Do you know how terrifying it would be to wake up one morning knowing you'll die later in the same day? The more you put that thought in perspective, the more terrifying reality becomes. We're simply wasting our lives with having no ambitions. Hypothetically, if you knew you were going to die soon, you'd want to fulfill more in the time that you have left. Maybe meet that special idol or travel the world. It'll make death a bit more comforting.

Most of us don't know when we're going to die, and that's what pushes us forward. Because if we knew that we were going to die later in the day by some external force, we'd want to avoid it as much as possible. It's just human nature. We want to live under proper conditions. We want to answer questions and figure out the future. However, there is simply nothing worse than knowing how it all ends.

I spent the rest of that particular night contemplating on my experiences these past couple days. Less than a week ago I didn't think much of meeting new people anymore. I just drifted through life with the strict principle of working to have a roof on my head and food on the table. I didn't need to know anyone, let alone make acquaintances. Now I'm all fussed up about some brunet with chocolate honey colored eyes.

I'm not really complaining (despite what Ty thinks). Part of me knows that this will all pass. I'll become alone again and choose to stand aloof from all social activities. Seto will be nothing but a "what if" and Ty will stop pestering me. Six months will pass and I'll be paying rent again. Commissions will continue and I'll just float through life with many conflicts that regard my own income. In other words, everything will return back to normal.

"It's Saturday!" Ty yells. On weekends he rarely has an inside voice. When he speaks it's like a police, ambulance, and fire truck siren combined. It catches me off guard, like usual, and I topple out of bed and onto the ground.

"Ty, could you please be quiet!" I shout back. He rushes into my room and drags me by the arm. I groan, refusing to get up.

"We're going to hang out at Adam's house today!" I stare back at him blankly, a frown on my face. I could compare this situation to a child on Christmas Day. They're dragging their parents out of bed on an early morning to open their presents. Except, there are no presents and this is way more torturous.

"We?" I hiss. "When did I agree to this?"

"I'm paying rent for six months, so you have to listen to what I say." Of course he pulls that card. I roll my eyes and stand up.

"Fine. I'll go take a shower and get ready. You make us breakfast," I grumble as I slam my bedroom door in his face.

It takes me a while to get ready. This is mainly because I'm dreading the commute to Adam's house. In the secrecy of the bathroom I'm, once more, praying to some god that Ty won't get too irrational with his driving. It's weird since I'm naked, but as they say: "Jesus is always watching." I'm not religious or anything, but it's nice to think that there's an afterlife.

I eventually have to exit the shower because I've gotten hungry and prune-y. I dry my body and hair with a towel then change into my clothes. It's just a long sleeved black shirt with two golden stripes at the edge of the sleeves. Also, it's a really stupid idea to attempt to put on navy blue ripped skinny (well, not really "skinny" but the manufacturers call them skinny) jeans when your legs aren't even dried yet. I hopped around for a while before getting them on. I don't bother to dry my hair or anything since it'll do that on its own. I'll just throw a beanie over it.

I exit the bathroom and back into my room to put on my shoes. Since I was taking my sweet time, I went to go search for my black converse shoes that had mysteriously gone missing. It turns out they were shoved in the back of my closet with some of my old clothes from my freshman year of high school. I grabbed them and put them on. I hope there weren't any bugs in them.

"Brice, breakfast's ready!" Ty shouted. Did it really take him that long to prepare breakfast?

"Coming!" I holler back. I quickly tied my shoelaces and went to the dining room table. Ty's already eating. On my plate were pancakes drowned in honey, scrambled eggs, and bacon. I'm pretty sure the bacon's undercooked.

"Good thing you went grocery shopping," Ty smiles with a mouthful of pancakes. "I can't believe you even got the just add water pancake mix!"

We both finish our meals and agree to decide who's washing the dishes once we get home. Ty rushes to his room to change his clothes since he got pancake batter all over them. I head back to mine just to grab a jacket. It was expected to snow later, so I decide to just wear the trench coat Shelby gave it me. I also grab the black beanie to wear it.

"Let's take your car since you're the better driver. It should be snowing by the time we get back and I don't want to die anytime soon," Ty says as he buttons up his heavy coat. "Snowing this early in the year is unusual."

"I told you, it's these climate changes," I roll my eyes as I head out of our apartment. Ty follows behind me like a lost puppy as we take the elevator down to the lobby. As usual, no one's here besides one of the employees. We head outside and to the parking lot.

I parked my car near to the front doors, so it's not really a long walk. Ty sits in the passenger seat while I take the driver's seat. We both buckle our seat belts and I turn on the heater. Just like that, we're off and heading towards the highway. Adam lives two towns away in Bester, so it should take us thirty minutes to get there if traffic is light.

"Where's your car radio?" Ty asks.

"You broke it, remember?" I roll my eyes. "You kept hitting it and spamming the buttons."

"Oh," was all he could say. "Uh, can I play some music?"

"I swear to god if it's that screamo shit again—"

"I'll just play something by The Brobecks," he interrupts as he puts his phone volume on full blast. I recognize it as Heartbreak or Death. Despite our differences, we both have an appreciation for Dallon Weekes' voice.

I continued to steer down the highway in silence. The air between us is thickening and I could tell the younger had something on his mind. Whatever it was, there must be some significance to it. The song eventually ended and another played, this time it was Sleeping Pills.

"You know, Seto's gonna be there."

I stomped on the gas pedal causing Ty to yelp, "What the hell is with you?"

"What do you mean?" Ty innocently replies. From the corner of my eye I can see his hand trembling.

"I'm not an idiot, Ty! I'm aware of what you said yesterday, but are you intentionally trying to set me up with him?" I'm shouting at this point. My grip on the steering wheel tightens where my knuckles are white. I'm trying to pay attention to the road ahead of me but I'm upset and confused. I'm blowing up like a balloon.

He goes silent for a moment, trying to find the proper words to say. He shakes his head, "This...this is all just a coincidence. I didn't know that he was the librarian and—"

"Again, you can't fool me. You've gone to the library multiple times for your book reports. You must know."

He looks out the window guiltily, "There are some things that should be left in the dark."

"If you're going to practically toss me with this dude, don't leave me in the fucking dark about the situation! I'm not some object you can toss around to other people!"

"I don't get why you're so angry about this! It's the first time in months you've actually talked to someone outside of the house! Don't you see I'm trying to get you friends?"

"Well what if I don't want any friends! You think I would have befriended some people by now if I actually wanted them! If I wanted friends, I would have went back to Australia! I would have went back to my parents, my old friends, and Shelby!"

There was a pit stop up ahead. I took the opportunity to switch lanes and take the separate road towards it. I parked the car all the way in the last row of the empty lot. Ty's quick the get out of the car, mumbling something about getting us both coffee from Starbucks. He probably won't be back for a good thirty minutes or so.

I need time to calm my breathing. I'm on the edge of having a panic attack. Scratch that, it's already happening. Tears are locked in my eyes and my breathing is hastening as each second goes by. My heart is thumping out of my chest and all my body parts feel numb. It's like when you get pins and needles on your feet, except it travels up your arms and legs until you don't feel anything.

Panic attacks are like missing the last step of the stairs by pure accident. Your heart leaps and you're scared. It only lasts for a couple seconds before you land on both of your feet and everything's alright. You go on with your daily routine like nothing's happened. Except, unlike missing the last step of the stairs, panic attacks last for over twenty minutes (if you can't manage to calm yourself down). It's that same torturous feeling of falling and being scared of something when simply nothing's wrong. It's hard to express in words and no one really understands until they have it first hand.

It's like the world's falling at your fingertips and everything's going wrong. In reality, it's your brain's way of messing with you. Nothing bad is going to happen, it's all in your head. It's hard to calm down, especially when you're by yourself. If you don't calm down, you're eventually going to pass out because you're taking in too much oxygen at a quick pace.

I try to hold my breath and imagine numbers in my head. I count from one to a hundred forwards and backwards a few times. I try to think happy thoughts. I try to wipe away the illusion that something's wrong. By the end of it, I'm left shaking. I don't remember how I got this worked up.

I wipe my tears with the jacket I'm wearing. It ended and I'm calm again. My mind is clear and I'm ready to face anything ahead of me. Now all I needed to do was wait for Ty to get back. I don't know how much time has elapsed because when you're having a panic attack, it feels like hours go by. I mean, it could have just been five minutes.

Five torturous minutes.

To keep myself occupied I watch as the cars go by. They're mainly all the same colors. Black, white, and the occasional maroon or red. I'm surprised to see a couple motorcycles speed by. In this kind of season, it's rare. The weather's always changing and the chance of snow or rain is always likely.

Sometimes you just need to unwind by yourself. My mind lingers back onto Ty. I hate the feelings of guilt that are suppressed in my chest. I don't know what to say when he comes back, but I hope he understands. Then again, rarely anyone does.