Lyle

Four Weeks Prior...

"Out." She pointed her finger to the door. Dominic raised both hands in the air and hastily retreated before I could chase after him. Instead, I was left there to face my mother's wrath. I gulped as she stared narrowed her eyes in on me.

As much as I wanted to curl into a ball the way the armadillos do for protection, I also knew that maybe it was time to come clean about who I was. Last time Gunnar covered for me by saying it was part of my schizophrenia which somehow both her and my father believed. Now that she saw firsthand that I chose to engage with Dominic, all I could do was tell the truth.

After a few minutes of intense silence, I spoke up. "Mother, I can explain–"

"No." She sternly cut me off. "No excuses. I saw what he was doing to you."

"You did?"

"Of course." Mother walked closer to me and caressed my chin so gently. "I saw what he had done and it was not right at all. The way he was grabbing you and forcing himself onto you is just... it's reprehensible."

"That's not what happened."

"Oh, don't defend that deplorable excuse for a life."

"I'm not and he wasn't assaulting me, we..."  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "We were kissing."

"You were what?" Her tone shot up which made me gasp a little. Oh, I knew this was a bad idea.

Even with her vulture-esque stance, I had to remain strong and true to my word. "I love boys, men, guys of all types and I don't expect you to understand any of this."

"Well that's certainly clear."

"I just want you to know that I'm still your son. I-I know I'm not everything you expected, I'm not... I'm not everything you've ever wanted in your life, but I'm still me. I'm still Lyle Alexander Calhoun, the boy you raised to be a good, righteous person; I'm your son, I still love you, and I hope you can find it in your heart to love me too, even if you think I'm broken inside."

I sniffled upon saying that last word. She gave me this look where at first her eyes were stony, then gradually evolved into a softer gleam. She folded her arms and shook her head as she stared out the window. "This is not how it was supposed to be. I married a man who already had a child out of wedlock. His son was bright, yet still needed me to make him great. Then you came along with your own set of problems–"

"Mother, I am so sorry."

"You just couldn't resist them, could you?" She sneered. That pure distaste was so raw, I shuddered as it went through the air. "Those temptations that plagued your heart, I knew they'd come back."

"What are you talking about?"

"Those urges you have. Your lust for other others boys is the work of Lucifer himself and I will not have that in my house."

Mother then took out her phone and began dialing a number.

"Who are you calling?" I asked, but she simply ignored me and spoke to whoever was on the other line.

"Remember that extra favor, you owe me?" She began as her eyes shifted my direction. "I'm ready to collect."

Just then, I felt my a ringing in my ear. I clutched my chest and gulped. No... This wasn't right. She couldn't do this.

"Mother please. I'm begging you to not send me there."

"I'm sorry, Lyle. It's already done." Mother announced as she hung up the phone. "I got you in."

"But I don't need to be there."

"It's for your own good."

"Well...if you consider electroshock therapy for my own good, then maybe you're right." I sniffled again and took a deep breath. I couldn't believe she was doing this to me. I didn't do anything to deserve this. Not at all.

Mother gave me a scornful look and shook her head. She then turned around and huffed. "You shall leave tomorrow by noon. You'll need to have your bags packed and ready."

"Why are you doing this?"

"So you can be cured. Don't you want that?"

"Sometimes." I revealed while holding the back of my head. "Some days it really hurts to know you're in love with other guys that will never love you back, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how backwards and wrong it is to feel that way."

"Which is exactly why–"

"I can't change." I told her. "Why should I give up more of myself so you and others can live in peace? I cannot understand that."

"Oh, you foolish child." Mother scoffed, facing me square in the eyes. "It's not about giving up a part of yourself that you don't need, it's fixing what you never should've had in the first place."

"Is it really so wrong that I fall for boys?"

"I'm afraid it is. If you were paying any attention to your family and our values, you'd know that by now."

Mother began walking away and was almost down the stairs until I blurted out a name. "Abraham Northwood."

"Excuse me?" She stopped.

Oh no. What did I just do? I gulped after letting that slip out. She slowly stepped back and faced me once more. "What does he have to do with this?"

"Do you still remember your nephew?"

"Of course. What about him?" Mother asked, crossing her arms.

"I remember from when I was little how he'd spend time with the family then go off with his... friend."

To my surprise, Mother kept her mouth shut as I continued on. "I'll never forget the day Kelsey told your brother and his wife what was going on and how they just lost it. We never saw him again until the following year when he was brought over in a wheelchair with no life in his eyes."

"Lyle, we had no other choice–"

"He was a good guy and an amazing brother, cousin, person. He wasn't off slicing people to scraps, he was making them happy yet he needed this camp to be normal? How is that fair?"

Mother stood straight and subtly nodded before she answered. "Sometimes the lord hands us more than we can handle and we must rely on alternative means to be fulfilled."

"Do you truly believe that?"

"Indeed I do." Mother gave me one last cold glare, then turned to leave. Meanwhile, I felt a lump in my throat. It was only a matter of time before my eyes were wet and I couldn't help but fall to the ground. My life was over and she didn't care. She didn't even care that I may never be myself again. How was that possible? How?

Present Day

"Oh." I jumped a little as we hit a bump in the road. My stomach growled and I let out a groan.

"Hey. Pipe down back there." Chad sneered. I simply nodded and laid on the thin tarp over the hard metal trunk. This was far from comfortable, but it would have to do. It felt like forever and now I was finally able to return. I'd finally get more human contact than Chad visiting every so often to hose me down. The worst part was, he got some sort of thrill as if the atrocity he thrust upon me wasn't enough. It was so scarring and horrifying, I couldn't even think about it. However, despite my resistance it was embedded in my head. I knew now never to disobey again or my experience would only get worse.

We pulled into camp and the truck came to an abrupt stop. I tried holding onto the side only for the tarp to be yanked from under me where I landed flat on my stomach.

"Ouch." I moaned before Chad raised the top covering up a bit.

"Come on, you worthless faggot. Out you go."

I crawled on all fours and made my way out to see his devious smirk waiting on the other end. He spit out his tobacco which stank to all hell. There was also this garlicy pinch to his breath which nearly made me hurl. Though I kept it in and kept walking. The trek back to camp remained tame, but as I turned to corner, I was met by a very familiar, vibrant presence.

"Oh my god, you're back!" Toby exclaimed as he rushed over and hugged me tight.

"Hey! No touching!" Chad scolded where Toby hastily kept his hands to himself. I gave a subtle nod. Chad leaned in and whispered. "Now you be a good little boy and do as you're told."

"Understood."

Chad went silent before giving me a push and walking away. Once he was out of sight, Toby scoffed and shook his head. "What a nasty bastard."

"You don't know the half of it." I chuckled. "That solitary cabin's no joke."

"Yeah, I was worried you weren't gonna come back."

"Well I'm stronger than I look."

"That's not what I meant." Toby swallowed for a moment before facing me again. "Four out of five boys don't return from that place. Hardly anyone ever does."

The looming rope that hung from the ceiling swirled through my mind, though I brushed it off and asked. "How come?"

"Most of them lose their sanity."

There I was again, clawing at the walls, screaming for my life and pleading for anyone in any form willing to listen. The horrors ravaged my mind until dissolving again as I saw Toby smile while shrugging. "I guess you were a special exception."

The darkness had won out. I opened the bottle of pills. My eyes stared down at them and the urges to gorge myself with them never went away. Voices rattled in my head, never stopping unless I was dead. It was too much. I shrieked and threw them across the room, sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating beyond my limit. I took one last breath and opened my eyes. I was safe once more. I was here with Toby, who would protect me from making foolish decisions like the one I made in the first place.

After collecting myself, I finally responded. "I suppose I was."

Toby nodded as his eyes shifted around. A chill went through the air as we heard the church bells ring. 

"Come on, Lyle. We're gonna be late for lunch."

"Alright." I began to follow him at first until a nagging thought grabbed hold of me. I impulsively touched his shoulder and asked. "Uh, how long was I gone?"

"Five days."

"Five?" The number hit me hard like a train. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Usually it only takes two for bad things to happen. That's why they've been using that torture chamber more and more. The faster they can rid the world of us, the better."

"That's terrible."

"You can say that again." Toby nodded. "But you know, maybe things are changing. I mean, it's been a long time since somebody came back and you're the first in... God, I don't even know how long. Weeks? Months? I don't know. Either way, you're really lucky you survived. That's for sure."

Really lucky, I repeated that phrase to myself while forcing a smile. "I guess that's one way of looking at it."

"It definitely is. Now come on, we gotta eat and I reckon it's been forever since you got a decent meal." He cheerfully grinned and poked me in the stomach.

Sure...I nodded and walked with him to the dining hall clutching the fabric of my grey shirt. The nightmare of me purging whatever was around in that cabin loomed over like a dark cloud waiting to strike at any second. As much as I wanted to cherish his remark of my survival, I simply couldn't. Death would've been much more fulfilling than what I had to endure over the course of five days. At least within death, I would've been free.