The night before we departed, there was going to be a Formal Feast - Shai said it would give me a chance to practice some protocol, but I still fretted with nerves most of the day. There would be too many familiar faces, too many whispers, and I couldn't touch a drop of sake.

I was meant to look confident, at ease.

I cast my mind's eye back to how Lord Shingen and Lady Kaoru looked so serenely powerful on the dais together; somehow I felt I was totally wrong for the part.

Shinshoni and her posse of women were ecstatic over getting me ready for the evening. My sense of morality received quite a kicking when there was not a word spoken about my apparent lack of fidelity towards Saizo.

So, then, it really was my problem, this Victorian echo and social conditioning. Their good humour and fussing began to lighten my mood.

Shai chose the kimono I would be wearing at the Formal Feast at the Treaty Talks, it was heavier against the autumn chill, and more difficult to move in compared to the light summer versions I enjoyed against my skin. In truth, it was the hairpieces, pins and jewelry in my hair that were the heaviest, I felt like my neck was being pressed into my shoulders, and if I moved my head too quickly I was slapped in the face with something.

The kimono matched Lord Shingen's formal robes in colour; deep reds, gold and black accents, flowers and autumn leaves graced the silk, and I wore the obi pin that was presented to me for once in its proper place.

Fortunately the posse knew me well enough to just hand over the make-up box, and I had become accustomed to them all staring at me every time I applied it, bless them, I did make the effort for more colour though, because the black hair made me look pale.

We were all giggling and fussing when Shai arrived and promptly sent them outside to wait.

She stood me up, casting a critical eye over every detail and re-arranged some of the ornaments in my hair.

I found myself desperate for her approval - so much rode me being able to pass the scrutiny of another Clan Lord, a very perceptive Clan Lord, and I was really starting to doubt myself.

My stomach was full of butterflies and I was almost shaking.

"Yes."

Was all she said, motioning me to sit down. She looked at me over my shoulder in the reflection of the mirror, and I saw her hand come around in front of me.

"Drink this, it will help."

The little flask looked like the familiar restorative, I took it gratefully, realizing too late it was a completely different taste (it was drinkable for a start), my brain wondered what my body would do since I had already swallowed it.

The after taste was truly sour, and I screwed up my face as I shuddered. Shai just kept her hands lightly on my shoulders, smiling a little at my reaction.

"Gah!" I sputtered, "Can't you people mix stuff to taste better?"

She let the comment slide and turned me to face her, my stomach felt warm, the butterflies settled, then disappeared completely. The warmth began to go through my whole system, calming my heart, yet energizing at the same time, my mind became clearer instead of the whirl of indecision and questions.

The energy didn't seem to stop, it was ... empowering somehow. I decided then, this was one I liked, oh yes indeedy, whatever this was, it was AWESOME.

"Time to go Lady Takeda" Shai offered a hand and as her touch met me, something passed between us, making the effect even stronger.

"Is this how you feel all the time? I asked

"Oh, much more than this," She smiled back, "You are just having a taste."

"Wow." Was all I could think of to say.

As we exited the room, Shinshoni's eyes opened wide, whatever she saw, she simply bowed and said:

"Lady Takeda"

Her voice was hushed as I came forwards to her. I stopped and squeezed her hand.

"Lady Tamara, it's still me you know." I winked at her, but she just nodded back.

Shai gently pressured me to walk on, the kimono was heavier, but I seemed to be able to move easily, like it flowed around me, but kept me anchored and balanced at the same time. Some part of me vaguely questioned this, but it was a small voice and was gone quickly.

The noise from the Main Hall suggested it was full to capacity, which didn't seem to bother me in the slightest; I was too busy enjoying how I felt. I wondered if the feeling would go when Shai released me from her arm.

"No," She said softly, "I'm not adding anything, you are - now, let's go in."

I can remember every detail in slow motion - the doors swung open and the noise abruptly ceased.

I knew all eyes had turned towards me, but I only saw Lord Shingen at the other end of the Hall. Even from that distance I saw his eyes widen slightly, and I offered a small smile in response. We walked to meet each other and I only vaguely registered that Shai was now following me.

As we met he took both my hands in his and I felt that same connection as I had experienced with Shai - he looked, well, stunned - never had I seen that on his face before. I smiled again and bowed slightly, and as he lifted me back up he drew me to him, and as I took his arm it was like his power wrapped around me, protecting me in an invisible sphere as we walked to the dais.

I wasn't aware of anyone saying a word, no whispers, and no murmurs, just total silence. We turned to face the Hall from the dais and I finally saw how many filled it. Like a wave they knelt and bowed in silence, then rose, as Lord Shingen seated me with Shai sitting almost at my shoulder. My eyes roamed over familiar faces and I felt myself smile and nod a little.

Those who met my gaze were either stunned, grinning or totally blank, and another small part of me wanted to giggle, but it drifted away without any outward effect.

There were speeches, drinking of toasts, declarations of fealty, more toasts, dish after dish of food, with more drinks, but nothing alcoholic passed my lips, Shai poured me a cool tea, which kept me refreshed and alert, even if the proceedings seemed to wash over and around me.

In Lord Shingen's wake as he stepped from the dais to speak with some of his generals, Lord Yukimura instantly appeared before me.

He looked genuinely concerned and it caught me off guard. He beckoned me closer, so I leant towards his troubled eyes.

"Saizo's a fool..." He breathed, I picked up one of his hands, and as we touched he glanced down then back up into my eyes,

"What has happened to you?"

"Nothing Lord Yukimura, I'm fine, really."

He accepted my reply without looking totally convinced, but glossed it over, standing back upright again and saying:

"Lady Takeda, you are truly beautiful this evening." He then bowed and left, heading over to his father.

"Well done." Shai whispered next to me.

I watched him, a little sad to have hurt him again.

Just as I pulled my gaze away I saw Lord Shingen was watching me intently, only giving the occasional nod to the men talking to him. I dropped my eyes, feeling for the first time a little self-conscious. Shai had to nudge me to notice the cup she was holding.

"Not much longer." She smiled as I drank it all, although I could feel the 'high' starting to wear off a bit.

I noticed a whirl of fabric and looked up again to see Shingen had moved to be right in front of me, and as he lifted me to stand, I had the mother of all head-rushes and swayed a bit. He held me securely and it quickly passed, but the Hall seemed very bright and loud. I felt Shai's touch against my neck as she pretended to adjust a hairpin and was instantly calm and focused again.

"Thank you." I said hoarsely

"Go slowly, Harunobu." Shai instructed Lord Shingen and he tilted his head slightly at her as he helped me step from the dais, once again securely wrapping me in his energy we left the Hall.

I don't know what I was expecting, but I was confused as he went to turn right from the Hall, my room was to the left and for a split second we almost went in opposite directions before he brought me back to his side.

"Where do you think you are going Lady Takeda?"

His eyes danced with mirth even though his face stayed calm.

"I have no idea," I admitted and he laughed so loudly Shai quickly motioned to a retainer to close the Main Hall doors.

The three of us walked towards a more unfamiliar part of the castle, I was starting to feel a bit odd and the turns and corridors started blurring as I walked.

Shai took my other arm and I felt better, but tiredness was creeping in. A large set of double doors swung open in front of me and I pulled them both back to a halt in the doorway.

The enormous room had delicate murals along two walls, flickering in the soft glow of lamps, couches, a large desk, the low table from my room I always sat on, what? I looked again, yes; it was the one from my room.

Lord Shingen put his other hand over the one I had on his arm and laughed again, sweeping me forwards into the huge space. My befuddled senses still managed to send me a direct warning and I stopped again.

"Rest Tamara, Shai will stay with you, I will return later."

And with a nod to both of us he left, closing the doors behind him. I still just stood there, listening to his footsteps fade away.

"Shai, remind me why I'm doing this again?" I sighed.

"You are doing very well Tamara."

Was all she would say, although I knew she would have my thoughts as well.

Getting out of all that finery was just as complicated as getting into it, and when finally my hair was back to a simple braid and I was in a robe, I relaxed, and was surprised by Shai offering me a cup of sake, filled to the brim.

"You've earnt it." She smiled, and I didn't need to be asked twice, it went down in three large gulps and as usual I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"I really should stop doing that." I giggled, but she only shrugged and raised an eyebrow at me.

As she guided me to bed I was struck by how much space there was, my room always felt so cosy, so much my sanctuary, but my eyes were already heavy as Shai commanded me to sleep.