It was both fascinating and enjoyable being at the Feast from the other side of the dais, Shai (Lady Kaoru), was the most elegantly powerful woman I had ever seen, her and Lord Shingen looked truly like Royalty on the dais. It was that charismatic energy that seemed to flow in their blood and extend into the air around them, they were dazzling.

Once again Lord Yukimura and I toured the hall after eating, and I was overwhelmed with the praise for my time on the field. Shinshoni met up with me as I went to refresh mine and Yukimura's drinks, (honestly, these guys could really knock back the sake, they must be born with some sort of natural tolerance to the stuff, after three my head was definitely fuzzy), and we went out on the verandah away from the noise.

The air wasn't much clearer, flashes of lightning lit the distance, the storm was taking its time, still toying with the mountains and the atmosphere felt suspended in wait. I could still find groups of stars between the clouds, but the courtyard looked dark and brooding.

As we turned to go back inside, Saizo melted from the shadows.

"Tamara." Just one word and he spun and started walking away from the Hall - Shinshoni giggled, took my cup and nodded that I should go.

I followed Saizo to his private chambers; it was the first time I had been back here in what seemed like a lifetime ago. He was walking much faster than me, so as I reached his door a hand simply appeared, almost pulling me off-balance on the way in.

"Saizo! What the ...?"

"Sshh." Was the only reply I got. The room was dark; it was hard to see him, even though his voice came from the direction of the door. This was starting to become unsettling, until I heard footsteps come and go along the corridor.

Saizo was often peculiar around rain, a memory of his past he chose to torture himself with so he never forgot, and with the coming storm I thought perhaps he was just feeling ... well, to be honest I have no idea, but it would help explain his change in behaviour.

I'd been left standing in the dark for a while, waiting for him to say something, anything to me. A flash of lightning dazzled me for a second, and I saw he was no longer at the door. I didn't even know if he was still in the room.

Thunder rumbled, it was getting closer, and I could hear the wind picking up outside. I slowly turned; waiting for more lightning to see better, my senses trying to work through the sake. As I turned full circle, he was standing in front of me.

"Saizo!" I jumped before I could stop myself. He drew me to him and another flash of lightning almost made me pull away, the look on his face was frightening. He held me close, so tightly it was hard to breathe.

"Tamara." I tried to find his face; it was so dark around him. He lifted me up to his eyes.

"Saizo, please! You're scaring me." His face softened for a moment as he said:
"That's three times you've asked nicely today."

His eyes changed again.

"Tamara, you will be in danger."

"From who? Why?"

He looked away and set me down again, then gently ran a hand over the braid he had done for me. "Saizo! Speak to me! Let me understand!"

He seemed to be wanting to say so much he ended up saying nothing.

"You have to make a choice little lady."

I couldn't wrap my head around this conversation at all, but my heart was pounding.

"About what exactly?" My tone reflected my heart.

"The question hasn't been asked yet."

Oh for Fuck's sake - this man who has my heart is so damn exasperating. I sighed loudly and my next question was taken as he kissed me, forcibly, with desperation. As I threw my questions into his dark eyes, he broke the kiss and said:

"We have until the rain stops, and I'm not letting you sleep tonight."

As if on command the soft sound of the first drops of rain hit the verandah, blown by the wind. The temperature dropped suddenly and the drops became louder, blurring into a single noise as the storm finally reached the castle.

That night, that first start of the rain, in the darkness with him, would prove to be a memory that kept me strong, and in the end would save me, but back then, in that moment, all there needed to be was each other.

The familiar room, surrounded by memories, echoes of our story together, we relived it all in that one single night. It would be the last time I felt his touch for a long time to come.

* * * * *

I woke to sunlight pouring into the room, and true to his word, Saizo had gone. I rolled over under the bedding to feel his presence in the linen, already aching to touch him again. I lay there for a while, replaying the night in my head, committing every moment of it to memory. My stomach and bladder decided for me that enough was enough, so I fished around to find my formal robes, not particularly looking forward to the walk of shame back to my room.

As I let my gaze wander around, I saw my regular clothes neatly folded with my boots and cuffs; Saizo must have fetched them for me before he left. I crawled over to them (trust me, standing up wasn't an option immediately), and saw a small white embroidered obi pin in the same weave as his formal robe lay on top of the bundle. I tried not to cry, I really did, but I was so touched by his thoughtfulness it made my heart ache.

My body gave me a warning I couldn't ignore any more so I dressed quickly, tried to make some sense out of my hair and ducked out onto the verandah.

The sun slapped me hard in the eyes, the air hadn't changed much, but everywhere looked scrubbed clean and sparkled. From the sky, another bout of rain was on the way, so after tending to one need, I walked to the Hall to attend to another.

The Hall was quiet, there would be a lot of sore heads being nursed around the castle today, but I was starving and giggled as a few entering as I was eating visibly paled at the mere smell of food.

With no specific orders for the day, I set off to the stables; a workout with Jin would be good before more rain came. Between the bright sun and twinkling grass we had the training grounds virtually to ourselves, I only half-heartedly did any proper work, just played about enjoying his energy.

As it started to get more humid, I took my time returning to the castle, the woodland showed the first hint of autumn, in the distance the mountains already carried more snow. It would be the first time I had seen this season here and found myself actually looking forward to finding out what the winter would be like.

My wandering thoughts had brought me back to the castle gates and my peace was jangled as I heard my name called almost as soon as I reached the courtyard. Ryo appeared and took Jin from me, explaining they'd been looking for me for a while, he delayed them as long as he could to allow me some space - I was grateful.

I was whisked to Lord Shingen's Council Rooms to find Shai and him deep in conversation. They abruptly stopped as I was ushered in, but I felt the atmosphere was holding the echo of an argument.

"Lady Tamara, sit here."

It was Shai who spoke which surprised me. Lord Shingen stood with his arms lightly crossed in front of him, his features were serious. A round of butterflies erupted in my stomach as I sat where Shai was pointing and I was struck by the complete absence of courtesies, formalities I had become used to in Lord Shingen's presence - something was off.

I sat looking at my hands, wishing someone would say something, the silence was awful, so I stole an upward glance to see Lord Shingen and Shai locked in what appeared to be a silent conversation.

Then they both turned and looked directly at me.

"You look well Tamara, I will be honest by the time Saizo brought you to us I wasn't entirely sure you would survive." Shai spoke softly, I had to really concentrate on hearing, her eyes were captivating though.

"Was I really that bad?" Locked in my dark world, at the time I couldn't even begin to guess the effect it would have had on those around me, and only vague memories of it remained. They both smiled at me.

"Yes." They spoke together.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Was all I could think of to say.

"You have no need to apologise Tamara, it showed us the strength of will you really have."

Looking back it didn't feel like strength, it felt like madness.

Lord Shingen had moved behind me as Shai spoke, and he placed his hands on the back of my shoulders, making me jump.

"Lady Tamara," He breathed in my ear, "We want you to fight for the Takeda Clan again."

"What? ...Again?" I shook my head, "That wasn't really me the first time, I don't think I could do that now."

Shingen laughed softly in my ear.
"No Lady Tamara, this is a different side of war."

"Come again?" I was lost.

"Tamara." Shai said softly, "You are aware there are many conflicts and several strong clans, all of whom fight for their Lord and their beliefs."

A brief vision of Lord Kenshin and Kanetsugu sprang to mind, I nodded at her as the picture faded.

"Have you heard of Lord Oda Nobunaga?"

"Yes, I've been to ..." I shut my mouth, trying to explain I had visited Nagoya and Gifu Castles was too complicated.

"Ah, you have been to his birth home and his castle" There was no hiding anything from Shai.

Lord Shingen raised an eyebrow, but continued to stand with his arms folded, just watching me.

"Look, I don't want to be rude or anything, but this whole conversation isn't making any sense."

"Lord Nobunaga has one of the pendants." Her blunt statement made my blood go cold.

"We aim to take it back from him"

Colder - what fresh hell is this?

"We want you to help us."

"What? How?"

Shai had led me to asking the question she wanted to hear. Slowly she stood and walked over to me, still keeping me motionless with her eyes. She took one of the pendants from her sleeve and I watched as it twisted green and gold in front of my eyes.

My shoulder started to burn.

The closer she came, the more intense the fire became, I tried to put my hand up as the pain increased - as before it felt as if the two couldn't stand to be in each others' presence.

"Stop! Please!" I tried to push away from it. Shai stepped back immediately and I found I could move again, so I hastily wiped tears from my eyes.

Lord Shingen finally said something:

"Nobunaga has asked for treaty negotiations."

I had a sinking feeling I knew how these went - some fragment of a Google search, something ...arrgghh. In my memory search I hadn't noticed Shingen was talking again.

"... Unified treaty ..."

My mind went back to my phone, I'm sure I know this.

"... Just a courtesy ..."

Wikipedia? - Mental search - no, List of Major Battles? - No, damn it, it's in here somewhere.

"Tamara."

Google images - whoa, too much information - back to search - History

"Tamara."

Treaty talks ... failed to ... Yes! Found it! ... OMG

"LADY TAMARA!"

I looked up in horror and Lord Shingen instantly recoiled at my expression. I couldn't blank out the screen shot my mind kept seeing.

It was the most intensely dislocating experience I have ever had, my shoulder still ached, a dull thumping to go with it.

Remembering an old skill I went to the pain, it was the only way I knew to make the pictures stop. I pressed my hands into my eyes and raised my head, leaving one hand across my mouth.

Opening my eyes slowly my vision was filled by Shai leaning into me, studying me intently. I watched her hand come to my face and gently stroke my cheek, it was a weird experience, it was like my brain took a step to the left - and the images were gone.

I sighed with relief, then:

"What the fuck is going on?" The aftermath of using the pain that way always make me so, fucking, damn ANGRY! My temper was close to letting go.

They looked at each other for several moments.

And then they looked at me.