━━ chapter nine.
❝ stadiums. ❞
--

NATSUKO DISLIKED SCHOOL.

It was one of the few albeit generic similarities she shared with Natsuya. She passes through the school gates with her id, headed to the library and studied until the time came for her next lecture. She had about 2 hours before she had to head to the next building. And after that, she had to head to the next room for another two hour lecture. Then lunch, and another hour before her final lecture for that day.

She takes out her notebook and starts scribbling notes, key points from the book she's reading. Natsuko isn't a genius, nor does she belong to the academic achievers, but she'd reach this far up, because she worked hard for everything that she had. Sometimes, the prospect of studying came as an unbearable chore, but she had to do her best and ignore all complaints her body was making, the sleepless nights and the fingers ridden with exhaustion— she had to do everything in her power to succeed.

This was her third year in college and things were getting harder. She had to balance her academics with time spent working part time for Atty. Fujino. She worked at the older woman's firm as an assistant, she helped make coffee, arranged some files, staple things together, water the plants and do just about any errand the other lawyers ordered. In exchange, she had enough money to buy her food for a week and she gathered learnings she would need in law school later on.

Speaking of law school, Natsuko had been saving up for that. She started working part time on the days she wasn't going to Atty. Fujino's firm, Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays (optional) at a fastfood chain just a couple of blocks away from her apartment. She only had Sundays to rest so she took up studying at all her free time.

Sometimes, the loneliness eats her away, the reality that no one would have lunch with her, cry with her over bad scores and laugh with her when she had perfect quizzes. But Natsuko, being Tsuchiya Natsuko, pushed that away again. Sometimes, she itched to text Nao, him being the only friend she had since Natsuya had all but gone away. But she decided that she was being stupid for even attempting to. Nao was Natsuya's bestfriend and although he was nice and kind, he would always side with Natsuya and she didn't want to get between the two of them.

She continues scribbling, reading, the lack of noise helping her focus on the important details plastered on the paper. She closes her eyes when she feels dizziness trying to sweep her away. She can do this, just another year and she would be on her way to law school. Granted that it was a harder task, but she will do it, Natsuko will do it.

Even with the loneliness, even with the loneliness, right?

Her phone vibrates and it says that she has fifteen minutes to get to class. She turns it off, returns the book and shove all her things back to her bag.

Heading to her next lecture, Natsuko chose to ignore the friends ambling side by side as she made her way. She chose to stare at the glass windows and the small begonias growing on the pots hanging next to it. The twittering birds soared over the roofs of the other building and rested in the shade of the sycamore trees. Even the birds had companions, nuzzling one another with their heads. Natsuko averts her gaze, focusing on the flowers instead. Whenever it was spring, the trees were more colorful, dotted with beautiful flowers, the buildings feeling more vibrant with the vines slowly crawling up the columns (the administration cut the vines off every autumn).

She entered her class, ignored her classmates giving polite greetings to each other. No one did that to Natsuko, everybody had established during the first semester that she didn't want to associate with anyone. That was a lie. One of her classmates had spread that hurtful rumor, being her classmate way back in high school. She had no energy nor the patience to clear the issue away; Natsuko simply sat at the front with no seatmates and listened to the lecture.

When it was over, she headed to the next classroom and followed her routine with no gaps. She walked to classrooms, listened well and took quizzes seriously. When it was time for lunch, she headed to the cafeteria to buy bread and headed to one of the benches covered by the thick foliage of the blossoming magnolia tree.

Down the cobblestone path, the track team practiced laps and what followed suit was the swim team with their matching swim attires. Most people having lunch in the magnolia tree wanted to witness this event that happened every Monday and didn't want to miss it.

Natsuko wouldn't usually pay any attention to it, but she saw a lone pigeon pecking at the ground, its gray feathers flapping every now and then as if it was a chicken gone wild. It appears to bend its neck and Natsuko stares at it.

She watched as two freshmen sat on the bench next to hers.

Sculpted bodies, they had mentioned hearts dancing in their pupils.

Sweaty bodies, Natsuko wanted to snipe back. Stinky bodies, she wanted to add, with chlorine infested poolwater.

(Natsuko was a hypocrite. She had enjoyed watching it when it was Natsuya.)

Her cheeks flare at the unwanted thought as she took the last bite of her bread. She looks for the pigeon and realizes that it's vanished. She emptied the water bottle in her clutches and stood up.

"Tsuchiya-san!" Whatever was coming was not going to be worth her time. She attempted to lose the person calling her name by turning over a corner, but that person was a member of the prestigious track team of Meiji University, of course she'd reach Natsuko.

"You're ignoring me again?" the woman asks, huffing. "Tsuchiya-san, you're as cold as ever."

"I am not interested in joining your club," Natsuko says. "Nor will I ever be. Please be on your way."

"But—" Natsuko cuts her off with one of her trademark glares.

"I won't repeat myself, senpai." There's a vein of anger already making its way to Natsuko's system so before she unleashes her fury on the older woman, she decides to leave. She headed to the next best spot for solitude in school, the small gathering of unused seats situated under the trees with a clear view of the abandoned koi pond. It wasn't anyone's definition of peaceful what with the frogs croaking every now and then, but Natsuko only had to plug in some earphones, blast chill lo-fi music and she was good to go.

That upperclassman wouldn't find her here. The sound of croaking frogs wasn't the most relaxing of melodies to listen to afterall.

Natsuko was interested in track, she had long limbs that were fit for the task. She said what was contrary to her feelings because she knew that balancing it with her workload would prove to be tough and even attempting to socialize with the members would cost her an entire month's worth of energy. She didn't like that, she didn't want that.

It was tempting during her first year; she had given in to her senpai's request and did a couple of laps and relays. The collective upperclassmen had praised her, knew that they saw it in her (Natsuko had done track and karate back in Middle School, when her mother had told her to not worry about a single thing and just do things that would give her fun; she quit when her mother died). Natsuko liked the compliments, but when she changed back to her regular clothes on the locker room, she heard the mean words her fellow freshmen were making.

Natsuko had no time for that, had no patience for that. She exited the locker room, met them face to face.

"Bitches," she called them with the anger simmering in her veins.

She won't be hurt by other people's opinion anymore and that meant ignoring interactions with other people altogether.

Things would have been slightly better with Natsuya's presence, but he too was gone. He, too, decided to give up on Natsuko and her issues. Her various problems, her anger. Natsuya and his smiling face, the way he made everything okay and brought a smile on her face whenever she needed it. She missed her bestfriend dearly and what she would give to go back to what they were back in childhood, climbing trees and catching stag beetles.

Something cold is pressed on her forehead. Annoyed, Natsuko turns around to face the stranger, who made the terrible terrible decision to even— "Natsuya?" She blinks, thinking he's an apparition. Maybe one of the frogs from the pond did something to her eyes. She removes the earphones and let the white things dangle from her neck.

"Hey Tsu," he says and hands her the chilly can of coffee with dews of cold water sliding from its surface. "You can have this."

He sits on the chair in front of her, smiling as he did. She accepted the can of coffee, felt the temperature. This was real. "Y-You're real...?" she says with a narrowed gaze as she sets the can of coffee on the chair next to her, along with her pen and books.

He chuckles and gets her hand, the free one. He moves it to touch his chest and she feels steady heartbeats underneath. "See?" he says with a cheeky smile. "Real."

A blush creeps on her neck and she retracts her hand from his smiling form. "Did you like the ramen, Tsu?"

Natsuko nods with a blank expression. It's not her usual cold one nor the one simmering with anger. Maybe she would have even smiled if not for the croaking frogs in the background. "I had one pack for a midnight snack last night. Thank you."

He smiles again, moves his hand and pats her head. She likes the feel of his hand on hers. "Sorry about last night," he begins. "I wasn't thinking straight."

Oh. That. Natsuko knows now. She breathes deeply.

"You shouldn't be apologizing," she says. "It was my fault. I had overreacted and failed to take your feelings into consideration. Just like I've always had."

"Tsu... it's not..." he says and grabs her hand. He presses. "Listen, I was being insensitive. I said those words six months ago, not bothering to weigh your feelings in. Tsu, believe me, you're not unloveable."

She shakes her head. "I'm the one who's supposed to be apologizing," Natsuko says, her voice soft. "There's no need to lie. Maybe I really am unloveable."

"That's not true!" Natsuya exclaims. His hand moves to her cheek, caressing it and she hopes he's not seeing the bright tinge of red overtaking her face. "You're not unloveable. I mean if you were, I wouldn't be here loving every little thing about you.

"I wouldn't be your bestfriend," he adds.

"But we... I shouldn't have ignored you for months," she whispers, looking down. "I'm sorry. That was overreacting."

"And I shouldn't have pushed you away when you were trying your best to reconnect," he says. "I'm sorry Tsu."

Natsuko smiles and it comes easy to her. "That goes for the both of us." A meaningful pause and she meets his eyes. "Friends?" she asks, extending her hand.

"Bestfriends," he corrects and pulls her into a hug.

Natsuko disliked school, but maybe, it was bound to change.

━━ to be continued.
🌻 | the sunflowers that last forever.