine there, to remind me that I was different and not many people appreciate it. Their words were just like those scars, except they cut deeper than any injury I made on myself. I took the knife and cut myself a little lower than my knee. The cut began to bleed, but I felt no pain. My heart and feelings were numb and pale, I could not feel the usual pain. Normal...I am not normal, nor am I going to be normal enough to make others happy. I cannot make them happy, then why am I still around? These were the common thoughts I had whenever I would start cutting. Surprisingly, I did not think of taking my own life, at least not yet. If I get pushed too far, then...then...

I just kept cutting, ignoring that gloomy thought. That was until I heard a faint voice ringing in my ear.

"Mistress?" My eyes widened in terror, and I looked around frantically. There was no one in the bathroom with me.

"Was that one of my Duel Monsters?" I thought to myself, putting down the knife. "But it could not be!"

"Oh yes, it can be, Mistress." I shrieked at that voice. Now I knew who it was.

"N-Neo?" I said softly. "Where are you?"

"In your bedroom," he said, communicating through my minds. "I can read your mind, remember?"

"R-Right, I forgot about that. Do you need me right now?"

"No. But do you need us?" When he said 'us', I thought of all of the Duel Monsters that I had. Were they worried about me, since I intentionally put them in my bedroom while I went somewhere else? I have done it a few times when I cut or not, but they may have noticed that something was wrong. Still, I did not want them to know what I have been doing.

"Not right now," I said in my thoughts. "I am okay."

"Are you sure?" Neo said telepathically. "Northwemko is getting very concerned. She has noticed that you leave us here in the bedroom a lot, more than usual. Even when you would go to school, you would leave us here."

"It was an accident!"

"You have done it more than once. I do not think it is an accident."

"W-Well, maybe I have my reasons, but it does not concern you guys. I do not want you to get hurt."

"Hurt? From what?"

"You know what!" I groaned softly and collapsed to the bathroom floor. "You know what you will get hurt from. All of those people that have called me out as being strange and odd, and those that just say nothing and watch. I am sure that they judge me too. I do not want this pain for you. It is bad enough that it happens to me. I do not want that to happen to you too!" There was a brief silence before Neo spoke in her thoughts again.

"Mistress Lizzy, you know that we all care for you and you being different only makes you unique. It has been difficult for you these past two years, and these are not the happiest of circumstances. But I can assure you that things will get better."

"How do you know that?" I asked mentally, starting to sniffle a bit.

"I do not. Northwemko just told me to say that to you." I laughed, the sad tears beginning to flow a little. He's a good Duel Monster, but the fact that he had to be told by Northwemko to do this was pretty funny to me. "But what I do know is that if you need any help, you should talk to any of your friends that can get you through this."

"But you're my friends too!"

"Yes. However, we cannot help. We are just spirits that stay within our cards. We have already passed on in real life, but you have not yet. I hope that you do not though." I sniffled a little.

"Thank you, Neo," I said telepathically, with a small smile. "I really appreciate that."

"You are welcome, Mistress," Neo replied in her mind. "Now, you should be more concerned about that bathroom door you are in."

"Why?"

"I am not sure, but your Luxio companion has been patiently waiting for you just outside of the door." I gasped softly. Star has been waiting for me? I stood up and went to the bathroom door, opening it slowly and peeking to the outside world. Neo was right. My little Star was in front of the door, and the Pokémon jumped to its feet.

"Luxio!" she cried, smiling and waving its tail happily.

"Hi, Star!" I said in a happy tone. "Have you been waiting for me so that we can play?" Star nodded, still smiling. "Okay, don't you worry! I will be out of here as soon as I can." Star nodded again but then looked down a little bit, and her eyes widened in shock, or maybe it was horror. I tilted my head, curious as to why my little friend had that face. But I realized something. The door was more open than what I wanted it to be, and I looked down at myself and saw that my cut leg was exposed, still very bloody. My face went pale. This was not something that I wanted Star to see. "S-Star, do not worry about it!" I exclaimed, trying to cover up my bloody leg. "I am fine!"

"Luxio!" Star yelled in worry, going up to my bloody leg.

"Star, I will be fine. It is not what it looks like. I will be just fine." The Pokémon kept coming towards me, and I was worried that she would start licking my wound. I did not know if human blood and Pokémon blood are compatible together. "Little buddy, I do not know if that is a good idea to lick me right now." I backed away into the bathroom, and Star kept following me in. I gulped, hoping that Star does not see the knife.

"Luxio?" she asked, tilting her head.

"No, I have not been on a mission recently. It is just that..." Oh no, how was I going to explain this? How can I tell the one that I have raised ever since she was a Shinx that her human companion was cutting herself? Perhaps I could use the only excuse I could come up with as a girl. "I cut my leg while shaving! Y-Yeah, I am just trying to clean myself up now." However, Star looked at me with a straight face. I do not think that she believed my story. Well, it was a good try. "You do not think I was just shaving, huh?" I said, kneeling down in front of my Luxio. "I have to admit, I trained you well. I did not want you to see this, little one. This is more of an...adult thing. A lot of things have happened, and I do not know if I can handle all the pressure and pain. So, I have been unleashing it on myself." I grabbed the knife from the bathroom counter. It still had blood in it, so I was sure that Star could make the connection. "I am sorry that I was not honest with you, or my other friends. You would all be so concerned." Star looked at the knife and then at me and my bloody leg. She did this a few times and then glanced at my face with a look of concern.

"L-Luxio?" she asked sadly.

"Unfortunately, yes. This injury was on purpose. But I did not want you to-" I could not finish my sentence because my little friend began to cry. My eyes widened as I exclaimed, "No, no, no, don't cry! I-I will not do this again...at least for today. It is hard to resist when times are tough. But do not cry!" I tried my best to comfort Star, but she kept crying and crying. After trying to speak comforting words to her, I hugged the little one tight. Luckily, my wound was not bleeding anymore, so I did not get any blood on Star. "Oh, do not worry about me," I comforted, still hugging her. "I-I will try to be okay."

"Luxio!"

"I know I am still hurting, but things will get better. I am sure of it." Actually, I was merely quoting Neo. I had no idea if things were going to get better for me. Still, Star could not stop crying, and it was bringing me to tears too. "Don't cry, don't cry! If you do, y-you will make m-me cry." Then my tears flowed uncontrollably, and we both cried together on the bathroom floor.

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That memory dream...did I really used to do that? If this were at the start of all these dreams that I have been having, then I would be in total shock that I would do this. But since I have had the previous two or so dreams, I am not surprised that this would happen. So, let me get this straight. I tried to overdose myself on drugs and cut myself because of a series of events that occurred in the past two years, at that time I guess. I did I manage to play music and to duel? How did I put up a lie that I was okay when in reality, life itself tainted my innocent soul?

I guess times were tougher than I imagined. I am glad that I only got a little memory of that, instead of having to live through that entire experience again. I think it would be too much for me to have to relive again.

Lizzy sighed to herself and looked at her journal, tapping the pencil to her chin. She then began to write again.

Now that I am thinking about it, sometimes I wish that I did not have to remember everything. Perhaps a few memories here and there would do the trick, then I can just live my life without no worries. But do I really need to remember all the hard times that I faced, all those tragic moments that almost took my life? What's the point in retaining all of this? Is it torment me all over again, or is there going to be a brighter side to this picture? I do not know at this point. Maybe I never will know. However, what I have heard recently from going to school is that there is always a reason why things happen to us. So, is there a reason why all of this stuff happens to me, a reason why tragedy happens to everyone?

Lizzy chuckled to herself as she wrote that last sentence. "Seems like I am thinking about this stuff a bit too much," she said to herself. Suddenly, one of the Pokéballs on her desk busted open and out came a black and blue furry creature, with yellow-red eyes. It was Star, but now she was a grown Luxray. There were three evolutions to this Pokémon. First, there was the happy, little Shinx. Second, there was the happy but tough-looking Luxio. Then third, there was the loyal and tough Luxray. The girl smiled at her Pokémon friend. "Hey, Star!"

"Luxraaaaaay!"

"I am not doing too much, just writing in my journal. It helps me remember the memory dreams that I have been having. Want to see what I have been writing in the book?" Star nodded a little and jumped up on Lizzy's bed, laying down on it and staring at the half-written page in front of me.

"Luxray?" Star asked, nuzzling my arm.

"Well, this entry is about a time that-" Lizzy stopped herself. Was it okay for Star to remember that time when she was just a Luxio? The girl took a deep breath and sighed. "Star might as well know," she thought. "I do not want to lie to someone that is this close to me personally." Lizzy turned to Star and asked, "Do you remember that one time when you found me in the bathroom with that knife?" Star looked up at her companion and nodded sadly, visibly distressed by that memory. Lizzy frowned and continued, "Now, you do not have to worry about me doing that again. I just had a dream about it, a memory dream. When I lost all of my memories, I started to have these dreams. It is nice to remember, but at the same time, there are things that I would gladly forget. I was just wondering why this is happening. That's all."

"Luxray..."

"I know that you hated that experience. Hopefully, I have moved on from it after that day. There are still a few things that I am not sure of."

"Luxray."

"Yusei? Who is Yusei? I do not remember a person with that name, at least not yet." Star's eyes widen a little, and she looked immediately at Lizzy's journal page, almost as if she ruined a big surprise. Lizzy laughed and petted Star's head. "Don't worry, my little Star. It's not like it's a major spoiler or something. I will learn of this person in time. But whoever this is going to be has a really cool name!" Star looked at her and smiled, licking her cheek. "Hehe, you are still as adorable as the day I found you. Now let us see if I can finish this entry. After that, maybe we can play something! What do you think about that?"

"Luxray!" Star cried happily with the biggest grin on her face. That grin answered Lizzy's question without Star having to say a word.

"Ok!" Lizzy replied, petting Star's head again. Star nuzzled her human companion again, leaning her head on Lizzy's shoulder. The girl smiled softly and began to write again.

The dream that I had this time involved my little Star and a confrontation in the bathroom. Well, I do not think it was necessarily a confrontation. It felt more like a few questions, honesty, and a lot of crying. So, I guess it can be like a confession? Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that it happened, I was struggling to survive through the darkness that I had to pushed into. But you know what: who cares now? That is behind me. I cannot push forward if I just stare at the past. I need to keep moving, to something better than this! If that is what this entire experience is teaching me, then so be it!

That's the end of the chapter! If you like it, put down a vote and I'll see you on the next chapter of Sentimental Memories! :)