Ryuushi pov:

Damn it. My body feels heavy. I've finally reached... Home. Home...? Dark. Cold. Lonely. I've returned to where I came from. How I started. When I lost everything. I dragged my feet into the room. Underground. Life as a human like that... I thought I hated it already.

Kakashi... Warmth... No. You can't think of him again. Unknowingly tears started to fall. I dried it. Stupid.

Danzou came in " I heard everything. Good job and bad."

Ryuushi: too emotional?

Danzou: I'm glad you know. Tone that down.

Ryuushi: hai.

He left. I don't want to do it here. These people will know my weakness. I have a feeling I can't let them know. So I got out and found a place in the forest. No one should be able to find me here.

I applied some chakra to my spine where the nape of my neck is. I've cut all my nerves of pain so I wouldn't feel pain. Now I'm just healing them back. " ahhhhh!!!!!!" fuck. It hurts. I pant heavily. The damn backlash is hitting me now. I lay on the ground. Stupid.... I took out an antidote and jab at the wound where the snack bites.

My body was feeling lighter but still in pain. Pain I can bear. Guess I can't move for a while like that.

Just then I heard footsteps and bushes. Damn I can't move. Go away... Go away. Wow. Of all things... The person I did not want to see most. I look away.

Kakashi: ryuu ryuu?

I did not answer.

Kakashi: daijobu?

Ryuushi: why are you here?

Kakashi: I was going to train to keep my mind off.

Ryuushi: oh. Just leave.

He didn't. He just sat there " ryuu ryuu. What did I do, that made you unable to turn around? No... I know that. Is there anything I can do to make you turn around? "

Ryuushi: oh. Only now you're treating me like an adult. That's really convenient for you. Kakashi. Copy ninja.

Kakashi: gomenasai. Hontoni. Like I said, I have my reasons.

Ryuushi: urusei!!! I don't want to hear!! Nothing. I want to hear nothing!!! Go away!!!

Kakashi: I won't.

Ryuushi: urusei!! Go away!!!

Kakashi: you... You can't move can you?

Tsk. He realised.

Ryuushi: no its not true!!! I came here first!! So you leave!!!

He stood up and came near me. No... He carried me up like a child with his arm at my butt and me to his chest. " its true. You can't even get out. "

Ryuushi: don't you hate me? I killed that man.

He put his face near my ear " I can't bring myself to hate you ryuu ryuu. Aishteru. Suki. Daisuki. Its my fault. Everything. "

Damn it. Move. Body. Move. My heart... Its going to melt... Finally I have control over my body. And... I kissed his lips... Tears flowed... What in the world was I thinking? Stupid heart.

I kicked him immediately and stood opposite of him " don't ever look for me again. The next time, I'll poison your throat just like that. " alright. Just like that. Leave ryuushi. I flash step but something tugged my wrist. " Kakashi? "

" you're not going that easy. " what's with that angry eyes? He pulled me down and kissed my lips cupping my head. Don't enjoy it. Can't... That's not happening. Don't indulge. Damn...that's not happening. Push him away. Damn it... Body...

Kakashi: I'm the copy ninja. I have duties to konohagakure. I'm always busy and occupied. A girl like you. A lover like you... You're so precious I didn't want you to waste your time on me. If you were to hate me and leave me... I would have been fine with it. But... Not to danzou.

Baka. Stupid. I want to shout to his face. But no. I was happy that he told me that. Kakashi cares. I smiled " then live with the fact of your mistake. For the rest of your life. Copy ninja. Hatake kakashi. " it hurt him deep. I could tell. It was a genuine smile of happiness. But to him... It probably looked like I was mocking him. It hurts. Again. Hold it in baka.

I left.

Kakashi pov:

Tears were flowing. It hurts. She hated so me so much... She wants to see me in demise. Gomenasai. I hurt you that deep. I never knew something could hurt that much. Much more then when my father of my friends died.

I dried my tears. If that makes you happy. I'm fine with it.
_______________________________
Ryuushi pov:

Danzou: good job.

Ryuushi: arigato.

Danzou: I hope that's not just an act.

Ryuushi: try falling in love then act. I bet you'll hate yourself so much you despise yourself.

Danzou: then you need to cut it off.

Ryuushi: do I look horrible or suffering? Do I look like I despise myself? Don't be an idiot. Love. Feelings. Trust. I threw that away when my parents died. Danzou.

Danzou: don't blame me. Your mother was a threat. So was your father. Your mother was an anbu and a jounin you know.

Ryuushi: I don't trust anyone. I don't need love either. I joined only because... I want to take over you.

Danzou: hahaha... We'll see about that. You are a good actor.

Ryuushi: I'm not danzou. Trust me. Acting in front of my parents as if I didn't know they were going to be killed. That hasn't gone away for a long time.

Danzou: you were naive.

Ryuushi: and you're an idiot for taking me in.

Danzou: you think I'll let you close?

Ryuushi: doesn't matter. I'm in here. You will use me. If not there's no meaning at all.

Danzou: don't get full of yourself.

Of course it hurts. Of course I'm suffering. Of course I despise myself and hate myself. I'll never get Kakashi back again...