Our pace was slower as we rejoined a road, the faint sounds of horses, men and carts filtered through the trees around us. My body truly complained as we moved up into canter, Saizo finding mirth in my difficulties, whilst he barely had a mark on him.

Swirling dust began to settle on my skin and armour as the sounds of songs passed somewhere ahead and the ground faintly trembled to the beat of horses’ hooves. Saizo seemed to gauge where he wanted us join the army and put a hand up to keep me in halt. We then turned from the road onto a path only he could see, before banking left again.

We joined the ranks through the dust cloud, just behind what was left of the troop I was assigned to. He nodded once and then crossed through the ranks, cantering off towards those closer to the lead, leaving me to find my place on my own. The dust soon erased him from my vision, and I jogged Jin along the lines, looking for familiar faces.

Although my troop commander had a ragged cut down his skull to his jaw, he was instantly delighted to see me – I must admit I wasn’t sure he was going to after what I had done on the field.

“Lady Tamara!” His voice boomed out, his smile crooked from the injury to his face. Heads turned as he called out to me and I heard the ripple of my name go outwards along the ranks, like those on a pond. All looked battle weary, and I understood now what Saizo had meant, even if his methods were ‘unusual’.

I moved in sideways next to him as he reached over, and we clasped forearms as we smiled, and with a mutual nod, I dropped back behind him.

I was pummeled left and right with welcomes and praise, and despite the pain on my fresh bruises it was a welcome I will always remember, these hardy, brave men, grinning at me through the dust, pleased for my survival.

Before any conversation started I looked up to see a rider at full pelt bearing down the sides of the lines towards us, at first I thought it was just a runner, but the a swirl of red and gold fabric caught the rays of the low sun.

There was no mistaking the tall frame of Lord Yukimura, even with a mask across his face against the dust. He slowed to allow the dust to settle somewhat and our eyes met, and I couldn’t help but smile as he urged his horse forwards then turned neatly in next to me.

His clothes were dark in patches under the grime and I was immediately concerned he had been injured, he dropped his mask, looking me over and we both said together:

“Are you alright?”

We both grinned and nodded, still in sync, finally laughing at each other.

Yukimura was so close our legs were touching, stirrups clinking and a great arm came around my shoulders, pulling me over into a fierce hug. As I winced he was concerned, but I brushed it aside:

“Just bruises Lord Yukimura, really.”

He took the smile I offered and looked at me seriously again.

“I am well.” My eyes shining as I spoke. After thinking for a moment he made the connection in his head and shot me a brilliant smile, hugging me again in spite of himself. He gave the troop commander a nod, then set off again.

I watched him pause and talk to others before the dust obscured him. All greeted him with clear and loud shouts of somethings, which I couldn’t hear properly, but I saw the great general he was, loved by the men who fought with him and for him.

All this grimy manliness around me was a bit overpowering after the peace of the mountain sanctuary, in waves songs and tales of the battle ranged up and down in volume along the lines and I learnt the battle ended with no clear victory, but with fewer losses, which meant it would repeat itself in time.

When water came around I was grateful, but it felt like it just created mud with the dust already in my throat. I settled into the steady pace, the smell, the dust, as each step moved closer to the keep. Runners would pass by from time to time, so I was surprised when one slid to a stop next to me, then rode alongside.

“Lord Shingen commands your presence Lady Tamara.”

There was good-natured ribbing around me and I felt myself blush under the dust. The troop commander turned in the saddle in front of me, giving me a sharp nod and flick with his head to go.

A part of me wished he hadn’t, I had two images of Shingen, one of him shouting at Saizo to get me off the field, and the other when he stole a kiss.

I nodded to the runner and moved Jin out to follow him, keeping one hand across my face against the cloud. I was the other side of the moving line to Yukimura and Saizo, but I felt their eyes follow me as I passed. We neared the small group at the lead with Lord Shingen and I was thrown a wet cloth and offered a drink of water, although it barely touched the grime.

By degrees those closer to the lead were less dust covered and by the time Lord Shingen’s form became clear, he looked almost pristine, save for a few bloodstains here and there. The air was so much cleaner up here and I made sure I took several good lungfuls.

For some reason nerves descended, and I felt cold against the heat of the afternoon. The runner rode ahead to tell Shingen he had brought me, then just nodded as he rode back past. I would have to canter on to reach him and the closer I got, the more I felt the air change around me.

The small group that shadowed him parted to let me pass and as I neared Shingen I slowed to be out of his sightline, waiting for him to acknowledge me.

The very air seemed unwilling to be near him, and without looking back he said:

“Ride with me.”

He shot forwards away from me at speed, I cast a glance to his nearest general who just nodded, so I was left with no option but to follow him, whatever he was going to say he wanted it out of earshot.

Lord Shingen reined back to a jog as I caught up; we were in quiet, clear air, the evensong of the forest all around us. As I stayed in jog he circled me, studying me intently and I was thrown into confusion – after the warm welcome from the troop this wasn’t what I expected.

“Lady Tamara, you are unhurt?”

He was making me dizzy trying to follow him and gauge his state of mind as he continued to circle me.

“Just a few bruises Lord Shingen.”

Well, that was true at least.

He suddenly reined to a halt facing me, grabbing Jin’s reins to stop him as well. My head was still spinning and my heart was loud. He leant in towards me, putting his face near mine, and I tried to search in all that serious amber in his eyes for something I could recognise.

He broke the connection and rode around behind me, coming up on my right side and walking on again. I thought it best just to stay quiet and keep up with him. Without looking at me he spoke softly, so softly I had to almost lean over to hear him.

“You are well again Lady Tamara.”

“Yes, yes I am, thank you …. Milord.”

A faint smile crossed his face at my quick correction in courtesy, and then it fled as his dark mood descended again.

He reined in his horse sharply and this time I was forced to turn to face him, I could see the front group of generals appearing down the road.

Shingen reached forwards and gently pushed a stray hair from my face, and I saw a flicker of something, sadness? Pain? Cross his eyes, but it was so fast I could have imagined it.

“Where did you go?”

“To a place in the mountains.”

His face changed instantly, he dropped his eyes and sighed, and his next sentence was odd at the time, but I was unaware of his knowledge back then.

“You have your heart back.”

“I have all of me back.”

His reaction was like I had wounded him in some way. I reached out and held his forearm and felt his muscles move under my touch. He simply stared at my hand as it lay there.

“Have I done something wrong?”

I was totally lost now in this whole exchange, but I had no wish to hurt him.

Slowly he placed his large hand over mine, held it for a second, then lifted mine back to me. We found each other’s eyes and there at last was some softness I recognised.

“Welcome home Lady Tamara, I am glad you are yourself again.”

His eyes showed too many things at once, and his tone was almost formal. The generals were catching up; we would soon be within earshot.

“Lord Shingen …” He rode forwards again and I was forced to turn and catch him up.

“Tamara.”

I knew he only dropped my title when he wanted to say something more personal. Lord Shingen considered me, and looked about to speak, then his whole demeanour changed before my eyes.

“Lady Tamara, return to your troop.”

I reined to a sharp halt in shock. It was a cold command sent with the power of the Lord himself.

I sat rigid in the saddle, watching him ride on alone, his bearing still tall, his long hair bouncing behind him.

As the others neared I wheeled Jin away from their eyes and set off in canter back to the lines and the dust, unable to stop the tears that came as I rode.