On my way home, I rode the Vespa by the empty highway that had a view of the mountainous city. It felt weird that I wouldn't be using it to pick Topher up from the train station, and the fact that his parents were not in town, made it even more crushing.

Not long after, I reached our... my house, and it just hit me that I had to continue with my life without him. Our home is small, but it feels so big for me now.

How do you move on from this?

In my mind, I knew I had to keep moving forward.

Ever since that incident, it was ironically called The Train Wreck. It was the most traumatic day. You know, a lot of people survived and sustained major injuries, but only the unlucky few like Topher, did not make it.

Two more weeks turned into a month, and I still could not function. Before, when I was alone in my home, it was because Topher was traveling, and we would text, call, and video chat.

Now, I had to deal with the idea that he was not coming back and that I didn't have to wait for him to reach me through the phone.

Back then, I would check my phone to see if Topher messaged me. Now, throughout my grieving moments, my phone buzzed from the messages and calls from my Mom, Alden, my grandparents, Topher's parents, and my friends here in Barcon, including my friends from high school, asking me how I was doing.

All I could say was that I was okay. I was like a broken record every time I had to answer.

Of course, I was not okay. I just didn't want them to worry too much. I was definitely not okay.

I didn't even want to get out of the house as well because I didn't want to hear more condolences to remind me that my fiance was gone. Good thing some groceries could be delivered to your doorstep and, of course, take-outs.

All I wore were loose old shirts and lounge shorts all day. I only had to change clothes once a week.

I usually clean the place up, but that time, it became a pig sty. Topher liked things neat and organized. However, since he was gone, I did not see the point of tidying anymore, and also, I was not in the mood to do it either.

Not only that, our dream garden became a nightmare because I hadn't watered them for ages. Don't get me wrong, because I'd rather want it that way. It would just make me remember planting the seeds and picking the vegetables with him.

Yup, it was hell.

The kitchen. Topher loved to cook. Aside from taking pictures of the countries he traveled to, he was interested in eating their traditional food and would try to make it whenever he was home. One time, he made a curry that he tried in Thailand, and he was very excited for me to try it. I remember being so spicy at first that it made my face all red.

Our living room. The place where we always cuddled around the fireplace and watched Netflix, and there were times that we slept there. We didn't just cuddle and watch movies if you know what I mean. Plus, it was the last thing we had together.

Our bed loft. One of my favorite things to do was to sleep next to him, and when one of us could not sleep, we would just talk until we dozed off. I remember getting annoyed with his snores, and he talked when he slept. But now, I will miss it forever.

Everything in our home made me think of Topher. The souvenirs he bought were placed everywhere. The pictures we took were framed on the wall.

All these memories in my home were exhausting. I gave myself a kick in the butt and just told myself that enough was enough. I forced myself to get up from the bed. Every day was just so hard to pull myself up, and I needed to get back to work anyway. I have employees, but that doesn't mean the owner should keep moping around.

It was morning, and I had to get ready and look my best in front of those clients. Looking at the mirror while I applied makeup, I did not even recognize this woman before me. My face looked like it withered, my eyes were puffy, I lost my color, and my hair was in dire need of a salon. However, it did not matter because I did not feel like it at that time.

After that, I searched for something to wear in the closet. How ironic, since it was raining. I needed warm and comfortable clothing. Jackets after jackets, there was this one blue jean jacket that I love wearing until now. It was my favorite because it was Topher's. Some of his clothes were still there, and I remember thinking if I should pack them away.

No, I didn't want to let them go just yet, even my wedding dress.

Anyway, I was all dressed up for work, grabbed my camera, and then got on the scooter.

On my way to my photo studio, I remember feeling odd because I was like a vampire being exposed to the outside world. Nothing changed in this town, yet I feel like a new person moving to Barcon. I guess being inside the house had that effect, and it could happen to anyone.

I arrived in my photo studio, and there were cars from the other photographers, and the clients parked outside. I was gone for almost a month, but it felt like a year.

Once I got inside, I could hear that everyone had started working already. "Pepsi, hey," Mavy, our secretary, greeted me with this sympathetic tone. She's in charge of bookings, phone calls and all that. She also does photography as well, especially while I was gone.

"Hey, Mav, how's everything here?" I asked her since I did not even bother checking in.

"Great, we've been having clients after clients."

"That's good to hear."

"By the way, how are you?" she asked. "Are you sure that you're okay going back to work?"

"I will be," I told her. "I'm just tired of being at home being sad all day."

"I get it."

"So is there something I can do?"

"Hold on, let me check." Mavy turned to the computer and scanned some waiting lists. "Oh, we here it is. A new fashion designer needs a photoshoot for his line of suits this Wednesday. Maybe you're interested in taking this since Linus and Jo are fully booked this week."

"Sure, I'll take it. Thanks, Mav."

"Awesome, I will let him know right away. In the meantime, maybe you can help me edit some photos I took."

"Sure."

About hours of fixing some light effects on a photo, and adjusting some tones. I felt useful. The photoshoots were over, and the clients exited the rooms they booked. Two of them were our old classmates back in college, and they heard about the news about my lost fiance, so they said their condolences to me.

After that, my two photographers came out and saw me with Mavy. "Pepsi!" Jo exclaimed and hugged me because she was a hugger. She mostly takes prenuptial shoots for weddings, and Mavy would help her out sometimes to assist her in shooting on the wedding day.

"Welcome back, Boss," Linus said. Plus, he likes to call me that. Like me, he is a fashion photographer too, but his style is like fantasy, and goth meets fashion. Also, he only wears black.

"Hey, guys, nice to see you too," I said.

"So, does that mean you're back in action?" Jo asked.

"Yup," I said to them, and I could see them exchanging glances at each other with this concerned look on their faces.

"Well, just take it easy. Okay, Peps?"

"Guys, I'm gonna be fine." I understand their concerns and why they were walking on eggshells around me. "But thanks for looking out for me."

"We're here for you," Linus assured me.

Gotta love to have friends like these. I guess this was why I wanted to go to work. Even though the pain was still fresh, the thought of Topher being gone was not something I did not want to accept.

After some work was done. Designers logged out before leaving the studio and seeing me, then said their condolences, also asking me how I was doing. I replied with a resounding okay and a thank you.

I know they were being nice, but I am so tired of hearing it. It just kept reminding me that Topher was never coming back. However, I can't just say, 'Please stop with the condolences'. Can I?

It should not matter. I probably would've done the same.

I don't remember what happened, because the next thing I knew, Mav was speaking. "Are you really okay with everything?" she asked again while the other two had their eyes on me.

"Yes, I'm fine," I said. Damn, I hated saying that and convincing the people around me that I am. However at the end of the day, they are my friends, and they just want to check on me. That's it. "Besides, I can't be in my house and being sad forever."

"I get it," Jo responded.

"I can't stand being at home. Everything just reminds me of Topher. We bought it together, we bought everything together."

"Well, if it's hard for you to be in your house, why don't you just move back to your mother in the city?" Linus questioned.

"I don't want to leave Barcon," I scoffed.

"It's not forever, just for a week or two until you're okay."

"He's right, Pepsi, maybe a new surrounding would do you good," Mav added.

"Why don't I live here instead?" I joked and even let out a chuckle to make it more believable. "This was my grandparent's house anyway."

I could see them with this odd expression on their faces. "Stay? Here?" Linus stuttered. "This place is great and all, but it kinda gives me the creeps when I have to work with a client at night time."

"I'm kidding, though it's not a bad idea."

"Oh! I know, since you have a hard time being alone in your home, why don't you stay somewhere else? Like a hotel or an Airbnb?" Jo suggested.

That was not a bad idea. I remember considering it. "Maybe I should do that," I told him nodding my head.

"Oh! I have a classmate whose family owns this cute inn on the north side of Barcon. That's where my Dad stayed when he visited me last Christmas. He said that the rooms look great, the library is to die for, the area has hiking trails, and an awesome garden, the owner and staff are nice, and the food there is delicious. Also, he said they have games every Friday."

"What kind of games?" Linus questioned.

"He said that it's different every Friday, it could be Simon says, Uno, Monopoly."

"Sounds interesting," I replied. "What's the inn called anyway?"

Jo took out her phone to find the website. "The Loveday Inn," She answered, then showed it to me.

It was lovely. A three-story Tudor house with a gorgeous flower garden. Like my grandparents' home turned photo studio, it was one of the oldest ancestral homes in the city. From that, I was convinced to follow my friend's advice.

I remember I immediately booked a room when I got home. I entered my name and other of my personal details. When it got to the page where it was asking me how long I wanted to stay in the inn, it made me think.

So I looked around the house, and memories of my fiance came back in a snap. I returned my gaze to the screen and tapped on the calendar selection. The longest they allowed a guest to stay was three weeks.

Three weeks was not enough for me, but what choice do I have?

Also, it was not a vacation because I still had to go to work anyway.

Fine. A week of stay in an inn was better than going through a fresh wound of loss that would take a while and staying in a place that reminded you of that pain.

Looking back, maybe staying in my house did not seem so bad, or I should have moved in with my Mom. Why?

Because I wished I knew what happened next after I typed in my bank information to pay for my stay in the inn.