A soft rap on my door found me curled up in the corner on the floor still in the kimono and wrapped in fur. As my eyes wandered the familiar space, the soft rap came again.

Taking the fur with me and noticing a nice little hangover brewing, I went to slide the door.

Shinshoni and two maids stood on the frosty verandah with my things. The air was sharp and they brought a great rush of it with them, so I curled the crumpled layers of kimono around me on my unused bedding and clasped the fur around me. After bustling out the maids Shinshoni joined me under the fur in a hug.

It was still quite dark, but with the shortening days I wasn’t exactly sure if it was actually early or not.

It was.

Ridiculously early.

But with Shai leaving at first light I would still be rushing to catch up with her before she left. I was almost ready, back in a heavy version of my regular clothes when Shinshoni caught me off guard.

“Lady Kaoru and my father are waiting for you in his Council Chambers”

“Now you tell me?”

The volume I used made my hangover protest. “Shinshoni, you don’t happen to have…”

A small flask was pressed into my hands before I could finish the sentence as a knowing smile danced across her features.

I pulled my winter cloak tightly around me and dashed into the biting air, stopping briefly at the Hall to swig back the awful mixture. With a shudder and a twisted up face I set off again, a dreadful aftertaste with me all the way.

Lord Shingen and Shai were already eating as I entered and the smell of food did not sit well, despite the restorative. I sat sullenly, vaguely picking at some onigiri as they continued their conversation.

“…he is not likely to let this rest, he will look for some retribution in the wake of recent…..events.”

Shingen cast a glance at me and all I saw was The Clan Lord, all trace of the man I had come to know erased. I gathered they were talking about Nobunaga, so I dropped my eyes back to the rice.

“We have increased security but once the snows come it will be difficult.” He continued, pausing to take a mouthful of food. “I’ve only had news he hasn’t returned to Gifu….” He growled into his bowl and spat the next sentence.

“The little rat is holed up somewhere I can sense it.”

Shai completely ignored him and spoke to me.

“Have you thought about what you will do for the winter?”

“Nope….I mean no. I haven’t been here in winter before.”

“Make sure you see the Festival of Lights”

“Ah, ok.” What was the Festival of Lights?

Shai sighed softly

“Do you think you can stay out of trouble?”

“If I stay in my room I guess” I mumbled into my bowl as my head pounded.

“Just don’t go places you shouldn’t”

I looked up at her comment but her expression gave me no clue as to what she was implying and my miserable head wasn’t even going to begin to try to work it out.

I could hear horses in the courtyard; Shingen had arranged quite a large escort to a midway meeting point where Shai would rendezvous with her own.

After a sad goodbye and promises of meeting up again in spring, I walked along with her till the gates, then bounded up onto the castle walls to watch her ride into the first light of dawn. The icy wind up here was full of razors but I was determined to stay until I lost her to the forest.

She never looked back.

But I felt her gentle caress in my mind, with a picture of cherry blossoms and the mountain sanctuary, pennants softly blowing in bright sunshine.

The tears I couldn’t help finally blurred her from my vision, and I was in the process of pushing them from my eyes when a pair of arms wrapped around me and a cold nose touched my ear. As I gasped he held me more firmly, and then his warm breath came with words across my ear.

“Has the little lady finished playing with the Tiger?”

“Has the ninja stopped playing with the Princess?”

Saizo bit my ear then spun me around to face him. He looked fierce for a moment till he saw he tears still on my cheeks, then that hint of a smile, the one I knew was just for me crossed his face. Without another word he brushed my cheek with icy fingers then pushed my head into his chest.  

With the wind gusting around us I was still happy to just be held there, the warmth of his steady heart beat against my ear.

With Saizo effectively grounded until his arm healed, he would be staying at the castle for the foreseeable future, and after we left the castle walls and he said he had errands or something, I went to the stables to escape the hustle and bustle.

By mid-morning I was beginning to realise how bored Saizo was, by the number of times he had ‘popped by’ – this bit of tack needs repairing, that piece of leather needs to be shorter, you missed a bit of mud….I knew he was only wanting me to pay him more attention, but I actually wanted some alone time.

The sun at its highest point of the day saw him arrive in the stables in a much darker mood; he simply grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me after him. As I looked up at his profile I got nothing but that dead pan flat expression he had perfected, the one where it is pointless even beginning to try and work out, unless he chose to say something.

And unless he was angry he was a man of few words.

As he swung me in front of him to close the door of his private chambers, I was struck by a daylight déjà vu , and as if on cue the light dimmed as clouds passed the sun and I stood in a room full of shadows.

I had so many words to fill the space between us, so much to say, but it that moment they all vanished, I just stood there, in the gloom, looking at my feet.

I was wearing the boots he had made for me.

I didn’t think he would still be at the door.

Saizo had a habit of being where you least expected.

But there he was, leaning on the doorframe, his expression exactly the same.

“Come here” He commanded, and I immediately felt my foot step towards him. This was my chance to use what Shai had taught me.

“No. You come here.”

He didn’t take a step, but his body moved away from the wall and his eyes widened with enough surprise for him to drop his hold over me. His eyes then narrowed and flashed with crimson danger.

“I wouldn’t give that command again.” I baited him, mustering all I could for him not to speak.

Now a truly wicked grin reflected the danger in his eyes.

I smiled at him.

My error. I instantly lost concentration and felt myself take two steps towards him.

I looked down to try and gather my focus and as  looked  up he was gone.

I was about to say that wasn’t fair but the words dried up in my throat.

I shut my eyes to try and sense where he was, and feeling the  hold on my feet leave, I spun quickly low and to the right, and stood up directly into his face. He caught me in a fierce embrace, crushing me to him, my arms pinned to his chest.

“Tamara”

The sound of my name made me melt and I fell into those eyes, which still flashed with crimson and gold fire. He smiled a little at my weakness and I pouted back.

“So little lady, we play with ninja tricks now?”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

He just chuckled darkly as his reply, but I could see I had surprised him, and that was enough.

For now.

He released me from his arms and walked over to the corner shadows, I followed and slid down the wall ending up hugging my knees. It was cold. He stood for a while longer, then slid down next to me.

“Why were you in Fukashima?” I asked

"Ah" was all the reply I got, I waited for a bit and getting no further response, leant over into him, still in a ball.

I’d forgotten how exasperating he could be when it came to talking.

“Saizo?”

I nudged him with my head, “I really thought I was going to die…. And never see you again.”

I felt him sigh, then he put an arm around me, and through to my stomach, his hand was like ice.

“I heard you commanded Shingen’s retainers in the procession”

I didn’t think for one minute that was the reason, so I stayed quiet.

So did he.

I knew I was going to have to push this.

“Saizo, stop pushing me away and then coming back, tell me, why did you come to find me in Fukashima?”

His cold fingers clutched at my stomach.

“The child.” He paused. “Would have been mine. I had to know, see for myself that you were happy.”

That careless stupid rumour, just because I threw up and to cover it up that it wasn’t Lady Oda’s cooking, because of Nobunaga, just a handy few words in the interests of protocol.

It had been enough.

Enough for him to abandon his mission to find me.

“I told you my world is death.” He said quietly.

“You really don’t get it do you?” I lifted my head, but he turned away from my eyes. “Whatever you have done, whatever you will do, or think you don’t deserve because of how you punish yourself, doesn’t change what I feel.”

He looked down away from me. I pressed him further.

“You had my heart, took it, I crushed it, you killed it and then you gave it back to me, you have protected me, saved me and even said you loved me. There can only be one place that I can possibly be happy, and that is right here Kirigakure Saizo. If that’s all I have, it’s more than enough. End of."

He finally looked at me, I saw years of torment, conflict and pain, but he still held that small smile just for me.

“You talk too much.”

“You don’t talk enough”

“Say my name”

“What?”

“Say it” Saizo leant in closer, his eyes dangerous, but that look didn’t frighten me anymore.

“Saizo.”

He stared at me, his right arm pressed me so hard in the ribs I gasped.

“SAIZO!”

He smiled, a genuine smile, his heavily bandaged arm raised slowly and his chill hand wrapped around my cheek.

“Sai…mph” He took the breath out of me with a fierce kiss, as if he was still fighting demons, even when I gave in he continued to take each breath from me.

I was starting to see stars as we slid to the floor. I only managed to gasp for air as he bit my ear, my neck, my shoulder, before his lips found mine again, his hands holding me to the floor so I couldn’t escape the kiss.

In his own time he let me breathe again, dropping his head onto my heaving chest as I tried to get oxygen again.

I certainly wasn’t cold anymore.

As he pushed himself up to sit again I noticed he could actually barely move his left arm, he was hiding the pain, probably even from himself.

I knew if I stayed how things would end up, and despite everything I felt for Saizo, the memory of Shingen was still too fresh, too sharp, the guilt of that last night wouldn’t leave me.

“I have to go.”

I flustered, scrabbling to my feet in a clatter of katana. I took one more look at him, his dark eyes glittered in the shadows, but he made no move to stop me.

Even the ice laden air that slapped me as I stepped onto the verandah didn’t cool my face or touch the warmth in my body. I paused and thought about going back, but ended up sliding the door shut and heading for the stables.

Just as I was tightening Jin’s girth, Ryo found me.

“I’m going out for a while.” I said as I went to undo the cross-ties of the stall.

“Lady Tamara! You shouldn’t go out on your own, let me get someone to escort you.”

I only laughed at his apparent concern.

“Ryo, I’m only going to the Training Grounds, I’ll stay away from any forest trails, I promise.”

I clasped my hand to my heart and bowed with a serious expression. He still wasn’t happy, but he smiled at my over-acting.  “I won’t be long.” I said as I led Jin past him.

A sharp blast of wind almost made me take a sidestep as I entered the courtyard, Jin’s long mane flew to the other side of his neck and he shook his head at me, complaining about leaving his warm stall.

“Don’t you bloody start” I chided him as I swung up into the saddle. The tack was freezing and it instantly took away the warmth I had, including its memory. I didn’t care, this was the only way I knew to get my thoughts together.

Jin was in no mood to dance, we left the courtyard quietly, the sound of his hoofs snatched away by the wind with each step. I hunkered down in my clothes as we passed under the gates, then picked up a jog towards the grounds.

I reined Jin into halt on the low rise overlooking the grounds. There was no-one here except the wind, the sky was fairly bright, the watery sunshine moved across the grounds as fast moving clouds chased it. I watched the moving patterns for a while, they were so random in shape it quietened my mind just to let my eyes follow them as they sped by. I cast a glance upwards, there was no sign of rain or snow.

The echo of standing here with Lord Shingen found me, I could almost see a ghostly shape in the air, and it pushed me to ride forwards, over the rise and towards the arenas.

Jin complained instantly about the surface, it was somewhere between ice and slush and we left a trail of deep hoof prints over it.

I sighed.

This wasn’t what I wanted to feel.

I turned Jin back onto easier ground and headed towards the open space near the cherry tree, its branches now almost bare, save for a few clusters of hardy leaves that rattled in the wind. I turned away from my sight line, there were too many echoes here too, and headed for the long flat area near the forest edge.

The wind dropped considerably in the space, but the cold was settling into my feet, I nudged Jin up to a canter and rode around the edge of the forest wall, the ground was soft, but Jin was beginning to enjoy the spring under his feet, and as we neared the cherry tree, I found it was again just a tree, and turned Jin around in an arc to play.

All sense of time disappeared, even the occasional blast of wind didn’t seem to matter anymore. There was just me and Jin, lost together arcing back and forth, circling, stopping, running and just generally mucking about and revelling in each other’s company.

I heard my laughter snatched by the wind as we raced a straight line to the tree, skidding to a halt almost underneath it, and as I rubbed his neck the both of us created our own cloud of steam.

A sharp noise made me look up into the branches.

A raven sat almost at the top. It twisted its head down to me and in a series of hops and flapping made its way through the tree to end up almost above my head.

The sound it made at me was almost accusing, the harsh caw hurled at my face and I actually found myself sitting back away from it, it seemed to hit me with the wind.

The small black form studied me, tipping its head from side to side, leaning forwards from its perch. It shouted at me again, this time flapping its wings as well, I thought it was going to launch itself. Again it studied me, then puffed itself up and walked back and forth along the branch.

It was creepy.

I turned Jin away from the tree and headed back towards the forest edge, I could still feel those beady little eyes at my back.

I sighed again, seeing the mess Jin and I had made of the area, dark hoof prints showed every twist and pace.

My mood was right back where I had started.

I turned my attention to the forest itself, a network of trails threaded into it which all looked well ridden, and I was reminded of bridle paths in England..

The ground appeared drier and without thinking I turned Jin onto a wider one as it passed me.

It was instantly warmer and quieter, the soft ground and leaf litter easier to ride. I stopped just inside the canopy of the trees, it looked bright as the low sun sent its rays through, it was peaceful, inviting. I looked left and right, the forest wasn’t as dense as it appeared and there were plenty of trails I could see to ride and keep sight of the grounds.

My pioneering side took over and I walked on to explore.

Making mental notes as I rode, this would be good to canter on in summer, remember that tree, sharp turn here, boggy bit there, it was quite a while before I noticed the light was going. I stopped to take one last look, and as I went to turn …

....

The sound of muffled laughter hit my ears at the same time a black shape dropped from above and in front of Jin, grabbing each of the reins.

On instinct Jin and I tried to back away, but the shape held Jin fast, still laughing.

Two more shapes dropped either side of me, they didn’t make a sound as they landed. Still trying to pull Jin backwards, I reached for my katana only to jump my hand away as something cold shot across the back of it.

I stared at the blood already running from a deep cut near my knuckles.

Within a heartbeat the shapes moved in closer and as panic finally got a hold of me they laughed between themselves even more.

“It’s so much easier when a target comes to you.”

I looked at the masked ninja on my right.

“This job is too easy”

The one holding the reins sounded truly disappointed, the one on my left just chuckled, moving in towards my leg.

I screamed in desperation and Jin and I scrabbled backwards, dragging the ninja in front forwards a few steps.

Then a fourth landed behind me on Jin’s back and put an arm around my throat.

Blood flew from my hand across my face as I grabbed the arm and tried to loosen the grip.

In a micro second his other arm pulled my katana from my waist and threw it sharply behind into the undergrowth. I tried to send Jin forwards, but the arm just tightened and a sickly dark voice rasped across my ear.

“You’re not going anywhere Lady Takeda”

“I’m not Lady Takeda!” I managed to get the words out, twisting in the saddle, it was getting hard to breathe.

At that point Jin, caught between backwards and forwards and the panic in me, did the only thing he could think of.

He bucked.

The first time just rolled me and bounced the ninja behind the saddle.

The second Jin put everything into it and the both of us were hurled to the ground in different directions. Jin then shot backwards, frantically twisting his head left and right.

He slipped the bridle, spun and ran, leaving me dazed and in a heap on the ground, surrounded by a small forest of black.

I was roughly hauled to my feet, a hand grabbed my hair and pulled my head back as two wicked looking eyes came towards me.

“Sleep”