a'ight, dis is what we gonna do. i'm going to put the names and all at the start, but just in case you can't be bothered to read them, i have this. this book is not exactly in sirius' point of view, but it would kinda be like you were reading through all his messages like a freak, but some bits might be remus thinking or smth. ugh, i suck at explaining. just, you'll catch on during this book.
character key for this chapter:
sirius
remus
-----
Saturday, 15:36

Sirius gets impatient very quickly, it's common knowledge of anyone who knows him, so you could imagine how annoyed he was getting when James was half an hour late to get coffee.

Sirius:
James, you complete wanker, get you're
ass at the coffee shop this instant! idgaf if
you're having sex with lily on the kitchen
floor, i want you here. now. i'm getting bored

Unknown number:
sorry, but you've got the wrong number. though i do have to say, having sex on the kitchen floor is gross

Sirius:
isn't it?! like wtf, I stand there to cook cereal. THINK ABOUT ME!

Unknown number:
shouldn't you be texting 'James' to come meet you at the coffee shop and do whatever you were supposed to now?

Sirius:
No, if he's forgotten out me then FINE. I can talk to you instead. So. Whatchya doin?

Unknown number:
i'm reading hamlet. why am I even telling you this?

Sirius:
you're falling under my charm ;)

Unknown number:
did you seriously just use a winky face? hell, you're even a narcissist! no wonder this James left you to shag Lily on the floor

Sirius:
James is just as much as a narcissist as I am. he shouldnt be though, because he doesnt have the qualifications. He's ugly

Unknown number:
I bet he looks better than you

Sirius:
No. i'm sexy, he's not. i'm beautiful, he's not

Unknown number:
Lemme guess what the next one's gonna be:
I'm big in the best places, he's not

Sirius:
i love how you made that suitable for everyone, hOw CoNsIdErAtE. But no, i was actually going to say, i have a nice, thick dick

Unknown number:
Literally the same thing. Also, thanks for your sex, now all I have to do is trace your number, kidnap you, and take you to a ransom
shack, mates of mine were looking for a male

Sirius:
You're the creepy one. What do you do in your free time? Cut up doggies and eat them? If you do, then actually piss off. Dogs are the most cutest things on the planet

Unknown number:
in my free time, i read and drink hot chocolate. i'm such a bad ass. And I'm starting to wonder if you smell like dogs because you seem
like a person to have sixteen

Sirius:
I wouldnt mind having sixteen dogs, but i unfortunately cannot do that. I can hardly look after myself. My body's sexy tho. Like, I'm buff and my cock is huge

Unknown number:
can you like... idk, act like a normal human for a couple of seconds?!?! you don't know my age, nor my name, or even what goddamn gender i am. I literally found out you existed five minutes
ago.

Sirius:
i'm just bored, aight? James is a shitty shithead and my other friend peter is out on a date

Unknown number:
You said James was a shitty shithead, does that mean he's a bad shithead? As in he's not good at it???

Sirius:
Is it bad i have absolutely nothing to say back to that? aNyWaY, i'm speaking to you cuz it's fun

Unknown number:
Cuz? Really? And i'm not fun. Usually people tell me that I'm the most boring specimen to darken this planet

Sirius:
Im not a usual person :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Unknown number:
That's nice to know, because I had no idea that a usual person talks about their genitals to a random stranger. I should've known long ago

Sirius:
I try to be nice and this is what I get?

Unknown number:
you werent being serious

Sirius:
said who?

Unknown number:
...

Sirius:
Exactly. I bet youre rlly interesting and you like nerd out a lot

Unknown number:
Look, I'm like that one piece from that puzzle your aunt got you for your birthday with the pic of a kitten (not dog) and she asks you to make it so you do but you really want a piece to go missing so you cant make it. Im that piece. You don't want it

Sirius:
That's one of the worst metaphors ive ever heard

Sirius:
But still, i bet your fantastic

Unknown number:
You're**

-

-

i shouldn't even be this scared to start a new book. ok, so hiya. this is my third book *whoop whoop* and if you're new then... you probably don't care. at all. um, so this'll be a wild ride, you lot so heheheh.
see you next millennium