Lyle

"Are you alright, man?" Toby asked as we both cleared the weeds in the field.

"Of course." I chuckled and picked faster. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because your hand's trembling like crazy."

I didn't want to look to see if he was right. I really didn't. Unfortunately, my obedience got the best of me and my eyes peered down at my shaky hand. To fix that problem, I simply touched it with the other and smiled. "It's perfectly fine."

"Lyle, you know it's not."

I looked around to see if anyone was watching before coming closer and speaking to Toby in a hushed voice. "Of course it's not. I was just kept in a solitary cabin for five days."

"How'd it feel?"

"Awful." I confessed while trying my hardest not to break down or get choked up. I had to keep breathing before I could move forward. "Look, I survived. I survived all the torment and the teasing, everything they could throw my way. Somehow I managed to convince myself that my life mattered enough to live. Now this may have took some real convincing but I did it. I really wanted to live."

"Huh." Toby nodded while giving me this skeptical glare.

I simply stopped picking weeds and scoffed. "Did I say something funny?"

"No, it's just that... I don't believe you."

"Why? Is it because I'm not strong enough?"

"More like too strong."

"What?" I wrinkled my nose as Toby stepped closer.

"Listen man, I've known you for what? Three weeks now?"

"Two and a half."

"Close enough." Toby rolled his eyes. "Anyways, I know you ain't the type of guy that thinks he's Superman with this shit. Not unless you're so scared you'd do anything to make it seem like you're fine."

"Well I'm not suicidal."

"Today." Toby chuckled. "What about the other days?"

"What about them?"

"If it really is true what they say about the boys who go there, I'd assume you broke down too."

"Maybe," I said, quickly turning away and continuing to clear the field until I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Toby–"

"I was really worried about you."

"You shouldn't be."

"But I was." Toby tightened his grasp, prompting me to face him again. "Lyle, do you know how scary it was not knowing if you were gonna be okay?"

"Of course I do. I was there and I didn't know either."

"You didn't?"

"No!" My voice fell deep. My left hand hastily swiped his hand off my shoulder while I shook my head profusely. "I didn't know whether I'd live or I'd die. It wasn't that simple. It wasn't..."

My eyes stared off into the distance and the grey skies above. The words I wanted to say had dissolved as quickly as they materialized in my mind. I was left with nothing to say where eventually Toby decided to speak up.

"Lyle? You okay there? Lyle?"

Just as my mouth had opened up, I heard a whistle where I immediately told Toby. "We should go."

Toby kept his lips sealed, nodding his head in agreement before the two of us went down the dirty trail to meet with the others until Chad came by.

"So, we got another live one comin' in the next five minutes. If any of you wanna give him the quick tour, be my guest. Just don't be late for count."

"Yes sir." All of us responded together leading Chad to nod and exerting a stern smirk before he left.

Toby cringed and said, "Ugh. That guy is the worst."

"He sure is." I replied, faintly remembering what he had done to me. "I just hope this new guy doesn't get on his bad side."

"He probably will. Who knows?"

Toby and I waited around for another minute until I felt a warm, familiar presence beginning to engulf me. It was only then, my eyes widened upon hearing that golden voice.

"Holy shitbags..." He remarked.

"Johnny?" My jaw dropped. I turned to see him standing nearby.

"No way. It's really you!" Johnny beamed as he wrapped his arms around me, lifted me a little, and spun me around. His genuine laughter brought life back into my soul and I felt as if I could breathe again. It was so unreal. "God, I missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." I smiled once he set me down and gently touched my face.

"Oh man..." He shook his head and laughed. "I thought you were really gone."

"I've been here the whole time." I revealed as my heart continued beating at a thousand miles per hour. "It just doesn't make sense though. W-what are you doing here? How did you even–"

"You can thank Seth for that."

"Seth, like that baseball player in our class?"

"He was supposed to come here and his parents were too lazy to bring him themselves so... His brother brought me and got me inside."

"But your hair, it's–"

"Black?" Johnny answered in a surprisingly upbeat manner. "Yeah, not the biggest fan but it works for my disguise."

"Right." I slowly nodded and turned away smiling more than I have in awhile. He was here. It wasn't just my imagination, Johnny Kane was actually standing before me looking perfect as ever.

I began to turn back until a haunting thought crossed my mind. The pain, the lashes, the cold wind against my skin... All because I couldn't keep my feelings in check. Dear lord, this wasn't a miracle after all. It was a nightmare in disguise!

Once the dark reminder hit me like a train, I gasped and faced Johnny, stepping back before I spoke. "You're not supposed to be here."

"I know, but I made it anyways."

"No, I mean you specifically can't be here." I emphasized my point, taking my fists and thrusting them downward.

Johnny's eyes softened as he tilted his head to the right and said, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you're in a very dangerous place."

"Oh I know how these places work."

"Clearly you don't." I realized aloud once his ignorance became apparent. "You-you don't get it. Any of this. It's not like some video game where you complete a mission that lets you get in and out within minutes. This is real life and life is an endless maze."

"Endless maze?"

"Yes. One nobody can escape."

"Wow." Johnny responded in a dejected tone, folding his arms. "It sounds to me like you're upset that I'm here."

"Oh trust me, I am ecstatic that you came for me, I really am. I just don't want you to be subjected to the horrors that I experienced."

"Wait, what happened?"

"Well it started when Lyle–"

"Toby." I immediately shut him down before he could say too much. My eyes shifted back to Johnny where I said, "It doesn't matter right now. You need to go while you can."

"No. I won't leave unless you're coming with me and I'll die before that happens."

"Johnny, you can't do this."

"Why not?"

"You're going to get hurt and they will break you, I just know it."

Johnny shuddered as he felt reality crashing down on him. "Is that what they did to you? They beat you again and again until you said who you loved?"

"Yes."

"And you said Dominic, didn't you?"

Yeah...I looked down where a lump had formed in my throat. I sniffled and held back the tears as reflecting back on the trauma was simply too much for me to handle. I nodded and Johnny moaned.

"Sorry about that, man. I mean, that's uh, that's rough."

"I know and it's only going to get worse the longer you stay here."

"But Lyle–"

"Ahem!" Another orderly by the surname of Gunderson cleared his throat. "You ladies gonna work or what?"

All of us stared his way as he glared down at us.  We could feel his disdain for our kind and his utter lack of empathy which would better him as a person. Eventually, Toby stepped forward and said, "I was just giving our new member here a tour of the fields. Chad's orders."

Gunderson's eyes narrowed in on Toby before he nodded. "Alright. Carry on."

Gunderson then went on to heckle the others. When he was out of sight, I took a deep breath and then instructed both Toby and Johnny. "You two should go."

"Are you sure you wanna stay behind?" Toby asked.

"Yeah. I'd like to be alone right now."

"Lyle–"

"Please." I pleaded with Johnny. "I need a minute to collect myself.  Can you give me that?"

The way I was shaking made Johnny wince with disgust at first though it gradually softened to the point he proceeded to open his mouth, then stopped completely. Afterwards he nodded and slowly followed Toby while I continued pulling weeds. With each one pulled, my breathing grew more uneven and I sniffled profusely. Damn it, Johnny. You weren't supposed to be here. You shouldn't have come. Now they will know the truth and the moment they do, we're done for.

* * * * *

"So he still doesn't know?" Toby asked as the two of us were changing into our secondary uniforms.

"Nope." I chuckled, desperately attempting to get the cotton beige shirt over my head. "He does not."

"Maybe you should just tell him."

"Maybe you should mind your own business."

Toby scoffed. "Dude, I've been doing that all day. The awkwardness ends now."

"I will tell him the truth."

"Really?"

"Yes." I confidently answered only to be met with silence from Toby. God, he really knew how to guilt-trip anyone he wanted. "Okay, maybe later."

Toby continued his silent treatment until I groaned and shoved the curtain to the side where he stood there shirtless, with his arms crossed, and an infuriating smirk on his face. Oh, why does he have to be so damn hot yet detestable at the same time?

I let out a heavy sigh and shook my head. "Fine, I probably won't tell him."

"Knew it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, good for you." I waved him off, rolling my eyes in the process. "Look, it's not that simple."

"You think any of this shit's simple?"

"Uh, no."

"Good, 'cause it's not." Toby scoffed as he closed his eyes for a moment, opening them again seconds later. "Remember that story I told you about how I got stuck here?"

"I sure do."

"Well I can tell you now that it was a living hell keeping myself, my real self a secret from the world. I'll never forget the moment the rug was pulled from beneath me and I was exposed. The guy wasn't even gay but that ain't even the worst part. It's the fact that entire thing was both the best and worst time of my life that really fucks with me."

"How is it the best?" I asked.

Toby turned away for a moment and covered his mouth for a moment then quickly reverted back to his original position, nodding as he said, "I may have ruined my own life by publicly coming out and you know what? I lived. My life may have went to complete shit yet I lived. I fucking lived and I was free... Everybody can laugh at how stupid I was but nobody can take my dignity away."

Wow... I stood there staring as he sighed. His little speech left me breathless.

While I was left winded by his words, Toby covered up his perfectly imperfect body and then spoke again. "Look man, tell him, don't tell him, do what you need to do. Just know that the more this bottles inside, the worse it's gonna get."

"But I'm afraid."

"Of what? Your feelings coming out?"

"No, I just..." My voice drifted off a little as my eyes shifted to the side. It was then I knew I had to come clean about how I felt no matter how much it hurt. Eventually I faced Toby again, ready to talk about the dilemma plaguing my life. "I just can't tell him otherwise it becomes real."

"I thought you already said–"

"Because Chad forced me." I harshly whispered and clasped my hands onto Toby's shoulders. "He wrung it out of me but if I went to Johnny and tell him what I said, I'd only feel worse knowing the sad truth."

"Oh." Toby remarked once he realized the same thing I did before.

"Yeah." I nodded and ran my fingers through my hair. "That's why I'm afraid. It's not because of myself, it's because reality is too real for me to handle right now."

Toby remained still and silent before he came over and hugged me. He didn't say a word and neither did I while hugging him back. Once he broke it off, he looked at me and said, "Do what you think is right."

"Thanks Toby." I whispered to him before taking off and heading out to find Johnny.

I was nearly at my destination when a disturbing sight shook me to my core.

"Hey man, I wasn't lookin' for any trouble, okay? Please, just give me a second to explain–"

"I'm afraid it's too late for that." Chad sneered as him and Gunderson grabbed Johnny and began dragging him out of the room. "Come on, you useless piece of shit. Off to your new home."

No... I shook my head rapidly and yelled out. "Stop!"

Though my response was cut short when another fellow camper like me covered my mouth, muffling my plea as they dragged him away.

My heart sunk to the ground as did I. The pain was so immense, I couldn't help but reach out for him despite that it was too late. He was gone. Johnny was now in the hands of these foul excuses for men and it was only a matter of time before they'd break him the way they broke me. Oh...God rest his soul.