Lyle

"Come on Lyle...You can do this." I quietly repeated to myself as I tried typing up my paper for English. It was hard enough concentrating with the background noise from the group now my brother was coming home tonight. Tonight! As if things weren't difficult enough, his presence would only make everything far more complicated. Oh...

My head was pounding and I held it while my friends were engaged in whatever conversation.

"Did you remember to bring that raspberry chocolate bar you promised?" Aria asked Elise.

"Shit, no I didn't." Elise groaned. "Ugh, I keep forgetting things lately."

"Oh that's alright."

"No seriously, I've just been so–" Elise yawned loudly. "God. I've just been so damn tired lately."

"Really? How come?"

"I hear it's from all the dick she's getting." Dominic commented as he wove his was into their little talk.

I rolled my eyes as the girls both scoffed.

"Don't you have somewhere better to be?" Elise demanded.

"I wish." Dominic replied. "But since you guys insisted, we came here instead."

"Well it was the most convenient spot where we wouldn't get thrown out." Aria chuckled.

"Agreed." I said aloud where Dominic planned to say something back only to shake his head in annoyance which left me feeling pretty satisfied. Afterwards I continued clacking away at the keyboard, Johnny kept listening to his music plugged in as he surfed the web, and all else was quiet in the computer lab... Until the arrival of a certain group I couldn't stand. They were even worse than the jocks.

"Excuse me." The nasally voice of Marvin Ellsworth flowed into our ears. "This area is for the robotics team. You know, the real heroes of the world. Not the next generation of fast food service."

In that moment we all turned to him and his little cronies. That snaggletooth and smug grin combined with his horribly far from intimidating stance he gave us with his arms crossed, simply was ridiculous. He was barely five and a half feet standing in between guys above six, who unfortunately were no less complete snobs.

"What are you waiting for?" Adam demanded. "Leave... now."

"Yeah, we've got important work here." Gregory followed up.

"Well so do we." Elise fired back.

"Ah, the oriental speaks." Marvin sneered.

"Yo, forever virgin." Johnny called out while he unplugged his earbuds. "Shut the fuck up."

I snorted when I heard that. Johnny always had a way of making me laugh without even touching me and I loved it. Actually. I wouldn't mind the touching either, but this worked too.

To my surprise, Marvin scoffed at my response. "Something humorous over there?"

"Nope."

"Marvelous."

Ugh, I rolled my eyes as he used the most predictable word he could've used. Plus it was nowhere near as splendid as my favorite word.

In the end, a teacher came by and gave us a stern look. Once he was making suggestions, we reluctantly packed our things and headed out. During the time, Marvin flashed another smarmy grin while I flipped him off.

"Nice one." Johnny remarked.

"Thanks."

We walked a little ways more before he leaned in and asked. "Hey, you got any plans tonight?"

"Yeah..." I titled my head to the right when I said that. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Johnny shrugged. "Besides, you probably wouldn't like it."

"What makes you say that?"

"I was gonna put you on wingman duty, but maybe another time." He waved while we walked out the door.

"Hey, I could totally wingman!" I shouted while he laughed in the distance. "Or wingmen, whatever. Just tell me what to do and I'll make it happen!"

"Well it looks like someone hasn't changed much."

That voice... I gasped as the warmth of his presence filled the air. "Gunnar?"

I turned and saw him standing outside his car looking perfect as ever.

"Lyle."

My heart was racing. This couldn't be real. I could've sworn it was just another guy but that hearty beard, those innocent yet calming eyes, and his genuine smile cemented the belief it was really him and not another vision. At first, we both slowly took steps toward one another before wrapping our arms around. It never felt so good.

"You're back!" I squealed while latching onto him.

"You're still short."

"Oh shut up." I chuckled as we went back to his car and took off.

We had to make a few stops first before we finally could talk brother to brother.

"So... how's life back home?" He began.

"It's been really interesting. Yours?"

"Oh you know, the usual." Gunnar shrugged. "Saving lives, givin' lectures, hopelessly flirting with Diana."

"But she's married."

"Open marriage." Gunnar subtly pointed out. "If he can be with other men, so can she."

"Ah. It's one of those things." I remarked, prompting us both to laugh hard. It was like we picked up right where we left off. Almost.

Oh god. This is really happening, I smiled till my cheeks hurt. My excitement could hardly be contained. Actually my emotions were all over the place, it was so splendid. My knees were bouncing and I was humming with the utmost joy. Eventually Gunnar placed his one hand down and said, "Easy there. You don't want that good soul of yours to jump out of your skin."

"Sorry." I chuckled and looked down in an effort to hide my terrible blushing. "It's just that I-no... we haven't been together in a long time."

"It has been awhile." Gunnar agreed.

"Over a year to be more specific."

"Nah, it couldn't be." Gunnar scoffed. "I mean you were just..."

"Fifteen?" I answered right away. Gunnar got very silent when he heard that number. He gulped and started driving in silence. Once our reality had settled in,  I nodded my head. "Yeah. You gave me the best birthday gift I could ask for...then you disappeared. I started sixteen off wondering where you went–"

"Lyle, can we please not talk about this–"

"I missed you." Those words hurt coming from my mouth. I couldn't even look at him, my eyes stared out into the dark night. "I wanted you to come home, but Mother said that you were off doing great things in the world."

"She was right about that."

"I'd never doubt that, but I still have to ask why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you leave without saying anything?" I asked-no begged him. I begged for an answer. The need for it was killing me inside. I had to know.

Gunnar refused to respond for quite some time. He tried touching my shoulder though I flinched and not because it felt funny. Not long after, the two of us were in a race for who could keep up this silent treatment the longest. One of us would have to crack at some point and this time it would've be me.

"Damn you, Lyle." Gunnar grumbled before pulling over to the side and finally coming clean. "You really wanna know why I left?"

"Yes. Y-yes I do."

He shook his head and refrained from looking at me until eventually giving up. I watched him turn to me where he looked me square in the eyes and said, "You know what it's like being the glory child? The one everyone values like I'm some living version of our Lord Jesus Christ."

"I'm afraid not." I faintly murmured.

He scoffed and continued on. "Well it sure ain't anything to be proud of. You see, I had a gift. I could... I could somehow get this sense of what was wrong with people who saw things others didn't. People like yourself."

"I know." I told him and looked back. "You used to play with me all the time, then you stopped."

"Things changed."

"Of course they did."

"I'm serious, man." Gunnar raised his voice while sharpening his tone. "Our parents got all proud of me when I could recite random nonsense about the brain. Ain't nothin' special about people seeing shit nobody wants to see. Hearing it too."

"Then came my issues."

"Lyle–"

"Oh just admit it." I stopped him and dove right into the heart of the problem. "Admit that I was your big break."

Gunnar let out a half-gasp before he responded. "Did she say anything?"

"Nope, you did."

"Aw hell." Gunnar sighed while I nodded.

"Hey, at least it's out there now." I chuckled ever so slightly and rested my arm up on the window. "No more secrets between us."

Gunnar sniffled and buried his head into his palms before raising his head back up again.

"Why?" He asked in a dejected tone.

"I ask myself the same thing–"

"No, just stop." His voice raised. "Why do you do this, huh? What was the point of all this? So you could feel more sad than you already were?"

"I am now no thanks to you."

"Oh no, that ain't my fault." Gunnar vehemently denied. He then grabbed me by the shoulder and forced me to face him. "You wanted truth, but you couldn't handle it. That was on you!"

"Well this was bothering me for a long time."

"I don't care. That ain't my fault."

"And the stolen meds?" I fired back which seemed to silence him pretty good. "Was that that not your fault either?"

Gunnar slowly backed off once he heard those words. When he let go, I closed my eyes and told him exactly how he made me feel. "I trusted you. Fifteen years of being your brother and what did I get? Exploited, subdued, pitied, everything that's done to dogs which I've spent my life trying to prevent."

"You always did love Bucky."

"They gave him away because I screamed so loud he was shaking." I sniffled and looked down at my hands. "I loved him and I'd never hurt him."

"But you weren't stable."

"Which we both knew." I answered once I faced him again. "So why did you do it? Why'd you let me crumble to dust and feel like I was all alone?"

"It wasn't my idea. It was that...vulture of a consultant Mother hired for me. My ideas were amazing, though in the medical field and business world, you always need a little something extra to get that edge. They weren't gonna fund me unless I had it."

"You would've gotten funded anyways."

"Not without something personal and cutting edge to bring it all together." Gunnar scoffed while shaking his head. "Oh, I wanted to slug him so hard when even suggested doing what I did to you. He said it would buy me sympathy, make my pitch stronger, build my character. Nobody denies the simple man trying to save his poor brother from himself."

Oh dear god, I covered my mouth as chills went through my body. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Gunnar stared forward and wiped the tear from his face. "You and I both knew I wasn't a coward, so one day I slipped into your room and attached the hidden cameras before swiping your meds. Each day you disintegrated little by little until you were tearing everything apart because the angels were calling and you begged profusely–"

"To let me join them." I finished his sentence and nodded as the memory had been repressed for so long. It felt good to finally talk about it. "I remember that day because once again, I was being tormented for who I was, who I wasn't, and what I should be. Who I could never be. I wasn't enough. Those deceptive angels refused to let any damaged homosexuals such as myself see the light of day. When the voices chanted against me like hot tomatoes being pelted my way, I screamed."

Flashes of that horrible day rushed through my head. I felt his arms around my trembling body as I sobbed uncontrollably. I then gasped and was back to reality again where I swallowed hard before finishing our story. "I screamed my heart out... then you swooped right in and held me tight. The next thing I knew, you were gone and I woke up inside a hospital strapped to the bed."

"I'm very sorry about that."

"Are you really?" I asked. "Or are you trying to hide the fact that you never loved me."

Gunnar let a brief saddened moan slip out as he looked me in the eyes. "That's not fair."

"I didn't have much else to go on. You can't make something with nothing."

"Lyle..." Gunnar gently stroked my hair and sniffled. "I never meant to make you feel that way."

"I know."

I continued looking away as he sighed and said, "Listen to me, please. I do love you. I always have and always will. If you didn't feel that way, I'm sorry."

"It's fine." I murmured.

A cold silence sifted through the air as we both were on the verge of crying. Gunnar then snickered in the most bittersweet manner as he patted his arm around my shoulder. "You know you'll always be my little brother, right?"

"Of course." I sniffled before turning back to him. "But it's still half-brother."

"Doesn't matter."

"I guess it really doesn't." I chuckled and he did too. It felt incredibly gratifying to laugh again after the maelstrom of emotions swirled through my head. We needed this talk. As much as I didn't want to forgive him this easily, I couldn't be upset any longer. He was still my brother after all and I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life unable to move forward.

* * * * *

Picture: Gunnar Calhoun