I am here to tell my thoughts after reflecting on myself. Whenever something bad happens, I look back to see what I did wrong and not to repeat it. I have come to realize many things and I had no one to tell this to; I am gonna start from why I came on Wattpad.
As a only child in my whole house, I have lived like a queen, did everything I wanted to and my whole family loves me a lot; when I started to grow up, I slowly-slowly started to understand that living like this is not my life, I will have to face difficulties to grow and become a real queen. I am the only child in my house, our family's next generation depends on me and I have to do much more. I had started to feel lonely till then and I came on wattpad, my love for reading and will to write made me stay here, I have made lovely friends like you but now the problem is that I feel too lonely that I started spending more time here and on social media, so as a teen I know I am going in wrong direction and not studying well might cost me something I might not expect.

As a daughter, I know how much my parents love me and care for me, I know how much they sacrificed for me and all that they expect from me, I am trying my best but I don't feel like anything, am I a good daughter? Can I be as good as they expect me to be? Can I make them proud? Their expectations made me not give up, I know I am the worst daughter but if I give up, I won't even be able to make them happy.
Sometimes I feel tired, a sudden urge to cry and getting frustrated easily, my anger would take away my peace and makes me feel worse. Sometimes get so stressed that my mind stops working and I won't even understand what to do and I start crying; my head aches like it would burst open but nobody understands that, I know they can't when they have never experienced this but when I, myself don't know what to do, what to say it just becomes a mess. I hope that I can fight it back, keep going and make my parents proud, I have always got heigh marks in exams and I always pass but I want to do more, I feel like this is not enough for what my parents did for me. As a daughter I understand that I need to do more hard work to become successful.

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I am an overthinker and understanding and become mature in this age is like a burden to me, I wanted to enjoy my life, which I do but not as much as I should be doing, I wanted to be carefree but I can't as I have realized that with every passing year, you grow and so does the responsibility but I am not capable of taking them right now and as a person I have understood that I need to first focus on my goals, ignoring everything else.

As a girl, living in a judging society makes me insecure, my parents always support me, and tell me not think about it, but ignoring your iwn body is something nobody could do, I feel like I am too ugly as a girl, as a female and I hate that. Every girl knows how difficult it is to be a girl in this world now-a-days, but fighing back is what I am determined to do, as a girl, I have learned many things, and one of that is to ignore those people who only knows how to criticize female.

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And also, I am going to say something which might make you think that I am crazy to take such a thing seriously but see:

As a BTS army, I have also grown attached to them, I might read those ffs but they are like brothers to me, they motivate me, they make me laugh, their smile makes me smile but when I think about it, I feel like leaving the fandom, I feel like I don't deserve to be an army, I don't deserve to get their live because they told me love myself but I couldn't, they told me study well and prove that they are not distraction but motivation, but I was not able to do it, I am too bad to be an army but does it mean that I will give up? No, never, I won't give up neither will I leave this fandom, they will keep motivating me and that day will come when I will be able to love myself.

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As a friend, I am not able to make everyone happy either whuch hurts me, I am not available when you all need someone, I am not there to comfort you and support you when you ask me to, I am so sorry if I failed as a friend, I am not able to reflect on that, it's your turn to tell me wrong and right, please come to help me..............................

By your loving author
Janhvi

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