After catching up with my parents, I went to find Siena. I had missed her as much as I'd missed my parents. Possibly more. I had something on my mind that I didn't think anyone else could relate to.

I found her in the infirmary cabin. Siena was grinding herbs at a table, while Ruba swept the empty room.

"I hear the plague is a thing of the past," I announced from the doorway.

They both looked up at once. "Sember!"

I grinned, a warm glow spreading through me at seeing how happy they were that I was home.

Ruba reached me first and clasped my arm in greeting. "You did it. How? What was the cause?"

"It was . . . " I hesitated, not wanting to talk about how I killed another Gifted. "A monster. It lived in a cave."

"A monster! Well." She placed her hands on her hips. "I'm so glad you showed it what's what. What kind of monster was it?"

A Gifted monster, a lot like myself.

"Actually, do you mind if I steal Siena away for a little while? I need to talk to her."

An understanding smile spread on Ruba's face. "Of course. You can talk here. I need to see Zelly about some plants anyway."

I watched her leave, then turned to Siena, who stood next to the table with an expectant look on her face. Willowy and beautiful as ever.

"Siena . . . " I strode toward her and practically threw myself into a hug.

She squeezed me back. "I'm so glad you're okay. Except for this." She peered at my head wound before placing a hand over it.

Warm tingles flooded across my scalp, and I marveled at the sensation. Siena's very touch made people feel good.

I would not be envious. I would not.

I leaned in for another hug, unsure how to handle these unwanted feelings. "Siena, I'm a monster," I mumbled into her hair.

She pushed me far enough away to give me a stern look. "I thought we resolved this already. Your gift does not make you monstrous."

"I killed someone." My voice was barely a whisper, and I couldn't meet her eyes.

Her eyebrows arched up. "Who?"

"Vill."

"And who's Vill?"

I looked up at her. His eyes had been so much like hers. "The man in the cave. His gift was what caused the plague. Not an actual monster."

"Well," she said carefully, "you killed him because you had to."

"But you didn't see it. His death. I made him explode! Blood and guts flew everywhere. Jastin even found gunk in my hair."

Her hands dropped from my arms as she tilted her head. "Jastin?"

"He helped me. Never mind him. Siena, didn't we agree that almost killing someone didn't count? And now I have killed someone. Doesn't that make me a murderer?"

She took in a measured breath and sighed slowly. Her eyes drifted away, unfocused, as if seeing a memory. "I know that feeling well."

"Borga."

A barely noticeable flinch crossed her features when I said the name. "Yes." She returned her focus back to me. "A murderer takes a life for selfish reasons, even if other options exist. Did you have other options?"

"I killed him because he was trying to kill me. That's pretty selfish, isn't it?"

She chuckled. "I think there's a difference between selfish and self-preservation."

I thought about this and nodded, wanting to believe her.

She saw right through to my continued ambivalence. "Here's another question for you: did you lose your temper when you killed him?"

"I don't think so." I recalled being backed up against edge of the chasm. "I was pretty scared, though."

"So, you were in control of yourself the whole time."

"Well, I don't know about the whole time—"

She held her palm up to silence me. "This is a huge improvement, don't you see? You used to lose your temper when someone annoyed you. And now someone tries to kill you, and you keep it together? I'm impressed."

I closed my mouth. Could I let myself off the hook that easily? "I guess you have a point."

"Give yourself some time." Siena held my hand in both of hers. "You never completely get over killing someone, but you can learn to forgive yourself."

The path to self-acceptance is a long journey. Perhaps she can collect a few votes along the way.