Friday, 13:21,

Sirius:
Hi mummy

sarcASStic:
Where tf did mummy come from?

sarcASStic:
I'm a stranger

Sirius:
I dunno

Sirius:
I just went with whatever jumped my noggin

sarcASStic:
Love that phrase

Sirius:
Me too, i think its gonna be my new thing

sarcASStic:
You know what's funny?

sarcASStic:
You message me more than my friends in real life

Sirius:
The last time I messaged you was three days ago???

sarcASStic:
Exactly

Sirius:
Oh wow

sarcASStic:
...yeah, sorry, just made things a bit odd, didn't I?

Sirius:
Nah, you didn't

Sirius:
You and I are amigos

Sirius:
Bros

Sirius:
Our bromance is real

sarcASStic:
I found out you existed nearly a week ago

Sirius:
And we just had that instant connection

Sirius:
Beautiful, right?

Sirius:
This'll be a story to tell at our wedding

sarcASStic:
yep, totally

Sirius:
Back at it with the sarcasm

Sirius:
Love it

Sirius:
Are you a dude?

sarcASStic:
No, I'm ur mum

sarcASStic:
yes, i have a penis

sarcASStic:
Why?

Sirius:
Phew, because i just realised, the first time I messaged you i was talking about my dick size

Sirius:
My dick's huge though

Sirius:
What about yours?

sarcASStic:
Wtf, why do you want to know?

Sirius:
We bRoS

Sirius:
We should go get nAnDoEs

sarcASStic:
I'm not telling you the size of my dick

sarcASStic:
I might not even have a dick

Sirius:
But you do

Sirius:
Maybe you're just ashamed of your length

Sirius:
Are you like, 2 inch fully erect?

sarcASStic:
Shut your fuck, I'm not Donald trump

Sirius:
How do you know Donalds dick size?

sarcASStic:
less brain cells, smaller your dick

Sirius:
So you have a big dick?

sarcASStic:
I'm done with this conversation

Sirius:
Don't leeeeaaaave meeeeeeeee

sarcASStic:
Your lucky I'm extremely bored

Sirius:
omg

sarcASStic:
What?

Sirius:
I can hear James and lily having sex

Sirius:
No joke

Sirius:
Ewwww, Lily's moaning so loud

sarcASStic:
Just put some headphones in

Sirius:
Should I barge in saying I started a fire?

sarcASStic:
Don't you dare

Sirius:
Well, if I want my headphones they're in James' room cos he's an asshole and always steals them

sarcASStic:
Leave the house then!

Sirius:
I'm gonna barge in and say I started a fire

sarcASStic:
dog man, don't even think about it.

Sirius:
Fuck, my eyes! My precious eyes

sarcASStic:
Warned ya, didn't I?

Sirius:
James is screaming at me and I can see his dick because he has no shame whatsoever

Sirius:
Lily's screaming too

Sirius:
I kinda feel bad, but at the same time i don't

sarcASStic:
If James and lily are screaming at you, don't you maybe think you should put the phone down and endure the pain you deserve?

Sirius:
No

sarcASStic:
You heartless monster

Sirius:
James just asked me who I was texting

sarcASStic:
Tell him its some six year old who begged you to not do what you just did

Sirius:
I said you were clown who fucks people with balloon flowers because your dick's tiny

sarcASStic:
STFU

sarcASStic:
CAN WE JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT DICKS?

sarcASStic:
Don't you even think about replying with no

Sirius:
I won't, but james is really confused now so he's walking back to his bedroom to finally get dressed

sarcASStic:
I hope they're still pissed at you

Sirius:
Lily's pissed at me, she had the blanket wrapped round her so i didn't see anything so I don't know why she's mad at me

sarcASStic:
You just barged in on her having sex, I'd be annoyed if you did that to me

Sirius:
But I didn't to that to you

sarcASStic:
But you did it to Lily and james!

--
so i was thinking, as one does, and i realised that voldemort called peter wormtail. doesn't that make you sad? just imagine the conversation:

voldemort sat, face cold and ruthless, on his throne of human bones. his legs rubbing against the stone floor, peter kneeled, not daring to meet the eyes of his new lord.
"what do they call you, pettigrew?" peter heard the way his name was scoffed and his heart twisted.
"well- well, my lord, my friends call me wormtail." he stuttered, biting the inside of his lip. no going back now, he thought, you'll stay safe now.
"welcome, wormtail." and with that, peter looked up, eyes glistening with tears. he was here now, and would be forever loyal.

it's just sad man.
see you next millennium